The Dreamer (21 page)

“Of course he knew I’d stop you,” he answered with the hint of a smile.

At that moment Captain Fredrick himself entered the dining compartment and looked at us. He cursed and asked the other men there, “Did I miss it?”

“Yes,” Mallory answered tersely, tossing the necklace to the other side of the table towards the captain. “Take the wretched thing, and don’t make her any more gifts.”

Fredrick laughed. “Yes, O Moral Compass,” he answered and retrieved the necklace.

Of Finley, I saw little. He was always present at meal times, and he and Mallory were together often, so I couldn’t avoid him altogether. I was strictly cordial when I did see him, mostly because Mallory looked at me levelly in that heavy way of his when I wasn’t, and I could almost hear him saying the words “proud, contemptuous Rachel” all over again.

But other than that, I hardly laid eyes on John. Which was fine by me. I did not have to rely on him for chaperoning at all on this ship, which eliminated all necessity to have him in my company.

Unlike on his own ship, the captain didn’t tear his hair out with worry over me. Of course, he did remind me that these men were pirates and that caution should naturally be used, especially when the rum was passed around. But he didn’t agonize about my safety and insist that I never leave his side.

There I go again, still referring to him as “Captain,” although technically, he was
not
the captain on this ship. I cannot count the number of times I asked Fredrick where “the captain” was. He finally informed me that he would throw me overboard if I continued to insult him, “
I
am Captain you besotted baggage! Mallory’s unrivaled beloved or not, it’ll be the drink for you. Nepotism only goes so far!”

“You really do think of him as your son?” I asked him as he stood at the helm.

“As much a son as I’m capable of having. I’m no family man. I’m simply too much for one woman. Picture her, poor dear, trying to keep up with me. I’d send her to an early grave.”

I was silent. Something in his tone made me say momentarily, “You know, I think you were in love once.”

He turned on me in surprise. And for the first time I got a glimpse of something far beneath the surface, something that was usually covered up and well protected. “Why do you say that?” he asked, becoming very still, not a hint of a drawl in his voice.

“I wonder if you left home at sixteen for a reason.”

He shifted his feet and looked nettled.

“Did something happen to her?”

He turned away momentarily, and I could not see his face. But then, a second later when he turned to me again, he was Captain Fredrick once more. “I didn’t think it was possible,” he said thoughtfully, “but I don’t feel inclined to interview just now. Even
that
fascinating subject can be overdone it seems.”

Mallory appeared at the end of the deck, and my eyes immediately went to him.

In my ear, Fredrick murmured, “Ah, yes. Sometimes it’s worthwhile to emerge from the books and records, isn’t it?”

“Books and records were my life.” Only after I said it did I realize I used the past tense. I looked at Fredrick in surprise.

He smiled. And then, again without the hint of a drawl, he told me, “The world is full of many wonderful things, isn’t it, Rachel? But you could spend your entire life chasing after all of them only to find yourself empty handed in the end. Very few things have any real significance. And they can disappear … very quickly.” The last words had a certain knowing weight with them.

I looked at him, a chilling sensation overcoming me as he said those words, as though he were warning me of danger. The future, I suddenly realized, was as bleak as ever now, no longer even containing the hope of treasure and accolades. Quite suddenly, I was back at the beginning, alone and helpless in a strange place. I pushed it away. “Such as feathers and treasure?” I answered lightly.

He watched me a moment and then smiled, though it did not quite reach his eyes. “Yes. And nine ravishing sisters.”

“Where are my notes?” I asked. I pulled them from my dress and patted my skirt for a pencil. “I have neglected them lately.”

He looked at me and then gave me a shove. “Go to Mallory. He tries to look indifferent, but he is waiting for you. He likes the way you draw close and hover near him like a faithful orbiting moon.”

And so I went to him.

We had a fictitious relationship to maintain, after all.

*** *** ***

Mallory pointed to the distance. “You’ll be able to see the land appear soon. It’s just over the horizon there,” he told me.

He hadn’t looked in my direction once as I’d approached him. “You shaved off your beard.”

“We’ll be at port by this evening.” He looked over his shoulder behind us again, scanning the open ocean. It was something he did often.

“So soon?” I asked, my throat suddenly dry.

“Yes.”

There it was again, my vacant, empty future, staring at me. I looked at the captain, wondering if he’d say again, “The sea is all I know. If I led another life then ….”

He kept his gaze averted as he leaned his elbows on the railing, though I could tell he wasn’t at ease. He cleared his throat. “You cannot return to Lady Alistair. Norcross knows of my connection with her now, and you might not be safe there. You know so much, and he might be afraid you’ll talk. We need to find you somewhere new, somewhere that you’ll be hidden. I think I have the solution.”

“Somewhere not connected with you?”

“No. Not at all.”

I frowned. “Another decrepit old woman guardian?”

He ignored the jibe and turned to the ocean. Land had emerged in the distance, dark and indistinguishable. “I was thinking of a nunnery.”

“
What
?”

He looked at me.

“You can’t be serious!”

“Do you have any idea the kind of power Charles Dubois has? So far, he can’t be sure it was me who took you off that ship. He can’t even be sure I know the truth about him. In any case, I’ll be out on the ocean and difficult to find. But he
knows
you know. And I won’t be comfortable until you’re hidden safely away.”

