The Fall and Rise of Kade Hart: A Hart Brothers Novel (13 page)

“Juliette,” my voice sounds like someone
else is talking, all gruff and harsh. “We need to take it
slow.”

She sits up and I stare at her as she
straddles my hips. Her damn crotch presses on my dick and I know
she has to feel it against her.

“Take off your shirt.”

It’s not a request.

“Juliette, I …”

Before I can finish, her hands grab the
bottom of the oversized sweatshirt she’s wearing and pull it up and
over her head. Now her thighs bracket mine and she’s naked from the
waist up. Her breasts are tiny, but how can they be anything else?
She’s tiny. However, they’re perfect, large enough for her body,
with rosy nipples that urge my mouth to suck and tease them.

Sitting up, I tear off my shirt in a clumsy
manner, and then pull her close to kiss. But only briefly. Her
nipples demand my attention now. My mouth hovers over one, but
before I do, I look up at her for permission. When she nods, my
tongue flicks one. I tease it first and then I suck it.

“Do you like it like this, or harder?”

“I don’t know. It’s been so long.”

“Let’s find out.”

Back to her nipple, I suck harder and she
moans. My fingers play with her other one, squeezing and
pinching.

“Which do you like better?” I need to know
because I want to make her feel good. I’m not very experienced at
this and I want to please her.

“Both.”

“Equally?”

“Yes! Is this an damn interview?” she asks
in frustration.

I stop and look at her. This is such a
foreign place for me; I want to make sure I do it right. I want her
to feel the greatest pleasure. “No, but I want you to feel
good.”

“Kade, I feel good, for heaven’s sake. Just
do what you want to do. Do what you think I’ll like.”

“Juliette, I can’t. Because what I’d like to
do is to fuck you from here to Sunday, and I’m not going to do
that.”

The staggering look on her face makes me
stop everything. “What? Do you want me to fuck you?”

Her tongue darts out and licks her lips. “I
… yes. Yes, I do.”

Now it’s my turn to appear shocked. She
really wants me to fuck her. “Um, that might not be a good
idea.”

“Why not?”

“Your conscience.”

“My conscience? I think you should let me
worry about that.”

Good point. “Okay then, my conscience.”

“Take your pants off, Kade.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I want you to take your pants
off.”

Against my better judgment, my fumbling
hands unbutton and unzip my pants. After a couple of tries, I get
them off. My boxer briefs are next. But she puts her hand under the
elastic and jerks them down past my knees. I kick them off.

“Lay down.”

I do as she says. Her hand wraps around my
erection and I want to die, it feels that good. When was the last
time I had a blow job? I can’t remember.

“Juliette, it’s been a long time. A really
long time.”

“I know.”

Soft wet lips fasten firmly around my cock
and slide up and down, as she holds me at the base. Heat suffuses
my body and oxygen traps in my lungs. My balls tighten painfully
until I think I can’t take anymore and then she grabs them in her
other hand and squeezes.

“Oh, God. Fuck, Juliette.” If she keeps this
up, I’m going to come. Fast.

Her tongue swirls around the tip and slides
up and down, then she makes it into a point and drills it into the
tiny slit at the tip. Nerve endings fire and I’m almost there. She
starts sucking again and takes it deep. This girl can give head.
Fuck me.

“Juliette, I’m going to come,” I wheeze.

She keeps sucking, hard. She doesn’t release
so I tell her again, giving her the opportunity to pull off. Too
late. An intense orgasm erupts and I’m geysering into her mouth,
bucking against it. Holy shit, I’m drowning the poor girl. I didn’t
mean to do this to her, but she wouldn’t release me. I’m groaning
like a fucking mad man and calling out her name as she sucks me
bone dry. Then she finally lets me go with a pop.

I'm speechless for a second while coherent
thought returns. When I have control of my body again, I raise
myself to my elbows. “Damn. That was one hell of a blow job. I’m
sorry about coming in your mouth. I tried to warn you.”

She shakes her head and then shimmies up and
kisses me. “I wanted you to.” Then she shakes her head, "No, that's
not true. I needed to make you feel good.” Her lips glisten with a
mixture of her saliva and my cum.

“Juliette, I know you want us to fuck, but
I’m not ready for that. But, there's something I need to do to you.
Take off your pants.”

