The Destiny of Amalah (112 page)

That is how Garrick’s days were from then on. He would rise and spend time in his garden in between Sarah and Kalon, and Amara or Michael, or both of them would come to see him everyday at the same time – and everyday after they had left – he would make his way into his house; pick at food, torment himself with memories and then retire to bed.

One day while he was sitting in his garden, he heard the horse and carriage draw near to him and he continued to stare ahead. He did not look at the carriage until it came to a standstill and he was surprised when Callan Knight stepped out of it. He watched and waited and he was further surprised that neither Michael nor Amara were with her. The young woman walked towards him and he smiled slightly at her and she smiled back.

‘Callan,’ Garrick said quite surprised. ‘It’s good to see you,’ he said.

‘Hello Garrick,’ Callan replied. ‘It’s good to see you too, but you know you don’t look good,’ she said bluntly as she sat down besides him.

‘Thank you,’ he said with a great deal of sarcasm.

‘That wasn’t a compliment,’ she said looking directly at him.

‘I know I was responding with sarcasm.’

‘Ah – well humour – that’s a good sign,’ she said laughing softly.

He laughed too and the two of them began to talk.

‘What brings you here?’ he asked.

‘You do,’ she replied flatly. ‘The Empress’s guard is missing a guard commander and so things are not going well at all.’

‘No one said.’

‘They wouldn’t would they. They are all walking on egg-shells around you.’

‘And you are not?’ he asked.

‘No! Why should I?’

Garrick smiled a small smile and then laughed another small laugh. ‘You should not.’

‘So when are you going to come back and take charge of the guard?’

‘I do not think that I am,’ Garrick said in a melancholy tone.

‘Why not?’

‘I do not have the heart or the will to command the guard,’ Garrick said dejectedly. ‘Nor do I have any desire to.’

‘Then who else will?’ Callan asked.

‘I do not know,’ Garrick replied. ‘Perhaps Michael.’

‘Oh come on Garrick,’ Callan said in slight disbelief. ‘You know Michael could not run the guard.’

‘Why ever not?’

‘Michael is not a warrior.’

‘He once was.’

‘Perhaps, but now he does not have the heart for it. He is clever I know, but he could never teach them what you could teach them and nor could he lead them like you or Häkan could,’ she told him. ‘And I need not remind you that he has a role to fulfil – he is the Empress’s advisor.’

‘Then they will find someone,’ said Garrick.

‘There isn’t anyone,’ Callan insisted.

‘There must be.’

‘Häkan is dead, most of your senior officers are too, and there is no one high ranking enough, or skilled and experienced enough to take over – so it leaves only you.’

‘There is you.’

‘I’m a fighter not a leader,’ she said flippantly.

‘John or Hassan.’

‘No and no, and besides; they are already doing more than their fair share in Amalah and the nations.’

‘Callan,’ Garrick said gently. ‘The guard will manage without me.’

‘No they won’t,’ she insisted again. ‘Garrick, please, be honest with me; why do you remain here day after day and cut yourself off from everyone?’

He looked at her for the longest time and then he bowed his head. ‘Because I failed,’ he said bitterly. ‘I failed my sons and I failed all of those around me,’ he said again.

‘Yes you did,’ she said agreeing with him.

Garrick jerked his head up and looked at her resentfully.

‘Dear Garrick,’ she said as she came around to face him and took hold of his arms. ‘You did not fail because we were cast into war, and you did not fail because Kalon died, or because we lost Ellora. At the time, you did everything you could and if you look back on those times and reflect honestly; I know that there is nothing that you could have or would have done differently without the benefit of hindsight.

When Kalon went to Basimine he had no intention of facing Rakan and his army alone and he had no way of knowing that he would come across them and neither did you.’

Garrick bit his lip and held back his tears, but after a few moments; they were filling his eyes, and despite his best efforts, the tears came and silently rolled down his cheeks. Callan Knight still held onto Garrick and she looked at him gently.

‘You did not fail Kalon then, you could not have known. I know you promised the Empress’s father that you would look after his children – you did; every single day, year in and year out. You cared for them, looked after them and when it came to it you fought for them. You broke no promises Garrick, surely you must know that – and if you do not, then I assure you it is true,’ she said adamantly.

‘But you say I failed,’ he said, slightly confused.

‘You did – you failed when you returned to this house and refused to go on. You failed when you decided to stop protecting the Empress as you promised her father and you failed when you abandoned us all – for this,’ she said as she looked around his garden and then at the gravestones of Kalon and Sarah.

‘But it’s over now,’ he said miserably. ‘It’s all over now.’

‘No, it is not. The war is over but there is still much to be done. People need you. Before and during the war people looked to you and now, when everything is so unsure and fragile, they still need to look to you – now more than ever.’

‘Amara and Michael are there.’

‘Yes they are and they are doing what they need to be doing, but that still does not change the fact that you are needed,’ she said stubbornly.

‘Callan Knight…’ Garrick began but before he could go on, Callan cut him off.

‘Before you tell me about how much you do not wish to be here in this world, or how you have lost the fight or the will to live – live for Kalon. Think Garrick, if you places were reversed, would you want him to sit here and mope and waste away, day after day pining for you?’

‘No.’

‘No, you would not. You know that Kalon loved you and it would pain him dearly to see you this way; we both know that is true. Answer me this – do you want his death to have been for nothing? His, Häkan’s, Raynor’s and everyone else’s?’

‘No.’

‘Because if you lie down to die now, it would have been; it would have been in vain. Garrick, we do not honour the dead by dying with them. We honour them by living; by embracing life, a life they would have wanted. So for your son and for all of those who fell, please do not give up and die,’ she begged him. ‘Honour your son’s life and what he sacrificed it for. I know that you feel that you have done all you needed to do in this world,’ she said and Garrick nodded his head slowly. ‘But if your heart still beats and you take breath, then you have not done all that you needed to.’

