The Day He Kissed Her (29 page)

Cain slid into a third chair and sighed. “Maggie’s, uh, not exactly in a good place right now. She’s ready to have this baby, but the baby doesn’t want to come out and play. She thinks she’s as big as a house and ugly as sin, and goddamn, but she cries at the drop of a hat. It’s like walking on broken glass these days.”

Cain sighed again. “I’m telling ya, having a baby is tougher on the father than the mother, that’s for sure. That’s something they don’t put in those stupid baby books that she leaves laying all over the place. The ones that she says I don’t have to read but then when she quizzes me on them and I screw up she gets a little upset.”

Jake tossed Cain a beer, but Mac still wasn’t in the mood to drink.

Cain opened his can and glanced between the two of them. “So who called bullshit and what’s it about?”

“Mac doesn’t think he’s good enough for Lily,” Jake said. “And that’s his excuse for bailing.”

Cain shrugged. “He’s right. He’s not.”

“See?” Mackenzie interjected. “You can’t call bullshit on that.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far, Draper,” Cain continued. “None of us are good enough for the women in our lives, not really. You just gotta hope that they never figure that shit out.”

“So my bullshit call stands,” Jake said.

“Whatever,” Mackenzie muttered. “It doesn’t change anything. I’m no good for her and now she knows. After the show I put on at the ballpark and the way I reacted earlier today, trust me, she’s already figured that one out.”

Cain glanced his way. “What about the baby?”

Damn. “Does everyone know?”

“No,” Jake answered. “Just us. Just the ones who count. Just the ones who know you. The ones who know that if you walk away from this woman and your child, a woman you just told me that you love, you will never forgive yourself. Sorry, Mac, but that’s a bullshit move and something your father would do.”

A shot of resentment ran through Mac, and it wasn’t because he was feeling sorry for himself or pissed off at his situation. It was because, as much as these two men were like brothers to him, closer than his family even, they didn’t
know
him. Not like they thought they did.

Jake and Jesse had grown up in a home with two loving parents, raised in luxury on the lake. And even though Cain’s dad had left before Mackenzie had met him, his mom was amazing, and Cain had always known that he was loved. Neither one of them had ever faced the belt or the back of a hand, or visiting the doctor with a mother who was coaching him to lie because it was his father who’d broken his arm and not a fall down the stairs.

That kind of shit never went away, and as far as Mackenzie was concerned, it would spill over into any kind of life he built for himself. So why the hell would he drag Lily down with him? Why would he tempt fate with a kid?

God, an innocent kid.

Just like he’d been at one time.

“I appreciate that you guys are looking out for me. Christ, it’s more than I deserve.”

“I hate when you do that,” Jake interrupted.

“What?” Mac said, sitting a little straighter.

“I hate when you talk as if you don’t deserve anything good. For fuck’s sake, Mac, you, more than anyone I know, deserve to be happy. You survived that house, that toxic mess that your parents created, and don’t think for one second that you survived it just to go through life alone. How is that fair? How is that not letting Ben win? Don’t let him win, Mac. Take what you deserve and live.”

“Jake, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah,” he said, leaning forward. “I do. You think that you’re going to turn into your father. You think that if you and Lily get together, you’re going to bloody her face or put her in the hospital. You think that if you accept her and this baby, that you’re going to be an asshole father like Ben was, but you’re wrong. I’ve seen you with your nephew. I’ve seen you with Lily. You’re not that guy, Mackenzie.”

Jake heaved a sigh, his dark eyes intense. “You were never that guy.”

Mac yanked on the brim of his cap, suddenly feeling exposed and wanting to disappear into the darkness.

The three of them sat together like that for a good, long while. Long enough for the dew to fall nice and heavy and soak their clothes through.

Long enough for each of them to lose themselves in their thoughts and for Mackenzie to run over the scene with Lily a hundred times.

God, he had hurt her.

With a groan, he sank his face into his hands and closed his eyes.

“Guys, I gotta go,” Cain said. “It’s nearly four in the morning, and if Maggie wakes up and finds me gone, she just may kick my ass. And that woman may be pregnant and all, but trust me, if she decides that she’s going to kick my ass all over Crystal Lake and back, she’ll do it.”

