The Downlow Alpha (The Identity Crises Book 1) (8 page)

            
 
Sheila finally answered her phone.

              "I don’t even know what to think," she said right off.

              "Sheila, look, this is all so complicated. I really wish you would come over so we could talk and make sense of everything. I have been so confused since you and Megan left."

              She was silent for a moment, then her words filled me with hope.

              "We do need to talk. I will stop by after you get off work."

              "That’s sounds great Sheila. I will see you then. I love you."

              She hesitated again, then said it.

              "I love you too Jeremy."

              I raced home, pissed off they made me stay late again. Of all nights, why tonight. All day my mind pictured us working it out, getting Megan home where she belonged. I was missing her terribly. Sheila not so much. But it was a sacrifice I was willing to make, to get my little girl home where she belonged. Where I could hug her and listen to her try to talk. Watch her mind grow. She was my little joy.

              I saw Sheila's car in the driveway as I pulled up, and apprehension mixed with excitement filled me. I hurried in, anxious to try to work this out. The living room was empty, and I hurried to the kitchen, thinking maybe she was making us a dinner. There was no Sheila, no dinner in there waiting, and I headed down the hall to the bedrooms. I peeked in Megan's room, and it was empty.

              I went to the bedroom, and was flabbergasted to see her lying in bed naked. She smiled at me as she got up and walked to me, swaying her hips provocatively. As she undid my belt, she started whispering to me.

              "I can't quit seeing you kissing that other man. That was so fucking hot. He was fucking hot. You sure know how to pick them."

              She tugged my pants and underwear down, then pushed me down on the bed, and began untying my shoes.

              "Every time I picture you kissing him, I get wet. I want you, to feel you inside of me."

              She tossed my shoes away, then leaned over me, taking me in her mouth. I closed my eyes, my mind protesting this was all wrong. I felt her mouth as she sucked on me, and could tell as usual her disgust with sucking on me. My mind relived the sensuous mouth of Clint, the magic he worked on my cock, and began comparing her mouth now with his before. And she came up short.

              After a moment, she spread my legs and turned around, and squatted down on me, taking me inside of her. I was not fully erect, and worried for a moment I would not penetrate her. I was scared if she saw I was not interested, it would ruin everything. She started riding me, squealing like I had never heard her squeal before, as she slid up and down my semi hard cock. I closed my eyes, and pretended her pussy was Clint's mouth, and after a moment felt myself get rock hard, as she was riding me with abandon now.

              "Oh my God," she cried out, "your cock feels so good."

              I felt her start gushing on me as her pussy was contracting. I pictured Clint's mouth sucking hard on my root, pulling on it, imagining her explosion of wetness flooding me was his saliva, and I exploded inside of her. She stood up, sliding herself off of me, and turned around surprised at how violently she had cum.

              "I will get us a washcloth," she said. I watched her walk out of the room, appraising her backside. She was a very attractive woman, yet surprisingly I was no longer attracted to her. Despite that, I resolved myself to put on a brave face, and pretend I was. Anything to get my little girl back home.

              She came back with the rag, and wiped me off, her face lit up with a smile. Then she cleaned herself, and tossed the rag on the floor as she climbed on the bed, patting it next to her. I crawled up beside her and she laid her head on my chest.

              "Jeremy, that was awesome. The most intense orgasm you have ever given me. I kept picturing you kissing that man from the other night while I rode you. A three way between us would be so fucking hot."

              Anger boiled inside of me, and I fought to keep quiet, not wanting my rage at her suggestion to ruin bringing her back.

              "He isn’t into women," I said.

              "That’s a shame. He is like really fucking gorgeous. Oh well. It's always the hunks that turn out to be gay."

              We made small talk as I ran my hand on her back, my mind waiting for an opportunity to bring up her moving back.

              "Jeremy, I need a favor."

              "What is it," I asked.

              "Well, my credit card is past due, and I need 150.00 to pay it."

              My mind bristled, upset she was hitting me up for money, not talking about coming home.

