The Dog Who Knew Too Much (11 page)

The waiter's erased blackboard of a face never changed as he regarded Dashiell's credentials and his yellow Registered Service Dog tag. I was pretty sure he had no idea what they meant, or what the law said, but he let him in anyway. We were led to a table in the back. Dash slid to the floor right behind my chair and fell immediately asleep. As usual, no one else in the restaurant seemed to notice he was there.

Janet ordered soup and dumplings for both of us. By the time we'd unfolded our napkins, the soup was in front of us.

“It's so cheap here. I come every chance I get.”

“So why the fuss over Avi teaching me t'ai chi, Janet? He must teach lots of people. It's what he does, isn't it?”

“But there's only one apprentice,” she said, picking up the baseball cap and placing it back on her head.

The waiter brought the dumplings even though we hadn't touched the soup yet.

“What's the big deal?”

“It means he thinks you have special ability. And so he gives you lots of time. What else do you think we're talking about? Sure, the man teaches t'ai chi, we get to work with him in
class
. It's not the same. His special student gets to spend time alone with him, I mean, hours at a time. That he doesn't do with everyone. And that's what this is all about, time with Avram. The man goes, Get that, will you? when the phone rings, and he changes your life. It's not what he does. It's what he is. And just being around him, I don't know. It does things to you, Rachel. The man's amazing.”

“He sure is,” I said, dipping one of the crispy noodles in duck sauce, then just hanging on to it. “Janet—”

She looked up from her soup.

“What do you make of the note?”

“The note?”

“You know. The one Lisa left?”

“Oh,
that
note. Here's how I see it,” she said, taking a handful of noodles and tossing them into her soup bowl. She leaned forward. “We had talked, me and Lisa, what, a month ago. I mean, I was pissed.”

“About Lisa being Avi's apprentice instead of you? But you were both at the school for
years
, weren't you? Why did you wait so long to tell her?”

“It wasn't
that
,” she said. “I mean, in the beginning, when she came, well, I knew it wasn't
her
fault that Avi spent the time with her, not me. It was his decision, so how could I blame Lisa for taking a wonderful opportunity?”

“Of course. You couldn't,” I said.

But of course, you could.

“So, what was it?”

“A few months ago, something changed. Lisa changed.”

“In what way, Janet?”

“She got real la-di-da, like she was more important than the rest of us. So finally one day I got her alone, and I went, What got into you, and she goes, What are you
talking
about, Janet, and excuse me, but can't you see I'm busy here? and I went, This won't take long, it's just when are you going to stop being such a bitch, woman?”

“What did she say?”

“Nothing at first, you know. She just looked, well, shocked. I mean, we had been close, me and her,” Janet said, holding up two fingers that appeared to be glued together at the sides. “So then she goes, Janet, I had no
idea
. There's a lot of stuff going on in my life right now, a lot to deal with. She looked like she was going to lose it, you know. I actually felt bad for her for a minute. But then she goes, I guess that's why I've been short with you people. You people! Give me a damn break. I mean, isn't that pathetic, not to know the effect you're having on the people around you. And to call us
you people
, as if we had just fallen out of her nose or something.”

“What else did she say?”

“
Nada
. She just shook her head and walked away. And then, well, it happened. I mean”—she made an arc with her chopsticks and whistled—“out the window.”

“I don't get it, Janet,” I said, leaning over the table to get closer. “You're not saying she killed herself because of what you said to her, because you were upset—”

“Hell, no.”

She drank some tea and picked up a dumpling with her chopsticks.

“So what
are
you saying?”

“I figured the note just took care of our unfinished business.”

“Such as?”

“She'd explained herself, you know, a lot of stress, blah, blah, blah, like
that'
s an excuse. But she didn't really apologize, you know what I'm saying? Now she has. That's all.”

“And you forgive her? Now.”

“Absolutely.” She popped the dumpling in her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “She was perfect, you know,” Janet said. “She'd never leave anything undone. It's like a dis-
ease
, being like that.” She picked up her bowl and drank some of her soup.

