The Darkness Within (9 page)

‘Hey.’ Freya walked back into the bedroom on cloud nine.

‘Hello beautiful. Feel better?’

‘I feel fantastic.’ She jumped onto the bed next to him.

‘Do you want to talk about what happened?’ he asked.

She lay into the pillow and looked up at the ceiling. After a moments silence she burst into laughter. Ferguson looked over at her and wondered what was so funny, but her giggle became contagious and soon he too was laughing uncontrollably.

‘You killed him. You fucking killed him.’ She snorted between laughs.

‘I did. I killed the bastard.’ He laughed too.

They giggled like naughty teenagers.

‘He so fucking deserved it!’ She suddenly stopped laughing. ‘The things they did to me.’

‘You don’t have to talk about it.’ He took her hand.

‘I want to. When I watched him die, I felt good. I felt like things were supposed to be that way. They’d drugged my drink at a party. I’d gone to the upstairs in search of a bathroom, when Thomas, who was supposed to be a friend met me at the door. He…’ She sucked in a deep breath. ‘He took my hand and said, come with me.  I asked him where we were going, but he seemed so out of it himself that his response was gibberish.’ She turned to look at Ferguson. ‘Things were moving at slow pace. The corridor seemed so narrow, and even though I was drugged up and felt a little powerless to make clear decisions, I knew what was going on. It felt like I was watching a moving and being in it at the same time. Does that make any sense?’

‘Yes, it makes perfect sense, darling.’ He ran a hand down the side of her cheek. Freya shut her eyes a moment and allowed his tender touch to calm her.

‘We entered a poorly lit room. I remember the sounds of their voices. A group of them.’

‘Do you remember who they were?’

‘I think I can. If I think deeply enough, I will be able to. It was horrible. There was the smell of booze and cigarettes. Cheap cologne and sweat.  It was blurry and clear from moment to moment. I remember being tied to the bed even when I tried to protest. It was as if my voice was a million miles away. My fight was weak; I’d been weakened by the drug.’

‘Oh I’m so sorry.’ He took her into a hug.

‘They were brutal. It didn’t matter that I was hurting. All that mattered was what they got out of it. They were selfish pigs!’ She felt the anger. It was like a hammer that suddenly hit her. She wanted to lash back, hit back. Make each one of them pay for what they’d done. It was the first time she’d felt the anger. It had been suppressed, hidden away, buried so that it would never come up again, but it had. It had come up in unhealthy ways. It had produced dependency on alcohol and cocaine. And now it had shifted to murder.

‘Each and everyone one of them will pay,’ he said as if reading her mind.

She turned to look at him. He smiled. It was hard to believe that such kind eyes could turn evil and could kill.

‘You’ll kill them?’ she asked.

‘Yes. How do you feel about that?’

She was silent a while. ‘I want you to.’

‘Good.’

‘Can I ask you something?’

‘You can ask anything you like.’

‘Why do you kill?’ she was curious. ‘It’s wrong. It’s… not right and yet I don’t feel like it’s wrong. Well at least to those who deserve it.’

‘I only kill those who have done wrong. I don’t go out seeking to kill innocent people. Only those who have hurt others. Especially those who have killed women and children. It doesn’t make it right, but I have to. I have the urge to. Just like you have the urge to take a drink or cocaine. I have the urge to kill.’

She took time to digest that a moment. It made sense and yet it was still hard to completely accept. Killing was killing.

‘Did something happen that made you this way?’ she asked.

He was silent a moment. He thought back to his childhood years, how his mother had suffered while she’d still been alive at the hands of his father. He remembered the way his father beat her. The way she was always jumpy when he was around. How they never had enough because his father drank the money, and finally when his mother could no longer take it and took her own life. It had been the worst time of his life. When his mother passed he withdrew into himself. He felt hatred and anger. Something dark rose up within him and each time he’d wanted to kill his own father, but hadn’t taken that step.

‘It sounds like you had a horrible childhood.’

‘It was torturous. I was beaten daily. He would place my hand on the stove for his amusement. The wound would get infected and I’d get taken ill at the hospital. That is only the tip of the iceberg.

‘Couldn’t social services get involved?’

‘They were, but it’s not that simple. The system is more complicated than it looks. You’ll have to be dead before things become serious.’

‘That sounds awful.’

‘It was. At fourteen I couldn’t take it anymore and tried to end it by cutting my wrists. Seems as though I wasn’t supposed to die, just like you weren’t supposed to die.’

She was silent.

‘Life had never been an easy ride.’

‘It doesn’t sound like it.’

There was silence between them. Thoughts spun around in each of their minds. It was as if they were both working through hard things and they needed each other to get through it.

‘When was your first kill? She asked.

He took time to think about that. He’d been about twenty-four when he’d first taken a life. He hadn’t had all the resources he’d had now, but was lucky enough not to get caught.

‘I was about twenty-four.
I’d read about him in the paper. A killer. He’d killed three women and the police were having trouble finding him. After following the story long enough and learning his traits and behaviour I began to find a pattern. I’d learned so much about him that I began to think like him. And soon enough I found his hang out place. It took a while to make sure he was the guy. We became friends, he trusted me and finally told me his story. That was only after I made up that I’d killed someone too. He seemed impressed.’

‘Gosh.’

‘Yes. The first time was scary, but exciting at the same time. I was getting rid of garbage and he’d never hurt any woman again.’

‘Do you think this stems from being unable to protect your mother? Is that why you’re so protective over women.’

‘I suppose. I don’t know. I just know that I have a need to kill.’

She was silent as more of this sunk in.

‘How about you? What was it like growing up?

