The Failed Coward (19 page)

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Authors: Chris Philbrook

BOOK: The Failed Coward
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Uh. What next? Okay, Ollie and Melissa are moving here on the 2
nd
. We elected to have them come here in two days mostly to avoid a really bad April Fool’s joke. I know I’d be tempted to do something stupid that day, and it’s just for the best if I avoid any kind of temptation. They are arriving with another large pickup, and from what Ollie says, a large amount of tools his father is sparing for him. Ollie and I talked about the tractor at the farm on Jones Road, and based off my description of it, he says we will be golden if he can get it running.

So they’ll be here on the 2
nd
. Bitching. I am looking forward to their arrival. The more I hang out with Ollie and Melissa, the more I like them. They’re salt of the earth people. Simple, strong, and smarter than anyone gives them credit for. I wish I’d known more folks like them.

Abby and Gavin are already a couple. Big surprise right Mr. Journal? Jealous? Abby is pretty cute, and she’s only going to get better looking as the years pile onto her. She’s gotta grow into her frame, and once she’s found her woman’s confidence, she’ll be an absolute beast to handle. I feel so bad for Gavin. She’s so clearly in control of their relationship. In a good way mind you. She isn’t domineering, she’s just the dominant personality, and he is more than happy to sunbathe in her aura. If the mall was open, I can totally see her making him hold her purse while she tried some trendy logo t-shirt on at Hot Topic or something. It’s cute. 

What else am I missing here? Ollie and Melissa… the truck, the new guy Hector, oh incidentally, Hector gave Gavin some pretty hilarious tongue lashings when he laid eyes on Abby. Hector has a slight accent, and inserts Spanish words here and there for emphasis and humor. Our white-ness amuses him to no end. It’s too funny watching him go off on Gavin. Here’s a sample quote: “Mi Amigo, you have brass cojones to leave my sweet ass behind for that blonde chick. Look at me. I’m HOT.” And then he gestures at his fat Mexican ass like he’s a playboy model. It’s so funny. I thought at one point Abby was going to stab him though. Abby and Patty have the same “death ray stare” and she put it to good work making sure Hector knew the humor didn’t outlast her patience. New couples can be so cute.

Oh, Mike and company said they drove past and handled two zombies right neat the Auburn Lake Road, Route 18 intersection, where the gas station burned down. He thought they were moving in this general direction, which makes me wonder if our recent forays into the new areas of town have drawn them back. Apparently whatever truce we’d had that kept the bastards away is now officially over. Oh well. 

I guess that means some of the undead are headed our way to get put down. I have decided to think of this as a fuel saving initiative on the undead’s part, and I am now officially thankful for it. Go green! Come to the humans to get shot, save a gallon of gas! Now if more than a few dozen do this at a time, I’ll quickly lose my good natured opinion about the matter. I reserve the right to change my mind.

After our trade we shot the shit, hung out, and we gave them a quick tour of Hall B where Ollie and Melissa are going to set up. The expectant couple seemed very excited to have all that space to themselves. Neither of them seemed put off by the work that needed to be put into the place either, which was good news. Ollie seemed downright elated. He also said he knew of a few woodstoves in Westfield we could get if we couldn’t find one locally, which was a pretty clutch bit of news on his part. They were both almost brought to tears when they saw the baby stuff we’d salvaged from the daycare a week and a half ago. Genuinely appreciative.

Once the truck’s water tank was filled to our satisfaction, we ripped the duct tape off, pulled the hoses, sealed her up, and they were off. Melissa and Patty had a very long goodbye too. I think they’re bonding as mother, and soon to be mother. Warms the heart.

So yesterday we got Gavin settled into Hall E with us. He’s in his own room on the third floor, far from Abby’s vagina. Patty slept well last night in the belief that she would be able to hear him sneaking down, or her sneaking up. I’m pretty sure I heard one of them going one way or the other last night, but frankly, I am not cock-blocking Abby. They’ve gotten the use a condom speech, and I think they are smart enough to listen to it. I’m just hoping they have a heavy petting phase before they get into the more… serious stuff. 

I miss serious stuff. I think I caught a light socket giving me the ole wink the other night. I almost had sex with it just so I could say to myself I stuck my dick in *something.* Luckily I waved that attack pattern off. Last thing I need is to electrocute my penis.

