The Dominator (32 page)

The lack of an outlet to take out my frustration made my rage level spike further, “I’ve been dragged into this with not a care for the fact that I had a life. People don’t own people. That’s so fucked.” I started to weep. I started to weep almost uncontrollably. I leaned back against a tree and slid down to the dirty ground. There were mosquitoes swarming my face. I whacked at them haphazardly. Tommy crouched in front of me.

“My life was stolen.” I pointed accusingly at him, “Stolen and given to you. You took it but you’re pissed at the man who let you take it? And now you just want me to agree to marry you. Like it’s the most normal thing in the world. All while following your rules, two rules that will keep me on your good side. I think. But I don’t even know because you’re so unpredictable. Now you tell me my father is going to be forbidden from attending our wedding, a wedding I have no choice but to be in, because he had the audacity to be afraid of your family and do what your father demanded? How are you better than him?” I stopped talking and dashed the tears off my cheeks with the backs of my hands.

He put his palms on my knees and leaned close to my face, “I’m not better than anyone. I’m worse than most. Life with me isn’t gonna be a cake walk. Not even close. But here’s the thing.  I’m crazy about you. I want that feeling I get, that beautiful feeling when I crawl in bed beside you every night and the feeling I get when I wake up beside you in the morning when you’re wrapped around me like you can’t get close enough to me. I think about you constantly. The happiest I’ve been ever since I can remember has been when I’m inside you, followed closely by waking up with you wrapped around me. I wake up in fucking bliss every morning, Tia. Bliss. This is all new for me. My sleepless nights? Gone since you. I want this.” He touched my face. I flinched. He continued, “Don’t pull away. I know my Pop had no right to give you to me but he did and I know it makes me a bad guy that I agreed to it. But I’m
not
giving you back. And I’m not sorry that I took you. You’re the best thing in my life, baby. How can I feel bad about that? Try to forget how we got started and just…” He stopped talking for a moment and took a deep breath, “Let me take care of you. I’ll protect you with my own life. You know that’s the truth.”

I shook my head, determined not to let his sweet little speech penetrate my suit of armor, “What choice do I have, right? I have no choice.”

He stood up and reached for my hand, “How about you choose to forget how we started and just give this a chance.”

I shook my head, “Just bury my emotions and forget everything you’ve done? It doesn’t matter as long as I obey you, right? It doesn’t matter how I feel about it as long as I do it, right?”

I got up without taking his hand and started to walk past him but he stopped me by shackling my wrist with his hand and then he pushed me back against a tree and pinned me with his hips, “I care about how you feel, baby. We have something,” he said, “Don’t let your anger at him take away from what you’re feeling for me. Don’t feel bad for wanting to be with me because you think you’re supposed to feel bad.”

“When did I say I wanted to be with you?”

His eyes narrowed.

“When did I ever say that?”

“You’re a damn fine actress if that’s just an act. If you expect me to believe that you haven’t warmed up to me since Mexico...”

“Well you already knew that though, didn’t you? You told me how damn fine I was at acting that night we had that date! It’s your game, man; I’m just a player.” I snapped this using mock quotes in the air at the word ‘date’.

He backed up and folded his arms, “You’re trying to provoke me. You’re trying to provoke me so that I’ll do something to give you a reason to hate me. It won’t work.” He stared deadpan at me.

I huffed and narrowed my eyes, “I already hate you. Can we go? Master? I’m getting eaten alive.”

He smiled at me with a devilish dangerous smile, flaring nostrils, but holding out his hand. I didn’t take it. I walked ahead of him.

“You’re acting like a child,” he mused.

“Well why don’t you find someone to marry who’s your own age?” I snapped.

He laughed again but the laugh wasn’t jovial or hearty. He sounded dangerously close to the edge.

I was an idiot for provoking him. Soon we’d be alone and what’d he do then?  What sort of punishment would he dole out? And his declaration? Those words were trying to melt me but I was refusing to acknowledge it.