              "Why don’t you get Mitch to pay it? Isn't he your man now," I asked bitterly.

              "I left him. It was a mistake being with him. I think he was convenient, but once I was around him all the time I realized he was a big mistake."

              My mind was racing. She had left him. I knew then I was going to get her to come back.

              "Where is Megan right now," I asked.

              "I left her with mom. We are staying with her now. So about that 150.00."

              "Sure, no problem. I can write you a check. Why don’t you go get Megan and come home," I said.

              "Oh Jeremy. I am not ready to move back in again. Sleeping with Mitch was a symptom of the problem. We have a lot to work out before I would be willing to come home. This is a step in the right direction though," she said, smiling as she squeezed my balls.

              I watched her spring up out of the bed, and quickly get dressed. I took the hint, and got dressed as well.

              "I need to get back to Megan. Can I get that check," she asked.

              I nodded and got my checkbook, and made it out for two hundred. In case she needed something for Megan. I handed it to her, and as she took it she leaned over and kissed me quickly.

              "Thanks a lot Jeremy, I will call you tomorrow," she promised as she rushed out to her car and left.

              I took a shower, washing the smell of our sex off, and decided to call it a night. As I drifted off into darkness, my mind was filled with images of playing with Megan as she crawled around on the floor.

              Three days had passed since I had sex with Sheila. Three days and no contact. She wasn’t answering her phone. Wasn’t returning my texts. An hour ago the process server had served me my divorce papers at work. I went on break and called a mutual friend of ours. What she told me made my fear turn to sickness.

              Sheila had never left Mitch. The whole thing had been a ruse to get money out of me, to try to see about a three way with me and Clint. She thought she could use me to sleep with Clint. The fucking whore. I went back in and sought out my boss. I told him I was sick and needed to leave. He gave me a look of disgust, and started to lecture me about the company needs and how they couldn’t afford to lose my presence. I was sick of it though. Sick of him, sick of this job. I put my hand up to shut him up and told him I was going. The look on his face was priceless as I walked away and left.

              I hurried home, and felt myself getting angrier. I decided to call Clint, hoping he was home already. I hoped he wasn’t mad at me. I had been avoiding him these last few days, unsure what to say about the prospect of getting my family back together.

              He answered on the second ring.

              "Hey stranger, been wondering where you disappeared to."

              "I have had some crazy stuff going on," I said, and explained everything to him, leaving out nothing. When I was done, I waited for his words of consolation, of understanding. His anger caught me by surprise.

              "You know, I have been feeling bad for the hand life has dealt you. But some of this is your fault. It is like you want to be devalued, treated like shit. She has shown you her true character. Are you so desperate to put your family farce back together you will accept more abuse and ridicule? You need to figure out if you are worthy of good things. Until you decide you are, you can't expect someone else to compliment you. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, and I understand you miss your little girl. But sometimes the cost is to much. Your little girl deserves to see a strong man as her father figure. Not a weak man who tolerates abuse. Be the man you would want your daughter to find one day when she is older."

              "I think I am going to let you go for now. You have lots of thinking to do. I love you Jeremy, but honestly, we won't work if you don’t love yourself. Let me know what you come up with."

              I heard the click as he hung up, and my mind was racing. He had said he loved me.

            
 
I was soaking in the tub, mulling over what Clint had said. I knew he was right. My daughter would always measure men in her life using me as a barometer. I needed to be an example for her, even if it meant I only saw her part time. I had been going at this all wrong. Being selfish, putting my desire to be close to her above what was best for everyone. If Sheila and I got back together, I would have to give up my masculinity.

              She had all but come right out and said she was interested in ménage now. I laughed, knowing how Mitch would take such a suggestion. She may have lied about leaving him, but their time was marked.

              I contemplated the other part of what Clint has said. About deciding I deserved good things, deserved to be happy. He was right. I wanted good things to happen. Yearned for them. But deep down, some part of me felt unworthy. I wanted to know why. When had I made the decision I counted less than others. It was apparent in all facets of my life. Even at work. I let my boss push me around, demanding overtime when he did not with my coworkers. I was putting something out there, something that asked others to treat me like a door mat.

