The Doctor's Memories (BWWM Pregnancy Romance) (4 page)

Chapter 6

Nick had someone deliver his car at the airport for him to pick up, and they were soon speeding into the countryside, the same route he had taken so long ago with Selena. The seasons had changed, as it was fall, and the leaves on the trees were striking shades of russet and yellow, cloaking the road in confetti –like with autumn colored leaves. It was breathtaking, but not half as striking as the beauty seated right next to him. Selena was interested in her surroundings, and he delighted in pointing out items of interest to her. They finally turned down the long drive to his home. It had become his property on the death of his father, and, although his mother still lived in a smaller house on the estate, the house itself, for the greater part of the year, stood empty. He had no great need to live there, and Emily… He sighed mentally. He still needed to tell Selena about Emily, but later, he vowed, when she remembered. She had enough on her plate as it was.

“Oh Nick, it is a lovely old place! How can you not want to live here all the time? It’s not that far from the city, is it?”

“It’s far enough. But I want to start here, where we first made love. I thought we could stay here a day or so and then go back to my apartment. I’ll show you where you worked and the places we went.”

She gave him a happy grin. “That would be great! You know, Nick, I never got round to telling you what happened, did I?”

“Nope. Maybe we could talk about it later? I want to take a walk down to the beach before the sun sets. You loved doing that, the few times I brought you here. We can even stop in at the folly on the way back.”

“The folly?”

He laughed. “Yeah, my grandfather built this little stone cottage but nobody ever lived there, and we started calling it Grandpa’s folly.”

After leaving their bags in the foyer for one of the servants to take up to their room, Nick grabbed her hand and headed out the back towards the sea. The property was built on a cliff, and the walk was not too long. There was a long wooden stairway leading down to the beach.

Selena was breathless when she finally reached the bottom, but her heart ached at the beauty she saw there, so different to the flamboyant lushness of Hawaii. It was more ethereal. The overcast sky had turned the sea into a dark emerald green, while the almost whiteness of the sand was cast in hues of grey. The few grasses that grew in the dunes stretched upwards, as if in supplication, and the only sound, besides the smooth rustling of the waves, was that of an intermittent  seagull’s cry.

“This is so beautiful! The different shades of green and blue and grey! I wish I could paint this!”

“Why don’t you?”

“Me? I can’t paint! Hell, I can’t even draw!”

“How do you know Selena? Have you tried since the accident?”

Selena shook her head. “Nope, never had the urge to try, to tell you the honest truth. To sing? Yeah, I even taught myself to play the guitar, and I love writing! But drawing never entered the equation.”

“So your parents never told you that you wanted to study fine art?”

She shook her head, a bewildered look on her face.

“You know, Selena, I wonder just how much of your life they conveniently forgot to tell you.” He held out his hand. “Come on, sun is going to set soon and I want to show you the folly. We can watch the sunset from there; it has a beautiful view over the ocean.”

Selena took his hand and followed him down the beach back to the stairway, her mind mulling over his words.
Just what had her parents told her? How much had they kept from her? How much of her life was not only wiped out, but been conveniently forgotten by them since she had lost her memory? She needed to talk to her mother.

The view he had promised was spectacular. They stood leaning against the stone wall of the old cottage, gazing out over the sea. The clouds had parted slightly and their tips were edged in various shades of orange, yellow, and red, while a ray of light penetrated through it onto the calm water below. The difference between the grey of the setting and the hues of the sunset were incredibly beautiful.

“I wish I could capture that!”

“Why don’t you, Selena? You have the talent. I saw some of your drawings when you lived with me all that time ago. You have so much talent!”

“I might just give it a try some time.” She turned to smile at him, her nose reddened by the chill. She had never looked more beautiful to him than at that moment. He kissed the tip of her nose, and she smiled her special smile, the one he liked to believe was reserved only for him.

“So what is the story, Selena? What happened?”

“Well, my parents told me that we had moved to California a few months prior to my accident and that I had been involved in an accident. They have never mentioned the specifics and I never really went into it. Suffice it to say I don’t remember my life before then. They called me Lena and I just accepted that as gospel. The music came later, though. I saw this guitar in the window of a pawn shop and I just had this urge to buy it. I taught myself, and the songs, well, they just started coming, if that makes any sense? They sort of pop into my head and I have to write them down, no matter the time of day or night. My dad died two years later and mom…well, we don’t really get along too well so I upped and left to Hawaii, got a job singing at the bar, and that is my life story as I know it in a nutshell.”

Nick stood staring at the gathering dusk, deep in thought.

Suddenly, she escaped his embrace and started running. “You can’t catch me!”

