The Embrace (23 page)

Jared nodded his head and shyly avoided my probing gaze. “Once, but she never loved me the same way.” His voice was timid and he almost seemed ashamed of what he was saying.

It took a moment for his words to click in to place. He was talking about me, that’s why he couldn’t look at me. I didn’t feel guilt, I was long past that, but I felt surprise. I had never imagined Jared felt so strongly about me. I knew he had felt something but I had always just pinned it down as a teenage crush, not true love.

“Oh. I didn’t know.”

The silence came again, that damn awkward silence. I wanted to break it but I didn’t feel right. I began thinking back on our time together and how abruptly it had ended.

“Jared, do you ever wonder what life would be like if we had stayed together?” I asked.

I knew the answer to that. I would certainly not be a vampire. I would probably still be back in my small town, and I imagined that despite the monotony we’d still be together.

He was quick to answer. “We’d be happy. We would be sitting here watching TV together or something, not crying. I know I wouldn’t be trying to convince you my life is perfect to make you feel guilty for leaving me. My life is far from perfect, but I can guarantee you that if we were still together it would be closer to it.”

I was so shocked I was almost physically moved. I had no idea how to answer him. This outpouring of love reminded me of the earliest days with Gabriel. When we had first started our relationship he would constantly fill my head with admiring sentiments, boosting my ego with compliments and pet names.

Since our spat Gabriel didn’t compliment me anymore. I didn’t even know if he loved me the same way he used to. Jared’s words were just like Gabriel’s had once been, and it felt oddly comforting.

I had missed these little moments of love that came with a relationship. I loved Gabriel more than I had loved anything and when he spoke those little sentiments I believed that he loved me too. When I found him it was the first time in my life I had felt the kind of love that could conquer anything, and now I was beginning to think Jared felt that way about me.

“You’re the one that got away.” He said. He shuffled along the sofa and kissed me before I had a chance to work out how I felt.

His technique had changed since our teenage dalliance. During our relationship his kiss had always been overshadowed by the goodbye kiss from my vampire love, but there had been a warm and comfortable undercurrent. It was never the kind of passionate kiss that made your body melt, but it still felt pleasant.

This new kiss had the expected comfiness but it was far more forceful. Jared had been a very insecure man and his kiss as a teenager had always been tinged with worry: Is this the right way to do it? Is she enjoying it? Now it had a layer of strength and confidence behind it, and I had to admit it wasn’t unpleasant.

I pulled away from him but in all honesty I was reluctant. I had enjoyed the kiss, even if I felt ashamed of myself. Gabriel may not have been displaying his love for me anymore but that was no justification for me to parade around with a pitiful human.

I was about to speak but he beat me to it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

I tried to shake it off but being so close to Jared’s neck had made it even harder to keep the fangs hidden. I knew that by the time I left this home Jared would be dead, one way or another.

I buried my head in my hands and tried to force the curtain of hunger away. I had to wait, bide my time for the perfect moment to strike. I couldn’t let one man come along with his sweet nothings and wipe away all of my experience.

Luckily Jared thought my reaction was one of guilt from cheating on my partner, which it was in part, and he put his hand on my back.

“I guess you probably know this by now but I still love you. I’ve dumped every girl I’ve dated because you were all I could think about.” He stuttered. “Do you ever think about me?”

I felt the adoration pouring out of him in waves. Vampires can’t read thoughts but we can feel emotions if they’re strong enough, and his love for me was certainly powerful.

I didn’t know what I was expected to say, whether to be honest with him. “I have thought about you since we broke up. You were my first and you don’t just forget that, but the man I’ve been seeing is kind of intense. I don’t really have time to think about anyone else.”

I tried to sugarcoat my answer for some reason, although I don’t know why I was worried about how Jared felt. I was bending over backwards to please a human, despite it going against everything I stood for.

He took it well. He didn’t complain but I could see a pitiful sadness flash in his eyes. I checked the clock on the wall. I still had a few hours before I had to rest but I knew that Jared’s time was nearly up. If I killed him quickly then this confusing mess of emotions would be over.

“I get it, I do.” He hesitated and I wasn’t sure if I was going to like what was coming. “Is there even the smallest chance you could be with me? You don’t seem happy with this guy. I may not have money or his looks or whatever he has, but I would make you happy every second of the day. I promise.” He emphasised that word, promise, and I knew he was telling the truth.

I could never be with Jared. He was just another human who was there to be fed on, yet I felt something for him. He was a link to my past which I could never erase, even if I killed him. There was something about him that seemed special. I tried to shake that feeling away. Pining over humans was shameful for a creature like me.

Jared put his hand over mine and caressed my skin. I thought about the practicalities of his offer. I was not an ordinary being but Jared wasn’t just another victim. He doted on me in the way Gabriel once had and he fulfilled the aching loneliness my mate’s abandonment had left me with.

I wanted this awkward man to stay in my life. I needed him to be around to tell me what Gabriel wouldn’t. I didn’t love him, not in the way I loved Gabriel, but I needed someone who could rid me of the solitary existence I had slipped in to. Jared might be that person.

I thought more seriously, trying not to let myself get carried away. I was once a human too until I had found Gabriel. He had offered to turn me and I had agreed so that I could spend eternity with him. Things hadn’t worked out as planned but that didn’t mean they never could.

Maybe I could find love again. I had pledged to spend eternity with Gabriel, and the bond of a sire meant that I couldn’t just leave him, but I could try to find some way around that. Gabriel had said Emma, his tormented former lover, had asked to officially leave him so it must be possible for a vampire to sever the ties from their creator.