“Why did she do it, Janet? She was so young, and she was doing what she wanted to do, wasn't she? I just don't get it. Did you ever find out what she was talking about, the stuff she said she was dealing with?”

“Not really. I figure there'd been big trouble with her boyfriend, because he'd stopped coming by to pick her up. But that had been a while before. Maybe there was some new guy busting her chops. Who knows? Or maybe she just got tired of having to be perfect.
That
can be a real drag.”

“What do you mean?”

Janet shrugged, picked up another dumpling, and dipped it into the little dish of soy sauce before putting it into her mouth. I spooned up some soup.

“See,” she said, pointing at me with her sticks. “That's how Lisa ate. She'd never pick up her bowl. Afraid she might drip a little soup on her chin.” She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Like it would be the end of the fucking world if she did.”

“Janet, what did Avi mean when he told you there was something important you hadn't done?”

“We were that loud?” she said. “You heard us fighting before you even walked in?” Janet put both hands over her mouth.

“I did.”

“No wonder you were such a bitch!”

“I couldn't help hearing you all, Janet,” I said, leaning over the table and punching her playfully on her concrete arm. “The door was open, and I was walking—”

“Because Lisa never took the elevator,” she said. Then she crossed her eyes and stuck her tongue out to the side.

“So, the thing Avi said—”

I picked up a dumpling and dipped it in the soy sauce. The strong flavor made my eyes tear.

“The bodybuilding.” She lifted her right arm and flexed the most astonishing biceps I had ever seen. “Avi says t'ai chi makes learning everything else easier. And everything else you do, physical stuff, like sports or exercise, makes it more difficult to learn t'ai chi.”

“Is that true?” I asked, thinking of all the hyperbole I had read in one of Lisa's books, particularly the sweeping statements about health and longevity.

The waiter arrived with the check. I reached for my wallet, but Janet shook her head.

“Yes,” she said, looking down. “He gets really pissed when I come to class so sore from weight lifting that I can hardly move without groaning. T'ai chi, he goes, is about letting go, relaxing the muscles, strength from softness, all that shit. He goes, Ach, you know how he does that? So what do you do, he goes, you make rocks out of your muscles. You're not happy until you're in pain.

“What happens when the most pliable element meets the hardest? he goes one time. But he doesn't wait for an answer. He'd be one unhappy dude if you ever answered one of his questions. He has to ask and answer. Am I right?”

I nodded.

“The rock yields, he goes. It is worn away by the water. Nothing, absolutely nothing can withstand the force of water.” Janet leaned forward and lowered her voice. “He got so mad at me once, he can be a cranky son of a bitch, you know, so he goes, How long are you going to go on trying to be superwoman? like one word from him and I'm going to burn my cape and throw away my shirt with the red S on it.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Nothing. I didn't say squat. So he goes, Janet, haven't you noticed that it gets more and more difficult to find a phone booth nowadays? And when you finally do, someone's already gone and pissed in it.” Janet covered her mouth when she laughed. “The man's a fucking riot.”

“Have you ever thought of giving it up?”

“Shit, no. You done any? It makes you feel so
good
.”

“Pumping iron? Not really.”

Janet raised one eyebrow. “Never?”

I pushed up the sleeve of Lisa's sweater and flexed my biceps. She wasn't impressed.

“You're coming to the gym, woman, for a
real
workout. I want you to
feel
what I'm talking about. Hey, it's on me. No charge. Okay?”

She took out her appointment book and a pen, and we made a date for my bodybuilding lesson, for Thursday at five. She carefully wrote my name in her book, holding the pen with her left hand. This would have been a huge issue, perhaps even exoneration from my suspicions, had I not already seen Rabbi Zuckerman and heard his opinion that Lisa had written the note herself, the note that Lisa's parents, Paul, and now Janet thought had been an apology to them.

