The Demise of Guys: Why Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It (10 page)

BOOK: The Demise of Guys: Why Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It
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What porn producers and distributors can do

If you run an online porn website, especially a free one, add an Education category to the 50-plus categories that already exist, streaming videos that teach men how to be more skilled lovers. Or at least involve more dialogue between actors.

Another idea is ads: The average porn video is almost 20 minutes long. If you ran a 15-second ad on safer sex practices before every video, it would take up only about 1.25 percent of the entire video’s length. If users want to skip ads, they would have to pay you a fee. At the very least, clearly post resources that users can easily refer to if they suffer from porn addiction — much the same way casinos offer resources for people who have gambling addictions.

What video game producers can do

Bridge the gap between imagination and realization so that while users can enjoy playing your games, their time counts for something beyond themselves. You have the tools and ability to apply the game mindset to real-world problems and create generations of true-life heroes.

In
Reality Is Broken: Why Games Make Us Better and How They Can Change the World
, Jane McGonigal discusses the power of crowdsourcing, making the observation that successful crowdsourcing projects are structured like a good multiplayer game. One example she uses is the parliamentary expenses scandal of 2009. Essentially, many members of British Parliament, or MPs, had been filing illegal expense claims that added up to millions of pounds sterling, including frivolous charges like £32,000 (more than $50,000 at today’s rates) for personal gardening expenses and £1,645 (nearly $2,600) for a “floating duck island.”

The government released the expense forms in an unsorted collection of more than a million electronically scanned documents. The
Guardian
newspaper, which had been covering the scandal, knew it didn’t have enough manpower to sort through the mess, so it hired Simon Willison, a software developer, to design a website where anyone could examine the documents for incriminating details. With his help, the
Guardian
launched a site called Investigate Your MP’s Expenses, the world’s first massive multiplayer investigative journalism project. After just three days, more than 20,000 people had sifted through 170,000 documents. Investigate Your MP’s expenses also had a remarkable 56 percent visitor participation rate.

The investigation prompted the resignation of dozens of Parliament members, plus legal action, including suspensions and prosecutions. Ultimately, it led to widespread political reform.
119

Though it may appear to be a suggestion not unlike Tom Sawyer persuading the neighborhood boys that whitewashing a fence is fun, imagine the kind of force gamers would become if every gamer dedicated just 1 percent of his gaming time — 30 million collective hours a week — to make a real-world impact like Investigate Your MP’s Expenses. Considering Wikipedia represents roughly 100 million hours of human thought, hypothetically 15.6 Wikipedia-size projects could be accomplished every year if each gamer invested that 1 percent into a crowdsourcing project. Now that would be a force to be reckoned with.

Next steps: Join us

At the end of Phil’s short but provocative four-minute TEDTalk, he made clear that his primary goal at the conference was to raise awareness and even alarm people. His talk was not designed to calm with simple solutions to this complex problem. We attempted in the relatively short space provided by the new TED Books format both to extend that original analysis by revealing its seriousness as well as its breadth and depth in society, and to suggest some solution starters. Our hope is that readers like you will join a forum on our website at
demiseofguys.com
or on our Facebook page to add your views, experience and solutions regarding the argument presented here.

Notes

1
Cribb, R., “The Grim Evidence That Men Have Fallen Behind Women,”
Toronto Star
, November 25, 2011, accessed November 26, 2011,
thestar.com/article/1090889--rob-cribb-the-grim-evidence-that-men-have-fallen-behind-women
.

2
Salahu-Din, D., Persky, H., and J. Miller, J.,
The Nation’s Report Card: Writing 2007,
NCES 2008–468 (Washington, DC: National Center for Education Statistics, Institute of Education Sciences, U.S. Department of Education, 2008), table A-9; and Lee, J., Grigg, W., and Donahue, P.,
The Nation’s Report Card: Reading 2007,
NCES 2007–496 (Washington, DC: National Center for Education Statistics, Institute of Education Sciences, U.S. Department of Education, 2007), table A-17.

3
Strauss, V., “What the Decline in SAT Scores Really Means,”
The Answer Sheet
(blog),
Washington Post,
September 14, 2011, accessed December 8, 2011,
washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/post/what-the-decline-in-sat-scores-really-means/2011/09/14/gIQAdUzdSK_blog.html
; and Steinberg, K., “43% of 2011 College-Bound Seniors Met SAT College and Career Readiness Benchmark” news release, The College Board, September 14, 2011, 9,
http://media.collegeboard.com/pdf/cbs_2011_nat_release_091411.pdf
.

4
Chapman, C., Laird, J., and KewalRamani, A., “Trends in High School Dropout and Completion Rates in the United States: 1972–2008,” National Center for Education Statistics, 30, table 1,
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.

5
Richards, J., “School Dropouts: Who Are They and What Can Be Done?” e-brief, C.D. Howe Institute, January 6, 2011, accessed December 26, 2011, 2,
cdhowe.org/pdf/ebrief_109.pdf
.

