The Ex Trials (Falling for Autumn #3) (9 page)

I sat down on the opposite bed from him. I needed physical distance to get out what I wanted to say. Otherwise, my good intentions would go straight out the window. “And I want sex again with you… a lot. But I think we should take things slow.”

Cole lifted up onto his elbows. His hazel eyes didn’t reveal what he was thinking. “We’ve been apart for six months, Casey. I don’t think we could move any slower.”

“I want to date you, Cole. I want to go to the movies and hold hands and wear a nice dress to a fancy restaurant in order to impress you. I want you to call me each night before you go to bed. I want to exchange cheesy presents on Valentine’s Day and write sappy love notes in Hallmark cards. I want it all,” I said, feeling my face flush. I was taking a huge risk on finally voicing my secret wishes for us as a couple. There was the distinct possibility he could say to hell with all that and bail.

Cole cocked an eyebrow in my direction. “You know if that was a personal ad, you’d scare off every single guy?”

I picked up a pillow and chucked it at him. He lifted his forearm to block the blow. “I don’t care,” I said. “I want to be honest with you. I’m over casual flings that go nowhere. I want something real.” I knew we had been on the cusp of something amazing months ago. At the time, I thought we were obsessed with one another. But we were actually falling in love.

Maybe I had cultivated an image during college to make it seem like I didn’t want the mushy romance stuff, but that wasn’t true. I wasn’t about to go out and buy Cole and me matching t-shirts, but I did want someone solid in my life. I felt at home with him, more so than I ever had in any of the revolving houses we had moved to when I was a child.

“Fine,” he said, rubbing his palms together. “You want me to wine and dine you before we sixty-nine… I mean have some special lovemaking time together, I can arrange that.”

I rolled my eyes as a chuckle vibrated in my chest. I liked seeing Cole’s silly side return. It was a sign that maybe we weren’t as broken as I feared. “You’re not taking this seriously.”

“I am,” he said quickly and put a hand over his heart. “You just wait, Casey Silvers. Prepare to have your mind blown.”

Chapter Eleven

“Wow, fancy,” I said with a soft smile as the waiter pulled out my chair and handed me an expensive-looking menu. With a cursory glance at the menu, I saw “market price” next to enough of the entrees to know that the food was costing Cole a pretty penny.

Cole had invited me for dinner on the ship’s steakhouse. Unlike the food from the dining room and the buffets, the meals weren’t inclusive and each item was priced a la carte. Dinner was Cole’s first attempt at blowing my mind. I hoped my stomach had settled enough to enjoy some of the meal. With possible food poisoning, I was leery of eating much of anything.

Before leaving the cabin, I left my friends a note to let them know I’d be spending time with Cole. I felt bad for flaking out on them, but I had no idea when they would be returning to the ship. The boat wasn’t setting sail until eight o’clock, so I figured there would be no harm in sneaking off for a date before getting back together with the girls for more bachelorette festivities. Fraternizing with the opposite sex had to be expected on a co-ed bachelor and bachelorette vacation.

“We’ll take a bottle of the Ferrari Carano Chardonnay and the Northstar Merlot,” Cole said while plopping down the wine list on the table.

I lifted a questioning eyebrow in his direction. “I didn’t know you were a wine connoisseur. I think I’ve only seen you with a glass of whiskey or Amstel Lite.”

He shrugged. “I have no idea about wine. I just chose the most expensive bottles on the list.”

I leaned my elbows on the dining room table. “I said let’s date. I didn’t say waste your money on ridiculous crap. I don’t have exactly a refined taste for wine. The boxed stuff will probably taste just as good to me.”

“Don’t worry about the money. Trojan Jedi is this close to getting a record deal,” he said holding up his forefinger and thumb for emphasis. “And it’s not like being a steelworker is leaving me hungry.”

I leaned back in my chair and smiled as I took him fully in. As soon as I had arrived at the restaurant, I felt the breath leave my body. Cole had freshly showered and shaved in preparation for our date. He even had a small nick on his chin—a little imperfection I found endearing. I had kissed his cheek, letting my lips linger on his skin. He tasted delicious—like crisp summer apples and honey. He had dressed in something as close to a suit as a rocker was willing to wear: a collared black polo shirt and black slacks. I liked him in all black—it lent him even more of an edge.

I knew Cole loved me in (and out of) red, so I wore a simple tea-length scarlet dress with matching heels. I felt bold as I walked out of the door in the sexy dress and red lipstick. I missed that confidence I seemed to have before in spades. A single electrifying touch from Cole had brought me back from the land of despair and loneliness.

