The Edge of Forever (5 page)

Chapter Six

Monday morning came and went, and now Blake sat behind his desk Monday evening with a massive headache. He hadn’t gotten much sleep last night, partly due to the storm last night, but mainly because he couldn’t stop thinking about everything Poppy told him. On top of losing her husband traumatically, Poppy had been pregnant and miscarried. He had lain in bed for hours, listening to shards of ice pelt against his window. The weather mimicked his mood, turbulent and violent.

“
You doing
okay, Blake?” Maggie said.

He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. The pounding behind his eyes matched the steady thumping of his heart.
“Yeah, just tired.”
His eyes were closed, but he knew Maggie sat in the seat in front of his desk. He could smell the cinnamon bagel she ate and the dust that always seemed to surround her from digging through boxes for samples.

“Did the storm keep you up?”

He sighed and opened his eyes. She sat in front of him. Her thin wire-rimmed glasses were slightly askew. Her red hair was twisted in a severe bun at her nape, and her thin lips were painted with bright red lipstick. “Yes. No.” Blake let his head fall to the back of his chair and stared at the ceiling. A water stain sat in a brown, dull circle in the corner.

“Everything okay?
All day you haven’t been yourself.” She took a bite of her bagel and watched him.

“Yeah, I said I’m just tired.” In all honesty he hadn’t been able to concentrate today. Poppy was just in the next room over, staying busy with filing samples into the computer system that needed to be up and running by the beginning of the year. Occasionally he could hear her muttering profanities, and those times he hadn’t been able to hold in his smile. Something
about
 
Poppy
calmed him, and made everything seem bearable when it shouldn’t be. He knew her pain, because he lived with it also. Two years might have passed, but every morning when he woke up the agony of knowing he wouldn’t be able to call his brother and see if everything was okay, or plan a guy’s night out the next time he came to visit, hit him full force.

Every day he woke up wishing it had been him instead of Jon.

“Hey, maybe we can go out again sometime?”

Maggie looked so hopeful he didn’t want to crush whatever ideas she had brewing in her mind. “Maggie, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She looked a bit forlorn, but she quickly schooled her expression and smiled.

“Listen, you’re not feeling the greatest, so I’m going to leave you alone and get back to work.” She stood and smoothed her hands down her pleated pants. She gave him one more smile and left him alone in his office.

 
Six months ago they had gone out on a date. That one had led to another, then the two of them in bed together. It had been a mistake, in more ways than one. For one thing he should have never gotten involved with his co-worker. For the second thing Maggie had grown attached to him after that one date and one night in bed. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, but being with Maggie had temporarily filled the void inside of him. The morning after he told her they could never do it again. Maggie hadn’t made a scene, and things were still good between them, but every once in a while she nudged him for something more.

The sound of Poppy cursing again had warmth spreading inside of him. He stood and left his office. Blake leaned against the doorframe and watched Poppy. She was bent over the tiny desk, her upper body forward and her face close to the computer screen. He could hear the sound of her fingers flying over the board.

“Well, shit.” Poppy looked at the keyboard, typed something out, and looked at the screen again.

Maybe Blake should have made his presence known, but he couldn’t help but sit back and watch her.

“Argh!”
Poppy sat back and ran her hands threw her short blonde hair. It looked soft, and his fingers itched to touch the strands.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Blake mentally berated himself for his inappropriate thoughts. The floor creaked as he shifted on his feet, and Poppy turned to look at him.

“Oh, hey.”
Her cheeks took on a pink hue. “You, ugh, you didn’t hear my foul language, did you?”

Blake threw his head back and laughed.
God, that feels good.
To actually laugh and feel it throughout my whole body.
When he looked at Poppy again her face took on a pretty shade of red, and he grinned wider. “Your face always did show your emotions.” Despite her emotions, Poppy’s smiled at him.

“So I take it you did hear me swearing up a storm in here?”

“Yeah, but that’s all right. I think it’s funny as hell.
Makes for an interesting day.”
He stepped into the office and looked at the computer screen. “Everything okay, though?”

Poppy sighed and stared daggers at the screen. “You know, I did advertising for years, worked on the computer for hours a day, and could tell you any program out there and how it works, but when it comes to organizing samples with crazy-ass names, I’m computer-illiterate.”

Blake chuckled again. He grabbed an extra chair and sat beside her. “The system is pretty outdated, but we are required to document and print our findings and send it to universities and research facilities. It’s a pain in the ass, but the government funds our research so they have us by the balls, so to speak.” Poppy gave him a coy look and started laughing.

“I like it when you laugh. It sounds nice.” The air shifted around her, and her back straightened. “I’m sorry.” He went to stand, but her hand on his forearm stopped him. Blake looked at her.

“No,
it’s
fine, it’s just…” She let go of his arm and looked away. “I feel kind of guilty.”