As Janet wrote, her tongue out to the side and moving with each word, I took a good look at her arms. She could have carried Lisa up the stairs and pitched her out the window without stopping to catch her breath.

“You coming to sword class tonight?” she asked.

I pictured myself as a
New Yorker
cartoon. The caption would read, “Oops.”

“I'm sort of a klutz. I'd probably cut off my own foot.”

“No problem, as long as you don't cut off
my
foot.” She winked at me. “Everyone says that. Beginners use wooden swords. Your foot'll be safe.”

“I have some stuff to do tonight,” I told her. “Maybe next week. Hey, thanks for lunch. And for not holding a grudge.”

“No problem,” she said.

“Janet, you aren't going to get mad at
me
now, are you, because Avi—”

“Nah. I was pissed at Lisa for all of a sudden acting so nasty to all of us. Shit, Howie was in
tears
one day. Truth is, I wouldn't be the favorite even if you never showed up. Avi likes pretty girls. He says I look like a boy.” She picked up the cap and ran her hand through her short hair. “I don't get my period anymore,” she whispered. “Not enough body fat. Are you eating this?” she asked, picking up her chopsticks and pointing them at my last dumpling.

“No, go ahead.”

“You sure, woman?”

I nodded.

She didn't have any breasts to speak of. She had well-developed pecs instead. Even her skin had coarsened, and her jaw was as square as a boxer's, the human kind.

She ate the dumpling, dipped the rest of the fried noodles in duck sauce and ate those, and then drank the rest of her soup.

“What happened between Lisa and Howie to make him cry, Janet?”

“I don't know. Neither of them would tell me. Say, that's your cousin's necklace, isn't it?” she asked after wiping her mouth and dropping the napkin onto her plate.

I felt for the jasper heart. It looked as if it had been molded from melted crayons and the artist had left a thumbprint dead center before it hardened.

“Like I said, I'm staying at her place for now.”

“And using her stuff?”

I shrugged. “What's the big deal? It's not like
she
needs it anymore.”

“Ain't
that
the truth.”

She got up, and Dashiell and I followed her out. On Sixth Avenue she handed me a card with my appointment on it and a pass to the gym at the Archives building, on Christopher Street.

“I trained Lisa, you know,” Janet said, nodding.

“Lisa? Even though Avi—”

“Look, Rachel, if you haven't found out yet, you will. The man's got a Napoleon complex. Everything has to be done his way, no exceptions whatsoever. You have to draw the line
some
where, at least if you're going to keep your sanity you do.”

“So he knew that Lisa—”

“Nah. It was our little secret.” She winked. “Lisa said it helped her with sword class. Those mothers are
heavy
. You need strength here,” she said, slapping her left shoulder with her right hand. “You'll see.” Then she feinted a punch toward
my
shoulder and took off.

That evening I took Dashiell for a long walk along the waterfront. Playing with a flirty husky bitch, he seemed to forget the rest of the world existed. Later, after reparking the car, I read unfathomable Zen stories to him as he lay snoring at my side.

15

This Is Going to Hurt

I could hear the rain tapping lightly on the roof when I woke up. I told Dashiell to find the cordless phone and, when he had, dialed Lili.

“I was just thinking about you,” she said, the way she almost always does.

“Me, too,” I said. “That's what I was calling to say.”

“Ted's working late tomorrow, some buyers in from out of town, I think. Why don't you come out? We can go to that nice Japanese place in Nyack.”

“Can't,” I told her, in a rush now that I'd gotten what I needed from the phone call. “I have to work.”

“Bummer,” she said.

“Maybe next week.” I hung up without waiting for an answer.

Wednesday. Excellent. I had the car. Now I needed a driver. I dialed again.

“Paul?”

“Rachel? Is that you?”

“I'm sorry about the other day, running off like that. It's just that I remembered something I'd forgotten. An appointment I'd scheduled.”

“I thought it must have been something important, for you to run off like that.”

“I was wondering if I could make it up to you, buy you dinner?”