The Downlow Alpha (The Identity Crises Book 1) (3 page)

              "That’s nice Justin. Nice and slow, just how I like it."

              I lost track of the time, as my jaw began getting sore. Despite how turned on I was, how much I relished his man flesh in my mouth, relief filled me as his hand quit directing me, and I heard his breathing get deeper, indicating he had fallen asleep. I closed my eyes, and with a mouthful of his dick, let the dark curtain of sleep claim me.

            
 
The light filtering in from the sides of the blinds slowly pulled me back to the present. That and the throbbing pain in my ass. I couldn’t help but smile despite the throbbing, as I remembered what had transpired just hours ago. I had found my perfect man, and had accommodated him. I looked around, wondering where he was. Probably using the bathroom, I suspected. I lay there, my hand lightly pulling on my cock as I remembered how great his mouth felt as he sucked on me. That was the best blow job I had ever received.

              My mind replayed all of the night's action, and I wondered what was in that bottle he had handed me to sniff. It had seemed to amplify my desire, my need to get fucked, while simultaneously relaxing me enough to accommodate his mammoth horse dick. Whatever it was, I knew I wanted to try it again.

              Concern started filling me as the minutes ticked by and he still had not come back. My curiosity finally got the best of me, and I got up to go look for him. Every movement seemed to make my prostate protest, and as I walked out to the hallway, my rectum joined in the protest. Damn, I had gotten fucked hard last night.

              I shuffled to the living room, and saw his clothes and bag were gone. I went to the window and looked out at the parking lot, and saw his bike was gone too. He had left without waking me. My mind immediately wanted to start panicking, start insisting I had just been a one night stand, but I refused to believe it. I knew no one could fake what he was feeling last night. No one could fake how compatible we had been.

              I made myself breakfast as I tried unsuccessfully to get my mind off of Harley. Off of the mind blowing night I had spent with a man who was just to die for. I already knew before I was done eating that despite it being Sunday, despite needing to get to bed at a decent hour for work tomorrow, I was going to the club tonight. Going in desperation to see Harley again. With dismay I realized I had no other way of finding him. I didn’t even know his last name so I could try finding his phone number.

              The day seemed to drag by slowly, as I pretended to have interest in something, anything but what my mind would not quit obsessing over. I had to find Harley again. I couldn’t let him just slip away out of my life after I had finally found him. He was everything I had always dreamed of. The perfect alpha male.

              My mind kept returning to his dark, smoldering eyes. They emanate such strength, such vitality. Yet, when they softened for me, I just melt into them. You can't fake that softness, and I can tell not many have seen that softness from his eyes.

              As I pulled into the parking lot of the club, I was surprised to see how packed the parking lot was. For many, the search for satisfaction never took a night off I guess. It dawned on me I was no better, as I trudged my way to the entrance. The rain was pouring now, and some part of me already knew he would not have ventured out in this weather on his bike. Yet my desperation would not ease up, forcing me on till I made my way inside.

              I was absorbed as I waded through the throngs of men looking for their nights respite from loneliness, and was oblivious at first that someone was yelling my name above the blasting music and men yelling to be heard as they pitched their pickup lines.

              "Justin," the voice said again as I felt the hand grab my arm as I turned.

              It was John, from Friday night. A sense of deflation filled me, as I didn’t have time to deal with him right now. He was great in the sack, but wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted the dream.

              "Hey John, how's it going?"

              The excited look on his face told me this was going to be difficult.

              "Man, am I glad to see you tonight. I had such a great time the other night. What say we head out and get an early start on our night," he said, his hand already tugging at my arm as though the thought of my saying no wasn't an option.

              "I am going to pass tonight," I yelled as I tugged my arm out of the grasp of his hand. The expression on his face went from confusion to anger quickly.

              "What the fuck, you think you are better than me? Just because you left with Mr. Stud pants last night? Don’t get to excited and let it go to your head. He is on the down low."

              The sneer on his face as he watched his words sink in made me want to hit him.              

              Harley, on the down low? There was no way, my mind protested. He was one hundred percent all man, and he definitely was into men. There was no way he could pretend to be straight. His very body would betray him. My mind was flooded with protests. Then the important question fought its way to the surface, and I had to give voice to it.

