The Dog Who Knew Too Much (10 page)

“So what did he say?”

“He thought it was a great idea. He found this gym right near work. He's already lost that big gut. He looks good for fifty.”

Fifty. Maybe that explained it.

“With Teddy working so hard and making all these changes, how can I—”

“You need to talk. You guys are best friends,” I said, as if I still believed it. “That's how you stay close, by communicating. That's what you told me, when Jack and I—”

“You're right. It's all my fault. I haven't been talking to him.” My sister turned and headed back toward the house. I whistled to Dash and followed along behind her.

“I didn't say it was your
fault
, Lili. I was just repeating what you always told me, that good relationships are based on good communication,” I said to her back.

Once inside, Lili picked up her lukewarm tea and began to drink it. Then she began talking about something she'd seen on television. I waited for her to use the downstairs bathroom so that I'd have an excuse to use the one off her bedroom. I quickly checked the hamper, finding it empty. That's when I got really depressed. I expected to find out that designer briefs had replaced my brother-in-law's baggy boxers. Instead I discovered that my sister had nothing better to do than the laundry.

13

Frank Would Be So Proud

I woke up early enough to make a much-needed raid on Lisa's apartment. Her workout clothes were getting a bit ripe, and unlike my sister Lillian, I had more pressing things to do than the wash.

I took Dashiell to the strip of land along the river, now gussied up with benches and called a park, and let him run for a while. Then we headed for Lisa's. When I unlocked the door, Dash made a beeline for the water bowl. I dumped Lisa's mail on the small table near the door and headed upstairs. I had brought along my leather backpack to use as a shopping bag.

I began my shopping in Lisa's bureau, taking a few more black tops and some leggings. Next I decided I needed a change of jewelry. I dropped the musical earrings back into the top drawer of the jewelry box and fished around to see what else I liked. I decided on little silver hearts, simple, with a dot in the center of each.

In the second drawer, in keeping with the theme, there was another heart piece, tucked into a robin's-egg-blue Tiffany bag, as the jasper necklace had been, a heavy silver link bracelet with a heart dangling from it. It was engraved, but not with Lisa's name or initials. It said, Be My Love. Pretty corny, but I wouldn't have thrown it away had someone I loved given it to me. I held it in my hand for a while, warming the silver and feeling its weight. In the end, I put it back in the little blue bag and left it.

I changed to one of Lisa's black sweaters and a clean pair of faded jeans. It was sort of like playing dress-up, only it was morbid. Still, I was just following Avi's advice, wasn't I? I was walking in Lisa's shoes. And her earrings, necklace, and clothes. I was reading her books and letters. I had just barely escaped from having to sleep with her dog. And in a short while I'd be back at Bank Street T'ai Chi, where it was possible I'd be meeting the person who had last seen her alive.

I put the rest of the clothes into the backpack and headed for the stairs. I planned to put most everything back, of course. I'm often a liar, but only rarely a thief. On the way out I snagged the book of Zen quotes I hadn't finished reading, tucking it under one arm. It was time to go, but first I had a guilt pang at the front door. The pile of mail was growing. One of these days, I knew, I'd have to look through it. But not this day. If I didn't hurry, I'd be late for the staff meeting.

I could see light coming into the hall as together Dash and I climbed to the fifth floor. The door had been propped open. I could hear their voices as I approached.

“—a matter of time,” I heard Avi say impatiently.

“But you're not denying—”

“I am not denying. But length of time does not determine—”

“I have been here for seven and a half years. I have done—”

“Janet, there is something important you have
not
done. Now, could we discuss this, you and I, at a later time? I have something important to talk to all of you about today.”

I was a few steps from the landing when I put my hand into Dash's collar to stop him. Someone had left an expensive camera, a Nikon, on the shelf where the shoes were stored, an odd thing to do in New York City. I wondered which of them was so trusting.

