The Failed Coward (18 page)

“I’d prefer to live in the same building as you guys if that’s okay. We’re not gonna do anything if you know what I mean. We’ll be good. I promise.” Gavin seemed sincere.

“Said that before.” Patty smirked. 

I nodded in agreement. “I’ve also made that promise too. Well mom, she’s your little girl. It’s your call.”

Patty thought long and hard about it then answered him just as he looked like he was about to explode from the wait. “Well Gavin, if we’re gonna start trusting each other, we might as well start doing it now. Let’s get you set up in Hall E, and we’ll see what happens. But you gotta agree that if we say you gotta move, then you move no questions asked.”

Gavin cracked a smile that damn near showed every last one of his teeth. “You bet Mrs. Williams, I can’t thank you enough. I promise I’ll take good care of your daughter.”

“You better. You think life is bad now? Hell hath no fury buster.”

I patted him on the back, and we left the small glassed in foyer of the school building.

How funny is all that shit, right? Ahhh.. it makes me sort of giddy like a schoolgirl. I can almost feel the affection coming off them like rays of sunshine. It literally warms the heart to be around the two of them. I’m very happy for them, and I hope they wind up lasting for a good long time. I know the odds are stacked against them, but I think the little smidge of hope they represent for me does my sanity good.

We left Gavin and Abby to their devices outside for an hour or two, and they wound up walking around, doing what young kids do. Suck face. Patty kept going to the windows to look and see what they were doing, and every time she went, she made a gagging noise and pretended to throw up. I think she was appalled at the resolve the kids put forth in their kissing. She kept rambling on incessantly, “did you ever kiss that much? I don’t remember kissing that much? Do all girls look like whores when they kiss? He looks like he’s going to eat her face! Oh God what have I done? My poor little girl.”

Let it not go unsaid that Patty was far more worried about Gavin kissing her, than the chances that they’d get attacked by a wandering zombie here on campus. There’s something ironic and hilarious about that fact. 

You’d think this was Abby’s first boyfriend judging by Patty’s reactions. You know actually, that’s a fairly legit question. Abby was cute, but she was a little bitchy, and a little nerdy, and I know she was not a huge hit with the boys here when they were alive. (they love her now, but mostly they’re just interested in trying to kill her and eat her) It is actually possible she’s still a virgin. Go Gavin, I suppose.

I’m sure Patty was missing Charles right then too. I know if I were in her shoes I’d want my husband or wife with me to deal with such a momentous situation with our child. I hope this gives Patty the hope it has given me too.

After the two lovebirds got done with their tonsil hockey they came back in and Patty managed to compose herself. I busted out laughing at her just as the kids came in, and they turned the color of tomatoes. The beans had been spilled. 

After they composed themselves (again), Gavin sat down and filled us in on news from Westfield. Things there were very good. Life post-Sean had been good thus far, and Lisa Goldman has been what Gavin described as a “kick ass leader.” She’s organized training for folks so skills are shared that way no one is the only person who knows anything. She’s also made good safety decisions, puts everyone else before her, and seems like she actually cares. These are all exciting traits for a leader to h have.

They staged a mission a few days ago to a local construction company’s yard to obtain something we’ve needed. I know I thought of the idea of getting a milk truck to haul water, and I still maintain that’d work just fine, but Lenny had his reservations apparently. Something to do with the weight of water versus milk. Lenny instead realized that the local paving company had water trucks that they used to keep the dust down during hot, dry days. These trucks were about the size of the trucks that deliver your home heating oil. If the interior of the tank was cleaned and sterilized, then the water truck would serve admirably as a transportation device.

Their operation went smoothly, and they encountered minimal zombie resistance. Gavin said they had something around 50 to deal with the entire operation. He went on to explain that they took longer to find the keys to the truck than they did to kill all the zombies near where the truck was parked. Personally, I’m not sure if hearing that they encountered 50 zombies was a good thing, or a bad thing. I was under the impression they’d already largely cleared the area, and if they found 50 all in the same vicinity, then that means they haven’t cleared the area well, or the zombies have migrated in from elsewhere.

