The Emperor (82 page)

She was in a mood to be pleased with everything, for the
excitement of travelling and the new things she had seen had
raised her spirits almost to euphoria. Her first sight of the
sea, though it was uniformly grey and restlessly heaving
under a blank grey twilight sky, thrilled her inexpressibly.
‘It's so big,' was all she could manage to say, but her eyes shone so delightedly that James for the first time felt glad
that he had granted her this indulgence.

The captain greeted them and shewed them to their well-
appointed cabins, where Mary Ann admired everything,
from the plush curtains over the portholes to the raised
frame on the beds to stop them rolling out.

‘
We shall sail when the tide turns, just after midnight,' he
told them, 'and provided the wind doesn't back any further,
we should reach Boulogne at first light. There will be no
need for you to leave your beds then unless you wish to see
the approach. Once we have anchored, we shall leave you to
sleep until a more respectable hour,' he added with a smile,
‘and breakfast will be provided at an inn in the harbour.’

Mary Ann expressed disappointment that the crossing
was to take place while they were asleep. As it was her first time in a boat, James privately doubted that she would sleep
very much, but forbore to say so, and only promised her
that the return crossing would be made in daylight.

An excellent dinner, provided by the Ship Inn, was
served to them in the larger of their two cabins.

Tor all Climthorpe's assurances about sharing the
journey with only the best families,' James said, 'I can't see
that it would have mattered who they were, if we are never
going to meet them. Here we are dining alone, and we'll
sleep through the crossing. I suppose we may see them at
breakfast in Boulogne – '

‘
How wonderful that sounds – breakfast in Boulogne!'
Mary Ann interposed rapturously.

‘
And dinner in Amiens,' James added for her benefit.
She smiled across the table at him.

‘
Thank you for bringing me,' she said shyly. know you
didn't want to come at first, but, oh, I am so glad you
agreed, and I'm sure you will like it in the end.'

‘
I am liking it already,' James assured her. Animation
had brightened her eyes and cheeks, and she looked rather
pretty. 'Do you know what tomorrow is?'

‘Tell me,' she said.

‘
It is the anniversary of the day we were married,' he
said. 'Seven years ago. Didn't you know that?'

‘
Yes, I knew, but I didn't think you did,' she said. She
hesitated and then said, 'Do you remember having dinner at the George in Huddersfield that night?' She looked down at
her plate. 'We had duck then, too. With chestnuts.’

He didn't remember the meal, but he remembered the
occasion, and the night that followed. It had been a long, weary road since then, for him at least; and none of it her
fault.

‘
Are you sorry that you married me?' he asked her
abruptly.

‘
No,' she said very quietly. Her head was bent even
further over her plate, so that he could only see the crown of
her head and the soft nest of her mouse-brown hair. 'But I
think you have been.'

‘
I never meant to make you unhappy,' he said at last. 'It
was just – '

‘
Yes,' she said. 'I understand.' She looked up at last. 'I'm
not unhappy now,' she offered tentatively. He examined her
cream-and-rose face, neat featured, her calm, light-brown eyes, and realized that he had grown rather fond of her, of
late. If he had never known more, it would have seemed
enough to him. He might have made her happy, and in
doing so, been contented himself. Perhaps even now it was
not too late to make the effort, for her sake. He knew she
wanted to love him, would do so if he let her.

One of the ship's servants came in to clear — Durban and
Dakers would be having their own dinner elsewhere at the
moment — and James asked him idly who were the other
passengers on the
Magpie.

‘
Well, sir, there's Sir Phillip Goodman and his party:
Lady Goodman, Miss Goodman, and Mr Bernard Good
man,' he began.

‘
Yes, of course, I know Sir Phillip,' James said. 'Who
else?'

‘
There's Mr and Mrs Norton Le Clay, and Lord and
Lady Husthwaite and their two daughters, and yourselves,
sir, that's all aboard, and one more party that's expected
shortly, sir, the French lady.'

‘French lady?' Mary Ann said.

‘
Yes, ma'am, Lady Strathord. Very strange it must seem
to her, ma'am, to be going back after all these years. The
Cap'n was saying — '

‘
Thank you, that will do,' James said, stemming this
disastrous flood of information.

‘Yes, sir. Will there be anything else?'

‘
Nothing, thank you,' James said firmly, aware out of the
corner of his eye of the rigidity of Mary Ann's posture.

‘
Very good, sir.' The servant bowed and retired, and
James turned to face his wife.

‘
I want to go home,' she said tautly. 'Will you be so good
as to ring for Dakers?'

‘
No, I will not,' he said. ‘Do you want a scandal? If you
leave now you will set everyone talking.'

‘
I don't care,' she said. 'I won't stay on this boat a
moment longer. How could you suppose that I would? Did
you think I had no pride at all?'

‘
Don't be a fool,' he adjured her tersely. 'I didn't know
she was going to be here. It's the most infernal bad luck,
that's all.'