Laughing, he started after her, his longer legs eating up the distance between them. “Come here, you!” He pulled her behind an oak tree, out of sight of the house and prying eyes, and kissed her soundly. “We better get back to the house, it’s getting cold.”

When he would move away, Selena pulled him back, wrapping her arms around him underneath his jacket. She looked up mischievously. “But you can keep me warm, can’t you?”

“Is that an invitation, Miss?”

“If you want it to be.” Her smile turned to one of seduction.

“God, I’m so screwed!”

Laughing, Selena pushed him down onto the leafy carpet beneath their feet. “Not yet, you aren’t but you soon will be!”

Sitting on him, she commenced to unbutton his shirt and his trousers. His cock jumped free, standing, as usual, proudly erect. “You are always ready, aren’t you?”

“Honey, where you are concerned, I have a hard on twenty-four-seven!”

Selena laughed and traced a trail across his chest with her nails, followed by light, feather kisses, and then small nipping bites. She took his cock into her mouth in one motion, eliciting a hiss from Nick. “Greedy aren’t you?”

Selena said not a word, intent on her ministrations. She moved her mouth up and down on him, alternating it with slow, long licks up the sides, and taking the bulb in her mouth, gave hard, long sucks at it. When Nick could no longer stand it, her grabbed her head and held it steady, thrusting his hips upwards repeatedly, until, with a shudder, he came, his cum gushing down her throat. She swallowed and proceeded to lick him clean.

“You do know that I will die of a heart attack at this rate, don’t you?”

“What? From little old me sucking her favorite candy?”

Nick laughed as he made himself presentable. “Woman, I have my hands full with you. Let’s go up to the house, my tush is freezing.”

They ran to the house, playing tag all the while.

The next day was spent sight- seeing in the area, especially those places that they had frequented previously, but the slight hope Nick had was all in vain. Then it was off to the city. After a quick stop at his apartment, they went downtown to the coffee shop where she had worked all that time ago. Antonio, the owner, was overjoyed to see her.

“Selena!  It is so good to see you again! Why did we hear you had died? And why have you waited so long to see me again? Nick I see every now and then, but what is your story? Where have you been?”

They had to explain the move, the accident, and the fact that Selena had lost her memory, much to Antonio’s amazement. “Well, the bright side is you kids found each other again, eh?”

From there they went to her aunt’s address, the one that he had fetched her at for their first date. They stood in front of the door knocking for a while, until one of the neighbors came out to see what the racket was all about.

“Hey, watcha think you doing! There’s nobody there this time of day!”

“I’m Selena Montclair. Does my aunt, Alice Montclair still live here?”

“Hell I dunno no Alice Montclair, but what I do know is she sure as hell don’t live here no more!”

“It seems she moved, babe,” it came from Nick. “I think we should go home. I’m kind of tired. We could rustle up some steak, baked potato and a salad at my place. How’s that sound?”

“Typically male, always thinking of your stomach!” She got a slight slap on the ass for that one.

***

They entered his apartment, laughing at a shared joke, when the light went on. Blinking to get used to the sudden harshness, Selena saw a tall, leggy blonde leaning against the opposite wall of the lounge. The woman straightened herself, and walked closer, leaning into Nick and giving him a peck on the cheek.

“Well hello, lover. I see you finally got home? Who is this? Your newest little pickup? Won’t you introduce us? No?” She turned to Selene. “Hi, I’m Emily, Nick’s wife.”

His what? “Nick…”

“Wait, Selena, I can explain.”*

“Explain? How the hell can you explain away the fact that you have a wife? How could you do something like this to me? Hell, how could you do something like this to her? Just what the hell is your game?”

“Selena, stop!  You are jumping to….”

“Don’t you dare to tell me to stop! Is she your wife? Are you married to her?”

“Yes, but…”

“Then what the hell are you up to? No, don’t answer that! I don’t want any part of your sick little games! I can’t believe I fell for you! You are a liar and a cheat, and I don’t know which is worse.”

Emily gave a harsh laugh. “Found out at last, Nick? Got to hand it to your little tart, though, she seems to have some kind of morals. Didn’t you ever tell her you were a married man?”

“God, Emily, just what the fuck are you up to? What do you want from me?”

“I don’t want to hear this!” Selena picked up her bag that they had deposited in the apartment earlier that day and stormed out the door, slamming it behind her.

“Selena!” Nick started going after her.

“Wait, Nick,” Emily grabbed him by the arm, “I want us to get back together, please.”

Nick stopped in his tracks and turned to face her head on. “When hell freezes over there might, possibly, be a small chance that I just might, possibly, entertain that notion, Emily, but until then, there is not a hope in hell that I will ever take you back!”

“It’s that tart, isn’t it? It’s because of her!”

