The Fall (25 page)

“Tolari live a long time. He is actually much older than you.”

“No!”

The aide stopped in the middle of scrubbing a leg and looked up at Marianne. “High one, she must remain calm.”

“Forgive me,” Marianne murmured.

Laura stared at the pale, almost white stone of the ceiling above her. The aide laved her shin and calf with the cloth, and a strange, soothing feeling accompanied each stroke. She swallowed around a lump in her throat, and her heart slowed to a calmer pace. John was gone, and she lay on… a hospital bed? On another planet?

“Tell me how I came to be here, on this planet.”

Marianne hesitated. “It is not a pretty story.”

“I need to know.”

“The short form of it is, Central Command kidnapped you and used you in an effort to abduct me.”

“You? What is so special about you?”

Marianne shrugged. “I stumbled onto something they wanted to know.”

“Oh.” She would have nodded if she could. Central Command would do that.

“The Sural—the planetary ruler—killed the man who held you captive. When it was all over, you were marooned here, and we all thought you would be safer if Central Command thought you were dead.”

“You mentioned this
Sural
before.”

“My bond-partner. Rose’s father. You stayed with us in Suralia for a time, but then you met the Paran, and the two of you became entwined. You came here to Parania to be with him. You were happily bonded and increasing when you fell off the roof.”

The word
increasing
sounded strange for a moment, and conjured up feelings of warmth, and growth, and watery movement, just like… Laura blinked and put a hand on her midsection. It was soft. Not as flat as it should be, but she
knew
she wasn’t pregnant. “Increasing? That cannot be true. I am too old.”

The aide finished bathing Laura, gathered up the basin and the used toweling, and left her to Marianne.

“Not anymore,” Marianne said. “Servant! Bring a glass.” She picked up one of Laura’s hands, holding it where she could get a good look at it. “See how young your hands are?”

A woman in a black robe came in with a hand mirror and gave it to Marianne, who held it before Laura’s face.

Laura gasped at what she saw. “Is this some kind of trick? That cannot be me. I look twenty-five.” She stuck her tongue at the mirror. Blinked. Opened and closed her mouth. The reflection mimicked her without hesitation.

Marianne laughed and put the mirror aside. “You know I am not trying to trick you.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because I mean it. And you know
that
, too.”

Marianne looked toward the door. Syvra came in, pulling a tablet from one pocket and a small device from another.

“How do you feel?” the healer asked, passing the device, now humming, over Laura’s head and neck.

Laura swallowed. “Confused. Nothing seems right.”

Syvra nodded and pocketed the device. She bent to put a hand on Laura’s shoulder, then seemed to think better of it and straightened, turning her attention to the tablet. The air around her head changed. “I have removed the field immobilizing your head. Try to turn it, slowly.”

Syvra’s eyes unfocused while Laura turned her head a little to the right.

“No pain,” the apothecary said. “Good. When you can remain awake for longer periods, I will have aides come to exercise you. Until then, move carefully.” She pocketed the tablet. “Will you accept a visit from the Paran? He wishes to see you.”

“The… the Paran?” She shot a glance at Marianne.

“He cares about you, Laura,” Marianne said. “I am sure you will remember him eventually. Try not to shut him out.”

She opened her mouth and closed it. Took a deep breath. “All right.”

A presence she
knew
entered the room, and then the Paran burst into view, out of thin air. Laura stared.

“Impossible,” she whispered.

“I forgot to tell you that Tolari can appear and disappear at will,” Marianne said, wincing. “They call it camouflage.”

Still in his green robe, or one just like it, the Paran moved to the foot of the bed and gave her a slight bow. “Beloved,” he said.

“I will just leave you two to get reacquainted,” Marianne said, and hurried out before Laura could protest.

Syvra too headed for the door.

“No!” Laura exclaimed. “Stay, or my reputation will be ruined!”

The healer turned back and stared first at Laura, then at the Paran. He gestured. “Very well,” she said, taking a seat in a chair on the other side of the bedside table.

Laura let out a huge breath. Did these people have no sense of propriety? She pursed her lips. “Marianne said you are my… bond-partner.”