              "Why would Harley be on the down low," I asked, trying not to betray the sense of panic filling me, as my heart beat so strong I could hear it pounding in my ears.

              His sneer deepened as he answered me in a tone that was gloating, as though he was in the process of some great achievement that would be complete as soon as he revealed this awful news about Harley.

              "Because he is married and has a child with her. Everyone here knows he is on the down low. Most don’t care because he is a sex God packaged up in that hard body. I can't believe how naïve you are to think someone like him would ever be in a relationship with the likes of you or me."

              I knew as he finished the last sentence that he too had been with Harley, had fallen for him as hard as I had. I could hear the bitterness of rejection in his voice. My heart softened for him, as I knew exactly how he felt.

              But none of this mattered, my mind rationalized. I had to see Harley, look in his eyes as he told me that I was little more than a one night stand. I couldn’t believe that was all that night could mean to him.

              "How can I find him," I blurted out, hating the desperation my voice revealed.

              For the briefest of seconds, I saw a flash of hatred pulse through his eyes before they hardened. My heart sank as I knew he wasn't going to tell me. It took me a moment to realize what he was up to as he pulled his cell phone out and started going through his contacts.

              "Give me your number and I will text you his address," he said, his voice surprisingly kind. I was unsure of what had come over him, as I blurted out my digits quickly.

              My chest felt like it was going to explode as I heard the text alert sound from my pocket, indicating I was now in possession of the key to my happiness. Without thought, I hugged John, overwhelmed with thankfulness.

              "You are wasting your time. His wife knows what he does, but she does not like it thrown in her face."

              All I could do was nod before I hurried out to my car, on the most important mission of my life. I plugged the address in my gps and as I drove over, my mind began picturing awful scenarios as doubt filled me.

              What was I doing? What was I going to say, especially if his wife answered the door.

              "Excuse me ma'am. I was wondering if I could speak to Harley for a moment. He fucked me like I have never been fucked before, and I need him to choose me over you and your family."

              Shame filled me as I wondered if I was being to selfish.

              And yet…

              He was living a lie. I was honest about who I am, honest about my feelings and desires. My mind flashed back to last night. To his body as it was slapping against mine, the feel of his hardness as it spread me open, rubbing so forcefully against my prostate. To afterwards, as my head rested on his muscular chest, his scent overpowering as it delighted my senses. The way his balls seemed to breathe as my hand idly caressed and squeezed them.

              Shut up, I ordered my mind as my resolve strengthened. I don’t care if this is wrong or not. He is everything I have dreamed of in a man, and I cannot let him just disappear.

              The gps alerted me I was at his street, and as I pulled onto it I saw his bike sitting behind a Toyota four houses down on the right. Fear gripped me as I saw the woman at the trunk, getting groceries out. She was very shapely, and I knew straight men would find her desirable. I took a deep breath as I pulled to a stop in front of their house and got out.

              "Excuse me ma'am. I am looking for Harley," I said, trying hard to keep my nerves calm as I hated the slight quiver in my voice.

              She turned and as her eyes took me in, disgust filled her face. She shoved two bags of groceries at me with a look of anger in her face, and without saying a word, walked towards the house. I would have bolted for the car if I hadn’t had her groceries in my arms.

            
 
"Harley, another one of your little faggot boyfriends is here to see you."

              Embarrassment isn’t a strong enough word to describe what flooded me as I walked through the door as she yelled that and saw the little girl who looked around four or five staring at me. She looked at me curiously as Harley hurried into the room. His face instantly got that "Oh shit" look as he saw me.

              "I told you not to bring that homo shit home. We have a family here, and you just can't keep it in your pants. Look at what you are doing to our little girl," she yelled as Harley as her hand blurred to his face. The sound of the smack made me wince as instinctively I turned to look at the little girl. Her eyes were wide, filled with horror as she watched the violence unfolding in front of her.

              His wife swung a second time, and Harleys hand was a blur as it streaked out, grabbing her wrist to prevent her from striking him again. He turned to the little girl, and my heart broke for him as I saw the panicked look on his face.

              "Stacy, go play in your bedroom. Mommy and Daddy need to talk."

              She stood there staring for what seemed an eternity before turning and leaving us alone. As I turned back, I saw his wife pulling violently to free her wrist from his hand.