6
Raising Cain: Boys in Focus,
directed by Paul Stern (PBS Films, 2006).

7
Galinsky, E., Aumann, K., and Bond, J., “Times Are Changing: Gender and Generation at Work and at Home,” Families and Work Institute 2008 National Study of the Changing Workforce, revised August 2011, 6,
http://familiesandwork.org/site/research/reports/Times_Are_Changing.pdf
.

8
Chapman, C., Laird, J., and KewalRamani, A., “Trends in High School Dropout and Completion Rates.”

9
McGonigal, J.,
Reality Is Broken: Why Games Make Us Better and How They Can Change the World
(New York: The Penguin Press, 2011), inside cover, 4, 6.

10
Gentile, D. A., et al., “The Effects of Violent Video Game Habits on Adolescent Hostility, Aggressive Behaviors, and School Performance,”
Journal of Adolescence
27 (2004): 6.

11
McGonigal,
Reality Is Broken
, inside cover, 4, 6.

12
“BookStats Overall Highlights,” Association of American Publishers, accessed November 11, 2011,
publishers.org/bookstats/highlights/
.

13
Ropelato, J., “Internet Pornography Statistics,” TopTenReviews, TechMediaNetwork, accessed November 17, 2011,
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.

14
Ropelato, J., “Internet Pornography Statistics.”

15
“1 in 3 Boys Heavy Porn Users, Study Shows,” ScienceBlog.com, accessed November 22, 2011,
http://scienceblog.com/12663/1-in-3-boys-heavy-porn-users-study-shows/
.

16
Marshall, P., “Teenage Boys Watching Hours of Internet Pornography Every Week Are Treating Their Girlfriends Like Sex Objects,” Mail Online, accessed November 22, 2011,
dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1255856/Teenage-boys-watching-hours-internet-pornography-week-treating-girlfriends-like-sex-objects.html
.

17
Zimbardo, P. G.,
Shyness: What It Is, What to Do About It
(Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1977).

18
Loewe, F., and Lerner, A.J., “A Hymn to Him,” originally released in 1956 by Sony BMG Music Entertainment
1994, 2002, accessed February 21, 2012,
stlyrics.com/lyrics/myfairlady/ahymntohim.htm
.

19
Martin, A., “Young Men, Couples Shunning Sex,”
Japan Times
, January 14, 2011.

20
Salcedo, A., Schoellman, T., and Tertilt, M., “Families as Roommates: Changes in U.S. Household Size from 1850 to 2000,” Stanford Institute for Economic Policy Research, October 2009, accessed February 21, 2012,
stanford.edu/group/siepr/cgi-bin/siepr/?q=system/files/shared/pubs/papers/pdf/09-01.pdf

21
Szalavitz, M. and Perry, B. D.,
Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential — and Endangered
(New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 2010), 16.

22
Martin, J. A., et al., “Births: Final Data for 2009,”
National Vital Statistics Reports
60, no. 1 (November 3, 2011): 1–2,
cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr60/nvsr60_01.pdf
.

23
DeParle, J., and Tavernise, S., “For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage,”
The New York Times
, February 17, 2012, accessed February 21, 2012,
nytimes.com/2012/02/18/us/for-women-under-30-most-births-occur-outside-marriage.html
.

24
Lawlor, J., “The Time Crunch; Poll: We Zoom through Life in Fast Forward,”
USA Today
, August 17, 1987, 1A.

25
“The Importance of Family Dinners VII,” The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, September 2011, accompanying statement, figure 1.A,
casacolumbia.org/upload/2011/2011922familydinnersVII.pdf
.

26
Szalavitz and Perry,
Born for Love,
292. The statistic of trust decline, from 58 percent in 1960 to 32 percent in 2008, was found in Ibid; and for 2008, in the General Social Survey,
gss.norc.org
.

27
Zak, P., “Paul Zak: Trust, Morality — and Oxytocin,” Talks, TED Conferences, accessed November 22, 2011,
ted.com/talks/paul_zak_trust_morality_and_oxytocin.html
.

28
Gottlieb, L., “How to Land Your Kids in Therapy,”
The Atlantic
, July/August 2011, accessed November 11, 2011,
theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/07/how-to-land-your-kid-in-therapy/8555
.

29
Cribb, “The Grim Evidence That Men Have Fallen Behind Women.”

30
Bolick, K., “All the Single Ladies,”
The Atlantic
, November 2011, 120.

31
Raising Cain: Boys in Focus
, directed by Paul Stern.

32
Journeyman,
directed by Charlie Borden and Kevin Obsatz (MirrorMan Films, 2007).

33
Hjern, A., Weitoft, G. R., and Lindblad, F., “Social Adversity Predicts ADHD-Medication in School Children — A National Cohort Study,”
Acta Paediatrica
99 (June 2010): 920–924.

34
“Family Structure and Children’s Health: United States, 1988” (Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services),
Vital and Health Statistics
series
10, no. 178 (1991): 27, table 13.

35
Journeyman,
directed by Charlie Borden and Kevin Obsatz.

36
Guidubaldi, J., Perry, J. P., and Nastasi, B., “Growing Up in a Divorced Family: Initial and Long Term Perspectives on Children’s Adjustment,”
Applied Social Psychology
7 (1987): 230.

