The Darkness of Perfection (13 page)

“So be it,” he said, and put the spoon back on the tray, then stood.

I grabbed his arm. “No! Please, I’ll eat. I-please, I can feed myself though,” I offered.

“What are the rules when you’re being punished?” he asked, still standing. His tone was so detached as he stared down at me, waiting for my answer.

I stared back at him in shock, my jaw hanging open. A chill swept over me and I felt the goose bumps rise on my arms. “But I haven’t done anything wrong. I-I just got here.” My voice cracked at the end.

I didn’t want to be here where I didn’t know what to expect. I wanted to go home. As the knot of emotion formed in my chest and I began to cry, I wiped hastily at my eyes. I hated that he could make me cry so easily.

“And why is that?” he asked.

I was confused. “Why is what? I don’t understand.”

“Why did you just get here? Why haven’t you been here for the last twelve years?” he asked, his cold voice now laced with anger, and it scared me even more. When I hesitated, he yelled, “Why, Jayden?

Why haven’t you been here?!”

I cringed back in the chair, not knowing if he would turn physical. The Nicky I knew before would never hit me in anger. He’d only spanked me when his father demanded. But that was a long time ago and this was an entirely different Nicholas.

“I left,” I whispered. Fear filled my mind and took over my body. I could feel the tremors in my fingers and laced them together in my lap, staring down at them.

“That’s right, and what is the punishment for running away, Jayden?” he demanded.

I squeezed my eyes shut as tears tracked endlessly down my face. I remembered the small, dark place in my nightmares. I couldn’t take that again. I was claustrophobic, and small spaces caused me to have panic attacks. When I was a kid, I always offered to be “It” when playing hide-andseek. I was never

able to hide in closets or small places without becoming a screaming lunatic. If he did that to me now, I would lose my mind.

“Please, Nicholas. I can’t,” I cried. “You can’t put me in” I couldn’t even say the word. I choked on the lump of fear lodged firmly in my throat. “Anything but that. I-I can’t handle small spaces. I-I’m claustrophobic.” I looked up at him, begging. I’d get down on my knees if that’s what it took.

“Please.”

I stared down at her, seeing the tears running unchecked down her cheeks. She was trembling so hard I fully expected her teeth to start chattering next. Her eyes were filled with so much fear. I swallowed involuntarily when the guilt pricked my conscience. It was important that she remember. It was necessary to break her, to remind her of those consequences, so I could use them to control her.

So why did seeing that fear make me feel guilty? I refused to answer that question. I thought about the cage sitting in my closet and brushed away the guilt, returning my focus to my purpose. That I was the one putting that fear in her eyes was another thing I could blame on her mother. Twelve years ago, Jayden had been settling into this life with me. She’d stopped trying to run away and had finally even stopped talking about her mother. I convinced my father to invite them to dinner that night to prove that they meant nothing to Jayden any longer and that she belonged to me completely. It was a test that she passed with flying colors. She’d clung to my side all afternoon, refusing to talk to the strangers invited to dinner. Then everything had gone to hell.

Now I had to reestablish my hold on Jayden, and I would use whatever means necessary to break her.

I returned my focus on my purpose. I was still undecided on how long I would make her stay in the cage; when she was five her punishments ranged from just a few days for small infractions up to a month when she tried to run away. She had to appreciate the threat and believe I would lock her in that cage if she ran and was caught.

“And what were you attempting just now when I came into the room?” I asked.

Her head dropped again as she hid her eyes from me, but I wouldn’t allow it. I reached out, ignoring her involuntary flinch, and lifted her chin. “Look at me when I ask you a question. Now answer me,” I demanded.

Her eyes darted to the glass door before looking at me again. “I-I was trying to leave,” she whispered.

“I-I’m sorry. Please, I just don’t understand why I’m here.”

“And what are the rules about food when you’re being punished?” I wouldn’t relent on this point. This rule wouldn’t hurt her in any way, but was merely a method of controlling her. She needed to learn that I was in charge of every aspect of her life now, and she’d have nothing except by my whim.

She swallowed, still holding my gaze. “Only by your hand,” she answered softly.

I let go of her chin and sat back down as she once again dropped her gaze to her clenched hands. I picked up the glass and held it to her lips, watching closely as she drank. Then I dipped the spoon back into the cooled vegetable soup and held it up for her. She wiped her face with the back of her hand, took a deep breath, and opened her mouth.

She meekly ate each bite of food and swallowed each sip of tea I gave her until she leaned back and looked at me. “I can’t eat any more,” she stated quietly.

I pushed back from the desk and gestured to the tray. “You can take it to the hall and leave it on the table. Someone will take it back to the kitchen.”

She’d already learned there was no escape to the outside. Now I needed her to see it was just as futile to leave by the bedroom door. She quickly glanced at me as she picked up the tray. I could almost hear the thoughts churning in her head.

“Do I need to remind you what the punishment is if you attempt to run?”

She shook her head quickly. “No.” She shuddered, and opened the door with one hand, while holding the tray with the other, then hesitated and looked back at me. I saw all the thoughts she had of running before she stepped out into the hallway.

