The Domville 2 (The Domville #2) (2 page)

‘What am I doing wrong? Why are you so unhappy with our
sex life?’

‘Well, maybe I could answer that if
I’d
slept with
someone else to compare,’ I sniped, trying to shake off his grasp.

‘Don’t make me feel worse than I already do, pumpkin. You
know how much I love you, I hate that I’m letting you down. I’m doing
everything I know, I’ve even taken tips off Rampant Roger to try and make it
better for you.’

‘You have?’ I couldn’t help a small giggle escaping my
lips. His best friend Roger was well known as a serial shagger. He didn’t have
Brady’s good looks, but what he lacked for in that department, he more than
made up for with the gift of the gab and a gym toned body. He could smooth talk
his way into practically any woman’s bed. He’d even slept with my sister, Mandy,
who’d scored him a 10 out of 10 and she wasn’t exactly inexperienced herself.
‘So that’s why you suddenly mastered the art of finger fucking and oral?’

‘Yes,’ he chuckled. I smiled, there had been a noticeable
improvement over the last couple of years, but obviously Roger’s tips when it
came to the act itself were lost in translation. Our lovemaking was tender,
gentle and romantic. Which was all well and good I guess, but it was a far cry
from the screaming, sweaty, sheet clawing fucking Mandy had told me about. Not
to mention the multiple orgasms she’d detailed. God, I’d just be happy to have
one a month during penetration, let alone multiple ones. ‘I just need more tips
for when I’m inside you, from him and you. You need to tell me what’s missing,
how I can get you there?’

‘I don’t know, Brady,’ I moaned, frustration quickly
replacing the small moment of merriment. ‘How can I tell you when no one else
has ever tried, when I don’t even know what’s missing?’

‘Come on, I think we both need a stiff drink and you need
to be honest with me, no matter how much you think it might hurt me. Just like
my honesty has hurt you. It wasn’t intentional, that wasn’t my aim. I really
thought that you’d … God, I’m so sorry.’

‘I know,’ I choked, losing the battle to contain my
tears. Fat pools of stinging water spilled over my lashes and rolled down my
cheeks. He slowly turned me around, wincing as he saw my lower lip wobbling. I
stood looking at him awkwardly. I felt like I was in a rough ocean, like I was
drowning. Brady was the one who always made me feel safe and loved. Part of me
wanted him to hold me tightly, to reassure me that in spite of this we were
meant to be, that we could be happy as husband and wife. Part of me felt like
he was the one holding my head under water, that I needed to break free and
swim as far from him as possible.

‘Let’s go and get that drink,’ he said softly, reaching
up and wiping under my eyes with his thumbs.

‘Ok.’ I nodded. He took my hand as he led me downstairs,
into the kitchen diner and helped me up onto one of the island bar stools. I
cast sly glances at him as he busied himself, grabbing a bottle of brandy to
tip a large measure into two mugs of hot chocolate for us, his face screwed up
in concentration and worry.
He was
still Brady. Still the man I’d loved for eleven years. The man I knew would
never intentionally hurt me. I could only imagine how he was feeling, knowing
he’d done what I hadn’t been able to bring myself to do.
God if he
accidently elbowed me in the night he was upset enough, you’d think he’d
slashed the throat of a puppy. His love for me wasn’t in question, even after
what he’d done. In a way mine for him wasn’t either. Eleven years with your
best friend meant that regardless of any hurt or upset, those feelings didn’t
just go away in the blink of an eye. No, my love for him wasn’t in doubt, but
was I
in love
with him? Were my feelings the sort you’d have for a close
friend or relative, rather than the love of your life? Suddenly I had no idea.
It was seriously shitty timing to be questioning that fact.

‘You’re very quiet,’ he observed as he pushed my mug over
to me and sat opposite me cradling his. I bit my lip and nodded as we stared at
each other. ‘Are you thinking of calling the wedding off?’

‘Brady, God I … my feelings for you haven’t changed. Yes
I’m upset, but you didn’t do anything that we didn’t agree to. I just wish
you’d never told me, I’d have been better off not knowing, nothing would have
changed.’

‘Exactly, pumpkin,’ he nodded, shuddering as he swallowed
a mouthful of his drink. I could smell the alcohol wafting up from mine and
decided I needed some too. ‘Nothing would have changed. We’d have got married,
you’d be pretending you were happy with our sex life. I’d always be wondering
if you’d slept with someone else, the jealously eating me up inside. Who knows
how that would have affected us. I can’t bear to see another man look at you,
let alone the thought of …’ he shook his head as I eyed him over the rim of my
mug, relishing the heat and burn as I swallowed. I set it down and licked my
lips, trying to think how to respond.

