The Ex Trials (Falling for Autumn #3) (4 page)

Before I could think my actions through, my lips were pressed over his. He opened his mouth slightly and his tongue slipped inside of my mouth. Our first kiss was deep and rough and scorching hot. I kissed him back, holding his head in place with the palm of my hand. He combed his fingers through my hair as we continued to kiss. I'd had chemistry before with men, but not the explosive kind. Not the type where I checked my inhibitions at the door.

Our kisses were full of passion and need and I began to grind against his lap. Every kiss, every touch left a sizzling sensation behind on my skin. The bottom of my dress inched its way up as I slid over him. My panties became soaked as I felt him harden under me.

His palms cupped my breasts and my head tilted back, away from his mouth. I pushed my chest out, urging him to play with me more. I never remembered being more turned on. I didn’t want slow and sweet with Cole. That would be too much torture. I needed my lust satisfied right that instant.

My nipples were hard as he snuck his hand down the front of my dress. “I’ve fantasized about what you would feel like for weeks. So soft. So perfect,” he said with reverence. The neckline of my dress was low enough that my breasts were fully exposed once I helped him pull the front of the fabric down. His voice was rough as he said, “Casey, anyone could walk by.”

“I don’t care,” I whispered as he rubbed a rough, callused thumb over each of my nipples. His eyelids lowered and his gaze turned smoldering. His rough touch made me let out a low, long moan.

“Does that get you off, baby? The thought of someone seeing us?” he asked into my ear. His hand left my breast and traveled down between my legs. He fingered the outside of my silk panties, making the material rub against my clit. Each time he touched me, it was like he ignited a new wildfire inside.

Reaching between my legs, I quickly unbuckled his jeans. I felt him hard and ready in my hands through the thin cotton of his boxers. “Oh fuck, Casey…” he growled as his muscles tensed beneath me. Sneaking my hand inside his boxers, I grabbed the base of his erection. My arousal grew exponentially as I felt the silky skin of his shaft. I moved my hand up and down as he groaned in pleasure. I went to pull down his boxers and readied myself to ride us both to ecstasy in the front of his truck.

Suddenly, he pulled my hand away and my head shot up to stare into his stormy hazel eyes. I tried unsuccessfully to read his expression. “Casey, hold on a minute,” he said, his voice cracking.

I exhaled. “What? Don’t you want this?”

“Of course I do. But I don’t want a one-night hookup. I asked you out because I want to date you. I don’t want you to leave my truck and suddenly have amnesia about what happened here.” There was vulnerability in his voice—a tone I didn’t know he could emulate.

I suppressed my laughter since his expression was completely sincere. I didn’t want him to feel like I was mocking his valid concerns. “I want you, Cole. I’ve wanted you since night one. But I was scared because of all those damn notches in your bedpost. If you’re serious, then I’d like to see you again too. Just a little warning though, I don’t like to share.”

“Good news to me. Since I don’t share either,” he said and then kissed the base of my neck. Each kiss held a promise of so much more.

“Let’s go back to my apartment. I don’t want your perverted brother catching us. Knowing him, he’d record us with his phone and tag us both on Facebook,” I said, pulling up the top of my dress and straightening my clothes.

“I’m really glad you came tonight.”

“I didn’t come yet, buddy. But we will be remedying that very soon.”

He laughed as he buttoned his pants. He gave me a warm look as he turned on the ignition and put the truck in gear. After all my questions and reservations about him, I was shocked to find how willing I was to let him in completely. Not only physically, but emotionally. Cole Caldwell was going to be the first man that I wouldn’t wear a mask for. He would get the real me—shamelessly breaking free from my own confines.