Apparently they’ve cleaned and prepped the truck already, and instead of us going there on the 31
^st
, they’re coming here so we can fill the water tank. With the garden hoses we have... We’re looking at it taking hours to fill. Gavin felt like that truck was either a 2,000 gallon tank, or a 2,500 gallon tank. Either way, that could be as much as 6-10 hours to completely fill, depending on how fast we can get the water going, and how many hoses we can get going simultaneously.

Either way you cut it that totally solves our issue of supplying them with too little water, or wasting fuel making constant water runs. The rate of water consumption for drinking is like what? A gallon a day or something like that? If they have 40 people there (and that’s high) and they each consume a gallon a day over a week that adds up to 280 gallons a week. Triple that for bathing and washing dishes and whatnot, and we’re looking at having a 2,000 gallon tank being just about perfect to cover all their needs every week.

Very exciting news. It’s also pleasing to note that they did this on their own, and for once, one of my problems was solved by someone else. Yay Westfield friends, and hooray for not having to be the muscle, yet again.

Gavin said Mike and company would be arriving on campus at about 9am to facilitate the water loading on the truck. He also thought Ollie and Melissa would be coming to double check that they were still welcome here. Gavin felt that they were still very much excited to move here. Ollie especially, if only to get free of his dad’s farm, and to strike out on his own.

So yeah. All good news. Gavin dropped off a short list of things that they need in Westfield, and we can fill most of their order with no problem. Mostly they continue to need hygiene oriented supplies. Bleach, detergent, toothpaste, soap, deodorant, etc. We’ve got that in spades, especially after getting the stuff from STIG.

Mike’s note also mentioned he has two ACOG scopes for us, as well as more ammo, more of Lenny’s wares, and diesel fuel if needed. I think it’s funny that we are now giving them more than they need, and for the longest time, I thought it’d be the opposite. I’m pleased that they are now scrounging for items to trade to us for our resource(s). I’m sure when summer and fall rolls around and our crops are being harvested, we’ll have a more interesting set of trades. Until then, water is our oil, and we can trade it strong with them. I think we’re being fair to everyone right now too, which makes me happy.

Yesterday I ripped out the wall in my bedroom that adjoined the bedroom next to mine. Patty and Abby helped me, and surprisingly it didn’t take long at all to get the whole wall taken down, and the holes patched up with the bits of drywall lingering around in the basements on campus. Pleasantly, I found several full sheets in a bunch of places, which means we’ve got some decent interior finishing supplies should we need to do some work. I had the spackle applied, and we were cleaned up and drinking a beer after about six hours. As everyone was going to bed, I slapped a coat of the paint from the basement over the new stuff we put up, and I moved everything into my room an hour or two after that. Paint fumes for the win!

I slept downstairs last night lol. I couldn’t deal with the fresh paint smell. I cracked a window and blacked out down here on my two beer buzz. Huzzah for being a lightweight.

I am in a good place right now. I feel positive, almost invigorated. I have started to look at my life less in the light of my failings, and more in the light of my successes. I know I’m not perfect, and I know I will make mistakes, but I can’t murder myself over that anymore. I need to keep trying to be a better person, and to help others. I can be defined by more than my past. I can choose my legacy and make my future.

Something Gilbert said to me strikes me now as being particularly sagely. One day he and I were talking, I forget when, and he said something about how we now had to earn our salvation now. 

That small concept has really sat with me and resonated, especially after having shot Steve. On paper… HOLY SHIT. I shot my friend Steve. Granted, he was dead at the time, but shit, I shot him in the face, and killed him again. Then I threw his body into a fire, and burnt it into ash.

And I’m totally okay with that, because I genuinely believe I brought him peace. I don’t know if I sent him to heaven, or to hell, or to wherever we get to go when our ticket is punched nowadays, but I feel down in the pit of my stomach that I brought him peace. 

And that brings me peace. And I feel grateful that I am still here, able to bring some kind of release to the dead, and to help the living survive as long as possible, and to help them live the best lives that they can.

Now I know I’m not perfect. And I know I swear, and burp, and fart, and when I need to, I’ll push a turd down the drain of a shower.

