The Fairy's Return and Other Princess Tales (21 page)

“There you are!” Bombina shouted while shifting her weight onto her left foot. Then she began to stare at the scullery wench. She lowered her chin to her chest and continued to stare.

Oh, no! Parsley thought. She's going to—

Bombina flapped her right wing once while singing
oople toople
in a high scratchy voice.

The scullery wench looked startled. Parsley heard the beginning of a yelp. The breakfast tray clattered to the floor, and the scullery wench shrank. For a moment she stood there, an orange scullery wench two inches tall. Then she was a toad, an orange Christopher Inquisitive Toad.

Parsley wanted to scream, but she couldn't, or she might be turned into a toad too. She slipped behind the window drapes and peeked through them.

Bombina hiccuped twice, and the toad vanished. She noticed the smashed breakfast tray on the tile floor. Her yummy coddled eggs were a yellow puddle, and her lovely porridge with figs and raisins was hardening into a big brown lump.

She was so angry, she stamped her feet and shrieked
aargh
and accidentally turned a candlestick into a feathered bonnet. Then she stormed out of her bedchamber.

A minute later Parsley crept out too, gladder than ever before to still have two human legs and two human hands and no warts.

Within a quarter hour Cook was a mauve Sir Melvin Dancing Toad, the two menservants were both turquoise Belladonna Spinning Toads, and the laundress, who happened to be in the kitchen, was an ultramarine Ethelinda Bumbling Toad. Bombina had beaten her own record for using up toad transformations.

Four

P
arsley felt terrible about the toads. She had liked all of them when they were human, and she had especially liked Cook. Parsley was almost certain that toads ate their food raw, and Cook would hate that.

Bombina did everything she could think of to cheer Parsley up and get her smiling again. The fairy found a new cook who knew a hundred parsley recipes, including one for parsley bubble gum.

Parsley blew big green bubbles, but she wouldn't smile.

Bombina invented fifteen new hairdos, but Parsley still wouldn't smile.

Bombina gave Parsley a magic spyglass that could see anything anywhere in Biddle, no matter what was in the way.

But Parsley still wouldn't smile.

Bombina was frantic. She begged Parsley to smile. She shouted. She wept.

But Parsley still wouldn't smile.

Finally, in desperation, Bombina said, “I won't turn people into toads anymore.”

Parsley smiled.

Bombina was so happy that she hugged Parsley with both arms and both wings. But while she hugged, she thought, By next New Year, Parsley will have forgotten my promise.

Parsley loved her magic spyglass. She looked through it at Zeke and Nelly and the new baby. She looked over all of Biddle. She saw Elroy the shepherd's great-great-grandson herd sheep. She saw Ralph's and Burt's grandchildren do their farm chores, and once she even saw Ralph and Burt themselves, sitting on their porch, rocking back and forth, perfectly in time with each other.

Parsley watched the Royal Banquets in Biddle Castle, examining the plates for parsley dishes. She watched the Royal Balls, searching for ladies' hairdos that Bombina could try out. Once she saw a hair ornament atop an especially tall hairdo—a miniature sailing ship, with all sails billowing.

The first time Parsley saw the Royal Family was at a banquet. King Humphrey IV was bald, and his ears stuck out. The twins, Prince Randolph and Prince Rudolph, would have been handsome if they had ever stopped glaring at each other. The youngest prince, Prince Tansy, had freckles, a cowlick, and a serious expression. Parsley thought he looked exactly the way a prince should.

One twin sat on the king's right and the other sat on his left, and they glared at each other around King Humphrey IV's belly. Tansy sat farther down the banquet table, between two Royal Councillors.

The twin on King Humphrey IV's left cut his baked potato the long way, but the twin on the right cut his potato the short way. The twin on the left ate in this order: roast hart, potato, lentils, watercress. The twin on the right ate in the reverse order.

All Tansy was eating was the watercress. Parsley was thrilled. He loved watercress and she loved parsley. They had something in common!