“But … a
nunnery
?”

He sighed. “Rachel, I know it’s religious, and you balk at the idea of that, but ….”

I balled up my fists. “I’m
not
going to a nunnery. I want to ….” I paused.

“What?” he asked.

“I want … I want ….” I groaned in exasperation. “Oh, I don’t know. But it’s so close. I can feel it. I came here to make a difference. I
am
needed. Perhaps if I can review my notes.”

With my nose in my pages, I asked casually, “And what does the future hold for you, Captain?”

“I told you, I will return to my ship.”

“I see. You’ll sail ships with cutthroats and scoundrels until the end of your days? How lovely for you.”

His voice became as sharp as mine. “It certainly beats the alternative, doesn’t it? Considering what happened to my father when he decided to become a family man.”

“That was an unusual circumstance.”

“Every circumstance is unusual.”

“That’s no kind of argument!”

He closed his mouth and looked at me levelly, then deliberately turned and stared out at the water.

I watched his profile, his sloping nose, his wide angled cheek, his obstinate, stubborn chin. His face seemed closed off and indifferent as though nothing in the world bothered him. I grounded my teeth. “What are you clinging to? You don’t even like your profession. You detest the men you work with, the ocean, why not — ?”

“Why not what?” he asked sharply, his eyes glinting as he turned to me.

“Make a life more conducive to ….”

“To what, Rachel?” he inquired quickly. “You usually don’t struggle to find the right words.”

I glared at him. “You could make a living for yourself ashore, Mallory. Now, I know you feel inadequate, but there is no need to be afraid ….”

“Afraid?” he cried, now turning crimson. “Unbelievable. This coming from you?”

My brows came down. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ve been cowering your entire life. Burying yourself in books instead of living a life.”

“Mallory!”

“It’s true. Running away from everyone just like you tried running from your parents. Running and running until you drop into my ship out of the blue, arrogant and condescending, creating as much havoc as is humanly possible, then daring to lecture me on courage. Does your hubris know no bounds?”

I trembled. “You’ve no clue how much courage I have! You have no idea what I’ve faced down in pursuit of my beliefs. I’ve lost everything. My reputation, my job, my
life.
And all for nothing. To be dropped onto a ship full of pigs and barbarians. So forgive me, worthy Captain, if I condescend, as you call it, when I am full of information that none of you can imagine, and I am thwarted by the bigotry of a culture that leaves no room for genius if it is the wrong gender. Forgive me if I came to make a difference, to change the world. And I mean that. The world will never be the same again after I’m done, the ambit of our understanding will be changed forever. Newton, Galileo, Einstein fade to nothing in comparison. And I am unable to do any of it. All I’m left with are these filthy pages!” I crumpled the note I held in my hand and threw it into the choppy water below.

Moments passed, and there was silence, neither of us feeling prone to breaking it. Until I cried out, movement in the murky water catching my eye.

“What?” He sounded alarmed.

Gathering my wits, I responded snidely, “Never mind. It was nothing. After all, I wouldn’t want to sound like a
coward
, like I was
hiding
from life.”

He chuckled quietly but held his tongue.

I couldn’t help myself from glancing down into the murky water again. He must have followed my gaze because he said without much concern, “Oh, sharks.”

“Sharks?” I grimaced.

“We are near shore. They are common here.” He ran a hand down his cheek wearily, his fingers gripping the back of his neck momentarily before falling again to his side. When I leave here, when our time together is over, I think that’s how I will remember him: his strong face edged with fatigue and just a little bit of despair, the faint thought that his defeat is eminent, but he will fight until the last.

Those words Fredrick told me still rang in my ears, and I couldn’t dismiss them: “Significant things can disappear very quickly.”

My eyes dropped to his belt buckle.

“You said you only wore that with particular clothing.”

“And particular people. I grew up wearing this buckle. I guess I picked it up without thinking.”

“How strange,” I murmured thoughtfully after a quiet moment. “A date and time. I’d forgotten about it. I hadn’t copied it down in my notes. Why would there be …?”

I gasped and stooped to examine it, as I had done all those weeks ago. Unlike before, however, he simply held me at arm’s distance instead of ripping it off him and throwing it to me.

“What now?”

My eyes rose to meet his. “The date and time,” I exclaimed. “I’d discounted it before. But it’s low tide,” I said slowly, shaking my head. “The area is full of guyots –volcanic mountains submerged under the ocean.” I stood and was silent for a moment, thinking feverishly.

“Captain! It wasn’t the
island
after all. It’s the guyot
next
to the island that’s important. Just due west. When this map was drawn, the mountain must have had areas that broke the water’s surface, but I see that now it must be completely submerged. The tops of guyots are flattened out by ocean forces. So that’s why we didn’t see it when we were there. I’m sure of it.”

“What on earth do you mean?”

“The summit will only appear now at low tide. Don’t you see? It’s where the treasure really is. I sent the pirates to the wrong place!”

“You sent them to the wrong place?” He clutched my shoulders in a fierce, painful grip and stared down at me in dismay.

And then his eyes went over my head, and he froze.

I turned and saw the
Thrasher
in the distance, coming for us … coming for me.

Chapter Sixteen