The Earl Claims a Bride (28 page)

She handed Captain Maxwell the flask and took a big drink of the punch. “Whew!” she whistled and then coughed a little from the burn in her throat.

Captain Maxwell laughed again. “I tried to tell you brandy is too strong a drink for a lady. Maybe next time you will listen to me?”

“I do believe this is something that should be sipped rather than gulped. It tastes nothing like champagne.”

“Now, there is a lady’s drink. I think you should pour that out and have only punch.” He reached for her cup but she moved it away from him. His expression changed from humor to annoyance. He didn’t like her not listening to his suggestion. Good; that was a start. He needed to be stronger and more in command.

“I said it was different. That doesn’t mean I don’t like it. I will sip it,” she said, and she did. It still burned but went down much easier the second time. “I’ve noticed that you dance with many ladies each evening.”

“Have you now?” he asked, sounding pleased.

She nodded and sipped again.

He picked up his cup and stretched his legs out before him, crossing one foot over the other. “Do I detect a hint of jealousy from the lovely Miss Rule?”

Did he? She really didn’t think she was jealous. She wanted other young ladies to appreciate who he was and what he’d done as an officer in the army. She wanted them all to want to dance with him and want to spend time with him. What she felt was happiness that the ladies were not letting his disfigurement keep them from enjoying his company. He was relaxing, and she took that as a good sign that the afternoon was going well.

“It tells me that many young ladies are delighted you are seeking their attention.”

“But what about you? Are you happy that I am seeking your attention?”

“Of course. You know you don’t have to ask that question of me.”

His eye narrowed. “I think I do.”

It was now or never. She looked around them. There was another carriage in the distance, and someone rode on horseback even farther away. No one was close enough to know if they were there kissing or whispering.

Her stomach jumped. She put the cup down, rose up on her knees, and moved closer to him. “I want you to kiss me, Captain.”

His Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed slowly. “Do you now?”

“Yes,” she said, her courage growing now that she’d actually said the words. “It’s time. I’ve been wondering what it would be like to receive a kiss from you since I was sixteen years old.”

He placed his cup on the blanket, rose up on his knees, and looked around them just as she had. “I won’t keep you waiting any longer,” he said. “I think we’ve both waited long enough for this.”

“Too long,” she whispered.

The captain lowered his head toward hers.

Angelina remembered that Harrison had told her the first kiss should always be with eyes open so she did as she had when Harrison kissed her and watched the captain’s face while his lips touched hers in a tender kiss. It puzzled her that Captain Maxwell’s eye was closed. But something else puzzled her more. The lack of response inside her. His lips were warm but there were no tingles on her skin, no butterflies in her stomach, and no desirous sensations racing to invade her most intimately womanly parts. There were no fireworks shooting through her senses.

Suddenly he jerked away from her so roughly she almost fell back. “Why did you do that? Don’t do that!”

“What?” she asked, astonished by his tempestuousness, by the angry expression on his face and the fury in his voice. “What did I do?”

“You kept your eyes open. Why did you do that?”

He almost spat the words at her. Heaven help her. She thought she was supposed to. Lord Thornwick had told her to watch the first kiss, but she couldn’t tell Captain Maxwell that. Frustration turned her hands into tight fists. “I’m sorry, I thought I was supposed to keep my eyes open.”

“You were looking at my scars.”

“No!” she defended, unable to understand why he was so angry at such a simple mistake. How could he have misunderstood so badly what she had done?

“You wanted see my face close up so you could decide if you could live with looking at me day after day. Morning and night.”

“Stop that,” she demanded. “You know that isn’t true.” That feeling she’d had since he’d arrived that everything was going to be good between them today fled from her. “I thought it was the right thing to do.”

There was no way she could explain the reasoning behind her action. She should have known that anything Harrison had asked of her would not be normal and shouldn’t be done at all. Why had she ever listened to the one man who never followed any acceptable rules of behavior?

“Know this, no matter how many times you look closely at me the scars will not change. This is the way I will look for the rest of my life.”