But I think the world needs someone like that. Someone who is imperfect, but trying to be the best person they can, rising above life’s challenges, and rising above all the turds circling the drain.

Maybe someone like me.

-Adrian

March 31
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PRODUCTIVE DAY! PRODUCTIVE COUPLE OF DAYS!

Exhaustion has now set in. I am gonna bang this out, and face plant in my pillow. MY PILLOW. From my home. It smelled weird at first, but I washed it and now it reminds me of comfort from home. I’ve noticed I’m sleeping better since I switched to it. I’m also sleeping better now that I have my TV from home mounted on the wall of my room, and I can rub one out and fall directly asleep afterwards. Yay for half asleep porno.

Good times Mr. Journal. Good times. 

Mike, Ollie, Melissa, and a new guy came to visit us today in a humvee, and a brand spanking new water truck. Okay so that’s at least two new things to talk about. Gavin and Mike also had a nice moment where Mike asked him how it all went, and Gavin excitedly told him. There’s a definite father/son thing going on there. It might just be a Sergeant/Private thing too, but there’s definitely some family love happening. Actually, that does no justice to the relationship a good Sergeant has with the troops below them. Mike looked very proud of Gavin for having stepped up and come here to ask about moving here and dating Abby. That’s actually the third thing to talk about.

First things first.

New guy: small fella named Hector Gutierrez. He’s a Specialist in the unit Mike is now the head of. Well, that’s sort of assuming they even still exist as a unit. I think Mike said there are only five or six of them left now, after everything that’s happened. Hector is a small guy, maybe pushing five and a half feet, and he’s a thick one too. Not fat, just wide of shoulder and hip. As you might imagine, he has a Mexican lineage, and was not shy at all in reminding to never question his “brown pride.” Hector has a few years experience working on vehicles, and Mike says he is their mechanic. He’s funny, pretty clever, and I liked him from the jump.

The water truck is pretty sweet. It’s a big International truck with a giant steel water container mounted on the back. Mike and Hector hopped up and showed me that the interior was actually lined with a synthetic material (kind of like a sleeve) to prevent leaks, and to fight mold and stuff. It should be absolutely perfect for us as we move forward. Well, it could be a little better, because it took for-fucking-ever to fill up using two garden hoses.

Mike knew it’d take forever, and he suggested we get the hoses going immediately. We hooked one up to the sink in Hall A, and the other up to an exterior nozzle on the side of the Hall. We didn’t want to stand or sit out there in the morning chill holding the hoses, so we jury rigged a temporary duct tape system to hold the hoses pointing downward into the tank. I want to say it took us…. Six hours to fill the tank? Maybe seven? I’m not entirely positive, but the moral of the story is, it was a long ass time.

While we waited for the tank to fill, we had an early lunch, and got our trade out of the way. I think this was our first heavily lopsided trade in favor of us. The quantity of water we sent their way in the truck was substantial, and the fact that we have a largely unlimited supply of it makes me think the value of our water might not be as high anymore. Not so much because it isn’t as valuable, but because it’s so damn easy for us to get.

Westfield can’t possibly continue to give us trades like today if they plan on having their own shit as time goes on. The truck filled with water is just shy of 2,500 gallons. If they use just that water, that’s a week’s worth for them, with spare Mike felt.

In addition to the water, we gave them some of the venison off the deer I got awhile ago, and six cans of fruit. 

Mike traded to us the following: 2x ACOG scopes for the M4/M15 rifles, which substantially increases the range we can be accurate with them, as well as two chickens (butchered for eating) two dozen eggs, four bottles of milk, one almost full case of kosher MREs (apparently no one likes the meal inside, chicken and black beans btw, oi vey!), and four bags of field grade fertilizer for Ollie to put to use when he and Melissa move here.

All of that for some water. Out of the tap. How hilarious is that? Actually that’s not funny at all. I feel like a highway robber. Mike and I looked at the trade at the end and granted, the amount of water is enormous, but the risk and work in obtaining it is negligible whereas the risk and effort in getting the stuff they are trading to us is much higher. It definitely isn’t far, and we all agreed that the trade values needed adjusting as we moved forward. We need to be fair to preserve the relationship.