The Ex-Wife (12 page)

I spent half of the day trying to clean up my computer. I ended up having to take it to Best Buy to see if they could fix
it. It was yet another day that I’d gotten distracted from writing. I was so irritated. Maybe I should have gone to church
with Cam, because every evil force in the world was coming at me. I called him just to touch base and blame him for losing
an entire weekend of writing.

Sometimes I think it’s better not to date when you have things to accomplish. If I hadn’t been smiling in his face, I could
have gotten a lot of work done. He probably could hear the frustration in my voice. He said, “OK, I’m not going to bother
you. Let me know if you need me to take you to get your car in the morning.”

“OK.”

I knew that I was blaming him for my own irresponsibility and he picked up on it. He immediately got off the phone. I wanted
to call back and apologize but I figured I would just let it go and began reading up on the first phases of love and/or lust.
This way, in addition to what I was feeling, I’d have some fresh information to share with my listeners. That was the least
I could do.

I was in the bed with my reading glasses and sweatpants on, with no makeup, when the doorbell rang. I jumped. Who could that
be?

I tiptoed to the door and peeped out but no one was there. I wasn’t about to open the door, so I walked back to my bedroom.
My cell phone rang and it was Cam. I picked up and said, “Are you at my door?”

“No, I left something for you. I’m headed back home.”

“So you’re not going to stay for dinner?” I asked as I returned to the door.

“Nah, I want you to get some work done.”

“Well, I can’t do a whole lot without a—” My mouth fell open and I was at a loss for words when I opened my front door. There
was a large Apple shopping bag, and inside was a MacBook Pro laptop box. I screamed in his ear.

He said, “I’m glad you like it. I felt really bad for distracting you this weekend for my own selfish reasons. That was the
least I could do.”

“Cam, that was too sweet of you. Are you sure about this? This is a really expensive gift.”

“Ayana, you’re worth it.”

“Wait, are you going to come in?”

“I’m halfway down the road now.”

“But I want to see you,” I said, taking my glasses off and letting my hair down. “You can’t be too far. You may as well come
halfway back up the road.”

“If you insist.”

“I do.”

Cam was at my door in a matter of seconds. He’d probably just wanted me to beg to see him, since he’d been the initiator all
weekend. We ended up chilling on my couch watching an NBA playoff game and ordering pizza.

I
t seemed like the whole situation was slipping from my grip. I took Caron to my god-sister’s house and went over to Cam’s
house so we could talk. I sat there from five in the evening until close to ten at night. I didn’t want to go inside, because
I didn’t know what time he’d appear. I just wanted to have a civilized conversation with him.

If I could get him to sit down and talk without all the yelling, maybe we could get somewhere. When it appeared that he wasn’t
coming back, I decided I would walk back on the deck to see if he’d even noticed that the sliding glass door was unlocked.
It was still open. When I entered, the same cereal bowl was in the sink. Everything was in the exact same position as two
days ago.

Out of nowhere it hit me, Cam was living with that bitch. How could he be so deep so fast? I had to find out where she lived.
I just wanted to watch their interactions. I needed to know why her and not me. He wasn’t even interested in getting Caron.
What did this bitch have on him?

I browsed through Cam’s photo albums and it was as if he had completely erased me from his life. There were pictures of Caron
but I was cropped out of every one of them. I didn’t like feeling invisible. I didn’t like that it was so easy for him to
forget about me. I needed to find one thing that still connected us, something that would remind him that we had been happy
at one time.

I lay across his bed and I could smell him. I could feel how alone he must have felt when I told him I wanted to be with Overnight
Express. I bunched his quilt up and wrapped my arms around it, imagining that I was holding him. Tears streamed down my face.
It was so hard to accept this. No one understood how I felt. I wasn’t crazy. I just wanted to erase it all. I wanted to make
it right. Maybe it was just a bad dream. I wanted to go to sleep and wake up to Cam and Caron. I didn’t want to do this alone
anymore. I didn’t want to keep shuffling Caron from house to house.

I lay there and didn’t realize that not only had I been crying hysterically, I was sweating. The house was hot and I was curious
about just how many days Cam had been with his new girlfriend. As I got up to turn on the air, I wondered how long he’d continue
to pay my mortgage now that he was moving on. I didn’t know how I’d imagined this whole story playing out, but I’d never dreamed
I wouldn’t get just one more try.