“You didn’t tell her you were heading out here?” Jake asked.

“Hell no. She was already asleep and right now sound-asleep Maggie is the nice Maggie. It’s the Maggie I hope I see when I go home.”

Cain got to his feet and offered Mac his hand. He shook it and stood to clap his buddy on the shoulders, in the way that guys did.

“Thanks for coming out, Cain.”

“Just don’t do anything rash, alright? Don’t make a life-changing decision until you’ve talked to Lily again.”

He nodded but thought of how he’d left things, and he knew that it was easier said than done.

Jake jumped to his feet. “I should go to. You want a ride home? You must be tired as hell.”

“Nah,” Mac said, sliding back into his chair. “I think I’m going to stick around for a bit. It’s been a while since I saw a sunrise.”

“Okay,” Jake said. He paused. “You’ve never been alone, you know that, Mac. Even back in the day…” Jake halted and ran his hands over his chin. “Back then, you knew that you could count on us, right?”

Mackenzie tried to smile, but he knew it was lame-ass attempt and gave up. “Sure,” he answered. “I knew.”

He watched Jake slowly walk up the dock and settled back in the chair, cold and wet and uncaring.

Sure, he knew that he could count on his buddies, but the problem was, at the end of the day, they all went home to houses that were free of violence and hatred.

And Mac? Well, Mac wasn’t so sure he’d ever really left that place.

He wasn’t so sure that he ever would.

Chapter 29

He must have fallen asleep because when Mackenzie opened his eyes, the sun was shining and the smell of fresh-brewed coffee filled his nostrils.

“Sorry, hon. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

Mac stretched, wincing as muscles cramped and protested. He shoved his Detroit Tigers cap back and looked up into the gentle eyes of Marnie Edwards.

“I figured you could use a cup.”

He took the mug and moved over a bit when she settled into the chair her son had vacated a few hours earlier. Wrapped in a large, purple blanket, with slippers on her feet and her hair pulled back in a clip, she looked…safe. And nice. And caring.

Everything that a mother should be.

“It’s going to rain today,” she murmured, eyes on the horizon. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

“I know,” Mackenzie said. “I can feel it.”

She took a sip of coffee. “That’s good. Rain is good. It changes things. Cleans things.”

Mackenzie wasn’t sure where she was headed so he remained silent, and the two of them slowly sipped their coffee and watched the lake slowly come alive. They were getting into the dog days of summer; Labor Day was less than a week away, and pretty soon the vacationers would leave and both the lake and the town would go into hibernation.

He used to love this time of the year. A time when he and the rest of the Bad Boys would reclaim their lake.

God, he used to love a lot of things.

“I know you’re having a hard time right now, Mackenzie. And I know you’ve got some big decisions to make. But what you do right now will determine the fate of three people. Yourself, Lily, and this unborn child.”

Mac’s mouth tightened—obviously Jake had told her everything—but he remained silent. He wasn’t in the mood to discuss his personal life with Jake’s mom, but he knew the woman well enough to know that if she wanted to discuss this stuff, then they were going to discuss this stuff.

“Lily is a strong woman,” Marnie said softly. “And if you abandon her, she’ll be fine. She might not be happy, but she’ll be fine.”

Abandon? Suddenly angry, he turned to Marnie. “I’m not abandoning her.” He wasn’t. Abandoning inferred that he didn’t care, and he cared. Hell, he cared a lot. It was because he cared for her…because he loved her that he was letting her go.

Marnie continued to sip her coffee in a calm manner. “Call it what you like, Mackenzie, but the cold truth is that you’ll be gone. You’ll be gone, out of her life and out of the life of a child you created with her. Lily is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside, and I’m telling you right now, she won’t be alone forever.”

Mac’s chest tightened, and he gripped the coffee mug between his hands as he thought about that.

“Are you okay with another man raising your child? Are you okay knowing another man will be sharing Lily’s bed—”

“Okay, Marnie. I know you mean well, but fu—shit…I can’t do this with you.”

For a few seconds he heard nothing but the gentle lap of water against the dock.