Chapter Six

Present Day…

The cruise cabins were tiny, but I wasn’t complaining about the close quarters. Blake had generously paid for the room I would be sharing with Delia and Lexi. I didn’t want him to pay my way, but Delia insisted her brother had more cash than he knew what to do with. Besides his cushy NFL salary, he had done a few cheesy ads for sports drinks and athletic sneakers. My mom didn’t think Autumn was appreciative enough of what a lucky hand she got dealt. To my mother, Blake was Autumn’s royal flush. Often, my mom dropped heavy hints that I should be trying to land one of Blake’s friends. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I'd rather have a hot poker shoved through the eye than to throw myself at a man for money.

Hours earlier, the ship had left port and was heading toward our first destination, Saint Maarten. I wasn’t exactly a globe-hopping traveler, so I was thrilled to take my first grown-up vacation. A few years back, my mom’s third husband had splurged on an exotic tropical vacation for the two of them, but I was one piece of baggage he hadn’t wanted to bring. I'd felt a small amount of satisfaction when she got off the plane and headed directly to her lawyer’s office to file for divorce. Apparently, he had become the disposable one over the course of their vacation.

My friends and I had grabbed a quick lunch after the spa and then headed back to the room to shower and change. The plan was to have a few drinks at the Deckside Bar before exploring the rest of the ship. And there was a lot to look at since the boat had twelve decks, five restaurants, ten bars, three pools and a casino. The daily and nightly activities were a tad on the cheesy side, but perfect for bachelorette humiliation. Between swimsuit contests, karaoke, and couples trivia, Autumn may never choose to speak to me again by vacation’s end.

We were meeting Autumn because after the spa, she slipped back to Blake’s room for a nooner. Of course, she didn’t admit that was where she was going, but we’d been best friends since freshman year. Blake got her all hot and bothered whenever he was in the vicinity. Although Autumn would spend most of the vacation with her girls, I was certain she’d be sneaking off to christen almost every corner of the boat with her true love.

The Deckside Bar was reminiscent of the Krusty Krab from Spongebob Squarepants. The nautical-themed pub had every free bit of wall space adorned with wooden anchors, taxidermied fish, and paintings of sailboats. Delia and I located a free booth while waiting for Lexi to pick up the first round of drinks. The tropical cocktails were going down like water and I shuddered to know how many calories were in them. Not that it mattered since I had the mindset that calories didn’t count on vacation.

“Do you know they charge a $100 for an hour of Wi-Fi? Ridiculous,” Lexi grumbled while sliding into the booth next to Delia.

“You and Finn will just have to cut back on your sexting while you two are apart. No virtual foreplay, just skip right to the big ‘O’ to save on cash,” I said and waggled my eyebrows.

“You and I are sharing a room. I think there’s an understated rule of no sex antics in a five by five space,” Lexi said drily.

“True. And I appreciate a sock on the drawer, Little Miss, if you happen to bring Levi back to our room,” I said to Delia.

“My brother is on the trip, so I’m pretty sure I’m expected to be celibate for the next seven days,” she said with a frown.

“Yes, well your brother is a big scary football player. Levi would need to have a death wish if he tried to touch you in his presence,” I said.

“Speaking of big, scary football players, I think a few other friends of Blake are meeting us in Barbados,” Delia said in a bored voice.

I tried not to spill my drink across the table. My heart began to pound painfully in my ears. “Really, who?” I asked trying to keep my voice even.

Delia shrugged. “Not sure. They all blend together for me. And then they have stupid nicknames. Like Cupcake? That is way too cutesy of a nickname for a guy who looks like he could bench three of me.”

Autumn bounced over to the table and interrupted the question on the tip of my tongue. Her smile was serene and I tried not to envy the glow in her dewy skin. She had dressed similarly to the rest of us: a look probably called "cruise casual" that involved a flowy sundress and strappy sandals.

“Hello ladies,” she chirped.

“Someone had a nice
dinner
with Blake,” Lexi said with a laugh.

Autumn blushed and shot a shy look in Delia’s direction. Lately, Delia and Autumn had grown closer, but their relationship hadn’t always been so easy. When Blake and Autumn first got together, Delia was livid with both of them. Delia believed that Autumn was out to ruin her brother and that their union would self-destruct in due time. But over the last year, Delia had grown up fast. She had gone through her own shitstorm and found a new appreciation for Autumn.