I took all my clothes off and lay in his bed. I hoped he’d smell my scent when he returned and be compelled to feel me. I
wished that he would walk in and find me there. As the time ticked away, I knew Cam was spending another night out. I felt
confused and hurt. People suggested that I should be over him, but I just didn’t know how to get over a man who had never
done anything to hurt me. He had never cheated on me to my knowledge. He had never done anything but love me. I hated myself.

I headed to his medicine cabinet and looked at what he had. There was a bottle of prescription drugs. The label indicated
it was oxycodone with an expiration date that had passed. I wanted the pain to end. I was tired of the embarrassment. I was
tired of hating myself. When I opened the bottle, I discovered there were only six pills left. From what I’d been told, this
medication was potent, and I thought it could take me away. I turned on the faucet and threw the pills to the back of my throat.
Cupping my hands under the water, I washed them down. I looked in the mirror. I was ready for the dumb chick in front of me
to disappear. As I came to peace with my choice, my cell phone rang and I jumped nervously. Who could be calling me right
now? I felt as if someone was spying on me until I realized it was Caron calling from my god-sister’s phone. He said, “Mommy,
I have to go to school tomorrow. It’s really late.”

Suddenly I wanted yet another replay. I stuck my finger down my throat. My whole mission turned into me getting this medicine
out of my system and picking up my son. I forced myself to throw up and put my clothes back on. Rushing from the house, I
didn’t think about straightening up after myself. I had to get Caron and I hoped that puking had really worked. I didn’t feel
strange as I rushed to my god-sister’s house. It was only five minutes away, so I was there quickly. Just as I called to tell
Caron to come out, I started feeling strange. I was slightly dizzy, but I felt I could make it home. I was nauseous. When
Caron got in the car I thought I saw four of him.

Cam stood over me, shaking me, yelling my name. “Yasmin! Yasmin! Yasmin!”

I didn’t know where I was. I must have been in Cam’s house since he was calling me. I looked up at him and Caron standing
beside him. I was out of it. He said, “Yasmin.”

I slowly rose and asked, “Where am I?”

“You’ve been drinking again?”

“No,” I said, rubbing my eyes.

“Well, what’s wrong with you then?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s one o’clock in the afternoon and Caron called me saying you were dead.”

I couldn’t believe that I had done something so stupid. Caron stood beside him looking as if he had been crying all day. The
thought of him trying to wake me up and thinking I was dead made me feel horrible. Why had I put him in that predicament?
He didn’t deserve this.

When I tried to sit up, my head was pounding and my heart racing. I wondered if I should admit to Cam what I’d done. Instead,
I said, “I was having trouble sleeping and I took two sleeping pills last night.”

Caron said, “Mommy, you musta took them before you picked me up because you was sleeping while we was driving home.”

Cam said, “I’m going to make you some coffee. Just lie down.”

He came back upstairs with water and coffee. He sat on the side of the bed and asked, “Yasmin, why did you take the sleeping
pills?”

“’Cause I really wanted to go to sleep.”

“Did you take them before or after you picked Caron up?”

“Why does it matter to you? You didn’t care enough to have him with you this weekend.”

“Not today, Yasmin. This is serious. You could have killed him.”

“I was sleepy when I picked him up and I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night. I really needed to sleep.”

“Where did you get the pills?”

“They were over-the-counter sleeping pills.”

He put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Maybe you were just tired, Yas.”

It was as if he cared about me again. I looked at him and said, “Thanks for coming here to check up on me. You treat me like
you hate me.”

“Yasmin, I don’t hate you. I hate a lot of the things you do.”

“I’m sorry for all the things I put you through.”

“We cool. It’s no need for all of that.”

I said, “I know, but I just wanted you to know.”

He hung around the house for a while longer to make sure I was OK. He and Caron ran out to buy me lunch. I wanted to let go
of the possibility that we’d get back together, but today had only reignited the spark. He was a good man and I wanted him
to be mine again.

Before he left, he talked to me about seeing a psychiatrist about my anxiety. He told me that he’d support me and be sure
that I got the right one. I really didn’t think I needed help, but if that would bring him back to me, I would consider it.

C
am and I had been together nearly every day from the moment I’d gone to settlement a month ago. I had yet to move into my
condominium. I had scaled my office hours back to a minimum, primarily so I could finish my book, but also because with my
new relationship, it was apparent I had left no time in my life for myself.

Cam had been staying at my apartment after his ex-wife picked up Caron on weekdays, and we’d stay at his home over the weekends.
We were doing something fun every day and time just escaped me.

I woke up five days before I was finally scheduled to move and shook Cameron. “Honey, we have to start moving stuff to the
condo today.”