Nick shook his head in denial. “Nope. It’s not Selena. It’s you, Emily. How many affairs were you planning on having before telling me? It took me to come down with the flu and coming home unexpectedly and finding you in the sack with your so-called personal trainer to finally open my eyes to what you are. The divorce stands, and I cannot wait for the few weeks to pass till it’s finally over and done with. The sooner I get you out of my life, the better!”

“But what will I do?”

Nick gave a harsh laugh. “To coin a phrase used by Rhett Butler: quite frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

He left her standing in the middle of his lounge with her mouth agape and ran down the two flights of stairs to the street below, searching for any sign of Selena. She had disappeared. Again.

Chapter 7

Selena caught a cab and went to the airport. She managed to get a standby ticket for the first flight out to California. She needed to see her mother, needed to find out the truth about herself, and above all find out what they had kept from her. She needed to know everything, to be a complete person, even if she could not remember for herself.

As for Nick? His duplicity hurt! She had fallen for the oldest con in the book! He was a married man! Why did he not tell her? How could he not tell her? She was mad at him, mad as hell! The tears, she knew, would come later, when she was alone and when she allowed the pain to wash over her. As for now, she needed to find out the truth once and for all.

Hours later, a tired and jet-lagged Selena finally made it to her mother’s house and knocked. It had been a long time since she had seen her. The woman that opened the door had aged considerably in the last two years. “Lena? Baby? Is it really you?”

“Yeah Mom, it really is. Can I come in? We seriously need to talk.”

The older women stepped aside. “Come in baby. I think you are right. We were overdue for a good conversation for a long time now.”

She led the way into her kitchen and made them tea, while Selena sat at the table that took pride of place in the center of the room.

“You know, Lena, I know why you are here. You finally want to know about the past and the small things your father and I kept hidden from you, don’t you?”

“Small things? I wouldn’t call Nick Duvall a small thing, would you, Mom? Why have you never told me about him?”

“Because I was scared! I was scared you would turn your back on me after what your father…no, what your father and I did! But please believe me, I love you, and I am so incredibly sorry! Not a day has gone by that I don’t berate myself! Please, Lena, please forgive me!”

Dumfounded, Selena looked at her crying mother and took her hand. “Mom, please, stop crying. Just tell me everything, will you?”

“Honey, your father and I both come from a real old fashioned Southern town, the kind of town that people make fun of, you know? Where black is black and white is white and there is no shade of cream in between? Where girls and boys falling in love over the colored line just is not done? Well, we worked really hard at losing our accents and talking like the northerners do, but believe me, there are still places in this world where the color of your skin determines your social standing, not who you are or what you do. Anyway, we fell in love and then I got pregnant with you. Of course, our families would have none of it! It didn’t matter that my grandpa was a Southern gentleman, the thing is, we were people of color, and you didn’t mingle. We ran away and got married.”

Dawn Montclair took a sip of her tea and wiped a tear.

“We both lost our families, but it hit you father harder than it did me. His father, a relatively well-off businessman, disinherited him, cutting him off completely, and he turned bitter as the years passed, especially when the multiple sclerosis hit him. You were at your aunt’s that summer and supposed to go to college when school started, remember? No, I don’t suppose you do. Well. Cecilia, my sister who had moved North had kept in touch with me, the only member of my family to do so, and she let you live with her so you could see something of the big city while working during your vacation. Anyway, she let on to your father one day that you had moved in with this man. Your daddy was beside himself, and found out all about him and his family. And then he spoke to you on the phone and you mentioned you thought you might be pregnant but not sure yet.”

Dawn looked at her daughter again and tightened her grip on her hand. “Honey, please understand, your father wasn’t thinking straight! Okay? Please say you understand this?”

“Just tell me what happened, please?”

“Well, your daddy went to see Nick’s parents and told them that their boy had knocked you up and wanted to know whether they would see to it that he did right by you. They offered him money, a very large sum of money, to take you and to quietly disappear. Now, I know what he did was wrong in accepting it, but he thought he could give you, me, and your baby, a better life if he did, if we just moved away and started over, all of us.”

Dawn broke down again, sobbing.

“Mom…”

“Yeah baby, I’ll finish. So he took their money and went to where you and Nick were staying, knowing he, that is to say Nick, was probably at the hospital. I don’t know what he might have done if Nick had been home though, but his luck was holding, and you were alone. He told you that Nick had asked him to take you away, that he didn’t love you, that he had found someone else and didn’t want to tell you himself. When you refused to leave, wanting to confront him yourself, your daddy forced you to pack honey, and brought you home. We were gone two days later. He moved us across the country to California. We rented a house at first, and were in the process of buying this one with the Duvall’s money, when you…when you had your accident.”

“Was I really in a motorcycle accident, Mom?”