              I couldn’t figure out when I had made the decision I was less, but I knew it was going to stop, and stop now. I wanted good things, wanted Clint in my life, as my lover and best friend. If my friends and family had a problem with it, well fuck them. They didn’t walk in my shoes. I didn’t criticize them for their decisions, and if they were offended by mine, then they were not my friend to begin with.

              And I was going to show my little Megan how a real man walks through life. Let her use me as a barometer that only the worthiest of men could meet. I felt myself fill with strength, with pride as I pulled the drainer on the tub. I hurried to my computer, not wasting time to get dressed, and googled divorce attorneys. I asked who the best divorce attorney was in the area. I picked the Weinstein group because they had the most positive google reviews, and called and made an appointment for tomorrow. I hung up, feeling like Rocky and went to the kitchen to grab a beer. I realized as I opened the door I had been drinking way to much, and pulled out butter and milk to make some mac and cheese.

              Time to cut back on the drinking too. No more every night. Yeah, lots of things would be changing. Who said I had to concede custody of Megan? I smiled, my life looking up and full of promise. The only thing left to fix now was my relationship with Clint. I decided to drive over to his house after dinner, and lay it all out there.

            
 
I rang his doorbell and waited, having second thoughts as I worried I was interrupting him. I had not called before heading over. I saw his shadow move across his window, and a moment later the sound of his deadbolt unlocking. He opened the door, and his face looked sad when he saw it was me.

              "We need to talk, Can I come in," I asked.

              He looked indecisive for a second, then stepped aside, letting me in. I went to his living room and sat down, and he sat beside me.

              "Please don’t say anything till I am done," I said. "I have thought about what you said, and you hit everything on the head. I have been allowing myself to be a pushover, allowed myself to be used over and over again. I do deserve better. You deserve better."

              "You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I don’t want to lose that, lose you because I am a weak bitch. I don’t want my daughter marrying a man who is a weak bitch. I deserve more. You deserve more, and Megan deserves more."

              His face was breaking into a smile at my words, as he saw the measure of my strength in my face.

              "I called an attorney before heading over, and have an appointment for tomorrow. I am going to take the fight to her now. Not sure if it is possible, but I am going to see about getting custody. At least make sure I get liberal visitation. I still haven’t seen her since Sheila left."

              I paused, soaking in his admiration as he gazed at me. He leaned forward, and his mouth found mine, kissing me passionately as he pulled me close. I felt his strong arms hold me tight as we kissed, and that energy started welling up in me, the desire only he could evoke in me. I felt my cock harden in desire, and pulled back. I stood and undid my pants, knowing I was going to give myself fully to him, despite my fear. I pulled my pants down, realizing in my haste I had not untied my shoes.

              He saw my dilemma and laughed as he bent to untie them, lightly licking my hardness as he bent past it. A shiver of electrical current flowed through me as his tongue caressed me. I kicked my shoes off and bent over the couch.

              "I want you to take me, make love to me," I said.

              He could see my fear, and asked if I was sure.

              I nodded, and he got up and went behind me. I heard him spit, and then felt his wet finger as it started massaging my rim, his other hand wrapping around my balls, lightly squeezing them. My body was coming alive to his touch, as he slowly worked his finger in me, his manipulation on my sac helping excite me despite the pain of his fingers penetration.

              I gasped as his finger hit something inside of me, pleasure so intense it overwhelmed the pain rushing through every pore.

              "There it is," he said, as his finger started stroking the spot. My mind became dizzy with the pleasure exploding inside of me, as his finger kept stroking me, widening my hole. He finally withdrew, my body humming in this new found sensation as I felt his finger replaced by the tip of his hardness.

              I felt him enter me, the pain mixing with the pleasure, and just as it was almost stronger than the ecstatic pleasure, his manhood hit that spot, and my mind went blank, overwhelmed by the needles of sensation riding through me, owning me. I was one with my pleasure, one with my lover.