‘Our sex life isn’t awful, Brady. We’re active, I enjoy
kissing and touching you, doing things to you and you to me, it’s just … please
don’t take this the wrong way, it’s not
passionate
. There’s no
need
for each other. We’ve never ripped each other’s clothes off, or gone at it on
the kitchen counter, or the lounge floor. We’ve never role played or worn
outfits to get each other excited. I just feel like it’s routine. A very nice
routine, but not … mind blowing.’

‘And you’ve never come during penetration?’ he enquired,
trying to mask his hurt expression. I took a deep breath. There was no point
lying now.

‘No. Don’t you just wonder if we should want more? We
should expect …
more?
’

‘I didn’t until last week. Then when I tried, it was cold
and meaningless and I even faked coming. I thought she came, but maybe she was
faking it too. All I know is that she wasn’t you, pumpkin. Other than hating
the fact that I’m obviously letting you down, I have no complaints from my end.
You look sexy to me in that old t-shirt you wear to bed, or when you’re doing
the housework in your scruffs. I don’t need you to change, because I’m happy.
I’m the one who needs to change to make you happy.’

‘But if you need to change, then surely that’s not fair
either? We shouldn’t need to change to make each other happy, Brady, or one of
us will get resentful trying to be something we’re not.’

‘But you’re suggesting that we need to try spicing things
up, that’s changing. We’ve been together eleven years and we’ve never done
anything like that. Maybe it’s just not in our nature to be like that,’ he
pointed out. I drank some more hot chocolate. He had a point. Surely if there
was a sexual tigress inside me wanting to burst out, it would have happened by
now. Eleven years was a long time to mask an inherent side of your nature. ‘Do
you feel differently about me now you know? Don’t you love me anymore?’ he
asked quietly.

‘Brady!’ I scolded. ‘Of course I love you, we’ve been
together too long for me to change my feelings over … something we both agreed
to do. I’m just worried, now that you’re sure, you’ve experienced sex with
someone else and you’re still committed to getting married and spending the
rest of your life with me. What if I get resentful? What if one day I suddenly
hate that you got to try that and I didn’t? What if I never come when you’re
inside me, no matter what tips you get or videos you watch? I don’t want to end
up blaming you for something I feel I’m missing in my life.’

‘So what are you saying? You want to have sex with
someone else too, before you make your mind up about the wedding? It’s in less
than forty eight hours, Lisa.’

‘You think I don’t know that? God, Brady, less than an
hour ago everything was clear. We loved each other, neither of us had slept
with anyone else, we were going to make it work and then you have to go and
tell me!’ I bit, feeling an unexpected wave of anger building inside me.

‘You asked! You’d have preferred I lied?’

‘I’d have preferred you not to have slept with her, but I
can’t even complain about that, because I told you it was ok. Well I just
realised that it’s not ok. I hate it.’ I downed the remains of my drink,
choking as the fumes of the brandy caught in the back of my throat.

‘Lisa,’ he groaned, putting his drink down and shaking
his head. ‘Tell me what to do? I don’t know how to make this better.’

‘Neither do I,’ I moaned, wiping another set of tears
from under my eyes. If we were an ordinary couple I’d probably be packing my
cases right now and telling him to go to hell. But we weren’t. He was my best
friend, I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it, no matter how much I’d
love to come during sex, or have him desire me the way I’d dreamed of. I guess
we’d always been quite shy when it came to sex, learning as we went. It’s just
the more my knowledge of how other relationships were, the more I wanted him to
crave me. To take charge in a masculine and aggressive way. To
own
me. I
mean, this was the closest we’d ever come to fighting and even this wasn’t full
of passion. But was that more important than everything else we had?

‘Would it help if you … if you had sex with someone else
too?’ he whispered, his voice trembling as he made the offer. ‘It might make
you feel better and resolve any unanswered questions.’

‘But that would hurt you,’ I sniffed, wiping my eyes
again as I looked up at him amazed.

‘No more than I’ve hurt you. At least you’d know, we’d
both know.’

‘So what? I’m supposed to just go out there and find a
guy to sleep with before 3 p.m. on Saturday, then make up my mind whether I
want to walk up the aisle?’

