The Debra Dilemma (The Lone Stars Book 4) (7 page)

Debra ripped the CD right out of Grace’s hands. “You will not. This is the best present ever. I love it.”

She hugged the CD to her. “You made this for my boy.”

My boy. She’d never said it out loud. She had a son, his name was AJ and she loved him.

Tears burned her swollen eyes. “You’ve all made me feel like a mother, thank you.”

“Excuse me?” Sweet Louise picked up her present, but didn’t hand it to Debra. “You are a mother. Just because your son is no longer living, doesn’t make you any less of a mother…in fact, it makes you a super mom. You’ve survived the worst thing that can happen to a parent—and it didn’t break you. That is super mom material if I’ve ever seen it.”

“But I…” Was she a mother? She’d given birth and suffered his death all in the same beautiful, tragic moment.

“How many children do you figure you’ve helped in the last six months? Fifty…a hundred?” Sweet Louise hugged her present to her chest. “You’ve made scores of children feel safe and loved and given them hope. No doubt you’ve showered them with presents just to make them smile and you’ve hugged them while they cried. That’s mother material whether you like it or not.”

“I never thought about it.” Debra shook her head. Was she a mother even though her child was dead? She tried it on for size. “um, okay. I. Am. A mother.”

“Again with feeling.” Sweet Louise dapped the corners of her eyes.

“I am a mother.” It felt good and right. The crack in her heart closed ever so slightly. “I am a mother.”

She’d always thought the trick to surviving AJ’s loss was to pretend that it had never happened, but she’d been wrong. She needed to acknowledge her son and wear the badge of mother proudly. “I am a mother.”

“Now, you’re ready.” Sweet Louise thrust the gift she’d been clutching at Debra.

It was the size and shape of a framed diploma. Debra ripped the wrapping paper to shreds and found the back of a frame. She turned it around and her heart hiccupped.

It was a birth certificate.

“How?” It was all she could get out before the sobs took over.

“Honey, please. Do you not know me at all? I have Dell Children’s wired. All I did was ask.” Sweet Louise purred. “Very sweetly.”

Debra swallowed down the tears. She traced the name August John Covington. Here was proof that he’d been born. It was stupid…this was only a piece of paper, but now there was a record of her son’s life. Nothing had changed and every thing had changed. Her precious boy had been born and now it was public record. Her baby boy was real and others knew about him.

“The footprints on the bottom are his.” Sweet Louise pointed to the tiny footprints. “Everything’s electronic now and I had them cut and pasted from his death certificate.”

Debra put one hand over her heart. “They’re his? Really?”

She traced each tiny toe. Her baby boy had a birth certificate. The hole in her heart that had existed because of a stupid error—finally healed.

Do I want to know how you were able to have a telescope delivered?” Debra smiled at Sweet Louise. It was after midnight and Sweet Louise had agreed to stay over. Actually all of the women had wanted to stay over, but they all had children who needed to be tended. Sweet Louise didn’t have any young ones, at least not yet. She was going through the training to be a foster parent.

“Honey, I know people. If you can think of it, I can have it delivered.” Sweet Louise pushed the elevator button for the roof.

“How about an iceberg?” Debra laughed. Having female friends was comforting in a way that she hadn’t known was possible.

Sweet Louise shot her a look. “North or South Pole?”

Debra laughed. The thing was, Sweet Louise could probably do it without breaking a sweat.

They were up on the roof and going to find AJ’s star. The Texas night sky was vast and it was nice to think that her baby boy owned a small part of that real estate. She’d never realized that having a place with a connection to him was so important. It made him real, gave him life. A grave seemed so cold and sad, but a star that twinkled in the night made her smile. She never would have thought of it.

“Summer really is the best gifter.” And now she was a good friend. She was meeting Summer for lunch tomorrow. She had a lunch date. It felt good and normal. They had more in common than she could have known. Like Debra, Summer had been raised with wealth, but was committed to living by the money she earned.

