The Darkness of Perfection (20 page)

“Ye-” I quickly snapped my jaw shut, my eyes opening in horror at my actions. I realized my fingers were curled, clutching at the front of his shirt. I spread my fingers wide, releasing him and pushed against his chest. I needed to break the hold he had on me, both physically and psychologically.

“No!”

I tried to sound firm in my denial, but that one syllable sounded shaky and unconvincing even in my ears and seeing the confident look in his eyes I knew he heard it, too. He let me back away, putting space between us and I recognized what he was doing again.

Weeks of fear and anger bubbled to the surface before I could stop it. Being here, in this house, facing the future he envisioned for us, the thought of bringing children into this nightmare was my undoing. I thought about my mom and finally fully understood the very real risk she took stealing me from Nicholas. I couldn’t help but wonder if one day I’d be in the same position, stealing my child from a monster to give her or him a chance at a real life.

I clenched my fists in my hair, pulling at the roots, and let go with a bloodcurdling scream. I dropped to my knees when they buckled under me, sobbing.

“No! No! No!” I screamed. “I won’t fall for it! I won’t! You’re screwing with my head and trying to make me think you actually care about me!” I looked up at him with tears streaming down my face.

He seemed stunned by my actions, surprise written on his face. “You don’t care. You never did. I’m nothing but a pet to you. Your kitten!” I sneered. “You may as well rape me, because I’ll never give in. I’ll fight you until the day I die. I swear to God, I will! Do your worst, you bastard! You aren’t my Nicky and you never will be. You’re just a cold-hearted monster who likes to prey on women and I’ll hate you forever.”

My chin dropped to my chest, utterly defeated and completely wiped out from the emotional tidal wave I was on. I knew the consequences I faced now. In releasing the pressure valve on the emotions bottled up inside of me, I was practically begging Nicholas to rape me or lock me in that cage until I rotted, or both, and like he said, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop him.

There wouldn’t be a reprieve this time and I knew it, but I really couldn’t find it in me to care. Let him do his worst. It was nothing more than I expected of him.

Silence filled the room as the minutes ticked by, so that when he finally spoke the sound of his voice startled me.

“Forever is a long time, Jayden. It’s time to head back for dinner.”

I looked up swiftly, stunned by his quiet words. I expected anger, or if I was lucky, guilt, but there was neither. His face was a blank mask and there was no expression in his eyes or tone of voice to give me a clue what he was thinking.

He walked over to me and held out his hand to help me up from the floor. I watched for any change, giving me some indication that he was going to hurt me, so I could prepare to fight, but there was nothing. Just that same cold stare, but I sensed that somehow my words had pricked him, at least a little.

I debated the wisdom of taking his proffered hand and watched him warily for any immediate threat in his eyes. When I couldn’t find any, I tentatively reached for him. His fingers closed around my hand firmly and he helped me rise to my feet.

We stood facing each other, neither one speaking, though some silent understanding seemed to pass

between us; an acceptance to disagree, if you will. He would continue holding me prisoner and I would continue to fight him.

And for whatever reason, he would let me.

“Are you going to punish me?” My voice trembled as I swallowed against the lump in my throat, trying to sound calm and unafraid, but failing miserably. I wouldn’t believe that whatever passed between us in the last few minutes would cancel out the threats hanging over my head.

His eyes gave nothing away of what he was thinking while he stared at me. He finally offered a smirk in answer, and I found no comfort in it. Did that mean he was or he wasn’t?

“I already told you we’re going to dinner, Jayden. My brother has an announcement to make and I told him we would be there.”

His calmness in the face of everything I’d said and done in the past fifteen minutes grated on my nerves and set my teeth on edge. I couldn’t prepare or defend myself if I couldn’t see the attack coming. “Are you-?”

“Do you really want to push me right now?” His voice deepened and I finally heard the underlying anger he was fighting to control. “If you’re insistent, then I’ll be more than happy to oblige you.” His grip tightened slightly on my hand, still in his grasp. “If not, then I advise you to shut your mouth now and don’t say anything else this evening to piss me off.”

I swallowed hard and took a breath to calm my heart beating wildly in my chest. “I’m sorry,” I offered. I sunk in on myself, wanting to give every indication of being nothing more than a doormat to hopefully calm him before I pushed too far.

He shook his head at me and I opened my eyes wide at his sudden bark of laughter. “I’m not fooled one bit, Jayden, but go ahead and stage your little battles because I have every confidence that I will win the war. Just know that every battle you lose makes my victories all the more sweet.” He pulled me to him and leaned down to whisper in my ear. “And make no mistake, Jayden. I will win. We are inevitable and I’ll prove it to you.”