Dawn clamped a hand over her mouth, closed her eyes tightly, while yet more tears escaped from her eyelids, and shook her head.

“Then how did I lose my memory?”

“We found out for sure that you were pregnant soon after we got here. Your daddy, well, he was a good man, you need to understand this, but he was beside himself. He was harsh with you. His only child barely nineteen and knocked up. He wanted you to have an abortion, you know, saying you were not fit to be a mother because you were still a child yourself. You ran out of the house, crying. The next thing we knew, the hospital called. You had run over to the road around the corner and a car had hit you. You had lost the baby. I don’t know whether it was the accident itself that caused your amnesia or the loss of your child, but you were different after that. The same Selena, yet different. Your painting materials were never unpacked and we finally got rid of all of it, thinking it was for the best. Besides, it wasn’t long after that you got that old beat-up guitar of yours and started writing your songs and singing. We thought if we never mentioned it, everything would settle down. I mean, you never really asked about the past, you just picked on up and carried on as if everything was alright. But I knew. I knew you would need to know one day.”

“Why did he do this? Why did you allow him to do this?”

“Baby, he was ill! His MS was giving him a hard time, and it was taking over his body! By the time they found out that he had it… When I noticed something was wrong he refused to go see someone, and then, when he would lose his balance suddenly, he kept on making excuses! Called himself clumsy! I think he was too afraid to admit that there was something seriously wrong. And then, after we got here, things seemed to get a little better, but, as you know, it was the calm before the storm. He deteriorated so rapidly, and all my strength went into caring for him while he could still stay at home, that I sort of put you and your needs on the back burner. All my focus was on him, at such a huge cost to you when you needed me so much! I can never forgive myself for failing you so badly!”

“Mom. I don’t know what to say, I really don’t. I was pregnant? I lost my baby? You allowed my father to lie to me? Nick thought I had died! Do you know that?”

Dawn lowered her head. “I’m sorry. We told your aunt to tell him that. He was searching for you, everywhere, had even tracked down our families and asked them questions regarding your whereabouts. Of course, nobody knew. We severed all ties with them at the time. They don’t even know your father is dead.”

“Oh god I don’t believe this! I have family I don’t even know? All because of stubborn pride! Their side, but also yours and Dad’s! Why would you do this? Nobody cares about that kind of crap anymore! What does it all matter now anyway? You took me away from the man I adored, according to what you have told me and what I learnt from him as well. You lied to me for years!”

“No honey, I never lied, I only…”

“You only what? Kept my past from me, deliberately? Took away my chance at happiness? How dare you!” Selena’s floodgates had finally opened. She cried at the betrayal she felt at the hands of the two people who she thought had loved her, she cried at the loss of Nick and his duplicity, but most of all she cried for the baby that she had lost and never knew she had carried.

“Honey, I know you are upset, I just…”

Selena shook her head in denial. “No, Mom, you have absolutely no idea as to what I am feeling right now. None whatsoever! I found Nick again, do you know that? Or rather, he found me in Hawaii, quite by accident, but as it turns out, he is a married man! Can you imagine that? I fall for him, all over again, and it turns out he is a married man and he never thought that single little fact was important enough for me to know! You and Dad betrayed me, and so has he! I'm hurt, I am angry, I am frustrated, I am so many things right now that I don’t even have the words to describe it, but most of all, I feel…lost and empty!”

“Please honey, forgive me, forgive you father!”

“Mom, I understand some of it? I forgive you, for me, and for you as well. I even forgive Dad. But honestly, I really don’t think I can get over it too soon. It’s all just so much to take in! I never in my wildest dreams thought that you would do something like that. Sure, when I asked the odd question you were a little cagey. Now I know why, don’t I? You never wanted me to know where all the money came from, and I, having no memory, never thought to ask you! You built a new life on my hurt! On my past! In effect, you sold my happiness! How do I just wipe all of that away? Make it go ‘poof’ into thin air like it never happened, even if I can’t remember it? I lost my child! Nick’s child!”

“Lena…”

“Selena, my name, is Selena!”

“Okay honey, okay! Selena, can’t we put this behind us? Start over? Please, I don’t want to lose you!”

“Mom, you lost me a very long time ago. I feel as if me, this person that I am now, doesn’t really exist. There is a whole life I have lost, and the saddest part is, I don’t even remember losing it in the first place! As to putting it behind us?” Selena heaved a huge sigh. “I love you. You will always be my mother, and a part of my life. But for now, I need time. Okay?”

Dawn hugged her daughter. “Thank you, honey. I understand. You take all the time you need, just don’t stay out of touch with me, okay?”

Wordlessly, Selena nodded. She left the next day, taking a flight back to Hawaii. It was a long one, filled with contemplation.