The Duke's Gamble (8 page)

Oh God.
The pressure in his chest was immense. Perspiration broke out on his forehead and palms and blood roared in his ears. He was going to lose her. And he deserved his fate. He was a liar and a cheat and she was going to leave him. Forever. Even knowing that, he couldn’t lie to her. “Yes,” he said hoarsely. “But Bella, I—”

“Stop.” She was pale before, but now she was white, her grey eyes dilated with shock. “I can’t believe this. I am here because you cheated on purpose? How
could
you?”

The betrayal in her eyes flayed him open and the resulting pain ripped through him so viciously that his knees threatened to buckle.
 

Bella looked as broken as he felt. “Even after you brought me here, I somehow managed to convince myself that you were still an honourable man, that there must have been some … some unfathomable reason why you entered into such a horrible agreement with my father. I thought you cared for me. But it was all just lust.”

Castor finally found his voice. “No.” When she gave him a disbelieving look, he drove a shaking hand through his hair. “Yes, I desired you. I wanted you for my own. And I shouldn’t have done what I did. But I do care for you, Bella. Please.” He swallowed, extending his hand to her. “Please give me another chance. I lo-love you.”
 

When she took a step back, he felt his hopes shatter, splintering like the wooden hull of a boat smashing into unforgiving rocks. Bella shook her head, her chin trembling. “I don’t believe you. You’re only saying that because I found out the truth and you want me to return so that you can continue this … this arrangement. I am leaving, and I will not return.”

He watched helplessly as she picked up her gown. “Bella. I beg you. Please. Don’t go.” He heard the desperation in his voice. He had never said please, never apologised, never begged, until he met her. “
Please,
” he said again.

She walked to the door, then paused before turning around. The grey eyes that met his shone with unshed tears. “Goodbye Castor.”

Weeks passed, then a month, then two. Castor was in agony. For the first time in his life, he did not know what to do. He had started writing at least a score of letters, ordered his horse at least a dozen times. But he never went through with either course, deathly afraid that she would tell him how much she hated him or that he would see the hatred in his eyes. Desperation finally made him send her a package a month after she left, hoping that his gift would somehow prompt her to write. Yet she never did.

Castor cursed, throwing a sheaf of papers onto his desk in frustration. The numbers on the ledger before him made no sense at all, and it was driving him to lunacy. Even simple tasks such as dictating letters to his secretary seemed impossible as he would find himself drifting off in the middle of a sentence when he thought of something Bella had said or done. Denton tried to hide it but Castor could tell that his secretary thought his master had clearly lost his wits. Never before had he felt such restlessness or found it so difficult to concentrate on his business affairs. It was even worse when he was alone. He would fantasise that she was with him, telling him about some interesting bit from a book she was reading, or imagine that he was making love to her in a thousand and one different ways. The ache in his chest was an old friend now, as faithful a companion as the gaping emptiness inside him.

He had to see her. He could persuade her to return to him. He would buy her more books, thousands of books, more books than she could read if she lived up to a hundred. And she enjoyed sharing his bed. He knew that. He would seduce her, spend hours and hours pleasuring her until they were both too exhausted to continue. And the next day, he would do it all over again.

He had to see her before the financial monolith he had built crumbled under the combined effects of his distraction and preoccupation with Bella’s absence. Castor sighed, rubbing his temples as he tried yet again to focus on the first column of numbers. God, he was a pathetic shadow of his former self. It was mortifying. No, it was more than mortifying. It was terrifying.

A soft knock sounded on the door before it swung open.
 

“What is it, Beecham?” asked Castor irritably, not looking up.
 

The door closed. “It is not Beecham.”

Castor froze. Stopped breathing. It couldn’t be.

“Castor?”
 

The faint rustle of fabric drew nearer and he swallowed, his fingers tightening on the sheet of paper. Was she really here?

“Castor, won’t you look at me?”

She sounded as if she was right there, on the other side of the desk.
 