“You have no idea. Last Christmas she brought Clint to tears. I don’t even remember what she gave him, but it was exactly what he never knew he’d always wanted. And he gave her some diamond earrings.” The last part of that sentence involved a lip snarl.

“She doesn’t seem like the diamond earring type.” Debra shrugged. She really didn’t know Summer all that well.

“She’s not and that turned his tears of gratitude to tears of inadequacy. It was hilarious.” Sweet Louise nodded. “She can turn him from a big strong alpha male into a tiny little baby.”

Debra smiled to herself. “I’d like that…not the power over a man, but someone who loves me enough to feel bad about their mistakes and not blame me for them.”

It would be nice to have someone who had her back…always. Someone who wanted the best for her and made sure that she did too. A partner, someone to lean on, and to hold up, too, in the hard times. She bit her bottom lip. Bad people didn’t deserve that amount of happiness. Right now she was playing the part of a good person—wearing the mask—but sooner or later, her true self would shine through. And that person wasn’t worthy of love. God knew it, her father had known it, and Warren knew it too. She was better alone; that way she couldn’t ruin anyone’s life except her own.. But it was good to see that unconditional love actually did run strong in other people’s lives.

“Now you’ve retreated into your head. Stop over thinking things.” Sweet Louise put an arm around her. “Don’t let your mistakes define you. They aren’t you.”

Debra wasn’t so sure.

The elevator dinged for the roof and the doors rolled open. They walked down the short hallway to the metal and glass door.

“I can’t believe you talked the delivery man into putting it together.” Debra had never met anyone as charismatic as Sweet Louise. She had power over men and even women.

“All I did was smile and ask real nice.” Sweet Louise threw her a sexy grin.

“Crap, when you look at me like that, I want to do whatever you ask.” Debra laughed. “One day, you’re going to have to show me how you do that.”

“Sorry, Honey, that’s an ancient family secret.” Sweet Louise looked back over her shoulder. “You know, I just might tell you. I’ve never told anyone, but I think you’re worthy. Besides, you’d only use it for good.”

“How do you know?” The idea made Debra nervous. Sweet Louise sounded so sure.

“I’m a great judge of character, and you,” she pointed her index finger at Debra, “are a good person, even though you aren’t ready to believe it yet. But you will. I promise, you will.”

The thought that someday she would disappoint Sweet Louise made her heart actually ache. Right then and there, she promised herself that she wouldn’t disappoint Sweet Louise. She knew it was an empty promise—she disappointed everybody in the long run—but at least she’d make the effort.

“Ms. Sweet Louise,” Leeland the delivery driver pointed to the huge white telescope pointed to the sky, “I hope you like it.”

“Oh, my handsome Leeland, I’m going to love it.” Sweet Louise cooed.

Leeland’s whole body smiled. He fell all over himself to get to her. “I’m so glad.”

The fact that the man was at least forty years younger than she didn’t seem to matter. Sweet Louise’s appeal knew no age limits. Right now, she could ask him to rob a bank and he wouldn’t ask any questions; he’d go to the nearest bank and slip them a note. Sweet Louise used her powers for good…mostly.

“Honey, do you know where this is?” Sweet Louise handed Leeland the star map.

“Yes, ma’am.” He said keeping his adoring eyes on Sweet Louise. He didn’t even know what she was asking him. Finally, he tore his eyes from the older woman and glanced down. By the look on his face, he had no idea what kind of map he held in his hand, much less, where the star was, but by hell he was going to find it.

“Thank goodness we have a strong and intelligent man with us.” Sweet Louise looped her arm around Leeland’s. “Show me how to work this thing.”

Debra looked up at the night sky and wished, no, prayed—on AJ’s star—that she could be the woman Sweet Louise thought she was.

Warren jangled a brand new set of keys as he stepped onto the elevator that would take him to his new condo. It had been really simple. He had handed over a cashier’s check for nine-hundred-seventy-eight thousand dollars, and they handed him some keys. Now he was Debra’s new neighbor. Nerves jangled through his system and he realized that he was giddy, actually giddy about moving in.