There was a curl to her lips as she remembered her childhood. It was a happy one. Her parents were the best and she and her sister did very well as children.

‘I miss my mum,’ she said.

‘What happened to her?’

‘She was ill. Cancer. It was hard on her and when she died it was a relief to know she was no longer suffering.’

‘Sorry to hear that.’

‘Yep. I wish she was around. I would’ve told her about what had happened. She was that kind of woman.’

‘Couldn’t you tell your father?’

‘I was frozen. My mother would’ve known something was wrong and I would’ve broken down and told her.’

‘You have me now.’ He kissed her cheek.

‘Yes…’ She went silent. ‘Yes I do.’ Freya drifted off to sleep.

****

It was Saturday morning and the sun shone through the pale curtains. Freya opened her eyes and turned towards Ferguson. He was still sound asleep. It had been the first time she’d slept right through the night without needing more to drink or coke to take. She stretched as she sat up and got out of bed.

‘Hey, where are you going?’ he asked half asleep.

She turned and smiled. ‘To the bathroom if that’s alright with you.’ She giggled.

‘I’ll let you, but don’t be too long.’

She hurried to the bathroom. Freya took a moment to look in the mirror. Something she did regularly. It was hard to believe all the things that had happened in the past few hours. She didn’t look any different, but there was still the sparkle in her eyes. After she’d used the toilet, Freya took her medication and what was left of the cocaine, and headed back to bed.

‘I thought you’d abandoned me,’ he said.

‘I would never do that. I’m in too deep to leave.’

‘Too deep?’ he gazed at her.

‘I’m with you in every sense of the word. I want the men that hurt me to pay for what they did to me. So I’m not going anywhere.’

‘And they will. Don’t you worry about that.’ He pulled her in closer and their lips touched.

Within moment their bodies heated and they were united once again. Freya loved feeling him so close. It was hard to believe that she even wanted a man that close to her, but Ferguson wasn’t just any man. He was the man who protected her. The man who would make everything right in her world. As she felt every part of him, Freya felt no worry about anything. She wasn’t afraid anymore, the voices had stayed away. Ferguson had been right; he’d made her better. At least that was what she thought.

They reached a high and came back down to earth. Ferguson rolled onto his back and gazed up at the ceiling breathing heavily. Freya also looked up at the ceiling and took it all in. It was nice just to lie back and feel free and not worry what would happen next.

‘Would you like some breakfast?’ she asked. She didn’t want him to leave.

‘Breakfast sounds nice. What’s for breakfast?’

‘Not sure yet, but I’ll have a quick shower and then find out.’

‘I think I’ll join you in that shower.’

She shot out of bed and he chased after her. ‘You can’t get away from me,’ he teased finally catching up to her.

‘I wasn’t even trying.’

The warm water caressed their bodies. Ferguson took the opportunity to get their bodies clean. She leaned into him and watched as his hands lathered her body.

‘This feels better than cocaine.’

‘I’m glad to hear it.’ He kissed her neck. ‘I’d do this every day if you allowed it.’

‘You’re welcome to it. I love having you touch me.’ She leaned into him.

Once he’d washed the soap off her body, it was Freya’s turn to wash his perfect body.

‘Do you work out?’ she asked as she ran her hands down his biceps.

‘I do. I have an indoor gym at home.’

‘Your body is amazing.’ Her hands moved down his chest.

‘You have a lovely body too,’ he said placing his hands on her bum. ‘Very sexy.’ He kissed her, the water splashed over their heads.

Freya continued to explore his body. ‘Did you have your appendix out?’ she asked noticing the scar.

‘I did. A long time ago. You’ll also see that I have a scar from stitches on my lower back. That was done by my father.’

‘What an awful man,’ she said as she found the scar.

‘Very, but he’s dead now. No time to keep bringing him up. I’m here with you and I’m enjoying every moment of it.’

‘Me too.’ She giggled as her hands went over his bum.

They spent a few more minutes in the shower getting clean and appreciating each other’s bodies. Freya found it exciting and new and didn’t want it to end.

‘I love this,’ she said a little serious looking up at him. The water sprayed over him. ‘I don’t want it to end. I want to be with you forever.’

He smiled. ‘It won’t end. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.’

‘Can you really promise me that?’

‘Yes I can.’ He kissed her. ‘Shall we get out.’

They headed for the bedroom to get dressed.

‘I’m going to need a change of clothes; I’ll get my driver to pick up some stuff for me. That is if you want me to stay.’

‘You know I do.’ She laughed.

‘Okay then. I’ll make that call.’

‘And I’ll start on breakfast.’ She’d slipped on a pair of jeans and a blue shirt. It was Saturday, and it felt like a relaxing day.

****

Freya opened the cupboard underneath the sink and pulled out a bottle of vodka. She filled a glass and took it down neat. Her eyes shut savouring the taste and allowing it to warm her. She’d wanted it, but not as bad as most times. Again she poured a glass and downed the drink. After the third glass, Freya felt satisfied. The cooking began.

‘Hmmm, smells nice.’

‘I’ve just started. Thought I’d make the traditional English breakfast. My housekeeper keeps my fridge full even though I don’t eat much here.’

‘My house is empty. I eat out most of the time.’

‘I drink and eat out most of the time too.’ She laughed.

He walked over to her, wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled into her neck while she cooked.

‘That feels nice.’

‘Good.’ He squeezed her a little tight before letting go. ‘Do you need my help with anything?’

‘Everything is under control. You just make yourself comfortable.’

‘Okay then.’ He sat down at the kitchen counter. ‘You have such a lovely place.’