37
Christoffersen, M. N., “An Investigation of Fathers with 3 to 5-Year-Old Children” (paper, Social Research Institute Ministerratskonferenz, Stockholm, Sweden, April 1995), chart 3.

38
Guidubaldi, Perry, and Nastasi, “Growing Up in a Divorced Family,” 212.

39
Journeyman,
directed by Charlie Borden and Kevin Obsatz.

40
Author interview with Warren Farrell, Ph.D., January 5, 2012.

41
Tickner, N., “Unhappy People Watch TV, Happy People Read/Socialize,” UMD Newsdesk, University of Maryland, November 14, 2008, accessed January 10, 2012,
newsdesk.umd.edu/sociss/release.cfm?ArticleID=1789
.

42
Raising Cain: Boys in Focus
, directed by Paul Stern.

43
Author interview, January 10, 2012.

44
Ashliman, D.L., introduction to
Aesop’s Fables
(New York: Barnes & Noble Books, 2003).

45
Sherman, D. K., and Cohen, G. L., “The Psychology of Self-Defense: Self-Affirmation Theory,”
Advances in Experimental Social Psychology
38 (2006): 183–242.

46
Carlin, G., “Euphemisms,”
Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics
, 1990.

47
Sax, L.,
Girls on the Edge: The Four Factors Driving the New Crisis for Girls
(New York: Basic Books, 2010), 189–190. Bly and Woodman, in
The Maiden King
, page 20, cite Joseph Chilton Pearce’s
Evolution’s End: Claiming the Potential of Our Intelligence
(New York: HarperCollins, 1992) as the source of this idea; see chapter 22 in Pearce’s book, especially page 190.

48
Williams, A., “The New Math on Campus,”
The New York Times
, February 5, 2010, accessed January 11, 2012,
nytimes.com/2010/02/07/fashion/07campus.html?pagewanted=all
.

49
Bolick, “All the Single Ladies,” 124.

50
Sax,
Girls on the Edge,
34–35.

51
“Cost of Living in the U.S. Hits Record Highs Not Seen Since Financial Crisis,” Mail Online, March 18, 2011, accessed January 10, 2012,
dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1367705/Cost-living-America-hits-record-high-according-Consumer-Price-Index.html
.

52
Brownstein, R., “What the Great Recession Wrought: The State of the U.S. in 3 Years of Polls,”
The Atlantic,
January 7, 2012, accessed January 10, 2012,
theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/01/what-the-great-recession-wrought-the-state-of-the-us-in-3-years-of-polls/251010/
.

53
“Fast Facts: What Are the Trends in the Cost of College Education?” National Center for Education Statistics, accessed September 13, 2011,
http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=76
.

54
“Historical Census of Housing Tables Home Values,” U.S. Census Bureau, accessed September 13, 2011,
census.gov/hhes/www/housing/census/historic/values.html
.

55
Hymowitz, C., “Behind Every Great Woman,”
BusinessWeek
, January 4, 2012, accessed January 7, 2012,
businessweek.com/magazine/behind-every-great-woman-01042012.html
.

56
Steinberg, K., “43% of 2011 College-Bound Seniors Met SAT College and Career Readiness Benchmark” news release, The College Board, September 14, 2011, 9,
http://media.collegeboard.com/pdf/cbs_2011_nat_release_091411.pdf
.

57
Hornig, D., and Daley, A., “Not Enough New Scientists: How America’s Obsession with Liberal Arts Is Making Us Less Competitive,” Casey Daily Dispatch, December 1, 2011, accessed January 4, 2012,
caseyresearch.com/cdd/friends-dont-let-friends-major-liberal-arts
.

58
Corcoran, S. P., Evans, W.N., and Schwab, R. M., “Women, the Labor Market, and the Declining Relative Quality of Teachers,”
Journal of Policy Analysis and Management
23, no. 3 (2004): 449–470.

59
Corcoran, Evans, and Schwab, “Women, the Labor Market, and the Declining Relative Quality of Teachers,” 449–470.

60
Vance, V. S., and Schlechty, P. C., “The Distribution of Academic Ability in the Teaching Force: Policy Implications,”
Phi Delta Kappan
64, no.1 (1982): 22–27.

61
Chetty, R., Friedman, J., and Rockoff, J., “The Long-Term Impacts of Teachers: Teacher Value-Added and Student Outcomes in Adulthood,” Harvard University, accessed January 12, 2012,
http://obs.rc.fas.harvard.edu/chetty/value_added.html
.

62
Trends in Educational Equity
of Girls and Women: 2004,
NCES 2005-016 (Washington, DC: National Center for Education Statistics, Institute of Education Sciences, U.S. Department of Education, 2004), 45, figure 13, accessed December 26, 2011,
http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2005/2005016.pdf
.

63
Sax, L.,
Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men
(New York: Basic Books, 2009), 21.

64
“2011 College-Bound Seniors” news release, 12.

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