The Edge of Forever (2 page)

“Overreacting!”
Jon winced at the high-pitched squeal that came from his wife.

“I love you.” Maybe saying those three little words would make her forget she was mad at him. The narrow-eyed look she gave him told him his answer. “I swear it was a completely innocent meeting. We were going over the Anderson account. Poppy, love, you know we’re working on the account together.”

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Let’s just stop talking about it, okay.”

“Okay.” He drove home, the silence stretching wide and getting under his skin. “What did you want to talk to me about?” She shifted in her seat and after a prolonged moment looked over at him. Her hand went to her belly, and he followed the act.

“Jon, I’m—”

The sound of metal bending and glass shattering filled his ears, and then there was nothing.

****

October 2013

The headstone was a marker for death. A fat tear slid down Poppy’s cheek, and she angrily brushed it away. Poppy didn’t want to cry anymore. Exhaustion filled her from the sadness that consumed her and wouldn’t let her rest. Two years had passed, and it still hurt so damn much.

When will the pain end?

Poppy looked at the headstone for what had to be the millionth time in the past twenty-four months.

Jonathan William Ellis

Beloved Husband, Son, and Brother

March 1, 1983-October 5, 2011

She had traced the engravings so many times she could close her eyes and see the exact placement of each of the letters.

“It’s time for me to go, Jon, to move on.” The ground was cold and frozen beneath her ass, but she didn’t care. A gust of wind whistled past her, rustling the bare tree branches and scaring a flock of birds. Tilting her head to the sky, she watched the cloud of black twist and turn, as if ink had been spilled into water. The birds squawked high above her, but disappeared across the murky greyness of the sky.

It had taken her two years to finally have the strength to make the decision to move out of Ohio. Being around their friends and family was just too hard, even years after his death. Looking at them, at the home they shared, and the possessions they had bought together, was a reminder of what they had, and everything that she lost.

Poppy was sick of the sympathetic looks everyone gave her, and the whispers they thought she couldn’t hear. Yeah, she had one hell of a time dealing with Jon’s death, but what the fuck did they know? She would take all the time she needed to heal, at least that’s what the shrink had told her. Honestly, Poppy didn’t know if she would every feel whole again, or if the emptiness that now lay in her heart would ever be filled.

 
Getting away from everything seemed like the perfect thing for her to do at the moment. Jon and his family had been an integral part of her life growing up. Their parents had been close friends, and their families did everything together. But since Jon’s death she felt pulled away from them and disconnected from her own family. All she wanted to do was be alone and try to heal on her own terms, without everyone telling her what they thought would help her. She didn’t want any more help. Did they not understand that she may never be okay?

Jon would have wanted her to move on, to find happiness again. They had certainly talked about it during their marriage. He wouldn’t have wanted her to keep the pain inside until it ate at her from the inside out.
 

“I love you, but it’s time for me to press forward.” She lifted her hand and rubbed it along the smooth granite top.
 
“I’m sorry I never got to tell you about the baby, and I’m sorry our last conversation was me acting like a jealous bitch.” The tears fell harder, and she swallowed. “I should have told you that I loved you.” Poppy squeezed her eyes shut as the ever-present pain filled her. Whoever said it would get easier with time should be shot because they were a damn liar.

“I’m going to Alaska of all places.” She laughed because she knew Jon would have thought
she
her crazy as hell. “Don’t worry, I promise to watch out for bears.” She couldn’t help but tease since she knew that would have been something Jon pointed out … all the damn bears in Alaska.

Making the decision to move so far away hadn’t been easy. “I just want to escape, Johnny, and Alaska seems like the perfect place to do that.”

After Jon died every single person in his family had come out of the woodwork to give their condolences. When Blake called her something inside of her had shifted. Poppy couldn’t explain it, and it made no sense. Up until that moment she had just wanted to keep to herself, but hearing Blake’s voice brought back good memories of her time with Jon.

She had seen Blake enough times growing up that she considered them close, but he was ten years older than Jon or she and had gone off to college while they were still in elementary school.

