The Failure (18 page)

49. GUY FORGET ON THE CEILING

W
hy no one ever thinks to look up, thought Guy, floating six feet above his body in the hospital room. Suppose they wouldn’t see me anyway. Suppose I’m invisible as air.

I can’t hear them but I can see them. I can see Marcus and Mom, and I know they’re talking about pulling the plug, or rather plugs, it’s misleading to think there’s only one plug, there’s a whole bunch from what I can tell. I wish I could convey to them: It’s okay, you can pull the plug, the thing in the bed is no longer me, it’s a shell, an empty room, and I’m up here, on the ceiling, and every day that passes I get a little bit lighter and I float a little bit higher.

I saw Violet, for hours and hours. I saw Violet cry. I saw that Violet loves me, and blames herself, and that was the one time I was tempted to come down and reinvest my body once more just so I can tell her everything that happened was exactly the right thing, and that I’m … well, I’m actually happy. I am, for the first time, and probably—though I can’t actually see the future, or can I?—will remain happy. For eternity. She’ll understand, eventually. I’ll make sure.

I saw Billy, and I can’t believe he’s actually going out with the Moped Marauder, who is by the way insanely cute, they make a perfect couple. I don’t know what he was trying to tell me, but that video of him being attacked by a mountain lion? Oh my God, that was the single funniest thing I’ve ever seen in any of my lives.

Soon I’ll float free of this room, and after that I have a choice. I can see the bright rupture above, and every fiber of my weightless being longs to head into that brightness, and the peace and calm that dwells there endlessly.

But before that, there’s something I have to do. I have to pay a visit to an old friend. I have to go to Maine, or some version of Maine, I’m not really sure how this projection thing works, but I’ll get it down. Unfinished business, you see. When I leave, I mean leave for good, I don’t want anything tying me to this brutal plane of existence.

What I would tell those I love and have loved, what I would tell everyone who loves and has loved, what I would tell everyone: it’s so very easy, you see. You’ve already solved the puzzle of being, you solved it the moment you opened your little baby eyes and saw a relatively out-of-focus version of someone who may or may not have been your mother smiling down at you. Everything else is a distraction. The only answer in this or any other world that matters is yes.

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