He stepped back and tucked the hand still in his grasp into the crook of his arm and pulled me from the room and back down the stairs, locking the house up behind us. He handed me into the jeep and drove back the way we came, leaving me in silence to chew on his words.

I tried to settle the butterflies in my stomach those last words had created, but to no avail. Saying we were inevitable I could convince myself was only his twisted belief and nothing more, but saying he would prove it to me filled me with apprehension. How could he prove something like that? If I didn’t give in then how could he make me believe it? If anything, that threat just put me more on guard against his games.

The sudden silence of the engine startled me. I had been so caught up in my internal musings that I hadn’t noticed we were back. He helped me out of the jeep and toward the house. There were guards pacing around the property or standing sentry by the door, each carrying automatic rifles and holding

the leash of another vicious dog. One of the dogs growled and lunged against the restraint of his leash, his lips curled back displaying his deadly teeth at me when we stepped onto the patio, causing me to cry out involuntarily and clutch at Nicholas’s jacket.

“Keep that damn dog back, you fool!” Nicholas snapped at the guard. He pulled me to walk on the other side of him away from the dog when I shuddered. He kissed the top of my head, “Shh, you’re fine, Jayden. There’s no reason for you to worry about the dogs unless you try to run.”

His words were an unnecessary reminder of what those dogs were capable of. When I was a child I tried to run away once. Once was all it took to convince me then and now that running was futile. I had been cornered in a barn by two of those dogs and the only thing that kept them from tearing me apart was the fact that they were held firmly on their leashes. As part of my punishment and to teach me a valuable lesson, Nicholas’s father had ordered a man to run at gunpoint and then turned those same two dogs loose to chase him down. He didn’t survive the attack.

His attention was drawn to the door opening and I looked up to see the monster from my nightmares.

Richard Harrison. He had been larger than life, a veritable giant to a terrified five-year-old. His cold, heartless eyes had haunted me in the dark long after my mother and I escaped. Seeing him now, with the distance of twelve years, was still a shock to my system. The years had not been kind. His face was heavily lined and his hair was salt and pepper. He was still a large man, but the imposing stature he possessed before seemed diminished, weaker somehow.

He didn’t seem nearly as scary now as he had all those years ago. Then he opened his mouth. It seemed I was too hasty in my assessment.

“Get those damn dogs away from the door. Judge Phillips will be arriving after dinner,” he barked.

“Hello, Father,” Nicholas said.

He faced us after the guard walked away. “Nicholas. Dinner is going to be ready soon. William is already here and Daniel should be here by the time you’re dressed.” He tilted his head back and sniffed the air. “Aw it’s going to be a glorious night.” Then he lowered his head and narrowed his eyes on me. I shuffled my feet, feeling at a distinct disadvantage standing in front of him in my bare feet.

“Yes, a glorious night indeed.”

Nicholas chuckled beside me. “Don’t tell me you’re getting sentimental in your old age?”

“Not sentimental. Just willing to accept when I’m wrong on occasion,” he replied.

“We’re going to get changed for dinner and we’ll see you in a few minutes.” He opened the door for me and turned back to his father, who pulled a cigar out of his jacket pocket. “Father,” Nicholas admonished.

Richard held the cigar up for inspection. “I’m not gonna light it. I’m just gonna chew around on it a bit,” he hedged. He pointed it at Nicholas. “But mark my words, I’ll be lighting it in less than a year.

Wouldn’t be a celebration without cigars.”

Nicholas’s only response was laughter as he led me back in the house.

I surveyed my appearance in the mirror, wanting to be certain I would measure up. If Nicholas was pleased then maybe he would continue to let me out of our room. Dinners must be a lot more formal than I remembered or William’s announcement called for a celebration. The dress he chose for me was white silk, a halter style with an open back, which stopped just above my knee. My hair was pulled up in a twist leaving my neck bare and my makeup was light and natural. Diamond earrings were my only jewelry. Everything was as he requested right down to the four-inch-heeled sandals on my feet, though I was in no position to argue.

It reminded me of dressing for prom, except my mom wasn’t here to help me get ready. My dad wasn’t snapping a hundred pictures. And Kevin wasn’t tugging on his tie and complaining about his

shoes pinching his feet. No, maybe it didn’t remind me of getting ready for prom after all. I shook my head in disgust at the direction my thoughts were going. It was wrong to compare the wonderful life I had before to any part of this atrocity now. I would have to guard against doing that, because if I found comparisons then I’d begin to relax, and then how many more steps was it to that surrender Nicholas claimed was inevitable?

I looked at Nicholas in the mirror. He was just slipping on his black suit jacket over a starched white shirt, the top two buttons were undone and he was wearing black boots, giving him an air of casualness despite the suit. He patted his pockets and finally looked over to me.