“But it's the same old story, Avram. Exactly the same. And I need—”

“
You
need. There is barely room for oxygen in this place with all this overblown ego. I, I, me, me!” There was a silence and then Avi spoke again, slowly and calmly. “The study we have all embarked upon is a lifelong investment in loss, letting go of ego, letting go of tension, letting go of fear—”

“Avi, you—”

“I have only taken on an apprentice. You act as if—”

“That's what you said last time.”

“But
who
?” It was a man's voice this time. A young-sounding man.

They were all young. Howard Lish, a massage therapist who worked out of his home on Bank Street, only a block and a half east of the school, I had learned by surfing around in Avi's computer files, was, at thirty-eight, the oldest on staff. Stewart Fleck, a social worker who apparently had no compunction about signing out to the field and then coming here to study or teach, was thirty-four, just two years older than Lisa. Hey, it'll be nice to meet a couple of young men for a change, I thought, even if at this point in time they were both murder suspects.

Like
I
'm perfect.

“You mean you've ignored my request again, Avram?”

That was Janet again, Janet Castle, thirty-three, a bodybuilder who earned her living as a personal trainer and, like the others, did t'ai chi on the side.

“Enough. I want you all to accept her. To help her learn.”

They all lived in the neighborhood, all close to the school.

“Where did she come from? Where were you hu-hu-hiding her? Lisa's only been d-dead two—” A man's voice.

“
Enough
. This pushing, this ambition, this jealousy, where does it get you? Not where you say you want to go. You come here so full of yourselves, all of you, how can I teach you anything? Look at the sorry lot of you.”

I could picture their heads hanging, like three reprimanded golden retrievers. If they had tails, just the tips would be hopefully beating against their chairs as they waited for some sign of forgiveness.

“I was hoping,” Avi continued in a softer voice, “that when she comes, you would welcome her, teach her, embrace her.”

“
Embrace
her?” Janet said.

I let go of Dash's collar, and together we sauntered into the staff meeting.

“Ah, it's Rachel and Dash. Come in, come in,” Avi said, beaming at me as the other three all turned in unison and stared daggers in my direction. “I'd like you to meet the others.”

“Hey,” I said, offering one of my most dazzling smiles. “Great to be here.”

There was an empty chair next to Avi, so I took it, dropping the full backpack and the Zen book next to it, then slipping Lisa's jacket off and letting it drape, inside out, over the back of the chair. I crossed my legs, adjusted the sleeves of Lisa's soft black cashmere and cotton sweater, and began to play with her jasper necklace.

Avi extended a big red hand. “Rachel Alexander, Howard Lish—”

“Hey,” I said.

“Stewart Fleck—”

“Hey, Stew.”

“And Janet Castle.”

“Hey, Janet.”

I might have gotten a more animated response from Mount Rushmore.

The phone rang, and Avi excused himself. It was the first time I'd seen him interrupt anything he was doing to take a call, and I could only think he wanted the others to have a chance at me. You could just see they were dying of curiosity. He'd probably sit in his office listening as they circled and closed in for the kill.

“Now I see what my problem is,” Stewie said, staring after Dashiell as he followed Avi into the office. “I don't have a dog.”

Janet smirked and ran her fingers nervously through her short hair.

“So, Rachel,” Howie said, his big face flushed, his hands trembling, “wh-what did you do before coming here?”

That's New York for you. Skip the foreplay and get right down to it. I stared for a moment, making him even more nervous than he managed to be on his own. He was wearing a plaid shirt and jeans that both looked as if they had come from Goodwill, and I'd bet a day's pay he had at least one hole in his socks.

“I was a brain surgeon,” I finally said.

I heard a chair scraping in the office. Avi had probably just fallen off it.

“Oh, great,” Janet said in her Texas twang, “another one. Oddly enough, we were all brain surgeons before finding t'ai chi.” She began to laugh. “Looks like the old man got a live one this time,” she said, “got to give him credit.” Her hair was boyishly short and blond, nearly white, with a small splash of green at the crown, a case of better living through chemistry.

“We all have d-day jobs, so to speak,” Howie said, his forehead wrinkled as he waited for me to volunteer something. Good fucking luck on that one. I was only sorry I wasn't chewing gum. It was definitely the missing touch.