Of course he had moved out of state once he got his degree, so the visits from him had lessened significantly. Now, after two years of talking every day and unloading all her pain and worries on the one person who had been just as close to Jon as she had, Poppy had made the decision that would forever change her life, she hoped for the best.

She gave one last touch to Jon’s headstone and stood. She gripped the lapels of her jacket and pulled them together. The knit hat she wore did nothing to stop the cold that seeped into her bones.

“Bye. I love you.” Poppy turned away and strode quickly to the waiting taxi. She headed straight to the airport, with only a few suitcases of her belongings with her. Everything else held too many memories.

Her hand went to her stomach automatically, and pain sliced through her, opening the wound of despair that never seemed to want to close. She had lost everything that day.
Her husband, her baby, and her life.

Once in the cab she wrapped her arms around her middle and stared out at the cemetery as it faded in the distance. This was is. She was leaving Ohio, her friends and family, and the man she thought she’d spend the rest of her life with.

Poppy looked down at her left hand, saw the ring around her finger, and swallowed past the lump in her throat. Slipping off her wedding band, she tucked it into her pocket. She knew the pain of losing her husband and unborn baby would always be there, but the life she lived now wasn’t meaningful, and Poppy knew she had to make a change.

So, that’s what she planned on doing, one solitary moment at a time.

Chapter Two

Blithe, Alaska

Poppy stepped out of the small boat that had taken her from the Alaskan airport to Blithe. The air was crisper here, with more of a kick. Blithe was a small island community. With the Pacific Ocean on one side and the Bristol Bay on the other, Poppy found herself getting excited for the first time in years.

 
The wild frontier would do her some good, as would the seclusion the island of less than fifteen thousand would provide. She had done enough research on the town when she decided to move there that she could have been the official spokeswoman for the place.

A small Visitor/Ranger station greeted all newcomers, which happened to be all of ten. Apparently Blithe wasn’t a popular tourist attraction, especially during the winter months.

 
Poppy made her way past the station to where several vehicles were parked. All of them were SUVs, but she surmised one had to have a four-wheel drive when living in Alaska. The other passengers from the boat moved in front of her, temporarily blocking her view.

 
When the sea of people parted she felt herself smile. It felt strange doing the act since it had been so long, but seeing Blake, his smile warm and familiar, Poppy couldn’t help her reaction.

He pushed off the black SUV and strode toward her. It was a bittersweet moment seeing him. All the memories of Jon and them together washed through her, choking her up. An equal amount of happiness and good memories his presence evoked inside of her had her grin spreading wide.

“Hey, sweetheart.”
Blake wrapped his arms around her, and Poppy felt herself stiffen from the contact. The feel of someone’s arms around her that weren’t Jon’s just felt aberrant.

With her bags still in hand she didn’t return the embrace, but Blake didn’t seem to notice, or he didn’t care. He pulled back an inch but kept his arms around her waist. He was taller, probably at least a foot from her own five feet four inch frame.

“You cut your hair.” A smile filled his voice and he lifted a strand of her blonde hair.

Her once waist length hair had been the talk to the Ellis and Matthews families. Jon had loved it, but when he died she cut it off. Just looking at it, feeling the heavy weight, reminded her of all the times Jon had sifted his fingers through it and told her how beautiful she was. Now it sat in a bob style atop her shoulders.

“You look good, Poppy. I’m glad you’ve put the weight back on.”

She looked down at her boots. Her weight had been an issue, too. Her once size sixteen
frame
had shriveled down to a scrawny six. The ones who didn’t know how deep her depression had been complimented on her thinner figure, but the ones closest to her knew how sickly she looked.

“Thanks, Blake. I’m hoping that the change of scenery will continue to help me.” He smiled down at her, and emotion struck her momentarily speechless. He reminded
her a
lot of Jon. Of course there were differences, but they had the same hazel eyes and dark hair. Blake’s, of course, had a little bit of silver through it, given the fact he was nearing forty, but it looked good on him.

“Come on, I’ll show you town while we head home.” He took her bags and led her to his vehicle.

Home.

Poppy hadn’t known what a home was for the past two years.

Once her bags were in the back and they were both in the cab, she prayed again that she made the right choice.

