The Desire (5 page)

T
he three women sat down in the counseling room. That wasn't what the Women's Resource Center called it, but that's what it was. It had a warm ambience, though, more like a small living room than an office. Marilyn couldn't tell by the look on the girl's face who was more nervous about this meeting, her or Christina. The nervous tension provided one benefit: she was now wide awake.

Christina was a petite little thing, very cute in a rough sort of way. So far, they had only exchanged polite introductions, but Christina's New York accent was quite pronounced. Marilyn tried not to stare, but several times she glanced down at the obvious bump in Christina's belly. What had Arlene said, that she was six or seven months along? She couldn't be more than eighteen or nineteen years old, her son Doug's age.

Arlene had mentioned that Christina had just recently made up her mind to choose the adoption path for her baby, which Marilyn thought was courageous. Christina looked way too young to be a mother. Marilyn thought about the total absurdity of Doug becoming a father right now.

Arlene opened up Christina's file on the coffee table. She
had another one just like it in her hand. “Again, thanks for coming, Christina. We really are sorry you couldn't stay with Megan as your mentor until your baby is born. Megan hated doing this to you. You know that, don't you?”

“I know,” Christina said. “She didn't have much choice.”

“I read over your file this morning,” Arlene said. “Including all of Megan's notes. I'm giving this copy to Marilyn to bring home, so she can get up to speed on all the things you and Megan had talked about.” She handed the manila folder to Marilyn. “Is there anything you want to tell Marilyn in person about your situation?”

Christina shifted in her seat. She looked uncomfortable. “Not a whole lot to tell. Like an idiot, I moved in with my boyfriend—who I didn't really love, by the way. I just did it to save money. My roommate had just moved out. I was gonna lose the place in a few weeks, so when he suggested we live together, I said yes. Then, continuing to behave like an idiot, we started sleeping together. You'd think I would know better. I wasn't on the pill, and he was too lazy to—well, you know. So it happened, I got pregnant.” She paused to take a swig of bottled water. “What can I say? I wasn't very bright.”

“You don't need to keep putting yourself down,” Arlene said. “We're not here to judge you.”

“Oh, I know that. Everyone in this place treats me well. Way better than I ever got treated out there. I'm not putting myself down. It's just a fact. I guess the biblical word Megan used was being a fool. Same difference. I know God's forgiven me for the mess I've made of things. Megan said God sometimes has to put people in tough places to get their attention, make them aware of how much they need him. I try to look at it that way . . . that God used all this to bring me to Christ. I was a million miles away from God a few months
ago. But that doesn't change the fact that I was an idiot for letting it happen.”

Marilyn couldn't help but smile. There was something refreshing about this young girl's honesty.

“Could you tell Marilyn and me a little about how you came to the adoption decision?”

“Sure. It's not complicated. I've been thinking about it a long time. It's just, I'm not ready to be a mom. That's pretty much the whole story. I don't want my baby growing up the way I did, or worse. Megan gave me these papers to read about both choices, adoption or single parenting. And I guess you could say, I did some of my own research. It's not that I don't love my baby. I do. But it came down to deciding what's best for her instead of what's best for me. This baby will not be better off with me, and that's just a fact. Not at this point in my life.”

“Megan said you were pretty committed to this option,” Arlene said. “Do you struggle with your decision at all? Is there anything you'd like to talk about?”

“I think Megan covered all the bases. I did struggle a lot at first, but then God did something that helped take my struggle away.”

“What was that?” Marilyn asked.

“I started visiting a children's playground in River Oaks. I went several times.”

“Do you live in River Oaks?” Marilyn said.

Christina laughed. Then she looked at Arlene, as if to say “Is she kidding?” “Not hardly. I can't even afford to eat in River Oaks. No, I went there because I know that the type of couple who will adopt my baby could probably afford to live there. Anyway, this last time I went, I see all these kids playing, having a blast. Across the way on some bench under
a tree, all these moms are laughing and talking. But closer to where I was, there was this other girl sitting by herself at a picnic table. She was maybe twenty-five. I've seen her there a few times. It's always the same. She just stares at the kids. Her face always looks so sad. This time when I looked back at her, I saw tears running down her face. Normally, I would've left her alone, but for some reason I felt like I should talk to her. So I did.”

“What did you find out?”