Actually, they didn't. Tansy never ate more than one dish at any meal, so he could give it his undivided attention. The watercress was pretty good, but he didn't love it.

The next time Parsley observed Tansy, he was in the Royal Wardrobe Room with his two brothers. The twins were both trying on King Humphrey IV's red satin Royal Ceremonial Robe. One twin had his arm in the left sleeve and the other had his arm in the right sleeve. Each was struggling to pull the robe away from the other.

They were caroming from one side of the room to the other—smashing into the shelves that held the king's breeches, corsets, codpieces, garters, jerkins, and undershirts. Tansy was dodging the flying Royal Wardrobe and saying something.

Oh no! The Royal Ceremonial Robe was ripping, up from the filigreed hem all the way to the ermine collar.

“O
H NO
! T
HE
R
OYAL
C
EREMONIAL
R
OBE WAS RIPPING
.”

Now the twins were pulling off the robe and running out of the Royal Wardrobe Room, with Tansy right behind them. Parsley followed him in her spyglass. He dashed through the castle, out a first-floor window, along a cobblestone path, and into the Royal Museum of Quest Souvenirs, where he threw himself into the pile of straw under the turkey that lays tin eggs.

He wormed his way in so far that only the tippy toe of one boot stuck out, and Parsley feared he wouldn't get enough air to breathe.

She turned her spyglass back to the castle, where a search was in progress. A Royal Guard found one twin hiding under a bed in a Royal Bedchamber. Another guard found the other twin under a bed in a different Royal Bedchamber.

Randolph and Rudolph don't have much imagination, Parsley thought, feeling proud of Tansy for hiding in such a good spot. She watched the Royal Guards search Biddle Castle from the cellar to the towers. Then she joined Bombina for lunch.

After lunch Parsley watched the Royal Guards search the Royal Stable, the Royal Dairy, and Queen Sonora's old spindle shed. They searched the museum last and finally found Tansy, who emerged covered with straw and bits of tin. He looked sad and scared. Parsley's heart went out to him.

The Royal Guards marched him to the throne room, where his brothers and King Humphrey IV were waiting. Randolph and Rudolph pointed at Tansy. Parsley saw their mouths shape the words
Tansy did it. He ripped the Royal Robe.

But he didn't! Parsley thought. He didn't do anything.

King Humphrey IV yanked Tansy up by his ear and shook him. Then he dragged Tansy out of the throne room. Randolph and Rudolph watched him go. They were both grinning.

Royal Rats! Parsley thought.

With the spyglass she followed Tansy and King Humphrey IV along the Royal First Floor Corridor, up the Royal West Tower Stairway, up, up, up to a room at the top of the tower, where there were a desk and a chair and ink and parchment and a quill pen and nothing else. King Humphrey IV left Tansy there, and the prince sat at the desk and began to write.

Parsley focused her spyglass on the parchment and saw—

          
I will never again rip the Royal Robe.

          
I will never again rip the Royal Robe.

          
I will never again rip the Royal Robe.

          
I will never again rip the Royal Robe.

          
I will never again rip the Royal Robe.

A tear fell on the parchment and blurred three lines of
never again
. Parsley felt like crying too.

Five

B
y the time Parsley was fifteen, she had watched Randolph and Rudolph get Tansy in trouble for scores of things he hadn't done—denting the Royal Armor, laming the Royal Steed, breaking the hand off the marble statue of King Humphrey I, and releasing the flea big enough to fill a teacup from the Royal Museum of Quest Souvenirs.

The flea was the worst. It bit King Humphrey IV, and his cheek swelled as big as a teakettle. Tansy spent a whole week in the Royal West Tower that time.

Parsley despised Randolph and Rudolph. She half wanted Tansy to punch each of them in their Royal Noses, but she admired him no end for his forbearance. Whenever she saw him in the spyglass, she smiled and smiled.