Before long we were back at his bike and he was putting the helmet on my head and fastening the strap. He was staring right into my eyes and the look on his face was intimidating the heck out of me but I was trying to not crumble. My chin started to tremble, involuntarily, and I was getting mad at myself because I knew I was going to cry in front of him. Again. I cried when I was angry. I cried when I was sad, happy, frustrated. I cried too fucking much and it never did me any good.

He went from looking like he wanted to inflict pain on me to letting out a sigh and pulling me into an embrace. I tried to pull back, to struggle, but he was too strong so I eventually went limp. I didn’t hold him back but I did start to feel a lump in my throat and then a little bit like I was going to melt into him. He let go before I fell apart and got on the bike. I got on behind him and fastened my hands around his waist loosely. He revved it up and then we were off so fast that I had no choice but to hold on tighter. I figured he did that on purpose.

The drive was good for my rage, I think. I settled down a bit. My mind was still plagued with thoughts of my Dad’s betrayal and I felt it in my gut but didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to let it fully register that my father sold me out.

Riding on the back of a motorcycle with someone felt so subservient. Tommy was in control, just like he’d be if we were in the jeep or a car or whatever but we were out in the open and I had to give in, give him control, hold onto him, lean against his body, despite not wanting to. It felt weird but I analyzed it all the way back. This way of driving was
so
him.

We pulled back onto the farm and he drove right up to the barn, stopped, and stepped on the kickstand. I got off the bike and he took my hand after unlocking then opening the doors. Instead of back to the jeep, he led me into one of the stalls where a narrow staircase led up to the second floor of the barn.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“We’re spending the night,” he answered.

Up there the hayloft had been transformed into an apartment. It wasn’t fancy but it was spacious and furnished. There was a double bed, a couch, a kitchenette, small round white Formica table with two chairs, and I spotted a bathroom. I wandered in to wash my face and scrub some soap on my mosquito bites to see if it’d help take the itch out.

When I came out of the bathroom, Tommy was climbing back up from below with a large cooler and slung over his shoulder was a picnic basket, “Nita packed us a picnic for tonight. Are you hungry yet?”

I shook my head. I wanted to ask him about this place and why we were up here instead of in the farmhouse but I was still broody. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to be trapped here with him. I couldn’t even begin to process my feelings about what he’d said about my Dad back there, not to mention what he’d said about how he felt about me. I knew that I’d lashed out because of that but I also knew that almost everything I’d said was true.  He had done all those things to me. He was responsible for all of it because he’d agreed to accept me as payment and because he’d laid a claim on me from the start, playing with me like I was a toy.

But I wasn’t being honest about the acting. I
had
started warming up to him. But I was also confused about those feelings, too. Did I have Stockholm syndrome? Was I just a stupid little girl falling for my crush despite who he really was because of Mexico?

I wasn’t sure how to walk the fine walk on eggshells with him. I wasn’t sure how to proceed at living in a world where you could be shot at any moment, in your own home, in your own bed, while you were having sex with someone.

And I’d thought about the fact that if I hadn’t leaned over at that exact moment to kiss him a bullet might’ve hit me. So did that mean embracing this relationship was the right thing? That it was what would save me from losing my life and maybe my mind?

Maybe I’d let him closer to me in the last few days because he’d rescued me from a fate worse than him and because of how I’d crushed on him when I first saw him. And because of the things he did to my body. I was so frustrated right now. I just wanted time alone to think, to process. But that wasn’t an option here in a hayloft in the middle of nowhere with him. He wasn’t easy to ignore.

“Why are we here, really?” I asked finally, sitting on the plush rust-colored three-seater sofa that had definitely seen better days.

He lay on the bed and crooked his finger at me, beckoning. I shook my head.