“Please, I get that it’s a bachelorette party, so bawdy sex talk is par for the course. I’ll just picture you not talking about my brother,” Delia said, wrinkling her nose.

“So, do you have a bag of awful games I’m expected to play? My only rule is I’m not kissing or touching any strange men on a dare. All I need is some girl with a cell phone camera and Blake will be back in the gossip magazines,” Autumn cautioned.

I nodded and felt her pain. The media hadn’t always been kind to Blake and Autumn. They leeched on to the story of the girl who fell in love with the son of her attacker.

Before Blake and Autumn had ever crossed paths, Blake’s stepfather Thomas Bridges was Autumn’s high school teacher and mentor. But Thomas took the trust she had in him and shattered it into a million pieces. One horrible night, Thomas cornered Autumn and viciously sexually assaulted her. She got away from him, but not before he broke something deep inside her soul. Although Thomas claimed that Autumn had seduced him, his claims were never substantiated and he served a two-year prison sentence.

In a weird twist of fate, his stepson Blake ended up at the same college as his stepfather’s victim. Eventually, Blake came into Autumn’s life—without her initially knowing his connection to Thomas. And maybe they shouldn’t have fallen in love, but they did anyway. Because to a gentle and kind person like Autumn, Blake should never have to pay penance for the crimes his stepfather committed.

To outsiders, either Blake was tainted by the sins of his father or Autumn had lied about being assaulted. After Blake got drafted by the NFL, the paparazzi were even more fixated on the scandals in their lives.

“I promise that the humiliation will be mild. If any pictures do come out, there will be nothing in them that would traumatize your parents,” I said, holding up my hand as if taking an oath. “But for tonight, I figured we could just relax and bar hop around the boat.”

“Sounds great,” Autumn enthused. Autumn looked around the bar and offered us a smile. “The boat is great, right? I’ve never been on a cruise, so it’s kind of wild to be on this floating city in the middle of the ocean.”

“Yes, I wasn’t sold on the whole joint bachelor and bachelorette thing at first, but I think the food and drinks have won me over. I couldn’t stop eating at the buffet. I almost fought a ten-year-old boy over the last chocolate cupcake they had left,” I said. “So, the island stops are Saint Maarten, Antigua, Saint Lucia and Barbados? Delia mentioned some of Blake’s friends meeting us in Barbados?”

My voice sounded like a chipmunk and I hoped my friends didn’t notice the way I was freaking out inside. “Yeah, Justin and Dash are meeting us in Barbados for the day and night. I guess they got a break in their schedules and wanted to come hang out.” Autumn cocked her head to the side. “Do you know Justin always asks about you when I see him? I tell him that despite his self-applied label as the Warriors stud, there is no way you’d be interested.”

I blinked at Autumn. “I don’t know why he would ask about me. We only met like two times.”

Autumn shook her head in frustration. “Of course he wants you. You’re beautiful and smart, but I know you’re sick of dogs. If I didn’t trust Blake with all my heart, I’d hate for him to even hang out with the guy. But he can be funny, so I’m assuming the guys keep him around as their jester.”

I sipped the drink harder as Lexi changed the subject and they started talking about the beaches on the islands we would be heading. Delia leaned forward on her elbows and watched me with a wary gaze. “What’s going on with you? Is Cole being on the boat freaking you out that bad?” she whispered.

I wanted to snort. Cole was becoming the least of my worries after the news of Justin’s impending arrival. Barbados was days away and I knew I’d be dreading the destination from this moment forward. In comparison, Cole was an annoying housefly while Justin was like a swarm of locusts. Justin had the ability to carve a wake of destruction in his path and leave me behind as one of his casualties. The thought of Cole and Justin being in the same room together made me feel as if the contents of my stomach were going to end up on the table at any second.