One day, Bombina saw her smiling and was instantly jealous. “What's so special out there?” she roared.

“Nothing,” Parsley said nervously. “Just the roses in Biddle Castle's garden.” Bombina hadn't turned anyone into a toad since she'd promised not to nine years ago, but Parsley knew she still could. She smiled at the fairy. “Our roses are better, though.”

Bombina relaxed. She marveled, as she often did, that she had given up her hobby—her art—for this lass. Bombina had felt dreadfully deprived at first, but then she'd discovered that
not
turning people into toads gave her a delightful sense of power. Since she never used up her yearly limit, she could always turn someone into a toad if she wanted to. And she still turned objects into toads, so her skills hadn't gotten rusty.

The next day Tansy accompanied his brothers on a ride to Snettering-on-Snoakes, and Parsley watched them in her spyglass.

They were young men now. Parsley admired how tall and straight Tansy sat in his saddle. Randolph and Rudolph looked squat and awkward by comparison.

As the horses ambled along, Randolph and Rudolph argued over what color the Royal Steed should be.

“The Royal Steed must be brown,” Randolph declared. “And anyone who doesn't agree is a ninny.”

“Wrong!” Rudolph yelled. “The Royal Steed must be black, and you're a ninny nincompoop.”

“I think,” Tansy said, “that—”

“Tell him, Tansy,” Randolph said. “You know I'm right.”

“Tell him I'm right,” Rudolph said.

“I think the Royal Steed must be taller than—”

In her spyglass Parsley saw Randolph and Rudolph turn on Tansy.

They both shouted, “You're a nitwit ninny nincompoop, and you'll never ride the Royal Steed.”

I'm not a nitwit, Tansy thought. The Royal Steed can be any color, but it has to be tall, so subjects can find their sovereign. And rattles have to be tied to its knees, which will also help people locate the king. Why don't Randolph and Rudolph ever think about their subjects?

The three princes rode on in silence.

Parsley kept watching them. Turn! she thought. Come closer. Come this way. Please come.

They turned onto Rosella Lane. Parsley rushed downstairs to the library, where she threw open a window and leaned out.

She could see them, actually see them, without the spyglass! They were walking their horses down the lane. Tansy looked even nicer than he did in the spyglass, and his freckles didn't stand out quite so much. She smiled a warm, friendly smile.

Randolph and Rudolph didn't notice Parsley, but Tansy did. She seemed to be smiling at him. It was such a kind smile too, a beautiful smile, even if her teeth were as green as grass. Tansy didn't remember anyone smiling at him like that ever before.

The princes reined in their horses only a few yards from Parsley.

“The fairy Bombina lives here,” Randolph announced. “A king must invite nearby fairies to a banquet every year.”

“Every other year,” Rudolph said. “That's quite enough.”

Tansy smiled back at Parsley.

She liked his smile. Hers broadened into the loveliest, most rapturous smile ever.

Bombina came into the library carrying a bouquet of peonies from the garden. She saw Parsley's smile and became wildly jealous. Who was getting that smile? She ran to the window.

Noblemen!

Not for long. Toads!

Parsley heard Bombina and turned, a frown replacing her smile.

If Parsley had smiled at Bombina—if she hadn't frowned—

But she did frown.

Bombina decided to do the one who wasn't a twin first. She shifted her weight to her left foot, stared hard at him, and lowered her chin, still staring.

Oh no! Parsley thought. “Don't!” She leaped in front of the fairy.

Bombina found herself staring straight at Parsley.

Aaaa! Bombina tried to stop casting the spell, but it was too late.

Six

W
hat?!! Parsley felt trapped by Bombina's gaze. She tried to squirm away from it, but she couldn't. Wind rushed by her ears, and Bombina's eyes grew bigger and bigger.

Parsley's skin pinched. Something was squeezing her harder and harder, squeezing her insides and outsides, her face and her feet and her bones and her stomach. Her ears rang and boomed.