The Fading Trilogy: Fading, Freeing, Falling: Includes 2 BONUS short stories: Hoping and Finding Forever (77 page)

Laughing, I say to Mark, “You know how ridiculous you look with that shit on you?”

“Shut up,” Candace teases. “Your face could benefit from a good cleansing if your panties weren’t wadded up so tight.”

Mark and I both laugh, and it’s nice to see her in a more lighthearted mood. Candace sips her wine as she questions Mark about everything from his band to his family. She props her feet on his lap and Mark proceeds to paint her toenails. I watch him with her. He sits there, wearing nothing but a pair of gym shorts, with mud on his face, trying to cheer up the only other girl I have ever loved aside from my sister. It’s in this moment that I know I’m starting to fall in love. The fact that he is doing this, and I know it’s more for me than it is for her, makes me see how much he really does care.

When Mark finishes, he hops off the couch and heads into the kitchen.

“Grab me a water while you’re in there,” Candace hollers to Mark as he’s rummaging around.

When he starts sauntering back into the living room, water in hand, with his face covered in a brown facial mask, I notice the smile that finally appears on Candace’s face. I laugh at how ridiculous Mark looks right now.

Handing Candace the bottle of water, he says, “Here you go, sweetheart.”

“Thanks.” She shakes her head at him and grins.

I hear her let out a small giggle and then she turns to look at me. I feel less weight in my chest knowing that Mark just gave her this. If only for a moment, he gave her a piece of her old self back.

I give her a wink before Mark falls across my lap and pulls me in for a kiss, getting mud all over my face. “Dude, that shit is everywhere!” I try to say with force, but it’s betrayed by my laughter.

“Come on. Kiss me, Jase,” he teases, and I try pushing him away, but he fights to stay on top of me, smearing that crap all over me. Mark and I both stop wrestling when we hear Candace laughing loudly at us. The three of us stare at each other, all knowing each other’s thoughts without even speaking. We know what just happened was big, so we just absorb the moment.

When it starts getting late, Mark and Candace go to the bathroom to clean their faces off, and I get ready for bed. I can hear the two of them laughing quietly over the running water. It’s the best damn sound in the world to me right now, and he gave it to me.

When they walk into the room, Candace slips under the covers, and I wrap myself around her as Mark slides in behind me and wraps himself around me. I love that the three of us can be here. These are the two people I love the most, and knowing they love each other too is near perfect.

Candace lets out a deep breath and says, “Thanks guys.”

I kiss the top of her head when Mark says, “Anytime,” and then presses his lips to the back of my neck.

Candace wound up spending most of the day with me. Mark had to get some stuff done before his show tonight. It’s been a while since I’ve heard him play, but tonight I’m going with him to Blur to hang out.

I shrug on my shirt and throw some gel in my hair when I hear my cell ring.

“You here?”

“Yeah. I’m around the corner by Peet’s,” Mark says.

Walking out of my building, I round the corner and see Mark’s white Range Rover parked by the curb. When I hop in, I lean over and give him a quick kiss before he starts making the short drive to the bar. He parks in the back lot and grabs his guitar from the backseat.

“So, Ryan, the guy that owns this place, wants us to start playing every Saturday,” he says as we start walking through the lot to the back door.

“Yeah? You guys gonna commit to that?”

“I think so. The money is really good and saves us the headache of trying to find gigs around the city.”

Opening the door, we walk through the back and into the bar. The place is packed, but then again, it’s after nine o’clock on a Saturday night.

“Hey, man.”

“Hey,” Mark says to a guy whose arms are covered in tattoos. “Chas, this is Jase.” Looking over at me, he says, “Chasten plays drums.”

Nodding my head, I say, “Yeah, I think we’ve met before.”

We shake hands and then he tells Mark, “Everyone’s ready, so we should—”

“Hey, guys, can you get the others and meet me in my office real quick.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Mark says to the guy that is approaching us. “Ryan, this is Jase, the guy I was telling you about.”

Ryan reaches out his hand, and I shake it as he says, “Jase, man. Good to meet you.”

“Yeah, same here,” I respond, and I wonder what Mark has told him. I start to feel a little insecure being with Mark like this around these guys. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could be as comfortable as Mark is, but I’m not. Not yet.

Chasten follows Ryan to the back and Mark tells me, “I gotta go with them. I’ll catch up with you later though.” I nod my head, and I tense up when he kisses me. I know he senses my reaction by the look on his face.

“I’m gonna go get a beer. I’ll see you later,” I say before Mark turns away.

I walk over to the large bar and have to wait a while before one of the girls comes over.

“Hey, sorry about the wait. I’m Mel. What can I get you?”

“You have Full Sail? Amber?”

“Yeah. In the bottle,” she replies as I nod my head.

“Jase.” I turn to see Ryan standing beside me, leaning his elbows on the bar top. “You ever been here before?”

“Yeah. This crowd is a bit insane though,” I say when Mel hands me the beer.

“Here you are.”

“Don’t bother with a tab, Mel,” Ryan tells her.

“Thanks, man.”

“No problem,” he says when I hear Mark’s band starting to play.

The music is loud and blasts through the bar. I take a seat on the stool that opens up next to me and drink my beer. Leaning my back against the bar, I watch Mark as he plays. He looks hot with his guitar slung low on his body. Muscles flexing in his arms and shoulders as he plays.

“Your guy’s band is fuckin’ popular. They brought in a huge crowd last time they played here as well.”

Having him refer to Mark as
my guy
makes me uncomfortable. The fact that he knows I’m gay and that Mark is my boyfriend, embarrasses me. Not because of Mark. It’s me, and I know this. Ryan doesn’t seem to be phased by it at all, which surprises me. To look at him, you can tell he is all man.