‘Well it’s not like we have many other options is it? If
you don’t and you marry me, you’ll always wonder “what if?” If you do and it’s
not great, I’ll still be waiting to spend the rest of my life with you.’

‘But what if ….’ I closed my eyes, unable to say it, let
alone think it.

‘What if it was amazing?’ he offered. ‘Then you’d have a
decision to make and if that didn’t include becoming my wife then I’d have to
accept that. I had the chance to answer any unresolved fears, why shouldn’t
you?’

‘See this,’ I suggested, gesturing between us. ‘
This
isn’t normal! Normal couples don’t sit at the kitchen island giving each other
permission to go and fuck someone else a day or so before their wedding day.’

‘Maybe not, but I bet “normal couples” don’t have the
kind of emotional bond and friendship that we do. I want you to be happy, Lisa.
That’s all I’ve ever wanted and if that means a life without me in it, then so
be it. It’s going to hurt like hell, but not as much as knowing I’ve forced you
into something that’s always going to be lacking for you.’

‘I’m not just going to trawl London tomorrow night trying
to find a guy to have sex with, to decide if I’m getting married the next day,
Brady,’ I shot back. As I stood up, the metal tips of the stool scraped on the
slate floor, putting my teeth on edge.

‘So how about I book someone for you? Didn’t you say
Mandy’s friend had hired a male escort for the night once and he’d blown her
mind? If you’re going to have sex with someone else, I’d rather it was with
someone who knew what he was doing and wasn’t going to hurt you.’

‘O my God! A prostitute? You want me to fuck a male
prostitute now? I can’t believe this,’ I uttered.

‘Of course I don’t,’ he moaned, his forehead furrowing.
‘But if you’re going to have sex, I’d rather it was in a controlled manner, so
I know that you’re safe.’

‘Well book me a man whore then and come and sit and watch,’
I uttered, throwing my hands in the air before applying them firmly to my hips
in disapproval. ‘In fact you can video it too, just in case it gives you any
pointers. Hey, bring Rampant Roger while you’re at it, let him take a turn on
me. After all, maybe there’s something wrong with me, maybe I’m just not wired
to come with a cock inside me and from the sounds of it Roger’s pretty
experienced. If a prostitute and Roger can’t get me off, then we’re all set,
wedding’s back on!’ I glared at him as my heart raced. This was the closest
we’d ever come to falling out and it made me feel light headed.

‘Don’t be pedantic. I’m trying to help.’

‘Well you’re not. You can’t just spring something on me,
something I said I never wanted to know about if it happened, then expect me to
deal with it while a clock’s counting. Or whore me out to make yourself feel
better. If I was going to do it, it would have to be because it was for me, to
reassure myself, not to even the score so it lessened any guilt you might be
feeling. I feel tired, stressed and emotional. I think I need to go to bed
before I say anything I might regret. I need some time to process this, Brady,
without you trying to throw solutions at me.’

‘Come on then, let’s go back to bed. Maybe after a good
night’s sleep we’ll wake up with fresh perspective and can decide what to do
then.’ He reached over and took my empty mug. I knew he’d want to wash them
both up before we headed up. He couldn’t stand leaving dirty things until the
morning.

I left him to it, brushed my teeth again and curled up in
bed, willing myself to fall asleep before he came up the stairs. I was so
confused, I had no idea what I was going to do. If it wasn’t so late I’d be
ringing my sister, but that was unfair. We were spending the day together
tomorrow, we could talk then. I doubted it would make any difference
financially if I backed out of the wedding a day before, or a minute before. I
needed to sleep now and I could worry about how I felt tomorrow. Mandy was
always full of great advice. She was the wild one of the two of us. She’d
experienced so much more. She’d know what to say to make me feel better, to
help me decide what to do. I quickly closed my eyes as I heard Brady coming up.
I was still angry and I had no right to be, it wasn’t his fault. It was mine,
for agreeing to the stupid bloody pact in the first place. I felt the bed sink
as he got in beside me and moved into his usual position, spooning behind me
with an arm over my waist. I felt tears prickling at my eyes. If we didn’t get
married, this would be our last night together in our bed. Our last night
together forever. As angry as I was over this whole fucked up situation, that
terrified me. He was my life. We’d been each other’s lives for so long now. I
spun around and buried my face in his chest as I started to sob. Gut wrenching
tears of hurt and frustration that made my body shake. I was thankful that
after eleven years he knew me well enough to just hold me, stroke and kiss my
hair and say no more.