Taking things slow was going to be a challenge with Cole looking so damn fine. He had left soon after we made plans for a date and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I wouldn’t soon forget how it felt to have his solid chest pressed against my breasts as he kissed me in a way that made the rest of the world disappear. Nothing felt as good as having Cole’s mouth consume mine.

I got that Cole and I had our issues. Our sexual chemistry didn’t erase the fact we couldn’t seem to communicate since I cheated. Or maybe the issues started before then. Cole wasn’t exactly an open book, especially about the heavy stuff. He tended to depend on his sarcasm when he wanted to avoid getting hurt. And I had a hard time opening up emotionally. It was easier to seem unaffected. Probably the reason I was seen as a party girl throughout college. But what was left for me after the party ended?

“So, should I order for you or will that come off as too pretentious?” Cole asked, interrupting my thoughts.

“Ugh, are you planning to cut my meat for me too?” I asked with feigned frustration. “If this is your idea of a date, you’re seriously out of practice.”

His eyes grew wide and innocent. “I guess so. I always thought a date was picking up a six pack on the way home from one of my shows.”

I paused as I buttered my roll. “You have a lot to learn, buddy.”

“Fine. You teach me how to date and I’ll teach you more about the carnal pleasures in life,” he said, lowering his voice to a near whisper.

I smiled widely. “I may have a few things yet to show you. We only dated a couple of months, I have plenty of moves left in my arsenal.”

He leaned forward and I melted from his wicked smile. I found it hard to think straight when he looked at me that way. “How about to hell with dinner and we go find someplace private you can show me the moves?”

I held up the menu higher to conceal my face. “No way. We’re doing this the right way. Dinner first and then dancing. And then if you’re lucky, you’ll get a goodnight kiss.”

“Just one kiss?”

I laughed. “No. I’ll allow unlimited kisses. I’m a very generous person.”

I peeked over the menu as he stood up and walked over to my side of the table. He held out his hand. “Well, let’s get this party started.”

I dropped the menu on the table. “What are you talking about?”

“I hear music and I see people dancing. So, let’s do this,” he said and arched a challenging eyebrow at me.

I turned around until my eyes settled on a small dance floor off to the side of the dining room. The restaurant had romantic, low lighting with a glorious view of the island outside the floor-to-ceiling windows. Soft music was playing and two elderly couples were slow dancing. I spun back around to face him. “This doesn’t exactly sound like your kind of jam.”

“They’re playing ‘Your Love for Me’ by Frank Sinatra. Don’t question my musical tastes, Casey,” he teased in a playful tone.

“Okay,” I said quietly. “Let’s do it. I can hold off on food for a little while longer. My stomach isn’t quite right.”

“We could leave anytime you want and go back to my room to play doctor.”

I hit his shoulder playfully as we walked side by side to the dance floor. His hand brushed my leg and I felt a tiny shiver go up and down my spine. An elderly woman in a sparkly cocktail dress smiled warmly as we approached. She gave me a subtle wink after looking over Cole from head to toe. Yes, even a woman well over seventy took notice Cole was hot as hell.

I relaxed as Cole’s hand wrapped around my waist. The tension from the earlier part of the trip had all but disappeared. My fate was intertwined with Cole’s. We were meant to be together. That’s why we were brought together on the trip. Our story wasn’t over. He was coming back to me slowly, but surely. Every moment we spent together was allowing me to catch glimpses of the Cole I remembered from before.

My arms lifted up and I circled my hands around Cole’s neck. We swayed to the music in time as I found myself getting lost in his gorgeous hazel eyes. His thick lashes lowered as he regarded me. “So, am I winning any contests for the best first date ever?”

I leaned into him, resting my head against his chest. I closed my eyes as I listened to the steady sound of his heartbeat. “I’ve missed you, Cole,” I said low enough that I wasn’t sure if he could hear me or not. Being emotionally vulnerable with someone who could easily crush my heart was heading into dangerous territory.

“I’m right here. I’ve been here all week,” he said matching my soft tone.

Shaking my head slowly, I moved away from him. I tried to convey my meaning in my eyes. Humor was our crutch, but I wanted to stress how serious I was about us mending what was broken. “No. You haven’t been with me all week. Not this version of you.”

He laid a gentle kiss on the side of my head. “Wanting to be with you hasn’t been the problem, Casey. When we didn’t talk, it was easy for me to hate you. To resent you for what happened in Atlantic City. But being near you again, I realized I made a mistake. What we have is worth a second chance. I don’t think I could ever feel this way about anyone else. You’ve got me and I’m never letting go.”