“Yeah, let’s just hire movers.”

“That’s fine, but I’ll need you to help me pack.”

“I’ll call the movers and they will have this entire place packed and labeled and unloaded in about four hours.”

“You sure?”

Cameron called the movers and they said they would put me on the schedule for the next day. That gave me another day to procrastinate.
My plate was so full that I didn’t have much time for all the extra stuff, so I was happy Cam had offered to hire movers.
By the time they arrived, I’d gotten enough organized that their jobs wouldn’t be too hard.

Cam had some business to take care of so I stuck around while they packed. Once the truck was loaded, I told them I’d meet
them at the condo. I hopped into my car and headed over to the condo. I opened the door and the place had been vandalized.
There was spray paint all over the walls:
HOME-WRECKER.

My heart pounded. Who would do this to me? Why would anyone do this to anyone? It had to be Cam’s ex-wife, and I was angry
that I’d let him so deep into my spirit. I was in love with him now, but I should have just let it go in the beginning. Fuck
a good man: a man is only as good as the women in his past. If he’s been with crazy whores, then he wasn’t worth being with.
In the midst of my rant, I forgot to call the movers. I told them to wait. I called Cam screaming and yelling.

“Your ex-wife ruined my house!”

“What are you talking about?”

“There is bleach all over the wood floor and carpet. Spray paint all over the walls. The house is ruined thanks to you.”

“I’m on my way.”

I sat there in the middle of my first home bawling. I couldn’t believe that this woman would do this. I wanted to fight her.
I wanted to strangle her. I hated that she was so committed to this fight. If this was the way she rolled, she could have
Cam back for all I cared. I didn’t have the heart to call my sister or any of my friends. They would have wanted to kill her
and it wasn’t worth it. I knew what I had to do. I had to let it go.

Cam pushed the front door open and looked around as if pained by the vision. I shook my head and tears streamed down my face,
because I knew I had to break up with him. I simply said, “She wins.”

He tried to hug me and I pulled back. “Don’t let her win. We’ll file a restraining order on her. It’s that simple.”

“It’s not that simple. Look at this place.”

“I will pay for everything. Don’t worry.”

“I have to be out of my apartment in four days. What am I going to do?”

“I had the movers take your things to my house.”

“Why, Cam, why? It’s over! I don’t want to be a part of this fatal attraction anymore.”

“I want to be with you and I’m going to fix this. Come stay with me for a little while and we can work it out.”

“Work what out? We cannot fix her.”

“We can focus on us and if we’re strong, she can’t penetrate us. You can’t fall apart now.”

“I should have gone with my first instinct.”

He got in my face. “And what was that? Tell me what your first instinct was when you met me.”

“I’m talking about when she called my job.”

“And I’m talking about us, not her. What did you think when you first met me?”

Tears welled in my eyes, because I couldn’t say what I’d felt when I first met him. I’d felt that he was a great guy. I’d
felt that any woman would be lucky to have him. I’d felt an overwhelming desire to get to know him. My mind was a seesaw.
I wanted to let him go, but I wanted to agree to temporarily move in with him.

He stood there in front of me, fighting for our relationship, and I was lost, confused, and upset. “What have you felt over
the last thirty days? Not about her but about us? You said yourself that you dreamed about a relationship like this. Don’t
punish yourself because of her ignorance.”

I ran my hand down my face to wipe away the tears. I looked at him pleading and begging, and wondered how any woman could
turn her back on a man like this.

“Cam, I will move in with you on two conditions. One, we file a restraining order today. Two, you request police intervention
during pickup and drop-off of Caron. She is crazy and I just can’t imagine how she got into this place.”

“I have something to tell you.” He looked at me.

His eyes scared me and I wasn’t sure what he was about to say. “What?”

“Your car was found in the salon parking lot and—”

“Why are you just telling me this?”

“I wasn’t sure if it could have been a coincidence or what. Were all of your house keys on there?”

I nodded. I had never even thought to change the locks on the condo. I started to rethink my decision. She was worse than
I’d originally imagined.

“Cam, what else do you think she’s capable of?”

He shrugged. I really didn’t feel comfortable with his response. I let out an angry sigh. “Why me?”

“I never imagined that she would do the things she’s done. So I don’t know what else she’d do. But I promise to protect you.”

“How can you protect me and she is so random? How can you be sure of her next step?”

“We’ll get a restraining order and I will request a psychological evaluation in our custody battle.”

I took a deep breath and he wrapped me in his arms. “We need to head out to the house to meet the movers. They’re probably
waiting on us.”