Her heart was beating so fast she felt light-headed. “I’ve told you that your scars don’t bother me. I don’t even see them anymore when I look at you.”

He shook his head and looked down at the ground. “Don’t lie to me, Miss Rule. How can they not when they bother me at times to the point I feel I will go mad from the wishing, the wanting to look as I once did?”

Her heart broke for him at his honest admission. Of course they vexed him. This debacle, this pain he was going through now was her fault for keeping her eyes open.

No, it was Lord Thornwick’s fault that the captain was affronted by her and she was shaking like a leaf in a thunderstorm. If she could get her hands on Harrison right now she would cheerfully strangle him with his perfectly tied neckcloth.

Captain Maxwell lifted his head and stared directly at her. “I don’t want you ever looking at me that closely. Ever again.”

“I won’t,” she said softly, hoping to placate him. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry. You must believe me I’d never do anything to deliberately hurt you.”

He ran both hands through his hair as he exhaled loudly and groaned. Her heart broke a second time. She wanted to hug him. Make up for the terrible mistake she made. She wanted him to lay his head on her breast so she could comfort him. She wanted to somehow ease the pain inside him, but she was afraid to touch him.

He coughed and sat back on his heels once more. He was calm again. The vehemence had faded from his expression, but she was still shaking. He picked up his cup and took a long drink.

“Yes, of course, I know,” he finally said. “I’m sorry, Miss Rule. I lost control for a moment and stepped over the line. It’s just that—I didn’t expect you to
^____
I know you weren’t doing the things I accused
^____
”

“You don’t have to explain,” she said, cutting him off.

“But I do,” he said earnestly. “Sometimes such strong anger overcomes me and gets the best of me. There are times I can’t stop myself. And at other times, the anger comes rushing out before I realize it.”

His contrite expression, his sadness filled her with sorrow. “It’s all right,” she whispered with the compassion she was feeling. “I understand. And I’m sure that will get better with time, too.”

“I’ve tried to tell myself I’ve dealt with my lot in life. Many times I’ve told myself this. Then suddenly something will occur as happened just now between us and it proves to me I haven’t accepted it. I’ve only hidden my feelings once again, for a time.”

“That sounds perfectly normal to me, Captain,” she said and gently placed her hand over his. “It’s only been a few months. There hasn’t been enough time for you to heal every wound.”

And she believed that. This was the man she loved. She had always loved him. She didn’t know why Harrison was now the man she dreamed about, the man she longed to see, and the man she wanted to hold her, kiss her, and caress her. Those feelings should be for the man who was with her right now. She felt desperate to recapture what she’d once felt for Captain Maxwell, but she didn’t know how to do it.

“You are being very gracious. I should have known with your first kiss you wouldn’t know how it’s done.”

She averted her eyes, not wanting to admit it wasn’t her first kiss. “I didn’t mean to distress you. Can we try it again?” She rose up on her knees. “Will you kiss me again? This time the right way, with my eyes closed?”

Angelina’s stomach quivered but not in the same wonderful way Harrison created. It was in a nervous twitter for fear of doing something else wrong. She closed her eyes and lifted her face to his. When his lips made contact with hers she sighed, wanting desperately for it to be different this time. She waited for him to escalate the kiss. She wanted him to slant his lips and move them passionately over hers and allow her to feel his desire for her.

All of a sudden, Harrison’s words were ringing in her ears.
If he won’t kiss you, you should kiss him
.

Without further thought she reached up and wound her arms around his neck and moved in closer to him, pressing her chest against his. She tried to ask him with her movements to circle her with his arms, catch her up in his strong arms the way Lord Thornwick had. She wanted to feel him hold her as if she were the most precious thing he had ever held.

They kept kissing. Her feelings of desire would come for the captain. They would. She needed more time. He needed more time. But they would come. They had to.

But they didn’t. They kissed longer and longer. Finally his arms slid around her and he pulled her close, but she felt no stirrings of passion from him or herself. All she felt was sadness.

“Oh, my love,” he whispered against her lips. “My love. I’ve waited so long to hold you like this. After the pistol exploded in my face I never thought I’d hold you in my arms like this. I never thought you’d be mine. Tell me you’ll marry me.”