“No.”

“No?”

“Yes. No.”

“I want to make
you
feel good,
too.”

She turns away from me.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she mumbles.

“Yes, there is. You can tell me. You just
sucked my dick for Christ’s sake.”

She looks at me, her brown eyes wide and
full of what? Embarrassment? What is she embarrassed about?

"Don't bring Christ into this. You're only making
this worse."

Lacing our fingers together, I
pull her back to me and hold her close. “Sorry, this is new for me,
too. I’m not sure how to proceed here. You have to talk to me. What
did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything. It’s me. I, uh, I …
I’m not …” she looks at me again and her throat works around as she
swallows.

My thumb traces her lower lip. “I won’t
bite, laugh, or do anything to hurt you. Promise.”

“It’s been so long since I’ve been with
anyone that I haven’t shaved or anything, you know?”

I let a long breath escape. “Is that all?
Because I’ve already seen you naked.”

“Seen me naked? How? When?”

“When I brought you back here. I had to get
your wet clothes off.”

“Right. I guess I should’ve known my clothes
didn’t change themselves.”

“You’re beautiful inside and out. And I
think you look perfect.”

“Nuns don’t shave so …”

“I don’t expect they do.” The corner of my
mouth turns up and she grins. “Was that all?”

“This is totally awkward.”

“Why?”

“Because, that’s why.”

“Because isn’t an answer. When I was in
rehab, they stripped me bare, and I’m not talking in the literal
sense. I was analyzed by every psychiatrist, psychologist,
therapist, you name it. Every secret I had was wrenched out of me,
some of them with me kicking and screaming, so to me, this is not
at all awkward. You have to think about where I came from when you
say things like that.”

She doesn’t have the first clue of how
resistant someone is when they get into rehab and how it take weeks
of peeling back the layers to get to the bottom of why the
addiction began in the first place. There’s always a reason.

“Now, take off your pants.”

She does that thing with her teeth over her
bottom lip for a second, and then she rolls to her back. Lifting
her butt, she pulls her bottoms off and throws them off the
bed.

My hand reaches for her thigh and I run it
up and down one and then the other. Her legs are strong and
shapely, even though she’s small. It’s probably from all the
walking she does. Soft brown curls beckon to me so my fingers brush
lightly over the top of them, back and forth. I watch her face and
she sinks her teeth into her lower lip again.

My fingers brush lower, until they find her
sex. She’s warm, wet, and soft. I run one finger up and down her
slit several times, never taking my eyes off her face. Her eyelids
flutter, but I say, “Don’t shut me out, Juliette. Stay with
me.”

Hips move in sync with my finger so I begin
to circle her clit. She sucks air in through her nose, and then
releases the hold she has on her lower lip. “Kade.”

“Yes. Tell me.”

“More.”

My finger moves inside of her and she bucks.
“Like that?”

“Yes.”

I begin a motion I think she wants, moving
in and out and rubbing her clit, but I want her against my mouth. I
want her taste on my tongue, my lips. I want her scent on me. So I
move between her legs and lay her thighs open for me. Now she’s
spread wide and exposed. Bared for me.

Her hand moves down to shield herself.

“No, don’t. You’re beautiful here.” Before
she can become too shy and timid, my mouth latches on to her and my
tongue invades her secret places. I lick, suck, and nip at her clit
while my fingers invade her pussy. She writhes in harmony with my
movements, pulling me closer, fingers clawing into my arms.

“There, right there with your tongue. Don’t
stop. Yes.”

I lift my eyes to see her intently watching.
It surprises me. I would’ve thought her too shy for this.

“Faster with your fingers. Yes, like
that.”

She’s not afraid to tell me how to do it
either. I like that. It makes it better for both of us. Then she
lets out a loud exhale, and calls out my name as she climaxes. One
hand is in my hair, the other on my arm. When her muscles have
stopped contracting around my fingers, I let her loose. She grabs a
handful of my hair and jerks me up toward her. Her mouth is on mine
kissing me feverishly, desperate for something. What, I don’t
know.

“Oh, Kade. That was …” she just shakes her
head.

“Are you going to talk to me, or slip away
in your head?” We’re lying nose to nose and my hand grabs a chunk
of her hair. “I want you to share your thoughts, Juliette.”