“So, how have you been?” She knew he asked the question simply to be polite. They had been talking nearly every day for years, and he knew how horrible her time without Jon had been. They had only seen each other a handful of times after Jon’s death, but after the first year of obligatory holiday visits, Blake stopped coming around. He might not admit it, but Poppy knew it had been hard for him to be around when everything reminded him of Jon, too.

“Better than I was.” She had no need to sugarcoat anything with Blake. Over their many conversations she hadn’t held anything back. Not her feelings, not her fears of what the future held, not anything. Poppy didn’t know why it didn’t feel strange telling him her innermost thoughts, but the truth of it was, if Blake hadn’t been there she didn’t know where she would be in life right now.

“Well, you look like you’re doing better.” He cut a glance to her and smiled. “The last image I had of you was at Christmas, over a year after Jon passed…” His voice changed an octave, and Poppy knew it was still just as hard for him. “You weren’t looking so good.
All skin and bones.
I asked Mom about you, and she said the same thing. They were so worried about you.
I
was so worried about you.”

Poppy cleared her throat and looked out the passenger window. “Yeah, well, it had been a really hard time for me. I’m getting better now.” She felt his hand cover hers and looked down at it. His hand seemed to swallow hers whole. Comfort seeped from him, and she wished it would move into her body, but all she felt was the same emptiness that followed her of late. After a moment he pulled his hand away and placed it back on the steering wheel. They sat in silence, but not the uncomfortable kind that made someone itchy.

Black spruce and evergreens were on either side of them, hugging the road in an almost intimate embrace. It took thirty minutes for them to reach the center of town.

“Welcome to Blithe, population 14,589.” Blake started pointing out the major structures of the town. Grocery store, hardware, and post office were lined up side by side. It appeared to be a quaint little place.

“That’s my office.” Blake pointed to a small wildlife preserve building to the left.

“Do you enjoy your work?” A smile came over his face, and Poppy couldn’t help her own smile from surfacing. She liked seeing him happy.

“I love it. Being a wildlife biologist gives me the chance to be free amongst the animals. The scenery changes every day, and I learn something new all the time.” He made a left and continued up a steep incline for about half a mile before the road evened out.

They drove for another twenty minutes before he pulled onto an unpaved road. His cabin came into view through a break in the trees. It was small but gorgeous, with big picture windows and a wraparound porch.

“Wow, Blake, it’s stunning. The pictures you emailed me don’t do it justice.”

“Thank you.” He pulled the SUV right up to the front steps and cut the engine. For several moments they sat there. Neither of them spoke, and the only sound that filled the interior was that of the cooling engine.

“I have to admit that I’m still surprised you wanted to come to Blithe.” His voice sounded deep and low. Poppy could tell in her peripheral vision that he turned toward in his seat and watched her, but she didn’t turn her gaze from the front of the cabin.

“Why do you say that?” She did turn in her seat to look at him then. He didn’t answer for several moments, and Poppy took that time to take him in. Where Jon’s dark hair had been on the longer side, Blake had his cut short,
so
it fell across his forehead. He sported a five o’clock shadow, and she idly wondered if the men in Alaska grew beards to stay warm.

Blake was a big man and filled the interior of the spacious vehicle to capacity. That had been another difference between Blake and his brother. Jon had been a few inches taller than her. He had been just perfect … they had been perfect for each other.

Taking a deep breath, Poppy blew it out slowly and faced the house once again. “There were a few times I thought about not coming. I mean, there are places a hell of a lot closer than Alaska that I can run away to.” Blake chuckled, and she went on. “I just…” Poppy rubbed her eyes, suddenly feeling exhausted. “I just wanted to get away from Ohio, from my family, and from our friends. Everywhere I looked I saw Jon, and I knew I would never be able to heal.”

“Listen, Poppy, I didn’t mean to make it sound like I don’t want you here, because hell,” he said the last word on a ragged breath. “I’ll be
honest,
talking to you all those times after Johnny died helped me get through a lot of shit.” He ran his hand over the back of his neck, and Poppy was struck with the memory of every time Jon used to do that same mannerism when he appeared uncomfortable.