I blinked back tears. I wanted to be worth the second chance. And for that to happen, I’d have to tell him everything. Especially since the boat we were on was cruising away from Saint Lucia and heading right to Barbados. And the guy I cheated on Cole with? He was waiting in Barbados to ruin everything.

Pretending Justin didn’t exist was futile. Not only was Justin the reason Cole and I had broken up, but he was a complete shit. If he even suspected I still had feelings for Cole, he would throw me under the bus in a hot minute. He would make sure everyone knew he was the one I’d been unfaithful with in Atlantic City. Because of Justin’s reputation, I’d been shocked he hadn’t already told Blake. My saving grace had obviously been he knew better than to get on his quarterback’s bad side.

“Don’t be sad,” Cole said softly and placed his callused fingers under my chin. He guided my chin until I was looking directly into his eyes. “I’m not telling you we have to rush anything. We could do the dating thing. But I’m making sure this time around you know that my feelings for you aren’t just about sex.”

My voice sounded choked by the tears I’d been keeping at bay. “Really? So, you’ll be all right with not having sex?” I managed to cover my melancholy by teasing him.

He laughed and my heart felt a little less heavy at the sound. “Let’s not get carried away,” he said, grinning cheekily. “Sex between us is obviously so fucking spectacular because of the emotional connection.”

I shushed him as I noticed the other couples seeming to eavesdrop on our conversation. “Our emotional connection? Who are you and what have you done with Cole Caldwell?”

He frowned at me. “Dude, I’m deep. People think because I fucking slay it on stage and goof around with my brother that I’m a complete idiot. No one wants a rock star who is in touch with his emotions. Basic Marketing 101.”

“I never said you weren’t deep. I like that you have a lot of different facets to your personality,” I said and then added in a more serious voice, “But don’t ever call me dude again.”

“You’re right, dude doesn’t fit. I’ll call you my smoking hot girlfriend.”

Blushing at his compliment, I tried to keep my hopes from skyrocketing through the roof. The way he was talking and the way it felt to be dancing with him was making me believe I could finally be permanently back in his arms and in his bed.

I had to come clean to him about Justin. If we all went out together in Barbados and Cole unknowingly shared beers with the guy I slept with, he would never forgive me in a thousand years. But was I willing to gamble away my second chance with Cole? Because telling him the truth was taking a huge risk because there was a big chance I could end up losing him again.

There were so many reasons I couldn’t tell Cole everything about that night in Atlantic City. For one, exposing Justin as the guy I cheated on Cole with could cause a riff between my friends. I didn’t know how my friends would react to finding out that I betrayed Cole with such a proven jackass. Blake may have been Justin’s buddy, but he didn’t know him the way I did. Being unfaithful was bad enough. But cheating with someone who I despised made me want to crawl under a rock and die.

“Who are you rooming with?” I asked softly.

He lifted his eyebrows in surprise at the quick change of subject. “With Evan, but I’ve been mostly by myself. He met a girl from the circus…”

I cut him off with an unexpected giggle. “So, that’s why he’s been MIA?”

Cole rolled his eyes. “She’s an alleged acrobat, so I wouldn’t expect to see my brother until we are docked back in Puerto Rico. He mentioned taking Molly with her in order to stay up and hump all night and I tuned him out. His war stories have started to lose their luster. Must be a sign of my blossoming maturity.”

“Must be,” I said, melting in his arms, suddenly feeling completely relaxed. “Do you want to go back to your room?”

I expected him to laugh and tell me hell to the yes, but instead he gave me an unsettling stare. I felt his eyes reach inside my core and try to figure me out. How could someone who was meant to be a casual fling turn into the man before me? Sometimes I believed Cole knew me better than I knew myself.

He took a deep breath before answering. “What’s the rush? I thought we were taking things slow?”

He had a point. I was hot and then cold. But the reality was we might only have the one night to be together. Justin was the massive iceberg floating in the middle of the ocean and we were heading right for him. Why had I believed I could take our relationship slow?

I loved Cole. I knew that for a certainty now. Our story had started the night we met at his show and had never stopped being written. My bad judgment had created a chasm between us, but it was never unbridgeable. I only hoped he had it in his heart to forgive me for what I had left unsaid. If not, I wanted one last taste of what it would be like to be with him before my life went to shit again.

“No,” he said interrupting my thoughts, his gaze smoldering.

“Come again?”

“No, we are going to finish dancing and eat dinner. And then have that goodnight kiss you promised,” he said firmly.

“But I thought you said—”

“I don’t know what’s going on in your pretty head, Casey Silvers, but you need to stop overanalyzing. I know you want to take things slow. But I think you’re afraid and that’s why you talked yourself out of waiting to have sex again. You think you’re going to lose me if we don’t fall into bed right away.”