Not much else happened yesterday. I think we were all pretty excited about the new face on campus. Gilbert came down and played the role of Abby’s grandfather, and gave Gavin several of “the speeches” after which Gavin sat at least two or three extra inches away from her. The man has power Mr. Journal. He can scare the penis right inside a twenty year old. 

I just realized I used the word penis in two consecutive paragraphs. That’s got to be significant in some weird fashion. Especially if you factor in that I am referring to more than my own penis. When a man talks about someone else’s penis, you know the shit is for real. That or I’m steadily going gay. Shrug.

Tomorrow… I don’t know about tomorrow yet. I’m thinking we lay low again, and get some shit done around campus. I’d like to get more firewood cut and split for the woodstove in Hall A and for when we get a stove in Hall B. That job has Gavin and Abby written all over it.

I think Patty, Gilbert and I should go down Auburn Lake Road and assess the home heating oil supply. There’s what? 45 houses in this vicinity, and I’d bet twenty bucks most of them use heating oil. With a better idea of how much fuel we can bring to bear, we’ll have a more accurate idea of how long we can heat the Halls using oil. I know eventually we’ll be switching to just wood heat, but I’d obviously like to use the furnaces as long as possible.

Nothing larger than that strikes me as prudent at this juncture. Heading back into town right before Ollie and Melissa arrives seems silly to me. Prepping here is the thing to do. Once they get here, and are settled comfortably, we can start at looking at heading back into town, and clearing houses for supplies, and to kill zombies. I’m also starting to think about marking houses as being cleared so folks can tell that they’re safe, and so that we can know that we’ve cleared them already.

With myself, Patty, Gilbert, Abby, and Gavin, we can probably clear two houses at the same time, and roll in a three vehicle unit, which is so much safer for everyone. Well, clearing two houses at once isn’t safer, but it certainly will be faster. Before we do that, I need to see how Gavin is with the M4 he brought with him. 

It’s a comforting thought to know that we have one more gun in the fight if shit gets thick. I’m starting to feel a lot less vulnerable with him here. Maybe it’s because he’s a soldier? Or maybe it’s because I’m coming to grips with reality?

Or maybe subconsciously I feel like every time something nice happens near me, one more turd gets pushed down the drain by a giant cosmic toe.

That’s a funny image.

 

-Adrian

 

 

 

April 2011

April 2
nd

 

Wow. By the time I’m done talking about everything that’s gone down the past couple days.. I’m gonna have carpal tunnel. So much going on. Idle hands are the devil’s plaything though, and at the rate we’re going, no one is going to attract any devilish attention anytime soon around here.

Okay so yesterday was a prep day for us Mr. Journal. We wanted to cross all the t’s and dot all the I’s before Ollie and Melissa arrived today. Our first and primary goal for the entire day yesterday was to get our newest gas generator out of the gymnasium, and into Hall B so Ollie and Melissa had juice. Now on paper, that seems fairly easy, but this is a big generator, and with the warm/cold cycles we’ve had the past few days, the frost heaves in the streets on campus have more or less ruined the idea of dragging the generator on the ground, or using the engine lift and rolling that over. The gym isn’t that far from Hall B, but it’s... just far enough.

We elected to use Gilbert’s truck, Gavin’s truck, some 2x4s, and the engine lift to get it done. Long story short, we lifted the generator into the truck, then put the engine lift in the other truck, drove them over, shoveled the way clear to the Hall B bulkhead door, got the lift down, used the lift to get the generator down, then used the 2x4s to slide said generator down the bulkhead steps. The expression easier said than done could not be more appropriate. 

Gilbert had cut some 4x4s as a base for the generator, and after the three hour process of busting our assholes, we got it settled in, and patched it into the Hall’s power. A little bit of gas and some crossed fingers later, and for the first time in nine months, the lights came on in Hall B. The generator ran a little rough for a bit, but settled in after a few minutes. Dunno if that’s the generator or if the gas is starting to lose potency, but we’ll take it as long as we can. It’s a small step, but every building that gets electricity here certainly feels substantial to me. One more place where light and warmth exists seems really important.