He felt his brows knit. “Guilty?
But why?”

“Because I wasn’t thinking about Jon.
I wasn’t thinking about anything aside from the way you make me feel.” She smiled again, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m so happy around you, Blake, contrary to the way I’ve been acting, and I feel guilty that I find myself not thinking of Jon.”

“Oh, Poppy, sweetheart.”
He reached for her, but she shook her head and stood.

“Listen, is it okay if I finish this tomorrow?”

“Poppy, can we talk?” Bake stood, but she took another step back.

She shook her head and offered a smile. “It’s time for me to go anyway. Can you take me home, or do you still have work to do?”

Blake rubbed his hand over the back of his head and breathed out. She was right. It was time for her to go, but he didn’t want her leaving when she felt like this.

“Everything okay?”
Maggie stepped in the room and looked between them.

“Yeah, Poppy is ready to go, so I’m going to have to finish up tomorrow.”

“Blake, I don’t want to tear you away from anything. I can just wait until you’re done.” Poppy took a step forward and grabbed her jacket off the back of a chair. “I’ll just go sit in the front.” Poppy went toward the door.

“No, no, Poppy. That’s crazy having you wait. It’s not a problem taking you home. I’m about done here anyway.” He offered her a reassuring smile.

“Blake, we have to get those samples filed and packaged to send off to McKenzie Research Center. We are already behind.” Maggie was right. “I can take you home when we’re done if you want?” Maggie’s expression turned hopeful.

“No, I can come in early tomorrow and finish it.”

“Blake, that’s ridiculous. If you’re okay with it, I can just drive myself back.” Poppy slipped her coat on and grabbed her purse. “I don’t want to keep you from what you need to do.”

“I don’t mind taking you home, Blake.” Maggie stepped further into the room, and he nodded.

“Yeah, okay, if you’re okay with it, Poppy?”

“Of course.”

He handed her his car keys and saw her to the Yukon. When she was in the driver’s seat he leaned against the open window. “So you’re sure you remember how to get home?”

Her cheeks were red from the chilled air. “Yeah, it’s a pretty straight shot, but I have my cell. If I get lost I’ll call you.”

“Okay, well, send me a text when you get there.” He straightened and touched the hand closest to him. For several seconds they stared at each other. Blake couldn’t deny, couldn’t ignore, the tingle that traveled up his arm from the simple touch. He pulled his arm away and made a fist. Blake stood there and watched her drive away, knowing in his gut he should have gone with her. Poppy’s emotions were still raw, and she didn’t need to be alone.

“She’ll be fine, Blake.” Maggie’s voice sounded behind him, but he didn’t bother turning around. He continued to watch the Yukon that got smaller and smaller. “Besides, once this is done the two of you will have all kinds of free time to visit.” He turned around then, and Maggie looked up at him.

“Yeah, well let’s just get this done. I don’t feel right having her go home alone.” Maggie led the way, and right before Blake entered he turned around and watched the now empty road. Blake placed a hand over his heart, realizing that watching Poppy leave left an ache in the center of his chest. Guilt swamped him, because at that moment Blake realized Poppy meant something more to him than his sister-in-law, and more than just the widow of his little brother. He lifted his hand and looked at it. Blake could still feel the tingles that her touch caused within him.

She meant the world to him, and that was a very dangerous emotion, one he didn’t know if he felt comfortable with.

Chapter Seven

Poppy cleaned up her dishes from dinner and put them away. She had been home several hours ago. She had sent a text to Blake when she arrived, but hadn’t heard anything from him since. No doubt he was busy, but after she left he was the only thing she could think about. And it was those thoughts that made her feel sick. Poppy sat on the couch and stared at the fire she had started when she first arrived. A smiled curved her lips as she remembered Blake showing her how to start one yesterday. It had been easy enough, but the way he explained it to her, like he wanted to make sure she knew the make-up of the best wood that would burn, and the length it should burn for, had her feeling light. Something about his presence eased the whirlwind of emotion that constantly consumed her.

Every time he looked at her butterflies started inside of her. Warmth grew at the small, comforting touches he gave her. All of it made her feel whole, like a human and not just a being floating around a world that she didn’t fit in. He made her think of other things, things that didn’t have her crying and wishing things would be different.

Poppy couldn’t say when that moment between them had changed, but it had definitely shifted. He was her rock, her shoulder to cry on, but Blake never turned away when she needed him. He had helped her in more ways than he would ever know. While in his presence, talking to him, laughing with him, Poppy found herself not thinking of Jon. The guilt from those thoughts kept her pushing her emotions down. If she were honest, her feelings for Blake were starting to change and go into territory that she wasn’t comfortable with.