“You go to school together?” he asks when I don’t respond to his last statement.

“Yeah,” I holler over the music. “We’re in the same major.”

“And what’s that?”

“Architecture.”

He turns around and yells for Mel to grab him a beer when a guy approaches him from behind and claps his shoulder.

“Ryan! Fuck, man!”

He turns around and questions, “What?”

“That chick you flung on me last night was a fuckin’ psycho.”

Ryan shakes his head and introduces us. “Jase, this is my dick of a friend, Gavin.”

“What the fuck ever,” Gavin says as he laughs at Ryan. Looking at me, he says, “Watch out for this dipshit, and don’t let him hook you up with anyone. His matchmaking skills suck balls.”

“Find your own ass, Gav. I’m not your fuckin’ hookup.”

“Not anymore. What the hell has happened to you lately?”

“Nothing,” Ryan tells him. “Just sick of wasting my time.”

Turning to me, Gavin says, “Ryan’s been a bit of a pussy lately.”

I laugh at him and take a swig of my beer.

“Don’t waste your time buddying up with Jase,” Ryan tells him.

“Sad. I guess it’s just me trying to get laid, huh?”

“Sorry. Looks like it,” I say.

“Are these the same guys that played here last week?” he asks Ryan.

“Yeah, they’re gonna be playing here every Saturday now. They just signed a contract earlier.”

“They looking for a label?”

“Ask this guy. I have no clue,” Ryan responds as he tips the neck of his bottle towards me.

“You know them?”

“Yeah,” I say. “But I dunno. I only know Mark and just met the drummer.”

“This is Mark’s guy,” Ryan tells him, and fuck if that doesn’t make me want to leave this bar. But Gavin doesn’t even blink when he says, “Yeah, I met Mark the other day. Cool guy. Well, if they are, I work for Sub Pop Records. I’d be interested in talking with them.”

I nod my head, still feeling awkward, and turn to holler for another beer. Ryan wanders off while I wait for Mel to get my drink. Sitting down next to me, Gavin says, “How long have you known Ryan?”

“Just met him tonight,” I say as Mel hands me the beer. I turn back around and watch Mark while listening to Gavin talk about some of his history with Ryan. From what I’m hearing, Ryan doesn’t seem too far off from me. Well, from who I used to be before I started seeing Mark. I don’t judge him ‘cause I have to wonder what demons he must be trying to cover up. I can tell Gavin fucks around for the sake of fucking around. This kid is obnoxious, but he’s hot; I’ll give him that much credit.

I look over and spot a tall blonde running her hands down Ryan’s stomach, but he clutches her wrist before she can slip them in his pants. Whatever he’s saying to her is pissing her off. He lets go and starts walking back toward the bar.

“What the hell is up with you? That chick was all over your nuts,” Gavin says.

Ryan ignores him and leans over the bar to holler at Mel. “Mel, I’ll be up in my office. I’ll come down later, okay?”

“Yeah, no problem, Ry,” she says as she’s mixing a drink.

Gavin catches Ryan’s arm and questions, “Dude, seriously? What the hell is going on with you?”

Jerking his arm back, he says, “Not in the mood.”

“You haven’t been for a couple weeks.”

As he shakes his head, looking frustrated as hell, he says, “You wouldn’t get it, man,” before turning and walking away.

“That guy used to be so much fun. Used to bang anything that stepped in front of him. Dude’s been in a fucked up mood lately.”

“Maybe he just got tired of using people,” I say, and he looks over at me, eyebrows raised.

“It’s not using when they willingly give.”

I don’t expect him to understand, so I don’t bother saying anything else, and luckily I don’t have to when that same blonde approaches him and diverts his attention away from me. I just sit back, drink my beer, and watch the one guy I know I would never use the way I did so many before him.

I spend the next hour drinking and getting to know Mel a little better. She’s a pretty cool chick. Her husband is a drummer in a local band. We talk off and on while she works, and eventually Ryan returns. Sitting next to me, he looks worn out. Mel sets down a cup of coffee in front of him and after he thanks her, he turns to look at me.

“Did Gav leave?”

I look over my shoulder when the band stops playing. Mark slings his guitar over his head, and I turn back to Ryan.

“I don’t know. He ran off with some girl over an hour ago, so probably.”

Shaking his head, he says, “Sorry about earlier. He’s a lot to take at times.”

I turn around when I feel Mark’s hand on my shoulder. He looks hot as hell. His sweaty shirt clings to him and my conflicting feelings start colliding.

“Hey, you bored yet?” he asks.

“No. I had the pleasure of hanging out with Gavin for a while,” I joke and hear Ryan laughing.

“That guy’s crazy, but funny as hell,” Mark says as he wraps his arm around me. I move back slightly when he starts to pull me closer to him. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just tired.” I lie to him. I hate that. I’m not okay. Fuck. I wish I was, but I’m not. I hear my sister’s words replay in my head:
“The Jase I know wouldn’t care what others think.”
But to not care takes more strength than I think I have. Mark has never done anything wrong; he’s perfect. He deserves to be with someone like him. Someone sure of himself and not so damn awkward and scared for people to see him for what he is.

I know Mark senses my hesitation because he quickly removes his arm, grabs the beer that Mel set down for him, and walks towards Chasten, who is still on stage working on his drum kit.

“You guys okay?” Ryan asks as he sips his coffee.

I try blowing it off and respond with, “Yeah. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks.”

“You have no idea, man,” he says and then lets out a sigh. Clearly this guy has a lot on his mind, but I don’t say anything as we sit there and drink.