Patty and Abby simply HAD to clean Hall B. Of course Abby wouldn’t let Gavin go off alone, and he wound up getting roped into the maid work while Gilbert and I ghosted into the basement to save our manliness, and to get the furnace up and running. A filter change, and a pilot light check later, the burner kicked on, and within minutes, the vents were kicking out the heat. Being more intelligent and experienced than our younger male counterpart, Gilbert and I slipped out the bulkhead, and enjoyed a stiff cocktail on the shores of Auburn Lake. (Goslings and Coke, if you’re curious Mr. Journal)

We were on our second drink when I noticed a zombie shuffling across the bridge. Gilbert and I sat there at our picnic table, contemplating the meaning of why the damn things keep finding their way up here for about five minutes before I decided to deal with it. Gilbert covered me with his .45 while I dug a halligan out of the plow truck. The poor zombie was mangled pretty good. Seemed to me like it had been hit by a car or truck. The shape of its torso was… off. Squished or twisted or something.

Using my typical circular approach, I brained it with the halligan, fetched the four wheeler, and put it on the burn pile where Steve’s body had gone. I said hi to Steve’s ashes while I was there, and I puttered my way back to Gilbert, where we resumed our conversation about the meaning of life, and plans for the future.

I’ll go over those plans in a bit Mr. Journal. They’re pretty important.

So the rest of that night after the girls got done cleaning the Hall was us sharing a pretty wonderful meal together. Gilbert agreed to cook some of our venison in the crockpot, and I tell you what, the man is a miracle worker with food. Canned carrots, potatoes, a jar of teeny white onions, some seasonings, some shit I couldn’t even identify, and viola… venison stew.

TO. DIE. FOR.

I want Gilbert’s babies. Frankly, I’m also going to go on record and say I’d have that deer’s babies too. Delicious, yummy deer. It’s been awhile since I’d had joy over food. I’m thinking we need to vote Gilbert officially into the “resident chef” role, and tough shit if he doesn’t like it. I swear we are all happier after he cooks. I literally think that guy has a jar of “happiness” that he spikes dinners with.

Anyway. Venison erection aside.

At and after dinner we discussed life after Ollie and Melissa, who we have begun to call “Team Babymaker,” or “Team TB” for short. Originally we’d opted for “Team BM” but that made us giggle every time we said it. Team TB still makes us giggle, but less often, and is thus preferable.

Everyone is excited. Was excited, whatever. However, the need to push on is strong in all of us, and with Gavin here as an extra shooter, we have never been stronger in a tactical sense. Clearing houses of the undead and to acquire supplies should go faster and smoother now as long as we are intelligent about it. Our planning last night was over basic tactical stuff on clearings, and how we’ve done stuff versus how Westfield had done it. Very similar ideas, but Westfield had a twist on the process I found interesting. Their idea is definitely on the table for later.

So today was excitement central here. Gavin wound up waking us all up at the fucking ass crack of dawn with a rifle shot. After I wiped the shit off my ass and found him, he’d taken out a zombie shuffling about near the far side of the bridge. Of course he did that from the window at the end of the hallway on the third floor of Hall E, which was loud as a motherfucker inside, especially at 7am.

We reamed him out a bit, but then thanked him. Patty accused him of having been awake because he was slipping into or out of Abby’s room, which nearly started World War three between daughter and mother. As it turns out, Gavin was an early riser because he always had the morning shift of watch in Westfield. He was accustomed to waking at 6am, and wasn’t used to having his shots bother anyone.

Note of the day on that Mr. Journal: Gavin racked up a head shot, through tree branches, in a breeze, on a moving zombie with his M4’s iron sights on the first try at what I’d guess was about 150 yards.

Mmhm. Yep. All is forgiven. If he can do that, he’s got a lot of credit for fuckups with me. That’s a rugged shot. I’ll have to squeeze how he got that good at shooting out of him when I get some time. I’m betting he’s got hunting experience, or he’s just a natural. 

Breakfast was the order of the day, and with our fresh restock from Westfield, we had pancakes again. I’m thinking this is now our tradition. Patty made the pancakes with a smidge of applesauce in them, and served a little plastic cup of the applesauce with the pancakes instead of the faux maple syrup we’ve been using, and it was really nice. I like the new tradition of eating together. It gives us a chance to see each other, make sure we’re all on the same page, and gives us time to plan, communicate, and feel like a team.

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