She closed her eyes and placed her hand on the scar that covered her belly. Touching the reminder of what she lost had been a constant thing since Jon’s passing. It seemed to keep her grounded, to ease her in some way. Poppy opened her eyes and looked down. She gripped the edge of her shirt and slowly dragged it over her stomach. Her belly was slightly rounded, thanks to her putting back on her weight, and she ran her hands over the scar that made a long, raised vertical line two inches from her belly button. The damage had been repaired on the inside, but she now wore a permanent, physical reminder of that day. Poppy dropped her shirt until it covered her stomach and watched the fire.

The sound of a car engine coming up the drive had her standing and going to the window. Maggie’s Blazer parked parallel to the cabin, letting Poppy see into the cab without the glare of the headlights. Blake’s big form seemed to take up the entire passenger side. They were talking, and from the smile on Maggie’s face, the conversation obviously pleased her. Poppy wasn’t blind or stupid. The desire for Blake on Maggie’s face was clear as day, but a sick, twisted part of couldn’t deny the pleasure that formed inside of her when she noticed that Blake didn’t seem to reciprocate Maggie’s feelings.

Maggie touched Blake’s bicep, and Poppy knew watching them was an invasion of their privacy, but she couldn’t force herself to move away. A tingle of jealousy worked its way through her body when Blake turned and faced Maggie. His hand landed on hers, and Poppy’s stomach tightened. Her emotions were completely misplaced, yet she had to keep watching, like some kind of masochistic fiend.

What would your families think if they knew your feelings for Blake were becoming more than innocent?

No doubt they would be disgusted with her, and Poppy couldn’t blame them. She disgusted herself.

Maggie leaned in and kissed Blake, and that was when Poppy forced herself to turn away. She moved to Alaska to heal, not to start something completely inappropriate with her brother-in-law. She made herself comfortable on the couch and grabbed her book. The story was about a young girl who faced horror after horror in her life. From abuse to ridicule, the young girl turned into a woman who constantly sought out love and affection in the wrong places. Losing someone you loved, and the baby inside of
her,
was a true horror, but stories like the one she read made Poppy realize that her life could be so much worse. She should be grateful for what she still had.

****

Blake opened the front door and closed it. He leaned against the wood and closed his eyes. He should have known Maggie driving him home was a bad idea. It was clear she had a different mindset from his. Her feelings for him were far more involved then he initially thought. That much became uncomfortably clear when she told him how she felt before he got out of the Blazer. He had tried to explain that, yes, they had shared something six months ago, but he would just like to keep their relationship professional, but then she had kissed him.

A flicker of emotion had passed across her face when he explained again that things couldn’t go there again between them, that he had too much going on in his life and she deserved someone that could give her the time and attention she deserved. For the hundredth time he cursed his weakness that had resulted in a now complicated situation with Maggie.

The sound of the fire crackling drew him away from his problems, and of course he started thinking about Poppy. God, if his life wasn’t complicated enough, he had feelings for her. No doubt she would see him as a sick bastard. That’s the way he saw himself anyway. What kind of man lusted after the woman who had been married to his little brother?

He scrubbed a hand over his face and pushed off the door. No, he needed to remember that Poppy had come here to get away from the drama that now surrounded her life. He certainly didn’t want to complicate that by confessing that talking and spending time with her had healed him in more ways than one. He was all kinds of fucked up.

He went into the living room and saw
Poppy
lying on the couch, a book in her lap. Again he found himself standing back and staring at her. He loved the way she played with the ends of her hair, and the way her little nose scrunched up when she was deep in thought. Every little mannerism she did was like a kick in his gut and a tight fist around his heart. When had the brotherly love he had for Poppy turned into something deeper?

“That’s an incredible book.” He moved into the room and sat on the couch beside her, but made sure to leave a good space between them. She shifted in her seat and looked uncomfortable. Blake felt his brows knit.
“Everything okay?”
Poppy ran her hand over the page and nodded.

“Yeah.”
She cleared her throat. “Everything’s good.” She smiled up at him. “You’re right, this is an incredible book.” She marked her page and closed the book. The title,
She’s Come Undone
, explained the story perfectly. Blake noticed the way she wouldn’t look at him.

“Hey.” He reached for her, but she stood and shook her head. “Poppy?” Worry started to eat at him. Had something happened? Did she get hurt? He scanned her body but couldn’t see anything that would suggest she was in pain. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Nothing, nothing.”
She walked over to the bookshelf and slid the book in the empty spot. “I’m not making things hard for you, am I?”

What?
“Hard for me?
What do you mean?”

She leaned against the bookcase and wrapped her arms around her middle. “I don’t know.” She shrugged and looked away. “I mean, I packed up my life and moved up here. You’ve given me a place to live and a job—”

“Poppy, come here.” He moved over an inch and gestured her over. He could see the indecision on her face and wondered what had gotten into her. Had she sensed where his feelings were with her? Had he been that transparent with them? It would certainly explain her need for distance, and that had him feeling uncomfortable. The last thing he wanted was to put distance between them.