“She was crying because she and her husband couldn't have any children. They had been trying like crazy for over a year. We got to talking a little while. The thing was, it became crystal clear to me. This couple had the kind of home a baby should be raised in. With a father and a mother, people who can afford to take care of a baby and are ready to be parents. For them, it's the right time. But this—my life right now? It is so not the right time.”

“What's the status of your baby's father?” Arlene said.

“There is no status. He was a loser then, and he's a loser now. He wanted me to have an abortion. No way I was going to do that. I know it's legal but, to me, it's still wrong. I knew that before I gave my life to Christ. But he said that's the only way he'd stay with me, if I got rid of the baby. So I got rid of him. But before he left, he said he'd sign any papers he needed to for the adoption. He's all for anything that lets him off the hook.” She took another swallow of water and repositioned herself on the upholstered chair. “But see, that's the thing . . . now I'm in a jam. A big one.” She sighed heavily and started fidgeting with a pen.

“What's the matter?”

“I can't afford my place anymore. I'm really trying, but he used to cover half the expenses. The rent's due in three
weeks, and a week after that, the utilities. I can't keep up. I don't make near enough to cover it.”

Arlene looked confused. “But I thought the adoption agency you signed up with is going to help you with living expenses.”

“They will . . . some. But I did the math; it's not enough. And if you saw my place, it's nothing fancy. It's not even in a nice part of town. If I don't find a roommate soon, I'll be out on the street.”

She had this tough New York persona, but Marilyn noticed real fear in her eyes.

“Don't you have any savings?” Arlene said. “Can your mom help out?”

Christina looked away. “No, I don't have any savings. And you must have missed it when you read that file, the parts about my mom. Otherwise, you wouldn't be asking that question.”

“I'm sorry,” Arlene said. “I did read that. I just forgot.”

“No problem,” Christina said. “God'll do something, right? That's what Megan would say. Doesn't look good right now, but . . .” She sighed.

“I do believe God will take care of you, Christina,” Arlene said. “How may not be clear to us at the moment, but you're right to put your trust in him. And you know what? I believe he's already picked out the perfect place for you, and it's definitely not out in the street.”

Tears welled up in Christina's eyes. “Megan texted me some Bible verses to look up this morning. They kind of say that too. I'm trying to have faith. Gets hard when we talk about it, though. Three weeks seems so close, and so far I don't have any options.”

Suddenly, she did.

An idea popped into Marilyn's head. A crazy idea. Not the kind of thing she'd ever think of. And certainly not the kind of thing Jim would ever approve.

Or would he?

Oh, how she wished he would. She certainly couldn't bring it up here until they had talked. Then she remembered, she and Jim were supposed to talk this afternoon.

T
he meeting with Christina and Arlene had continued for another thirty minutes. It seemed to end much better than it had begun. Christina sounded a little more encouraged. She had even accepted Marilyn's invitation to join her for lunch on Wednesday. She hoped to have her idea approved and ready to share by then. With something this big, Jim would definitely need some time to think about it, if he went for it at all.

As she reached her car in the parking lot, Marilyn heard the unmistakable sound of a car trying to start unsuccessfully. She followed the sound and soon realized it was Christina's car. She was trying to start it over and over again, but it was no use. Marilyn knew precious little about cars, but on those last two tries it sounded like the battery was dying. She heard that sickening click-click-click sound. Arlene's car had just left the parking lot. She didn't see anyone else who could come to Christina's rescue.

Right after the meeting, her sense of exhaustion had returned. But she put her keys back in her purse and walked over to Christina's car, just as Christina got out. “That doesn't sound very good,” Marilyn said.

“No, it doesn't. Piece of junk. It did the same thing yesterday when I was leaving the restaurant where I work.”

“What did you do to get it going yesterday?”

“Nothing. I don't know a thing about cars. But a guy I work with came out and got it going using jumper cables. He said my battery was dying and I better get it replaced.”

“I have jumper cables,” Marilyn said. “I've never used them myself but—no, wait a minute. They're in my husband's car. I'm not sure if he's home yet, but we only live five minutes from here.”

“You live in River Oaks?” Christina asked.

“We do. We've lived here for almost fifteen years.”

“Must be nice.”

She said this with a touch of sarcastic envy. Marilyn let it slide. “It really is. Maybe after lunch on Wednesday, we can stop by the house.”

“Really?”

“Sure. If it's nice out, we could even go for a swim.”

“You have a pool?”

“We do, and a privacy fence around the backyard. None of the nearby homes have windows that can see in, so it really is private.”

