Read The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships Online

Authors: Phyllis R. Koch-Sheras

Tags: #test

The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships (11 page)

BOOK: The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships
11.92Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads
 
Page 56
 
Page 57
a "wrong" dream, but sometimes a dream may seem incomplete to you in some way, or you may feel like it could use some additions or "corrections."
Often you or your partner may find your dreaming interrupted (sometimes at a crisis point) by things outside of your dreamworld: alarm clocks, crying babies, the telephone, and so on. These interruptions can be as frustrating as having to leave a movie during the exciting climax. Sometimes unfinished dream themes are resolved spontaneously in dreams over the next few nights. However, you might want to give such dreams a more immediate ending, especially if you feel that the interruption prevents you or your partner from benefiting fully from the dream.
Another kind of dream that may need to be resolved is one that leaves you feeling anxious or frustrated. This could be
 
Page 58
something like a ''falling'' dream in which you wake yourself up before reaching the ground, or a sexual dream in which you wake up in the middle of lovemaking. You might also forget or repress the ending of a dream if its message is too painful or frightening to accept.
If this is the case, you can add to your dream review a new ending or modification of the dream story in waking fantasy. Finishing or changing such dreams, or "re-dreaming," can give you an opportunity to learn about some important problem areas in your life. Your conscious mind plays an active role in this, so the outcome of the dream may be different than if your dreaming mind were in charge. Yet this technique can give you valuable insights because you are the director of your dream. Here is an example of how Maureen added to and changed a dream about having sex with her husband to enhance their sex life and her own physical self-image.
Nude Scene
I'm walking down a hall nude, my hair uncombed. My therapist walks by. She glances at me, frowns, and walks on. I feel embarrassed. I go into a ladies' room and sit on the toilet wondering what to do. Next, I'm lying down next to my husband, beginning to make love. I awake feeling tender, but still disturbed by the nude scene.
Maureen went back over this dream in fantasy and changed her therapist's disapproving frown to a reassuring comment about her nudity. She also expanded and finished the lovemaking scene in a more satisfying and complete way. After reworking the dream, she shared the new ending with her husband and felt more comfortable with her body and her sex life. They then went on to create a visioning dream together of having frequent and powerful sexual encounters that included touch-
 
Page 59
ing, massaging, laughing, passion, and having fun. They continue to expand these lovemaking images, adding new elements to their night dreams, daydreams, and visioning dreams on a regular basis.
As you can see, working on your dreams can add a great deal to your relationships, especially in your couple. How you can build on this value and make it part of your everyday life is addressed in subsequent chapters.
 
Page 61
Chapter Four
Couples and Dreaming: Creating a "Dream Couple"
What is a Dream Couple?
The word
dream
can be used in many ways. It most often refers to a vision that occurs while sleeping, a story from the unconscious, or images assembled by the mind when it is not fully awake. But
dream
can also refer to the possibility of how life could be in its ideal form or in our fondest fantasy. In this case, we speak of a dream as something to be desired, a wish fulfilled: your dreamhouse, the man (or woman) of your dreams, a dream team, a dream vacation. A "dream couple," then, can be that for which you most hope.
Another meaning of
dream couple
relates to the everyday interactions of the partners in an intimate relationship. This might include the regular and frequent sharing of dreams from the previous night and creating or designing the sort of day your couple might like to have together based on these visions.
 
Page 62
It is possible to "daydream" the ideal plan for the day even if both people may not be physically together for that time period.
At 6:45 A.M., the shrill ringing of the telephone jars Lucy awake, or almost awake. In twilight sleep, she waits for a moment, hoping it will not ring again, meaning that Nick has answered it on his side of the bed. It jingles again and again. As she becomes more awake, Lucy remembers that Nick cannot answer, that he is not in bed with her, that he is out of town at a business meeting. She picks up the receiver and mumbles sleepily, "Hullo?"
"Hi, honey, its me."
"Nick?"
"I wanted to call to support you today since I'm not there. Remember that Sarah needs to get up a little early this morning to get her project to school. And remember about the PTO meeting tonight. You can speak for both of us."
"Nick, do well in your meeting this morning. How do you want it to come out?" Lucy is more awake now.
"I want them to accept my proposal completely and put me in charge of the project!"
"Remember that you are committed to that result and I support you one hundred percent." Lucy feels much more awake now. She is sitting up in bed.
"And how do you want your day to go, dear?"
"I will be efficient and creative, beyond what I thought possible."
"That sounds great. Have a great day." Nick sounds almost euphoric.
"We are really great together," Lucy adds before they hang up.
Lucy and Nick have created a visioning dream about what they want their relationship to be like. It is really the "possibil-
 
Page 63
ity" of what a great couple is for them. They share it and say it out loud: "We are really great together." This is the proclamation of a dream couple.
Being Couple
A dream couple is one that incorporates the life you remember in your sleeping dreams and the daydreams and visioning dreams you create in your waking life. Dreams become the vehicle for talking about feelings and fantasies and imagining what is possible to have in a life together. Think of it as a "designer" relationship, created step by step by the two partners. Each step requires a specific set of things to do and say to make sure that the thing you call "couple" can be created.
Here, a
couple
refers not just to two people, but to the entity called "couple" that two people create. Most people spend a lot of time looking for the "right" person to be with. They want to avoid choosing a person who will not meet their needs over time. People spend a great deal of energy specifying these needs or trying to figure them out. For them, generating a good couple means finding the best fit between themselves and another person. They can't have everything they want in a mate right away, so they go for the largest percentage of what they can get. The result is that they usually define their couple as two separate people whose lives connect in certain areas. As long as these connections don't short out or cause an overload, the partnership seems to work.
We prefer to see "couple" as something else, however. Couple is not something to achieve or get toit is a way to be. Acting as couple allows us to confront the world together. If there are problems stemming from the lack of communication between the two of you, rather than each blaming the other or seeing the problem as something that has come
BOOK: The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships
11.92Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Other books

Dracula (A Modern Telling) by Methos, Victor
Poison Town by Creston Mapes
The White Road by Lynn Flewelling
Pirate Loop, The by Guerrier, Simon
The Darkness to Come by Brandon Massey
Enchantment by Monica Dickens
Nature's Shift by Brian Stableford