Fuss, fuss. Lisa had been heavily subsidized by daddy, five or ten thousand dollars at a time, for birthdays, Hannukah, Simchas Torah, whatever, in order to have the privilege of being Avi's apprentice. So what was this all about? Being teacher's pet?

“You live in the neighborhood?” Stewie asked.

Where were his manners? Next he'd be asking me what my rent was.

“I'm staying at my cousin's place,” I told him, “for now.”

“Your cousin?” Janet asked.

“My cousin Lisa.”

Stir things up, Frank used to say; it makes the shit float to the surface.

“You're Lisa's cou-cousin?”

“Didn't Avram tell you?” I asked.

“I'm a massage therapist,” Howie said, his bulldog jowls trembling as he spoke. “It's good to know, in case you ever get a crick in your neck or anything. So wha-what were you up to, before?”

Maybe he
was
a bulldog. He sure didn't know when to let go.

I looked into my lap and smiled. “Look,” I said after a while, “Avi says now is all there is. Now I'm here.”

No one spoke. Not one of them appeared to have taken a breath since Eve reached for the apple, sending the human race on its downhill slide.

Frank would be so proud.

“How long have you known Avi?” Stewie finally asked, as interested as if he were a cocker spaniel and I were holding a liver snap.

“It's hard to say.”

“Just what we need around here,” Janet drawled, “another bitch.”

Stewie shot her a look.

Avi returned and with a motion of his arm called us for rounds. Howie, Stewart, and Janet went out into the hall to change shoes. I picked up Lisa's shoes from right behind my chair and slipped them on. We were off to an auspicious beginning, I thought as I took a place in the back so that I could watch them from behind as well as in the mirror.

Howard Lish, a sad-looking fat man, was off to the left. He was about five-eight, flabby, and had apparently found the very potbelly my brother-in-law had just lost.

Stewart Fleck was as small and chary as a rodent out on a raid in some street cat's territory. He was barely my height, on the gaunt side, and pale, as if he stayed indoors too much. I could see his dark, beady little eyes watching me in the mirror. Fuck
him
, I thought and watched him right back.

The only other person I knew with muscles like Janet Castle was my pit bull. She was wearing a shocking pink cutoff singlet that showed off her rocklike abs. You could see her perfect quads under the floral latex tights, and her glutes looked as if they were made of concrete. Holy steroids, Batman, what a construction site
she
was.

I looked around at the sorry group. Not one of them was quite what I'd expect to find if I opened the latest edition of Who's Who in Zen in America. Where did Avi find all these nerds?

But who was I to talk? I still cared far too much about what my family thought about me, even though most of them were dead. The strongest substance I'd abused lately was sherry out of a jelly jar with a seventy-five-year-old rabbi. And it had been a dog's age since I'd shared my bed with someone who wasn't wearing a flea collar.

14

Janet Gave Me a Wink

After rounds Stewie and Howie left immediately, and Avi went into the office and closed the door. Janet gave me a wink, as if we were old buddies and we'd just pulled off another good one. While I was changing my shoes, she came up to me.

“Listen,” she said, “I'm sorry I came down so hard on you. It's not your fault, what happened. It's just the way things are.” She shrugged. “I mean, Avram's great, I love him to pieces, but he does things his way. Shit, it's his school, am I right?”

I nodded.

“So why don't we go have lunch, my treat, to, you know, make it up to you for me being such a bitch?”

“Why not?”

“Great,” she said, slapping me on the back and nearly knocking me through the wall.

I put Lisa's shoes back where they belonged and, with Dash trailing along after me, met up with Janet in the hall changing to her thick-soled, multicolored cross-trainers. Was she figuring we'd run to the restaurant?

“You like Chinese?” she asked. She'd covered her short hair with a baseball cap, worn backward.

“Who doesn't?” Actually, I'd had a yen for it for days now.

“Great. We'll go over to Charlie Mom's. Did you ever try their vegetable dumplings? They're
fab
ulous.”