“When Jesse died and Jake left, I didn’t think he’d ever be whole again.” She turned to him, and Mac winced at the pain in her eyes. “You were there. You know how broken he was. Lily helped him get through, and she helped bring him back to us—to Steven and I, and to Raine. She’s like an angel put on this earth to heal and to comfort, and she needs you now more than ever.”

Emotion tightened his chest some more and for a few seconds, he wasn’t able to speak.

“I don’t deserve her.”

Marnie looked surprised at that.

“I call bullshit.”

Mac’s eyebrow shot up. “Excuse me?”

“I call bullshit,” she repeated firmly, her eyes on him so intense, so much like Jake’s, that it was eerie.

A little chunk of something loosened inside him, and for the first time in a forever, it seemed, he cracked a smile.

“You would,” he said roughly.

“I’m just calling it as I see it.”

Marnie glanced down into her mug and tapped her toe along the dock. “You’ve had a raw deal, Mackenzie, there’s no two ways about it. But don’t let the sins of your parents mark you like this. Just don’t. Not all of us get the chance to love or live. Some people go their whole lives without experiencing real love and some…” She took a moment and he thought of Jesse. “Well, some people have it snatched from them. Don’t take that away from Lily,” she said softly.

She stood abruptly and held out her hand, a gentle smile curving her mouth as she gazed down at him.

“You need to come with me,” she said.

“Ah, okay.” Mac got to his feet, towering over the slight woman.

“You look awful, and I’m not letting you go anywhere until you shower.”

She tugged on his hand, and he hand no choice but to follow her.

“Steven is making scrambled eggs and toast, and we can sit down and have a nice breakfast together.” She glanced over her shower. “Once you’re clean.”

He smiled. He liked bossy Marnie.

“And then you can go and fix things with Lily.”

Mackenzie stepped off the dock, and as he followed the small woman up the path to their house, he felt hope for the first time. It was a warm feeling. Light and airy.

Hope was good.

He’d take it.

***

By late afternoon he’d called Lily several times, and each time that he did, his call went straight to voice mail.

He wasn’t surprised, though he was anxious as hell to get to her place and to make things right. He’d gone there straight from the Edwardses’, but she wasn’t home and now he was starting to get a little worried.

“Uncle Mac.” A pause. “
Hello
.”

He glanced up at his nephew. “Sorry, Liam. What was that?”

“Do I take my old room?”

“Ah, sure.” He glanced at Becca and pointed her in the direction of his bedroom. “Take it, Becs. I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

He had just arrived back at the cottage with his sister, his truck full of her shit along with a considerable amount of groceries. It amazed him, how much a kid like Liam could eat.

Their mother had called a few hours earlier. According to Lila, Ben was out looking for a job, but Mac figured his father was holed up somewhere with one of his loser buddies, making his way through a case of beer. Either way, it had freed them up to get Becca’s stuff and bring it all back here.

His mother had seemed so sad—so lonely—but for the first time in his adult life, Mackenzie truly accepted that she wasn’t going to change and that it was on her. He loved her—of course he loved his mother—and he thought that, maybe sometime down the road, he would be able to forgive her for choosing Ben Draper over her kids, but right now he was content to leave things be.

Baby steps and all that.

It took a good hour or so to unpack, even with Mackenzie going full tilt. His nerves were shot to hell, and he needed to see Lily in a way that hurt. Without thinking, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and swore when he realized the goddamn battery was dead.

How long had it been like that?

Shit.

“Becca, can I borrow your cell?”

She nodded and grabbed her purse, rummaging through it for a good minute before she found the damn thing. He had no idea what the hell she had in her bag, but he was thinking it might be a good time to purge.

“It’s crap and the service sucks, but you might be able to get a call out.”

He snagged the cell and headed outside, punching in Lily’s number along the way. Again, it rang several times until it went to voice mail.

“Dammit,” he muttered, already heading back inside for his keys. He’d track her down if he had to because he couldn’t wait any longer. He would charge his phone in the truck on the way into Crystal Lake, and he wasn’t leaving until he found her.

“Becca, I’m heading into town.”

He punched in Jake’s number before handing over Becca’s cell and damned if Jake didn’t pick up on the first ring.