“Yes. Can you not feel our bond?”

“I still do not know what that means.”

He chuckled. “May I take your hand?”

“What? Why?”

“If you allow me to take your hand, I can show you who I am. It may awaken some memory of me.”

“How can you show me who you are by holding my hand?”

“Indulge me. It can do no harm, surely?”

“Well—” An image flitted through her mind of Papa catching her, unchaperoned, with a man she wasn’t married to, holding his hand. She shuddered. “Is my father here?”

His brows furled. “No, your father is not on Tolar.”

“Thomas or Steven?” The black brows furled more. “My brothers.”

“No, neither are they here.”

“It is not proper, but—” Her breath hitched.
I am a widow
. “You. Marianne said you are a kind of sovereign?”

“I am a provincial ruler, yes.”

“And I am under your protection?”

“Of course,” he said. “You are my beloved.”

She closed her eyes and used her strange new ability to
see
feelings to focus on his glow. It pulsed, gently, with affection and caring. If she… turned up the volume… layers below that appeared. Some resonated in her own emotions. Others didn’t.
This is so strange
.

But useful
, whispered a voice in the back of her mind.

“All right.”

She slitted her eyes open. His face had relaxed into a luminous smile. He took her hand—

—and the world receded. She gasped. A soft radiance filled her vision. She would call it white, if it had a color. It centered around the Paran. Everything,
everything
, in him unrolled before her mind’s eye. His strengths, his weaknesses, his love, his... hurt. In his core lived a tight, hard ball of grief. She touched it—somehow—and it opened. Anguish unfolded with it.

He gave a muffled cry, and the radiance disappeared. Grief now etched lines of sorrow into his face, and his eyes glistened.

“Forgive me,” she breathed. “What happened?”

“My daughter went into the dark,” he answered, his voice a gruff whisper. His grip on her hand tightened. “Her son followed her. She was my heir. She would have ruled after me, and my grandson after her.”

Words sprang to her lips. “My heart grieves for your pain,” she said.
Where did
that
come from?
Her face heated and she looked away. “You invited me to look, not to take liberties.”

“No,” he said. “There is no shame. We are bonded. My heart is yours.”

She swallowed. “But surely not mine to rummage through like a box of old toys.”

“I have trusted you to take care of my heart, as I have taken care of yours. Can you not feel our bond, beloved?”

She closed her eyes again, concentrating so hard her face scrunched. “What am I looking for?”

“Search for me with your senses, find the point at which your heart can flow into me, but do not reach into the bond. You are in no condition for... for the consequences of that.”

“What consequences?” She opened her eyes to study him.

He met her with a steady gaze. “Coupling. Your apothecary would be—very displeased with me for triggering it, and rightly so.”

Laura’s face grew hotter. Delight sparkled through him. “You like it when I...” The word eluded her. “When my face turns red?”

He lifted a shoulder.
What a strange man
. Were all the men on this world like him? She cudgeled her memory as she gazed into his heart, searching for something of him in her mind, any kind of spark. Memory skittered just out of reach, but he began to seem familiar.

“I believe you,” she said, and some of the pain in him dissipated. She gasped. As if the words had burned away a fog, she could see the way their hearts connected, intertwined with each other, his heart around hers and her heart around his.

Some of the tension left his face. “You can see it,” he said, with a relieved smile. Before she could stop him, he bent forward and brushed a soft kiss across her mouth.

Memory flashed at the almonds-and-spice taste of his lips. They’d kissed before. And she found herself wanting more. Or was that
his
wanting?

He leaned back from her, his eyes bright. “You remember something.”

Her blush deepened again. “I remember…” she let the word trail off. She went back to looking at the connection between them, the
bond
. Shyness made no sense. “How it felt to kiss you,” she finished, pushing the words out of a reluctant mouth.

A smile lit his face. She could not call him a handsome man, but when he smiled like
that
, her heart flipped over.

“Entwined. Marianne said we were entwined.”

He cocked his head, gazing at her with more warmth than… than she thought she had ever seen. “Yes,” he said. “Almost from the moment we met.”