“I don’t know if I’m dreaming but if this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up,” he said slowly. He heard her draw in a sharp breath. A moment later, he felt a tentative touch on his forearm before it was removed. Slowly, so slowly, he turned his head, barely daring to hope, barely daring to breathe. Over her hand with those long, graceful fingers, up an arm covered by a pale blue velvet spencer, a shoulder and then the gentle curve of a jaw he knew as well as his own.

Castor exhaled slowly as he stared at Bella, his eyes running hungrily over her. She was thinner than when she had left here, and she looked tired, mauve shadows lying under her eyes. She was silent, staring at him intently in return.

Anxiety made his heart race and his palms damp. He didn’t know what to say, so he asked, “How is your father?”

“Dreadful.” She pressed her lips together, anger flashing in her normally serene grey eyes. “Horrible. He is a horrible, horrible man. He never had a seizure. That was what the doctor told me when I finally asked him to come. Father faked his illness so I would return and do all the work for him again.”

Anger rose in Castor but he ruthlessly tamped it down. He would deal with the issue of her father later. There was something he needed to know now. “Why are you here, Bella?” he asked quietly. He forced himself to remain stone-faced, because if he were a stone, then nothing she could say would devastate him. He had to pretend that was true.
 

She licked her lips. “You said …” Her voice trailed off. He watched as she straightened her spine and lifted her chin. When she spoke again, her voice was stronger. “You said that I could return if I wished to.”

His heart jerked painfully.
 

“Well, I wish to return.”

His throat swelled, making him unable to speak.

When he failed to respond, she swallowed convulsively. “That is if you still want … want me here.” Her voice was husky, as if she, too, was overcome with emotion, and he dug his fingers into his palms to stop his hands from shaking. Bella’s eyes, those beautiful grey eyes, searched his with a desperation that made hope flicker to light. “But I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t want me back. I know I hurt you and I’m so sorry,” she whispered brokenly.

Her words broke the spell of silence that had him bound. “No.” He stood up, and she took a step back. “I was the one who hurt you. I should have told you the truth. I acted in a dishonourable manner so that I could have you. What’s worse, I would do it all again.” He steeled himself, waiting for her to castigate him; worse, to look at him with accusation and disgust.

But Bella stepped closer, placing her hand on his chest over his heart, just like she had done that morning so long ago. And just like before, his heart raced as he waited for her to speak.
 

“You wanted me that badly?”

He nodded jerkily. “I still do.”
Please, God, don’t let this be a dream.
 

“And do you still love me?” Her voice trembled. Her entire body trembled and he put his hands on her arms to soothe her, unable to bear her agitation.

“I will always love you.” His voice was strong and sure so that she could not mistake the conviction in his tone.

“
Castor.
” Bella gripped his coat in her hands and rose on her toes, pressing her mouth hard against his.
 

Their kiss was wild and desperate and messy, full of the love and need neither could fully express. Their kiss was glorious.

It was a long time before they broke apart, and even then, Castor kept his arms around her. In fact, he was sure that he would never let her go again.

She smiled. “I received your gift.”

Castor’s chest felt tight. “Did you like it?”

She looked incredulously at him. “Two entire crates of books? I thought I had died and gone to heaven! Of course I loved it!”

He couldn’t hold back his smile at her enthusiasm. “I thought you might. I saw the state of the books you brought with you.”
 

“It was the most incredible gift I have ever received.” She tilted her head back slightly so that she could look at him. “I do hope you have some extra space in your library, though, for I brought them back here with me.”

Startled, he looked at her. “What did you do that for?”

“Well, seeing as though I plan to be here for the foreseeable future, I thought I could read them.”

Castor was at a loss for words. He stared at the beautiful woman in his arms. “Foreseeable future?”

“Yes.” She slipped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his. “That is, until you ask me to leave.”

“Why the hell would I ask you to leave?”

Her eyes darkened. “One day, you will need an heir and …” Her voice shook before she recovered. “And then I will have to go.”