“No, we came to an understanding earlier.”

“Really?”

“Yes, we decided to try and be friends and move on,” I said smoothly. I left out the part where Cole had outlined his plans to get laid on the trip. With a little distance, I could reason he had lashed out because of old resentments. Cole had more class than to flaunt his conquests in my face. At least, I hoped he did.

Delia tossed back her silky blonde hair and tilted forward even closer. “Good, that’s a step in the right direction. Because I’m starting a betting pool to guess how long it will be until you’re sleeping together again. Right now, I’m putting my money on day three.”

I shoved her arm playfully. “You’re an awful friend. I can play a little harder to get than that.”

“Not when it comes to the Caldwell brothers. Believe me, I can relate. Levi and I held off from sex for months and it was sheer torture. There’s nothing stopping you from being with Cole, so there’s no reason to not go after him.”

If only she knew. I was too ashamed of the truth of why we weren’t together. Not even Cole knew the whole story. The abbreviated version was heart-wrecking enough—to tell him all felt downright cruel. For months, I tried to believe my own lies, but I understood the truth was a ticking bomb ready to explode at any given notice. My gut told me that the truth would blow a crater through our entire group and I’d be the one left completely alone on the other side.

***

“Hey babe, looking fine tonight,” Evan said into my ear from behind. His heavy arm looped around my shoulders as I eyeballed him with my peripheral vision. I sniffed the air as I felt his warm sweat drench the back of my neck.

“Get off me. What is that smell?” I asked testily.

“Oh, must be kitty litter,” he deadpanned. “Because of all the pussy I’ve been getting tonight.”

I shoved him off of me. “Go away. You’re so gross.”

He chuckled heartily. “Come on. You set me up with that question. I had to go for it.” Evan pulled me in closer. “Babe, are you blushing? I always knew you wanted me. But you banged my brother, so I’m going to have to pass. Can’t be having him feel bad when you start comparing notes with your friends,” he said in a whisper.

I gave him a wan smile while I tried to scan the bar behind him discreetly. We had been bar hopping for the last couple of hours and the Diamond Lounge was the first I’d seen of the men. Autumn, Delia and Lexi were still tearing up the dance floor while I found a nearby stool to give my poor feet a much needed breather.

Evan noticed me surveying the bar. “If you’re looking for Cole you’re out of luck. He’s at the upstairs bar, striking out for the hundredth time tonight. You’ve seriously messed up my brother’s swagger,” he said.

“I doubt that,” I said. “Is that where the rest of the guys are? Upstairs?”

He nodded. “I was looking for the bathroom and I saw you sitting here looking all sad and moody. No downers allowed, Casey.”

I frowned at the insight of his words. I was being a downer. Where was the party girl that usually came out when surrounded by friends? Why would she choose to go dormant when I needed her the most? I could fake it better than anyone. What was wrong with me? Was Cole getting under my skin even after our talk? Or was the thought of seeing Justin again too much for me to deal with?

The problem was I had no one to vent to about Justin. I hadn’t even told Autumn and Lexi the truth about the last time I’d seen Justin. Their impression was I didn’t like the guy. They had no clue I’d been nurturing my disgust of Justin privately for months.

I jumped off the stool. “I’m going to the bathroom and then off to grab a drink. Can you let Autumn know?”

Evan guffawed. “I hate when you treat me like one of your chick friends. How can you be hot for my
identical
brother and not for me?”

I waved my fingers in his direction. “Thanks Evan.”

Turning my back on him, I walked briskly toward the side exit doors. I pushed them open while being greeted by a blast of the cool, forceful ocean breeze. Inching forward toward the deck railing, I pulled my hands across my body to stave off the cold.

The deck outside of the bar was quiet and desolate. As I looked out, I saw nothing but the dark endless ocean. We were miles and miles from land and wouldn’t arrive in Saint Maarten until early the next morning.