“Sounds nice, but I think I'll pass on the swimming.” She patted her stomach. “Believe me, nobody wants to see this body in a swimsuit. So, you think your husband will bring those jumper cables? I've gotta be at work in an hour.”

“I'll call him right now.” Marilyn hoped Jim could help. She knew he would if he was free. As she pulled her cell phone out of her purse, she had a thought. What if God had set this up on purpose? To give Jim a chance to meet Christina in person before she sprung her big idea on him when they talked?

Christina couldn't help it, she was starting to like this lady. Even though everything about her said she came from money.
Her clothes and rings, her hair and car. Just the fact that she actually lived in River Oaks was intimidating. Who lived in a place like this? It was the land of make-believe. Christina would never invite anyone back to where she lived. Not even if she'd cleaned it for a week. But Marilyn had a kind face and gentle eyes.

While waiting for her husband to come—Jim, she called him—they had kept the conversation light. Marilyn kept asking her get-to-know-you questions but did it in a way that didn't seem nosy. She was actually pretty easy to talk to.

Ten minutes later, a gorgeous Audi sedan pulled up. A nice-looking older guy and an extremely good-looking younger guy about Christina's age got out. Suddenly, she regretted not fixing her hair or doing her makeup before coming here. And she became very self-conscious of her baby bump. The older man walked up and gave Marilyn a quick hug. Must be Jim.

“Christina, come over here and let me introduce my husband and son.”

Christina walked over to the group.

“This is Jim, my husband. And this is Doug.” She looked at her son. “I didn't think you'd still be here.”

“I'm heading back to school right after this. Dad took me out to lunch first. Can't pass up a free meal.”

Everyone shook hands. Doug had the best smile. Maybe the best smile on a guy Christina had ever seen.

Jim popped the trunk and walked around to the back of his car. “I hear someone needs a jump start.”

“Yeah,” Christina said. “I guess my battery's dying. I really appreciate you doing this. I have to be at work in about forty-five minutes.”

Jim carried the jumper cables to her car. “Well, this won't take five,” Jim said. “The problem is, if your battery is dying,
this will get you to work, but it will just die again by the time you get off. Doug, can you move my car into position so I can hook these up?”

“Sure, Dad.”

Christina thought that might be the case. But what was she gonna do? She didn't have the money for a new battery.

Jim opened the hood of her car. “Can I have your keys?”

“They're still in the ignition.”

Marilyn walked up. “I'm guessing by our earlier conversation, you don't have money for a new car battery.”

“Not unless they're five or ten bucks.”

“Jim,” she yelled, “how much are car batteries?”

From inside the car, he yelled back, “It depends. Could be seventy or eighty dollars, maybe more. Why?”

Christina's heart sank. Marilyn walked back and talked quietly with Jim. A few moments later, Jim and Doug got both cars running. Doug unhooked the jumper cables and closed the hoods to both cars. Jim and Marilyn walked over to her.

Jim spoke first. “Here's what I'd like to do, Christina. Doug is going to drive Marilyn's car back to the house. Okay, Doug?”

“Sure. My car's parked there anyway.”

“Christina, you follow us to a nearby auto parts store, so we can buy you a new battery. We'll have the whole thing done in plenty of time for you to get to work.”

“I . . . I can't let you do that.”

“Of course you can. Marilyn tells me you've recently become a Christian, right?”

“A couple of months ago.”

“Well,” Marilyn said, “that's what Christians are supposed to do. Help each other if they can. You need the help, and we're able to help, so that's what we'd like to do.”

“I'll pay you back, as soon as I can.”

“No, you won't,” Jim said gently. “This is a gift. You don't need to pay us back. We better get going if we're going to get you to work on time.”

“I don't know what to say. No one's ever done anything like this for me before.”

Marilyn put her hand on Christina's shoulder. “We're happy to do it. Just follow us to the store.”

Christina got into her car and closed the door. Doug smiled and nodded to her as he drove off in Marilyn's car. Jim and Marilyn got into the Audi and began to pull away. She got right behind them.

“Thank you, Jesus. Thank you.” It was all she could say.

She tried to block the next thought before it fully formed. It was about their son, Doug. The way he looked at her. That beautiful smile followed by a different look when he noticed her stomach. She hated being pregnant so much just then. Not the baby. It wasn't the baby's fault.

She hated herself, for being so stupid.