‘
I don't believe you,' she said, low and tense, a spot of bright colour flaming in each cheek. 'You arranged it all.
You don't care how you humiliate me — '

‘Oh, for God's sake! If I wanted to see her, I could do it
at home, easily and privately. Why should I go to all this
trouble to meet her in conditions of the greatest difficulty
and discomfort? Use what little sense God gave you!'

‘You don't need to add insult to injury,' she said stiffly.

‘
What injury?' he said desperately, running his hand
backwards through his hair. 'Didn't I leave her to come back
to you? What more do you want?'

‘I want to go home.'

‘
Well, you can't. You asked to come on this journey, and
here you stay. I'm not going to have you make fools of us
both. Look,' he said more gently, 'we've already said that
we didn't see how we should have any contact with the rest of the party. Once she knows we are here, she'll do her best
to avoid us too. There's no reason why we should meet at
all.’

She said nothing, only stared at him, miserable and
resentful, and he saw that he had done nothing to convince
her. Exasperated, he bowed and said coldly, 'I think we had better retire for the night. I'll send Dakers to you, and hope
you see things in a clearer light in the morning.’

*

The night was calm, a slow swell lifting the
Magpie
soporif
ically, a light breeze rolling the clouds slowly across the
moonwashed sky. The mast creaked as the bows lifted and
again as they sank, the ensign at the stern flapped languidly,
and a halliard somewhere rattled fitfully: peaceful, calming
sounds. James leaned against the taffrail and stared down at
the gap between the ship and the dockside, now widening,
now narrowing, and the water, slapped by the one against
the other, jumping upwards like a live thing, smelling of
weed and rotting wood. Two sailors standing aft by the
binnacle conversed in low voices; from a cabin nearby came
a rattling of crockery and sudden burst of laughter; and
someone somewhere was smoking a cigar.

A two-horse hack chaise came into view along the
harbour-side, the postboy in his drab coat going slowly,
keeping an anxious eye for his charges' hooves on the
moonlit cobbles, while trying to read off the names of the
ships tied up alongside. One of the sailors came forward to the entry port and hailed him, and he pulled up opposite the
gangplank, and three hands went scurrying down, one to
open the carriage door and fold down the steps, the other
two to deal with the luggage.

A woman in a grey cloak and a straw hat tied with a scarf
stepped down, a cloak bag in her hand. Hidden in the
shadows of the deck-housing, James found his palms damp,
and wiped them slowly and carefully on his handkerchief.
Now a second woman in an all-enveloping, hooded cloak
appeared, putting her gloved hand in that of the sailor and
stepping lightly down onto the cobbles, and lifting her head
to look at the ship.

It gave James the strangest feeling, the feeling he
imagined he would have if he were suddenly able to see
himself from a distance, every movement completely
familiar, yet strange. He did not need to see her face to
recognize her. He knew the curve of her wrist, the flex of her ankle, the exact way she lifted her head when she was
excited, the way she stood, the way she moved. These things
were etched deeper than memory, in some dark and dumb
part of him which ached with longing for her, and knew no
words for what it could never forget.

The luggage was being lifted down, words were
exchanged, and now they were coming up the gangplank,
Marie first, nervously, feeling her way, gripping the hand-rope tightly as though she expected a tempest to rise up at
any instant and whisk her way; her mistress coming after her, her fingers barely touching the rope, her feet finding
their way without help over the slatted duckboards.

And then she stopped, so abruptly that the sailor behind
her with the trunk on his shoulder walked into her and
staggered for his balance. James saw a glimmer of white as
her face lifted, and turned towards him. He was only a dark
shape in the darkness, he had made no sound or movement, but her eyes found him out, came straight to him as though
he had called her.

They met at the head of the gangplank.

‘
James,' she said - how his name on her lips shook him!
‘But what is this? What are you doing here?'

‘Going to Paris. Mary Ann wants to drink tea in the
Tuileries,' he said. His eyes devoured her upturned face, his
body ached with the effort of not touching her. 'But you -
are you well? Is all well with you?'

‘
It was a man called Climthorpe,' she said. 'Stephen
brought back a handbill from the inn in the village. He said that the passage would be for a few select people only.' She
laughed nervously. 'But how he has selected us! James, what
are we to do?'

‘
Do? Nothing. There's nothing to do. For the sake of
peace we must try not to meet. Mary Ann knows you are
here, and I do not trust her to meet you without an
uncomfortable scene.'

‘
It will not be difficult,' she said. 'At Boulogne I will
leave the boat quickly and depart before you are up. Where
will you stop on the road?'

‘At Amiens, the Lion D'or.'

‘Then I will be sure to stay somewhere else.'

‘Alone?'

‘
France is my country,' she said. 'I will be safe enough, as
far as Paris. Stephen did not wish to come, and I would not
press him. I brought only Marie this time.'

‘
This time'?' He looked at her searchingly. 'Marmoset,
why
are
you going to Paris?'

‘
To see how things have changed. To see whether we
should go back to live there, permanently.'

‘
No,' he said, and at her nervous start, lowered his voice,
but spoke no less urgently. 'No, p
^l
ease, you must not! If you
go to live in France, I shall never see you again.'

‘
But my James,' she said in a breaking voice, 'I can never
see you again in any case.'