“Anyway, enough talk about this in the car before we freeze our asses off.” Blake’s grin was all straight, white teeth.

When she climbed out of the vehicle she let the pristine calmness surround her. There were no familiar scents in the air, or the hustle of cars moving up and down the street. The aroma of car exhaust was absent from the air, and she tilted her head back and closed her eyes, inhaling deeply.

She sensed Blake step beside her but didn’t open her eyes right away. Letting the stillness of her surroundings pour into her, Poppy smiled, knowing without a doubt this had been the right decision. When she did open her eyes she saw Blake standing in front of her.

When she had told everyone her plans to move they hadn’t seemed all that surprised, but then when she revealed where she planned on moving and with whom, their shock had been evident. Poppy knew how counterproductive it might seem to everyone. What with her wanting to leave behind everything that reminded her of Jon, only to be living with his brother of all people. Poppy couldn’t explain it, didn’t even want to try to understand it. All she knew was that being in Blake’s presence and talking to him about her feelings helped her heal, not the other way around.

She followed him up the front steps and into the cabin. The scent of wood and leather filled her senses. The sun had already started to set so the interior was dark, but she could make out the sharp lines of the furniture scattered throughout the room. A second later he turned on a light, and the golden glow came from the antler chandelier, of all things.

“Nice.” She started laughing as she craned her neck back to loom at the light fixture.

“You like that?” Poppy could hear the smile in his voice.

“Does everyone in Alaska have one of these in their homes?” She turned to watch him set her bags down.

“It’s standard, but only if they’re moose antlers.” Blake said through a chuckle. “Come on, I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”

Poppy followed him down a short hallway and into the first room on the right. There were two other doors in the hallway, which she presumed were his bedroom and the bathroom.

A light clicked on, and she saw a full-sized bed in the center of the room, a couple bedside tables, and a dresser. Blake set her suitcases on the floor beside the bed and took several steps back.

“The bathroom is just down the hall if you need it. Here, let me take your coat.” She peeled it off and handed it to him. “I’ll just hang it by the door.” A moment of silence passed before he said anything else. “Well, I’ll let you get settled in while I make some dinner.” He strode toward the door.

“Blake?”

He stopped and looked at her over his shoulder.

“Thanks for letting me stay with you. I know you didn’t have to do this for me, but thank you again.” Poppy offered him a small smile.

“I’m just sorry it took Jon passing away for you to visit.” He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

He shut the door behind him, and she suddenly felt very alone in the large and empty room. Aside from a few pictures of lakes and trees, the decorations were scarce in the room. A set of French doors stood to her left, and she moved toward them. The handles were cold as she curled her fingers around the brass.
A gust of frigid air whipped by her when she pulled the doors open.

Stepping onto the deck, she walked until the rail dug into her belly. The cold seeped through the long-sleeved shirt she wore, but she didn’t care. The discomfort made her feel
alive,
made her think of something other than the past.

The light from her room spilled into the darkness. The sky looked a hazy mix of greys, blues, and pinks. The promise of snow in the very near future lingered in the air. Her lungs burned as she inhaled. Resting her forearms on the banister, she stared at the thick tangle of trees right in front of her.

When Blake had offered her a place to stay over a year ago she hadn’t thought much of it. Thinking he offered because he felt some kind of obligation toward her had crossed her mind more than once. Maybe he still felt like that, but either way she was so very thankful for the reprieve. It wasn’t like this had to be permanent. Poppy knew she always had a home back in Ohio with a family that loved her.

Hanging her head, she let her eyes close and wished for once nothing filled her mind. More than one of her friends had told her she was making a huge mistake. Dropping everything to move to the middle of nowhere did sound ludicrous, but what did they know? Had they ever lost someone who meant the world to them? She had money saved up, and it wasn’t like she was jobless. Thanks to Blake she had a new job, one where she filed things away at his office. Yeah, that was her, Poppy Ellis, the Great File Clerk. She didn’t doubt the work would be monotonous, but it would keep her busy. Besides, she had views like the one right in front of her at every turn. How could this be a bad idea?