The Downlow Alpha (The Identity Crises Book 1) (17 page)

            
 
I heard the car pulling into the driveway, my heart hammering in fear he would leave as soon as he saw it was me. I dreaded what was coming. Dreaded baring myself in this way, exposing my weakness as a man. Exposing my fear of giving another power to hurt me again.

              I heard the door open, and steeled myself. He walked into the living room, and energy started draining as I watched his eyes register recognition it was me and not Jeremy.

              "Kevin, please wait. Just here me out, please. At least let me explain. I beg of you, if I meant anything to you, please just hear me out."

              I hated how pathetic I sounded, pleading with him to listen. A small surge of will coursed through me as I watched him slowly nod, and walk over and sit on the couch. I sat next to him as I tried to figure out where to start. I didn’t know, but knew my time was limited, so just started blurting things out. I would just let my feelings tell him.

              "First, let me say I am so in love with you, and have no acceptable explanation for what happened, for what I did. But at least maybe if I explain about myself, you can move on more at peace."

              As soon as I said the part about him moving on, my eyes filled with tears, my lip trembling as I fought to retain control and not become a blubbering mess. His eyes softened at my pain, and I was grateful for his kindness.

              "Years ago," I started, "I was a lot like you. Young and innocent and filled with a pureness. I dreamed of love, a perfect union with that special man. Then I met Brian. Like I am now, Brian knew all the right things to say, the right things to do."

              "I quickly fell deeply in love with him. He was everything I had dreamed of in a man. Or at least I thought he was. But unbeknownst to me, I was just another conquest for him. An innocent piece of ass to add to his collection."

              "After he used me for a couple of weeks, he dropped me like a bad habit. I called him and called him, leaving messages. He wouldn’t answer, wouldn’t return my calls. I was crushed, much like you are now. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. My whole being was in pain, crying out. As the time passed, to heal myself I began walling others out from my inner core. Swore I would never allow another to get that close again. Never allow anyone into my core."

              "No one was ever going to hurt me like that again."

              "Fast forward several years. I am a player now, thrilling in the game of the hunt. Much like Brian was that set me off on this path. Jeremy and I even had bets on who could take the most men home. I always won though. And then that fateful morning happened."

              "I crossed paths with the most beautiful young man I have ever met, at the coffee shop. And I had to make your acquaintance. But as we got to talking, your energy began touching me. Your beautiful soul touching me in places I swore I would never allow another to touch again. And even more strangely, I found myself loving the way your spirit spoke to mine. Craving your company, your heart."

              "A part of me protested, telling myself I was being stupid, was dreaming an impossible dream. But the other part of me was overriding it. I kept telling Jeremy how great you are, and he plotted he wanted to bed you for himself. Reluctantly I agreed to let him meet you at the club. Big mistake."

              I paused a moment as I read his face. His eyes were open to me, interest and compassion spilling out of them, encouraging me to continue.

              "There was a guy there that I had pursued months ago, and Jeremy pointed him out to me and encouraged me to go get his number. He was trying to buy time alone with you, so he could get between us and insert himself into your life. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming him for this. I chose to go get that number."

              "As soon as I got back to the two of you, I knew everything was wrong. Every time I look into your eyes, I melt. I knew I had to get you out of there, extricate us from that place where there is no divinity between men. I know you won't believe me, I wouldn't believe me. Bu tI swore to myself on the way home I was going to throw that number away. I admitted to myself for the first time I was really deeply in love with you."

              "That’s why I let you top on me in the hot tub. No man since Brian all those years ago has topped on me. I wanted to give you something special, give you the highest gift I could. I love you like I have never loved another."

              "I know I blew everything, and I understand you won't want to be with me, ever see me again. But please don’t let my actions change you. You are the most beautiful man I have ever met, and as hard as not having you love me is, the thought I scarred you is unbearable. Please, don’t change. Don’t let my cynicism that ruled my actions change one thing in that beautiful heart of yours."

              I was done, running out of things to say, dread filling me as I knew I had nothing left to keep him here with me. I could feel my eyes tearing up again, as I tried soaking in his beautiful face before he left me.

              A tear streaked down his face as he came to me, and as I felt his arms wrap around me, my body let go and I began sobbing. I felt his hands rubbing my back as he whispered in my ear.

              "Ssshhh, it's all going to be okay. I believe you, everything you just told me. We are going to be okay. I am not going anywhere. I am so sorry you were hurt so badly all those years ago. I am going to help you heal. Help you shine the beauty that is in your heart. You don’t see it, but your heart shines with love. I saw it the first time we talked. I am going to heal that wall off of you."

              Relief and gratefulness filled me, as I pulled my head off of his shoulder to look at him through my wet, blurry eyes. He wiped my tears off of my cheek, and then leaned in, lightly kissing me.

              I swore to myself as his tongue touched my lips that I was never going to betray him again. Was never going to hurt this man I loved more than anything. I was going to expose my deepest soul to him, and trust him to nurture it. Trust him not to hurt me.

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http://www.amazon.com/Will-Steel-Reign-Alpha-King-ebook/dp/B014LF6VUW

Christopher was in his second year of his sentence for embezzling funds from his job. Prison life had been tough on him. He was effeminate, and skinny. He was considered a borderline Omega. His best friend had joked with him he was going to paradise when he was found guilty, because he was attracted to men. But the truth was, the brutality of the men he was surrounded by twenty-four hours a day had put a sickness in his soul.
But all of that changed when the bus brought in the new fish. He could see instantly there was something different about Axel. Everyone could see it. He was so quiet, yet his eyes said it all. Raw unbridled will, dangerous raw power just spilled out of them. No group could intimidate him. Not even the guards.
Christopher was instantly attracted to him. Despite the fury of raw strength, the man emanated, he could sense the man was not cruel, and had a kindness to him. A kindness he found appealing. Almost as appealing as the man’s rock hard body.
But how can I ever get close to him. I am spoken for, the property of Steel. No one crosses Steel. No one except the mysterious Axel. As everyone is soon to find out, Axel marches to his own drummer, and no one better stand in his way.
Authors note* This story is the first in the Reign of the Alpha King series. The series itself is of a paranormal nature, although it is not obvious in the first few books in the series.
WARNING: This E-book Contains Mature Themes and Language. Please Make Sure This E-book Is Stored Somewhere That It Cannot Be Accessed By Under Age Readers. Intended for 18+ Readers Only.