“And I was increasing when I fell.”

His eyelids flickered, and his emotions jolted. “Yes.”

“Did the—” Her throat constricted.

“The child lives, beloved. Small and born before his time, but healthy.”

Her ear caught on
his
. “A boy?”

“Laryth.”

“Can I see him?”

He jolted again. “He—” He hesitated, looking toward Syvra.

“It would not be wise,” she said.

“Why not? Is something wrong with him?”

He took a breath. “This is complex, beloved. A great deal of information to take in at one time.”

She waved a hand. “I cannot go anywhere.
Tell
me. Is something wrong with him?”

“No. He is small, but healthy. He thrives.”

“But I cannot see him. Why not?”

“Because I do not want you hurt!” he exclaimed.

Laura stared at him. “Why would it hurt me to see my own child?”

The Paran pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand.

“
Tell
me,” she insisted.

“He is no longer yours.”

“What?” She gaped.

He dropped his hand into his lap. “You can see our bond, our pair-bond, yes?”

She managed a small nod.

“My people also form parental bonds with our children. An infant
requires
this bond to survive. When you fell and nearly went into the dark, Laryth tried to follow you. Your friend stopped him by forcing him to bond to her. It does not always work—some infants simply will not accept a new bond—but it saved Laryth.”

“That is good then, right?”

“Yes, and I am grateful to her for it. But it also means you cannot have him back. Do you understand? He will never know you as his mother. Azana mothers him now.”

“Oh.” The words hit her like a punch in the stomach, and tears stung her eyes. “I see.”

“Forgive me, beloved, there was no gentle way to tell you. I had hoped for more time to help you understand.”

She looked away. Faces appeared in her mind’s eye, her children and grandchildren. Their names refused to appear with them. What were their names? She needed time to remember, to think—

Without warning, she yawned. She rolled her eyes, and yawned again.

“I will leave you to rest.” The Paran patted her hand and left it on the blanket at her side. He stood and walked toward the door. Syvra got up to follow him.

“Wait,” she said.

He stopped.

“What is your name?”

His jaw tightened, and a visible shudder shook him. “I am the Paran,” he answered. “I can have no name.”

Laura blinked. “You cannot have a name? How can someone not have a name?”

He shrugged a shoulder. “It is our way.”

“Then what do I call you?”

“Bonded pairs traditionally call each other
beloved
. It is how you have addressed me since we bonded.”

“I… No. I cannot call you that.”

He compressed his lips and nodded.

She closed her eyes.

* * *

Sharana sat on her favorite boulder in the gardens, her back to the stronghold, her face to the city and the sea beyond it. Behind her, the Monral left the keep and made his way toward her. She let out a breath and slumped, looking down at her hands. At the beginning of his rule, he would never have contemplated the sorts of acts he seemed to commit without compunction now. She could not be sure he had not participated in the further misfortunes and injuries in Parania, but to confirm her suspicions would require traveling there.

She shook her head. To leave Monralar even for a short time would cost her. The pair-bond she shared with the Monral would stretch, and then on her return it would snap back, demanding contact. Best to make a trip from which she need not return. A humorless chuckle escaped her. Had anyone told her she would find herself in an affectionless pair-bond, she would have denied it was even possible.

He approached closer, and she could sense his desire to touch her. It was almost as strong as her desire to touch him.

“Beloved,” he said, with deliberate intent.

Her mouth twitched sideways before she could control it. She smoothed her face. Let him think he had won. For the moment.

“High one.”

His heart flinched. “Your message said you wish to visit your
odalli
friend in Parania.”

She pivoted in place to face him. “I believe I can help her.” The words burned on her lips, but they were not, strictly speaking, a lie. She
could
help Laura.

“Is that your only motive?” His brows pinched together. “I do not want you near the Paran’s advisors. Such a visit would necessarily expose you to them.”

Did he suspect she had a hidden intent? But no—he only wished to keep his own guilt hidden. “I can be difficult to read. Your secrets will remain safe.” That also was true. Strictly speaking.