“No,” he said forcefully.

“Castor, I am willing to be your mistress but I cannot stay with you knowing you have a wife. That you are … with her.” The deep distress in her grey eyes made him tighten his arms around her. She loved him, she must, to look like that.

“The only wife I am taking is standing right here in my arms. If she will have me.”

Bella blinked. She started to shake her head. “Don’t tease, Castor. I cannot bear it.”

“Darling, I would not tease you about something like this.”

“You wish to marry me?”

“I have wanted you to be my wife since I saw you five years ago.”

Her brow furrowed. “At the Anstruthers,” she said slowly. “My first season. But why did you not approach me then?”

“I was betrothed to someone at the time. And I would have broken with her to have you but it was an arrangement that had been made from the time we were both children.”

Bella swallowed. “You married her?”

“No. She and her family caught consumption and died when they were in France. By the time I came out of mourning, you were back in the country caring for your mother.”

“You knew about my mother’s illness?”

“I made it my mission to know everything about you and your father.”

She gave him a questioning look. “Would you truly do it all again to win me?”

His heart turned over. “I would relive the day I lost my family if it meant I could have you in my arms for the rest of my life,” he said hoarsely.

Tears filled her eyes. “I love you.”

His heart contracting, he replied, “And I love you.”

Bella stroked his cheek tenderly, then tilted her head to one side, looking curiously at him.

“Why did you not come and court me instead of constructing this elaborate plan?”

Castor arched a brow, feeling the tension leave him. She was going to stay. “You wound me if you consider the card game elaborate.”

Bella rolled her eyes. “Oh, how could I have forgotten for even a moment your incredible intelligence.” She squealed when he rewarded her impudent remark by tickling her sides.
 

“There were two reasons why I conceived of this plan. Efficiency and pride. I did not want to risk the injury to my pride and feelings if I had courted you and yet you decided not to marry me. My plan was the quickest way of getting you into my bed. But I knew that even with you there, it was not a certainty that you would stay with me.” He hesitated then forced himself to continue. “I was terrified that if you ever discovered the truth, you would leave. And then you did.”

Her lips parted. “Oh, Castor.” She reached up and stroked his cheek tenderly.
 

“Are you …” He swallowed, searching for the right words to ask his question. “Have you had your courses?” Bella looked surprised, then began to open her mouth. But before she could say a word, he quickly spoke. “I did not take any precautions when I bedded you.”

She moistened her lips before slowly shaking her head. “I am not pregnant.” Her grey eyes searched his. “Were you hoping that I would be with child?”

“I was.” His hands tightened at her waist. “I thought that if you carried my child, you would stay.” Shame and embarrassment coursed through him. “Forgive me,” he said roughly. “I had no right to do so. I was just so desperate to keep you.”

She stared at him for a long moment. And then she smiled. He felt the constriction around his chest ease. “How could I not forgive you when you say such things? But you must promise that you will not resort to any further underhanded means so that you can have your way.”

Castor winced. “Must I?”

Bella narrowed her eyes.

“I …” He shook his head. “I can’t. You don’t understand, Bella. I would do anything,
everything
to keep you.”

She gave a resigned sigh, but her eyes were exceedingly soft. “Oh, very well.” She bit her lip, looking uncertain. “I was wondering if … if you will let me bring Mrs Lane, Wordsworth, Smithy and Ellie here?” she asked haltingly. “I promise they are very industrious and they will earn their keep. Oh, I have to tell you that Smithy is quite elderly but I’m certain I can find something for him to do,” she added hurriedly.

“Darling,” said Castor, “you may bring whoever you like. And if it is Smithy’s preference, I will be happy to provide him with an annuity so he no longer has to be in service.”

“You would do that for me?”

Castor smiled. “I would bring you the moon if you asked me to.”

Bella shook her head slowly, as if she was in a state of bewilderment. “I had absolutely no idea that you had any feelings for me. That first time when I saw you in this room, you acted as though you were completely unaffected by my presence.”