When she sat beside him he stared at her profile. The gentle dip of her nose and petite bow of her lips drew him to her like the fire licking across the wood. “Why all these doubts all the sudden? If I’ve made you feel uncomfortable in any way you know you can tell me. I promise that wasn’t my intention.” The slender column of her throat worked as she swallowed. “I love having you here.” Her smile was slow but hesitant as it moved across her face, and his heart increased at the sight.

Poppy turned to him, and words failed him as he gazed upon her beauty. Before she had been stunning, with a fire behind her eyes and a kick in her personality. She was still equally breathtaking, but she now knew all about life and how cruel it could be. Her experiences had weakened her, and it called out to him. Blake wanted to be the man that touched her, watch over her, and made sure she never cried again. Without thinking, because he didn’t want to let his thoughts control him any longer, he cupped her face in his hands and leaned in an inch. Her breathing changed subtly, and he felt excitement grow inside of him that he affected her.

“Blake?” Her eyes were wide, and her lips slightly parted. “What about Maggie?”

“Maggie?” He stared at her mouth. Her lips were pink and had just the right amount of fullness to them.

“Yes,” she breathed out. “I saw the two of you kissing.” Her voice was pitched low, husky, and her eyes were also focused on his mouth. Chills traveled up his spine from the heady feeling her look gave him.

He shook his head. “No, sweetheart, it was all a misunderstanding. I don’t have those feelings for Maggie.” He lifted his eyes to hers and hoped she felt the seriousness in his words, because what he was about to say, to do, was wrong, and he didn’t want to lose her because of it.

“Oh.” He hadn’t realized how tense she had been, but when she breathed out that lone word her body relaxed against him.

Blake leaned in that last inch, but right before their lips touched he stopped. Poppy held her breath but didn’t move away. In fact, her hands gripped his wrists, as if she wasn’t sure if she should push him away or pull him closer.

“I…” He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers.
God, what are you about to do, Blake?
Words failed him, so he did what had wanted to do since the moment he saw her walk off that boat. He kissed her. At first she didn’t respond to his touch, but then she opened her mouth, and he slipped his tongue into the warm, sweet depths.

He let his hands move to her head, and he curled his fingers into the silky strands. A light tug from him had her head tilting back. He delved deeper into her mouth, and dragged his tongue over every inch of her. Blake couldn’t get enough and found himself wanting, no, needing, to be closer to her. Poppy was so receptive to him, and the soft, pleading noises she made for him had him getting so hard he could feel his length press against his fly.

“Poppy…” He tilted her head with his hands and deepened the kiss. She moved her hands so they gripped his biceps and pulled him impossibly closer. A low, guttural groan left him. As if his hands were in control, he pulled Poppy onto his lap. She tensed at first, but melted into his body.

He broke the kiss and trailed his lips across her jaw. “God, Poppy.” The breath gushed out of him in hard pants against her cheek. She rested her forehead in the crook of his neck, and when he felt the tiniest touch of her tongue against his skin his cock jerked in his pants. “You smell so good.” Blake inhaled the satiny flesh at the base of her throat. Because he couldn’t help himself, he ran his tongue down and over her collarbone.
“And your taste.”
He moaned deeply, and even he could hear the carnal lust laced in it.

She gripped each side of his face and dragged his lips back to hers. She took his mouth in a bruising, desperate kiss, and he gave her all of him. The feel of her full breasts rubbing against his chest almost broke his self-restraint, but he didn’t want to push her. The fact she let him hold her was more than he could have ever asked for, but she touched him, and kissed him in return, and because of that he needed to be gentle with her.

“Blake, you make me feel … free.” She moved her mouth against his.

“Yeah, I know, Poppy.”
Because you make me feel the same way.
Blake moved his hand down her throat, over her delicate collarbones, and covered the full mound of her breasts. The low sound that came from her had him curling his fingers into the soft flesh. He felt her nipple harden beneath his palm, and the little control he had left him in a rush. Gripping her hips, Blake turned her so she was forced to straddle his waist. A gasp left her, and he swallowed it. Licking, nipping, and teasing, Blake devoured her mouth. He would never get enough.
Never.

You have to take things slow and gentle.

He told himself this over and over again, but then he found himself lifting up her shirt and trailing his fingers over the bare flesh of her stomach. The raised, puckered flesh of what he knew to be her scar was beneath the digits. Something changed inside of her, and her body stiffened under his touch. Poppy pulled away, her eyes large and filled with unsaid emotions.

You went too fast.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I shouldn’t have gone so fast.” She moved off him and several feet away in the next second. Blake did make a move to stand. This was his fault. His desire for her, his
love
for
her,
clouded his better judgment.