              "How dare you," she screamed, and then turned to look at me. Hatred spilled out of her eyes as she locked them onto me.

              "And you, you fucking whore. Who the fuck do you think you are coming here and disturbing our family? Did you really think he would give up his family to satisfy his disgusting faggot urges? Get the fuck out of here, and if this ever happens again, you get the fuck out of here too," she yelled, turning to Harley.

              He let her wrist go and walked over to me briskly, grabbing my arm as he steered me out the door. Anger flooded his eyes as he was practically dragging me across his driveway to my car.

              "What the fuck are you doing here Justin," he demanded.

              "Look, I am so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since last night. The way you just disappeared before I got up, I was desperate to see you again. Desperate to…," my voice trailed off as I didn’t have any good explanation.

              His face softened as he saw the raw emotion that must have been written all over my face. He sighed as his hand let my arm go.

              "Look, I am sorry about how I left. I normally say goodbye, normally it isn’t a big deal. But last night was different."

              His words filled me with joy, as I waited to hear why it was different. He was confirming everything my every pore had screamed was true. There was a connection between us, an attraction that was more than just some casual hookup.

              "I am sorry I went home with you," he continued, his words suddenly making my heart ache as their implications sunk in.

              "I have a family, and my little girl means everything to me. It was stupid of me to have picked you up. But when I saw you last night, I couldn’t help myself. You remind me so much of…," he said, unable to finish his sentence.

              "Remind you of what,"?

              "It doesn’t matter," he said, looking at his house. I turned to look too and saw his wife looking daggers out the window.

              "I need you to go. Again, I am so sorry Justin. I never meant for anyone to get hurt."

              With that, he turned and walked away from me, and as I climbed into the car, I realized the world had turned blurry. Tears streaked down my face as I pulled away.

              I was lying in bed, the sound of my clock ticking away in the darkness as I wallowed in my heartache. My stomach was gripped in painful spasms that came and went as I felt lost in my hurt. I couldn't believe how cruel life was, to have put Harley in my path only to make him off limits. Despite realizing I knew next to nothing about him, I couldn’t shake the feeling in my deepest core that I was madly in love with him, attracted to him as I had never been attracted before.

              The wetness of my pillow was beginning to annoy me as tears continued falling onto it. I was about to turn it over, when the sound of the doorbell jarred me from my pity party. I didn’t know who it could be this late, but suspected it was John, here to gloat over my foolishness. Reluctantly I got up and made my way to the door, lifting my t-shirt to wipe my face.

              I opened the door, and my heart stopped as my eyes took in the blurry image of Harley. He had a sheepish grin on his face, and two suitcases were next to him. Excitement flooded me as I grabbed one of his suitcases and asked him to come in. He followed me to the living room, and as he sat I went to put on some coffee.

              As I waited for it to brew, my mind was racing with wonderment as to what had happened. But behind every scenario my mind dredged up, the knowledge that he had chosen to come here filled me with hope. I poured us our cups and went back to him, handing him his and sitting opposite of where he was. I waited patiently, letting him take his time to gather himself and talk. A few moments passed and his voice jarred me out of the fantasies my mind was engulfed in.

              "I left her," he said with finality.

              I knew it was wrong, but I felt such joy hearing him say he had left his wife.

              "I couldn’t keep pretending anymore. You made me see that."

              Unable to control my desire anymore, I sprung up and rushed to him. I took his face in my hands, and as my lips met his, electricity rushed through me. I was alive, every pore dancing in delight as our tongues danced seductively together.

              A jolt burst through me as I felt his hand grab the throbbing mass in the crotch of my sweat pants. His hand felt divine as he began lightly squeezing and tugging on my manhood, loving it with each tug. I melted into his mouth as his hand worked its magic on my cock. Within minutes that felt like an eternity, I felt the wetness of my desire as it leaked onto my underwear. His hands ministrations were rubbing my cock seductively in the slickness, and I wanted him in the worst way.

              His hand left my crotch as he pulled his mouth from mine, and with anticipation I stood there as he grabbed the waistband of my sweats, and pulled them down, baring my loins and throbbing cock. There was a fresh bubble of excitement on my tip, and a shudder ran through me as I watched him lick it off, then slide his wet mouth down the length of my cock in one deft motion.