‘Callan…’ Garrick choked.

‘Oh Garrick,’ she said warmly.

Garrick fell into Callan’s arms and she held onto him while he cried and as he cried, he started to grieve and grieve properly for his loss and as he did so he felt a release, he felt released from the bitterness and self pity that had been keeping him prisoner for so long and when he stopped crying, he sat up, wiped his eyes and looked up at Callan.

‘Thank you,’ he said gratefully. ‘Thank you for everything.’

Callan smiled and wasn’t quite sure what to say. Garrick stared at her for a while and Callan was feeling hot under his gaze.

‘If there is anything I can do for you Callan Knight,’ he said with conviction.

‘You could shave, and perhaps comb your hair,’ she said wryly, trying to lighten the moment.

Garrick laughed and Callan smiled, slightly unsure of how funny Garrick thought it was and then Garrick laughed some more and broke into a smile.

‘And perhaps bathe a bit more often,’ she said and Garrick laughed again. ‘And maybe a bit of scent,’ she added irreverently.

Garrick laughed even harder and Callan laughed too and before long the two of them were laughing hysterically and Callan continued to tease Garrick about his unkempt state. When the two of them stopped laughing, they eased into a conversation that lasted for a few hours and as time went by, Garrick took Callan into the house and prepared a meal for them both, which they sat down and ate. The two friends talked for a while longer and when it became late and dark, Callan rose to her feet to leave.

‘I must go now Garrick,’ she said to him.

‘Alright,’ he said warmly. ‘I will see you to your carriage.’

‘Thank you.’

The two of them left the table and walked to the carriage that was waiting for Callan and when she was at the steps, Garrick took hold of her arm and looked at her.

‘I am glad you came Callan,’ he said pleasantly. ‘And I thank you for everything you said and did today, I truly do.’

‘Will I see you tomorrow at the palace?’

‘Yes.’

Then don’t thank me,’ she said. ‘Having you back is thanks enough,’ she said graciously.

‘You are a fine young woman Callan Knight,’ Garrick said genuinely, before he leaned forward and kissed her on both cheeks.

‘Thank you,’ she said, squeezing his arm and receiving his kisses. ‘Goodnight Garrick,’ she said pleasantly.

‘Good night Callan,’ Garrick said fondly.

Callan walked up the steps and into the carriage and Garrick handed the steps to the horseman. The horseman took the steps and thanked Garrick and then began to drive away. Callan Knight leaned out of the window and waved at Garrick and Garrick waved back and when the carriage was out of sight, Garrick returned to his house.

When he entered he went to the kitchen and began to clean up, he washed and cleaned and put everything away and when he was done he went to every room in the house and did the same. When he was happy that the whole house was clean and how it should be he bathed himself and went to bed, and when he got into it, he fell into a sound sleep.

When Garrick awoke the next day, he sat up in bed and thought for a few minutes. He thought of Kalon, Sarah and Ellora and he thought of Callan Knight. He smiled to himself and got out of bed with a new sense of purpose. He made his way to his bathroom and stood in front of the mirror; he looked at his stubble filled face and laughed as he thought of Callan’s remarks; he then turned to the bathtub and lit the fire underneath to warm up the water. He made his way to the kitchen and heated some water for shaving and then took it back to the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror once again and pulled his shaving blades out; he lathered his face and slowly and carefully, began to shave away the stubble that had been there for a while.

When he had finished shaving, he stripped naked and got in to the heated bathtub and soaked himself in the pleasantly scented hot water. Garrick felt good in the tub and he sighed with satisfaction as the water gently relaxed his muscles and the oils cleared his head. He sat in the tub for a while, thinking and relaxing and then he washed himself; he scrubbed himself clean and when he finished, he stepped out of the tub and grabbed a towel that was nearby. He wrapped himself in the towel and then tipped the tub over so it was on its side and the water tipped down the large drain.

He cleaned his bathroom and then made his way back to his bedroom and on the way, he passed both of his sons’ rooms; he stopped at Kalon’s door and peered inside. He stood still for a few moments while he looked in and even though it hurt when he thought of his son, now he was able to smile too when his youngest child came into his mind. He tapped the doorframe a couple of times and then continued to walk to his room.

When Garrick entered his room he pulled out his uniform and laid it out on the bed, he stared at it for a while and then began to get ready. He moisturised his body, added some scent and then dressed himself; he brushed his hair and tidied himself up and when he was satisfied, he went to look at himself in the full-length mirror. He looked himself up and down and nodded in approval, he picked up his sword and attached it to his uniform and made his way out of the house. He found his horse and placed the saddle on it and when it was secure; he mounted his horse and rode towards the palace.

When Garrick arrived at the palace, everyone who came across him was surprised but pleased to see him and they welcomed him back warmly. Garrick gave his heartfelt thanks and continued to make his way to the Empress’s study. When he arrived, he stood outside her door, hesitating and when he was ready, he knocked on the door. Garrick heard the Empress call him in and Garrick opened the door and stepped inside. He looked inside to see Amara and Michael working and when they saw him, they rose to their feet and looked at him.

‘Garrick!’ Amara said, warmly as she broke into a smile and walked quickly to where he was. ‘It is good to see you,’ she said, as she leaned in and hugged him and then kissed him on both cheeks.

‘Empress,’ he said as he hugged her back.

‘Garrick, after everything we have been through, I am not your Empress I am your friend, please – call me Amara.’

‘Thank you Amara,’ he said touched by the gesture.