Marry him?

Angelina stiffened and broke away from the kiss.

“Did I rush you?” he asked.

She moistened her lips. “No, no, it’s just that I didn’t expect you to say that right now, today.”

She sat back down and picked up her cup and took a sip, feeling like she wanted to cry. Captain Maxwell was a courageous and kind man. A handsome and capable man, the man she thought she loved, but now she wasn’t sure she wanted to marry him.

Maybe it was just that they didn’t have a good start with the first kiss. She should never have kept her eyes open. It hadn’t felt natural. It was the wrong thing to do. That must have been the reason the stirrings of wanton desire and earth-shattering passion had eluded her and, understandably, the captain.

When she looked up at the captain he had a satisfied smile on his face, but she didn’t feel satisfied at all. And it was all that blasted Lord Thornwick’s fault. It was as if he’d reached into her heart and stolen her love from Captain Maxwell right out of her chest.

“You’ve known I was going to ask you to marry me.”

Yes, and she used to want that, too, but now, now she couldn’t say for sure that was what she wanted. “I’m not ready to—to answer you.”

His eye searched her face. “I understand.”

Angelina felt like crying. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, she thought, and felt the first drop of cold rain.

“We’ve got to hurry,” he said.

Angelina opened the umbrella while Captain Maxwell threw their cups in the basket. They ran for the carriage. He helped her step up just as a deluge started. She knocked him with the umbrella as he jumped in beside her on the seat. He laughed, and she laughed, too, but felt no real joy. She was sad.

“Hold on,” he said. “We’ll have to go fast.”

He gave the ribbons a strong snap and the horses took off. The carriage bumped and jangled through the park. They hadn’t gone far when Angelina saw a small, drenched dog limping, trying to stay off his right front paw, and headed right in front of their speeding carriage.

She grabbed hold of the handle of the bench and yelled, “Stop! There!”

Captain Maxwell yanked the ribbons so hard the horses reared and screamed. The curricle bucked and shuddered, almost throwing her from the bench. In an instant the captain dropped the reins, jumped to his feet, and slid his sword from its scabbard. The shrill sound of metal scraping against metal chilled her to the bone.

“Where?” he shouted, holding his sword in the air. “Where are they? I’ll fight them!”

Angelina sat frozen in fear at the long sharp blade held so closely to her face. Her heart was pounding so hard she thought she might lose her breath. The captain’s expression held a faraway, disturbing glaze. The rain pelted him as he searched the horizon in every direction.

“It’s a dog, Captain,” she whispered softly. She pointed in the foggy distance. “See. Put your sword away. There’s no enemy, it’s just a crippled dog.”

He looked down at her. Confusion flashed across his face. “A dog?” He blinked slowly. “A dog,” he said again. “I thought there was
^____
never mind. I understand.” He slid the sword back into its sheath.

The shearing sound of the blade entering its casing sent shivers up Angelina’s spine all over again and she trembled.

“Do you mind helping me down, Captain?” she said, quietly. She pointed in the direction of the animal, who continued to limp along in the downpour. “I must help him.”

“You can’t save every stray, Miss Rule,” he said flatly. “You must know that by now.”

“I think I finally do, Captain. I can’t save them all. I can’t even save most of them, but I can save that one, and I’m going to with or without your help.”

She then looked up at him with clear eyes. It was as if she were seeing him for the first time. Not a handsome soldier, not a wounded soldier, not even a wounded man. Just a man. A man she respected. A man she was honored to know, but did she love him as she once had?

“Very well, Miss Rule,” he said stiffly. “Stay here under your umbrella. I’ll get him for you.”

“Thank you, Captain,” she whispered, as a tear rolled down her face.

Chapter 25

I never did repent for doing good, nor shall not now.

The Merchant of Venice
3.4.10–11

Angelina said good-bye to Captain Maxwell at the door, refusing his offer to let him help her with the shivering dog. She’d wrapped the puppy in her cape and held the umbrella over them on the short ride home.