              His mouth was insistent as he sucked up and down the length of my cock, his lips tugging at my dick flesh with expert precision. I thrust my cock forward to meet the heaven of his wet mouth as my hands began running through his hair, loving the feel of it as it slipped through my fingers.

              His mouth was teasing me as he would work his way slowly down the top half of my shaft, then quickly plunge down the rest of it until his chin thrust forcefully into my aching sac. I was lost now in the vibrations in my cock as my hips undulated with a mind of their own, lost in fucking his face. I had his head locked now as I thrust as fast and quickly as possible, my balls and prostate tightening as they cried out for release.

              As if sensing I was getting close, I felt one of his hands as it wrapped around my sac, and begin squeezing rhythmically with my thrusts as his other hand began massaging my prostate behind my balls. The energy became frenetic as I exploded in his mouth, my voice crying out in ecstasy.

              As I slowly came back to earth from the vibrations that were gripping me, I savored the way he was lightly sucking on me, making sure to drain every drop of my satisfaction. Sucking on me hungrily as he wanted every drop of my man seed. He had every inch of my manhood buried deep in his mouth and throat when he looked up at me, and the raw animal desire as our eyes locked on one another made me shiver.

              I was his to command as he seductively slid his mouth slowly off of my member, his eyes hungry. His strong hands grabbed my loins and turned me, until my ass was in his face. I felt his breathe tickle my crack, and sensation exploded through me as I felt his tongue make contact with my rim, lightly flicking across it fervently. My hips were moving in rhythm with his tongue, and I realized after a moment I was moaning in pleasure.

              My moans were igniting his desire, and his tongue began probing deeper inside until I no longer knew where my moan ended and his tongues penetration began. The two were interconnected in some strange way, interdependent and the one influencing the other.

              My ass was yearning now to feel his thickness stretch it as only he could, and as if our intent was now one, I felt his mouth withdraw as the sound of his belt and zipper rang though the room. I waited impatiently, my nerves aflame as the rustle of his pants filled my ears, stroking the flames of passion he had ignited.

              His hands were like steel as they gripped my loins once again, and he pulled me down onto his lap. I felt his massive girth as it pushed my cheeks aside, and then my body exploded with an energy burst as I felt his massive head pressing against my entrance. I reached down with both hands and spread my cheeks apart as he pulled me down, and my mind went blank with ecstasy as I felt his thickness fill me, my inner tunnel gripping every bit of the surface of his manhood.

              I yelped as he pulled me down to his balls, touching me where only he could. I don’t know how long I sat on him, not daring to move as my ass grew used to his being so deeply inside of me. But I realized through the haze of pleasure that was moving in waves, that with a mind of its own, my prostate was commanding me to slide up and down his shaft, slowly at first.

              The realization freed some part of me, and with an abandon only he could inspire, I began riding his enormous cock with a need that was like a hurricane ripping across my soul.

              My head was resting on his chest, and all was right in the world. Better than right. I was still throbbing from the sex. Sex that had grown rougher as the night wore on. I could see the clock and it was almost four in the morning now. I knew I was calling in sick, and I didn’t feel the least shred of guilt. I was in heaven, living the dream.

              His hand was lightly caressing my back lazily, and I knew he was drifting in and out of sleep. My mind replayed our conversation of the last hour, as he confided that he had never loved Charlotte. That she had been a mistake as he tried to hide from himself his attraction to men. And how that one night stand had resulted in her pregnancy. He had later found out she had lied about being on the pill. Had wanted to get pregnant on purpose so she could possess him. Despite hating how she had tricked him, a part of me understood. I would also do the outrageous to be with him. Had done the outrageous, I reminded myself as I remembered going to his house.

              As I thought of his wife getting pregnant, my mind returned to the image of his little girl as she stared at me, her mom out of control. I hated that I would forever be tied to that dreadful scene in her little mind. I wanted her to think well of me. I needed her to think well of me. She was Harleys little girl.

              A quick thought raced through my mind, worry over what if Stacy rejected me. I quickly pushed it aside, and snuggled on his chest. The future would be what it was, but for right now, at this moment, I was in heaven. The last thought I remember before the veil of darkness claimed me for the night was how divine his scent was.