He let out a sigh, “I wanted us to get away from things for a day, have time alone. No one knows about this place. It’s mine, my safe house. We’ve all got them. No one knows about them so we’ve all got a single location no one can find out about. I’ve never brought anyone here but I wanted to show it to you.” He got up and walked the length of the hayloft to the back doors and opened them wide. It was just a set of doors that I guess was for farm equipment to pull up to and lift hay bales inside so  it opened up to a straight drop. Straight ahead, though, was a huge field of wildflowers and a large pond, “When it gets dark the sky is beautiful here. Amazing sunsets. Clear and starry. I thought you’d like it.”

“You brought me here to seduce me,” I muttered.

He chuckled, “I wanted to share this with you. I knew I’d get lucky, sure, we both know you can’t resist me, but I wanted to see what you thought of the place, too. After the craziness of the last few days I thought we’d spend the night, get to know one another better. Get our relationship moving in the right direction. Let my people work on the house, on erasing what happened this morning.” 

As if it could be erased. I sighed. How could I keep my armor up with scenery like this and words like that? Not to mention those bedroom eyes. He lay back on the bed and he crooked his index finger at me again.

I shook my head again and looked out the opened barn doors out at the pond.

“Your temper tantrum is over, Tia. Do I have to come get you?” he asked and I looked over at him and the look on his face made my blood run cold.  He was used to getting his own way. When things didn’t go the way he wanted them to go, he took matters into his own hands. He looked angry with me. Then his expression lightened and he tilted his head at me and smiled again.

I guess I
was
being a bitch. He’d brought me here to a place that was special to him in order to get us away from the chaos and I was, in essence, poo pooing all over it. He was trying. And he’d only been honest with me about my Dad and I’d started taking it out on him. I got to my feet and walked over and put a knee to the bed and climbed up and sat beside him, “It’s nice here. Sorry I’m being bitchy.”

He smiled at me and my heart lightened because I could see that the day might be salvageable by the look in his eyes, “Come here,” he mouthed and opened his arms wide.  I climbed over and he pulled me down beside him and held me close, cradling my head against his chest with his hand, “You were right about what you said. Let me make it all up to you. I’ll work on making it up to you for as long as it takes.”

My heart swelled, “I lied,” I said softly, “I
am
warming up to you. I was just…” I didn’t know how to finish that sentence.

“I know. Kiss me.”

I kissed him quickly on the lips, “The things you said were really sweet. I like it when you’re sweet.” and then put my head back on his chest. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the sound of his heartbeat.

“That’s all I get?” he asked.

“Mmm,” I nuzzled in.

“Looks like I’ll have to
take
more, if I want it, huh?”

I shrugged, “Guess you’re not feeling sweet right now, huh? Well, if you think you can…” I looked up at his face and caught my bottom lip with my teeth.

His eyes lit up and he raised his brows, “Do you think I can’t?” His grip around me tightened.

I shrugged, “Dunno. You’d have to be pretty bold...” Goosebumps rose on my skin but I managed to hold my gaze steady.

He growled and flipped me over so that I was on my back and he was on top of me, pinning my arms over my head. He kissed me roughly, “You wanna see how bold I am?” He looked like he could barely restrain himself.

“Yeah,” I said, looking him right in the eyes. I don’t know what made me decide to start this dangerous game with him but I could feel my heart rate picking up tempo.

“You like provoking me? You like to play games, little girl?”

I shrugged innocently and blinked at him a few times, “I dunno what you mean…”

“You want me to take you,” he said and I felt moisture trickle down below.

“I was gonna get you up here, serenade you with a picnic and be Mr. Romance. You might like sweet but you don’t want sweet today. Or do you?”

I sucked in my bottom lip and shrugged, then said, “No.”

He gave me a knowing smile and then said, “You’re perfect, Athena, you know that? You were made for me. Hide and seek. I’ll give you to the count of 20. You’d better hide good because when I find you, I’m gonna fuck you so hard you won’t have any doubt in your mind about how bold I am.”