If I could find a way to leave Gabriel then maybe I could start a new life with my own newborn monster. I could be the teacher for the first time, reversing the patronising dynamic Gabriel had enforced on me.

Maybe Jared felt so special because he was destined to be my first creation. I was beginning to convince myself that he was supposed to become a vampire, and that I was the one who was destined to give him death’s embrace.

“Jared, I’m going to tell you something. It’s going to be a shock but it’s important that you listen and think about it.” I could see the confusion on his face and in all honesty I didn’t quite know what I was about to do myself.

He nodded all the same and let me carry on. He was a true gentleman and if we had never run in to each other, he would have made some female human very happy one day.

“Since my mother died I’ve changed. I don’t just mean my personality, it’s more than that. I’m a monster, Jared.”

I could feel the fangs poking out but I managed to keep them at bay for the moment, untilJared laughed. I was shocked. He obviously thought this was some silly joke.

“You have never been capable of hurting anyone. You’re as far from a monster as anyone can get.” He managed to say through the laughter.

He didn’t believe me. He thought I was talking about the clear cut human idea of a monster. I was far worse than all the monsters he had ever thought of. He had no idea what was coming.

I put my free hand on his arm. Time to flex my muscles of compulsion.

“Jared. Stay calm.” I funnelled all my energy into him and made sure that he kept still.

I could feel the confused muddle that had taken over his mind and I waited for him to get over the groggy side effects of compulsion. It can be difficult to handle at first and many people need a moment for anything to take effect. For the first few seconds it feels like your mind is crumbling, like your sanity is slowly slipping away, and it takes a second to let go of your grip on things.

Eventually his body and his mind became still. “I don’t want you to move. For as long as I have my hand on your arm you will not scream or try to run away. I want your mind totally awake but I want your body to be frozen.”

I waited for my words to sink it and my demands to come into effect. Gabriel had told me about my natural gift for compulsion but I was really stretching myself with this demand. I was trying to separate his mind and body, and it took a while until I was sure my order had worked.

I let my fangs slowly peek out from my gums. The initial pain that came with their appearance had dulled over time and now they could force their way out without any harm at all.

Jared’s body wouldn’t react but somewhere behind his eyes I could see his shock quickly turn to horror, a reaction I was used to. Normally I was proud of this response, I found it part of the thrill of the hunt, but now I wasn’t so sure. I wanted Jared to become a creature like me and he would have to get used to the fangs. I wanted this scenario to be perfect, like it had been for me, not a process of fear and torture.

I had left Jared’s mind open deliberately. I wanted him to experience the change as I had. I thought it was right for him to feel every moment of the eternal embrace. That was the way the vampire lineage had progressed and I wouldn’t dare to alter that.

I let the sweet little girl act drop. I had shown Jared my true emotions but I had managed to hide the predator inside and now I was letting her out with force. The red haze was descending and I mentally prepared myself for what was to come.

The change from mortal to vampire is a deeply spiritual act. It involves reaching the deepest parts of the human nature and then shaping and moulding them to bring out the darkness humans  usually keep hidden. The demonic nature of a vampire pours into the human body and infiltrates every cell. The conscience, the thing that is the very essence of humanity, is ripped out of you until you become a soulless creature motivated by thirst.

I had been turned by Gabriel but I had never seen the change with my own eyes. I didn’t know what to do and I had no idea how Jared would react when his body started the massive transformation. This was all new territory to me and it was incredibly daunting.

“Why can’t I move my arms?” Jared said. His voice was calm but this was just another aspect of the compulsion. He could feel what was going on but couldn’t alter his tone. “Let me go.” If he had been able to speak without my influence he probably would have been yelling.

I had expected everything to go smoothly but turning him was different from my previous experience. I had willingly given in to Gabriel and I had allowed him to turn me into a vampire. It had been a painful experience but I had gone into it knowing what was coming on the other side. Jared had no idea. He hadn’t lived with the vampiric lifestyle as I had and so he was nowhere near succumbing to my charm. He, like almost every human, wanted to live.

I would just have to work around that. I was a good vampire: I hadn’t become mentally unhinged like Gabriel’s previous lover Emma and I managed to hunt successfully by myself despite being practically an infant.

Vampires are designed to do two things: feast on the blood of humans and use their judgement to find the perfect hosts to carry on the vampire line. I was so strong because I had been sired by an ancient, and therefore very talented, creature. If I could kill with such flair then surely I could sire a vampire with similar talents.

“I am a vampire. The man I live with is a vampire too and now you’re going to become one. I don’t really know how this whole thing works but I’m going try it. I’m choosing you, Jared, because I want you to spend eternity with me.”

I was growing more sure of myself and I was certain now that Jared was the right person to carry on the demonic line. Most importantly he was the person who could make me feel better about my own sorry life.

His scent was growing stronger. I was allowing myself to drink it in now that I was sure about my decision. His comforting aura was enticing. I had to make a conscious effort to keep my control over him, as my attention was being compromised by our proximity.

I pressed my fangs against his neck and pierced through the skin. The blood came out instantly and hit my tongue. It was an intense taste that was initially unsettling. I had been close to Jared in the past and it felt odd to be feeding from a friend. I had never known any of my victims personally but now I was drinking the blood of a former lover.

The fact that I knew Jared was going to be my companion now made his blood seem different. It was more potent and pure than the average victim. I began to lose touch with my surroundings as the powerful liquid coursed around my veins. The whole apartment was becoming a blur as I grew more intoxicated.