So what if he already had a home in Austin and a ranch outside of Wimberley, now he had a condo, too. He’d move some of his furniture over and set up house. The elevator buzzed, signaling that he’d arrived at the penthouse. He’d bought the only condo that was available, which happened to be the entire top floor. Debra lived on the fourth floor, directly under him. He stepped off the elevator and glanced at the floor. Was she home now?

Would it be weird to go down and borrow a cup of sugar?

What would he do with a cup of sugar? Until a couple of days ago, he didn’t eat sugar and now he practically shoveled it in. What would he put a cup of sugar in? He glanced around at the barren living space. It was bereft of furniture and appliances and household supplies—he was going to have to start from scratch. If he cupped his hands, would she pour the sugar in them? He let out a long sigh. That would be weird. And she probably didn’t have sugar either. It’s not like she baked…or at least she hadn’t when they were together.

He put his hand over his heart, as if that would ease the ache. Their six months together was the only time in his life that he was truly happy. It was the only time in his life he’d felt comfortable in his own skin….just being Warren. And the burning desire that fueled his success had been drowned out by the love he felt—he rubbed his chest hard—still felt for her. She’d offered to give up everything to be with him and he hadn’t just hurt her…he crushed her. He remembered so clearly the innocent girl with the tender feelings and a rapier wit. That was before she became hard and calculating. He’d done that…he’d taken everything beautiful about her spirit and destroyed it. Hopefully enough of that girl remained so she could forgive him and they could get on with the rest of their lives.

This is what he wanted…right? Happy ever after? He sure as hell hoped so, because this had just cost him damned near a million dollars.

He glanced at the Austin skyline where the Frost Bank building was aglow in white. Everything was bigger in Texas including ugly glass buildings.

It was funny. He smiled to himself. Back then, Debra had been the one to throw money away right and left, and now it was him. He’d never thought of himself as a frivolous person, but here he was buying something he didn’t need, didn’t want, and had no use for. It that wasn’t the definition of frivolous, he didn’t know what was.

His hand went to his back pocket and eased his wallet out. He unfolded it and pulled up the strip of photo booth pictures that he always kept in the folding money pocket. He knew the three pictures stacked on top of each other by heart. In the first one they were making crazy faces; in the second, Debra smiled while he kissed her on the cheek, but it was the third that drew his eye. In that picture she was looking up with unadulterated love shining in her eyes.

Was there enough forgiveness in her to ever look at him that way again?

He traced her face. Back then she was all soft lines and curves. Now she was hard angles, wrought by time and exercise, but the curves were still there. He liked her new boyish haircut; on her somehow it seemed ultra feminine. And then he realized—it made her eyes, those hazel eyes—look bigger.

He slipped the wedding band out of his trousers pocket and set it on the mile-long gray granite kitchen island. Would there ever be a day when he would part with the ring?

It didn’t seem possible that a thirty-five-year-old man could moon over a woman, but here he was mooning over Debra like a lovesick teenager.

He should march right down to her condo and straighten things out. Yeah, right, that was assuming that she’d let him in, which was about as likely as him snowboarding in Hell. He glanced at his watch. And it was almost one in the morning. People who didn’t mean harm didn’t pound on doors at one in the morning.

He slipped the picture back into his wallet and tossed the thing on the island. He was exhausted, but he couldn’t bring himself to go to his house. It was hokey and stupid and melodramatic, and the amazing thing was that he
knew
this, but he still wanted to stay as close to her as possible. He looked around at the vast living room of nothingness. Then he stopped, picked up his wallet, pulled out his black American Express Centurion card, flipped it over and looked for the customer service number. It was finally time to test the 24/7 concierge service that was touted as being able to get anything to anyone in less than twenty-four hours. He could only hope that a bed and some furniture wouldn’t take that long. Sleeping on the floor wasn’t his favorite, but it beat leaving. He pulled out his smart phone and dialed the number.