Two of my best guards were just outside the door. Even if she attempted to run, one or both of them would stop her. She could see now there was no escape. With that established I would continue to break her will piece by piece until she admitted defeat and submitted to me fully.

I observed Jayden closely after she returned to the room. The phrase “actions speak louder than words” was especially true when bending or breaking someone’s spirit. Bravado will only carry one so far before their true emotions surface. It’s easier to ignore the verbal posturing and just focus on the little things.

She paused just inside the room and stayed against the wall, refusing to come back to her chair. Her eyes darting nervously as she plucked at the hem of her shirt. There was a question she was too terrified to ask, and I knew what it was.

I suppressed a laugh when I realized how easy she was to read. Her eyes and body language gave away her thoughts and emotions, and I knew this would make it very easy to bend her to my will. The evening had gone as planned so far; she was beginning to remember, and what she didn’t, I was more than happy to fill in the blanks for her. Her quick acceptance of being fed again was just the beginning.

Humans have several basic needs for survival: food, clothing, and shelter. Once these needs have been met, the mind craves a sense of wellbeing. Seeing that humans are social creatures, the need for companionship is fundamental. When isolated for long periods of time, most people will crave interaction with others to the point of madness. Using all of her needs against her, Jayden would learn to depend solely on me to give her what she needed.

The best tool for breaking someone was to strip everything away from them until they were nothing.

Once this happened, they were totally dependent on the person who gave these things back to them, and they would earn them back through exhibiting expected behavior. Giving them control over even the smallest aspect of their life would lead them to hold onto their self-worth and fight back.

It was like training a pet. They depend on their owner for food and love. You wouldn’t want a puppy that snapped and bit the hand that fed it. Good behavior was rewarded. Bad behavior was punished just as swiftly. Jayden would learn, even if I had to crush her.

“Come here, Jayden.”

The room had been silent until then, and she jumped when I broke it. As she quickly looked back at me, I saw the rising trepidation in her eyes. She hesitated, and I snapped my fingers.

“Now, Jayden,” I warned.

She pushed away from the wall and slowly walked forward, only to halt a few feet in front of me, still out of arm’s reach. She continually clasped her hands together or plucked at her shirt, fidgeting constantly, continuing to be unfocused and refusing to look at me.

At first I thought she was searching for some form of escape until it dawned on me that she was searching for something … and was afraid of finding it. Smiling, I reveled in my distinct advantage over the trainers at the facility; I already knew her fears.

I pointed to the closed door next to the bathroom, answering her unspoken question. “It’s in the closet.

You can look if you need to,” I told her nonchalantly.

She whipped her head back to me as her eyes widened impossibly large. An anguished cry escaped her as she shook her head. “Please, Nicholas. You can’t,” she pleaded as tears welled in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. “Please let me go. I won’t tell anyone. I swear no one will know it was you.”

It was time to establish my authority over her. I stood, causing her to quickly take several steps back, and moved quickly to catch her arm just as her fight or flight instinct kicked in and she screamed.

“I really think you should see it. After all, I went to a lot of trouble and expense having it made just for you,” I taunted, ignoring her cries and struggles as we crossed the room to the closet. Her pleading fell on deaf ears. “I want you to know that even though you left, I kindly got you the very best.”

I punctuated my words by opening the door to the large walk-in closet where she finally set eyes on the large steel kennel sitting in the center of the floor. “Oh God, please don’t. I’m begging you,” she cried in anguish. Her knees buckled under the weight of her fear until I was forced to wrap my arms around her waist to hold her up.

Her attention was riveted to the custom-designed cage in front of her. It wasn’t made up of thin metal bars that kept the space light and airy. No, this one was custom designed to my specifications, and was made of solid sheets of steel only broken by narrow slits for ventilation.

The door had a narrow horizontal slot two inches high and five inches across that would allow me to feed her through it. Right now it was open, but when the door was closed, even with the closet light on, it would be almost completely dark inside. The finishing touch was the platinum nameplate above the door engraved with her name. It was a frivolous gesture, but I hadn’t been able to resist.

“Oh God, please, I’m begging you. You can’t put me in there!” she sobbed, struggling against my hold and growing more frantic by the second as she clawed at my arms to release her. “I’ll do anything, just please don’t put me in there.”

I decided to test her fear.

“Are you saying you don’t appreciate all my hard work? Look, it even has your name on it,” I pointed out. “I’ll have you know, that nameplate is made of platinum, not just cheap sheet metal. The pad cover inside is pink and green because I know those are your favorite colors. It’s even thicker than your last one.” Then I pressed the issue. “Jayden, I’m upset that you can’t appreciate all I’ve done to make sure you’re comfortable,” I said, feigning hurt. “Now I think it best that you go to bed. You need to think about your actions, and maybe in a week or so you’ll have a better appreciation for my generosity.”

With my final words, I lifted her off her feet and carried her into the closet, ignoring her wails as she fought me in earnest. I pulled back quickly as she narrowly missed my chin with the back of her head.