“I’ve never come like that before. That was
great.” She smiles, but then those rotten shadows invade her eyes
again, threatening to pull her away from me.

“Don’t ruin this moment. Stay here with
me.”

“I can’t forever. It’s temporary, you
know.”

Maybe it’s best for her to go on and become
a full-fledged nun. What kind of life could I offer her anyway? A
life filled with uncertainty … a life filled with the possibility
of becoming addicted again. That wouldn’t be fitting at all. I
could never do that do her. The demons of my drug-filled past haunt
me constantly. How could I put that on her?

“Now where have
you
gone?” she
asks.

“I’m here, with you. But I should’ve asked.
Are you hungry?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“Stay put. Let me go round us up some
food.”

I flip on the TV and tuck her back under the
covers before I go down to make us a meal. Once I’m in the kitchen,
reality punches me in the balls. What the hell am I doing here? I
can’t have a relationship with her. I’ll destroy the poor girl and
then what? Besides, I’m not worthy of her. She’s all pure and
innocent and here I am a demon-filled fucking drug addict. What the
fuck was I thinking up there? Shame fills me to the point I want to
hurt myself. And then the need to use crashes into me. Oh shit! Oh
shit! My elbows rest on the counter and I hang my head.

I must’ve been gone awhile because a hand
touches my back. “Kade, what’s wrong?”

What do I say? How do I tell her my issues?
But something happens when I look at her. She takes my hand and
leads me into my music room.

“Sit. Play something for me.”

I sit at the piano with her next to me and
play. One classical piece after the next. I’m not even sure what
I’m playing. My fingers leap across the keys with a mind of their
own, as if they know where they’re going without having to be told.
Music is my balm, my magic potion. It saved me from my father when
I was young and it helped restore me in rehab and afterward. I
don’t know how she knew to bring me here, but she did. And it
helps. All my anguish pours out through my fingers, translating
into my music. Over and over I play one melody after another until
my fingertips are bruised from hitting the keys so hard.

It’s only after I stop that I notice food
sitting on the floor next to the piano. Juliette is curled up on
the chair watching me. How much time has drifted by? Hours
probably. Standing, I pick up the tray and move to sit next to
her.

“So now you’ve witnessed the broken man
first hand.”

“We’re all broken, Kade. Some of us hide it
better than others.”

You broken piece of shit. You’ll never be
anything but that. Just a worthless piece of shit. Look at you! You
lie there strung out on God knows what, playing your goddamn music
day after day as if it will save you. It won’t. Nothing will. You
were too weak. I should’ve known from the start you’d be a
miserable failure. You’re not worthy to carry the Hart name. I
should lock you back up in your little cell.

“Kade? Hello, are you here?”

“Sorry, I was day dreaming.”

“Was it the sex that made you want to use? I
saw your face. The anguish. The regret. Are you sorry we did
that?”

“No! Not at all. I’m sorry I’m such a
worthless fucking drug addict who’s not good enough for you.”

“Stop it! Stop saying that. You’re far more
worthy than most people I know. I don’t ever want to hear you say
those things again.”

I thank her for fixing the food and eat it.
When I’m done, I set the tray down and think about how to say what
needs saying.

“Juliette, I don’t think you quite
understand this. I still crave drugs. When you found me in the
kitchen, I was having a low. I wanted them bad. Very bad. I had an
inner turmoil waging and didn’t know what to do. That hasn’t
happened in a long time and it scares the shit out of me. What
scares me more is what triggered it.”

“Us. You think we triggered it. The
sex.”

“Yes. I’m afraid I’ll destroy you.”

“Funny, I feel the same about you.”

“But you’re not a drug addict. Look at my
arms.” I hold them out for her to see. “This is over two years now
and I’m still scarred.” She runs her fingers up and down my veins.
“It’s a fucking miracle I don’t have HIV or Hep C. I don’t know how
I escaped either of those. But I did. I was tested constantly in
rehab and after eighteen months of negative test results, at my
insistence, they said I was clean. And that went for sexually
transmitted diseases, too, although I was usually too out of it to
have sex, I wanted to make sure. So many times I couldn’t remember
what I did. I wanted to be tested on the off chance, well you get
the idea.”