The Final Chase (Final Love Book 2) (15 page)

Chapter Twenty-eight

Together we took a shower, surprisingly with no heated touches, and then climbed into bed. As I laid there curled up in Jakes arms, my mind started turning dirty. He was just too much man to let a night go by without a romp in the sheets.

I kissed the warm skin that I was lying on and kept on moving. His hands started caressing my curves and the fire between us was lit.

We clashed, and together we burned in a beautiful fire. I was in control this time. Well, he let me be in control until I rode him into orgasmic oblivion, then he took over until he caught his own release. 

The air smelled of sex and sweat, and my life had never seemed better.

Until Jake woke me up at 3 a.m.

“Sweetheart. You need to wake up.” His voice was serious, but I still didn’t move.

“Casey’s not doing so good.” My eyes flew open. I sat up and looked him over. His hair was a mess from him running his hands through it. Things were not good. Without a word, I threw on some clothes and we hopped on the ATV, heading toward Doc’s house.

When I saw the sweet tiger lying in a crate, with IVs attached to her little legs, I started crying.

“I thought she was fine. She looked fine,” I cried out to them as quietly as I could. I walked over to her crate and sat down on the ground next to her. Poor baby.

“She has pneumonia. There is fluid building in her lungs. We are giving her antibiotics, and a light sedative to keep her calm. There is hope that she will pull through.” Hannah gave me a weak smile, one that said they hoped she would be okay, but that there was also a chance that she wouldn’t. Only time would tell. I sat next to the sweet cub and started softly singing songs about being strong and fighting. She would be fine.  Jake was silent as he watched me sing to her. He knew how much she had come to mean to me.

As the hours passed, and light started peeking through the windows, my hope started to build that she was going to be okay.  I had barely moved throughout the night— once to go to the bathroom, and once more to get fresh air for a moment. Jake stayed by my side, and Hannah and Dr. Nick kept checking her vitals and IV. She was stable, for now.

“You two need to get some fresh air. She will be fine for now.” Hannah was trying to get us to move. I didn’t want to. I wanted to be there, but I knew I wasn’t doing her any good. I was just taking up space right now. I needed to make myself useful somehow.

“Please keep us updated,” I told her, and stood. My legs were sore from sitting on the tiled floor for so long, but it was a welcomed ache. Jake joined me and together we left the house.

“If you just want to rest at the lodge you can.” He commented and I stopped him from speaking further.

“No, I need to do something. Keep my mind busy.” He looked me over and wrapped me in his arms.

“I know this is tough. Many animals we rescue have been through so much that it’s hard to see them go through anymore. You’re strong, sweetheart. It’ll be all right.” He kissed my lips softly, and then hugged me tightly.  I understood what he said, but I didn’t truly take it to heart. Wild Rescue was a safe haven for these animals, and if there was a higher power why would he punish those who had already suffered? It wasn’t fair.

“Put me to work, Jake,” I demanded. He pulled back and looked into my eyes. I was determined to be of use, and keep my mind busy. He nodded and we got back on the ATV. One by one, we helped the workers clean habitats and make the food buckets. My arms were aching, and my back was sore. I had worked harder than I ever had before.  Jake disappeared to take care of something while I helped Derek with the small animal habitats. Not even the damn wallaby could get to me now.

“Cammy,” Jake uttered my name behind me. I looked at him in confusion. He called me Cammy. Not sweetheart.

“Come here.” He held out his hand for me and I could tell something was wrong.

“Jake,” I warned, not wanting to hear what he had to say.

“Come here,” he demanded, and I went to him, my eyes pleading with him to just spit it out.

“Casey’s not doing any better. She’s suffering. We have to help her out of her misery.” When his words finally registered, I took a step back, like I’d been burned by the touch of his hand.

“What?” my voice was so soft. Barely above a whisper.

“She isn’t going to make it. The pneumonia is too much for her already weak immune system. We need to end her suffering.” He pleaded with me to understand, but I just shook my head. No. No,no,no,no. I did the only thing I could think of— I ran to the house. Breathless, I opened the door to see Casey up on the surgery table, lying on a pink blanket. One IV was still in her leg.

I ignored the looks of Hannah and Nick as I walked over to the cub. I stroked her soft fur, and the tears flooded over my cheeks.

“You can’t give up. You have to fight,” I whispered to the cub. She was a fighter.

“Cammy, she’s suffering. We have to help her,” Hannah spoke, her voice laced with sadness but resolve.

“She can do this,” I told her. She had to. I felt a strong hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. But I was already going under.

“No, Cammy, she can’t. The fluid buildup in her lungs is too much and too rapid. She’s practically drowning. We need to end her pain now. We’ll let you say goodbye, then we have to end it. It’s the humane thing to do.” Her voice was strong; it wasn’t easy to do what she had to do. And somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew it was the right thing to do. The tears kept coming as I heard steps go into the other room.

“I’m so sorry for everything, Casey. So sorry for those evil people that took you from your mother. That set this fate into motion. They forced you to be a prop for their own greed and selfish needs. They made it so you never really had a chance. You escaped one death only to be taken by another.” I was crying my heart out to the sweet girl.

“I’m glad I got to see you enjoy your life for those few weeks. I hope there is a tiger heaven with lots of land, and things for you to chase. You’d like that.” I sniffed.

“I’m so sorry, Casey,” I apologized, weeping. Hoping somewhere in there, it would register what I was saying. I wished things were different. I touched her fur one last time. My eyes closed, and I whispered the words that I never wanted to say.

“Goodbye, sweet cub.”

I stood there and watched as the doctors came back into the room and put a syringe into the IV tubing and pressed the medicine through the line. I watched as her chest wheezed and, finally, she took her last breath.

I crumpled to the floor. My heart was broken. The only animal I had ever loved had been taken. It was like someone had ripped a hole in my chest. I sobbed and Jake scooped me into his arms, taking me away from the lifeless little striped body on the table. My wails of a painful heart could be heard throughout the rescue as he took me back to the lodge. I couldn’t move; I couldn’t breathe. Why did this happen? She had suffered enough in her little life. She was supposed to grow big and strong.

I cried in Jake’s arms on the couch for what seemed like hours. I was devastated.

He didn’t say anything to me. He simply held me. I’m sure he’d been through this many times, but I hadn’t. I didn’t want to feel like this ever again. My mind turned dark as I started drowning in the sadness of losing something so close to my heart. I sat up from Jake and started to stand. I had to get out of here. I had to leave this rescue. No one could escape death, not even those who had already suffered. I wasn’t made to deal with this much emotion. My throat felt like it was closing and I was struggling to breath. I couldn’t live my life dealing with constant suffering and pain. It just wasn’t in me. I was safer in my old life, before the rescue. Before Jake.

“Cammy.  What are you doing?” Jake was looking at me like he was scared to make a move. Scared to spook me. But he was too late. I was already spooked.

“I can’t do this.” The words flew from my lips on a whisper. The tears were coming back in full force when he realized what I had said.  I was leaving. For good.

“You can. You’re strong. We can make it through together, Cammy. Just give it time.” He slowly got up and I took a step back, shaking my head. I wasn’t strong enough for this heartbreak.

“I can’t, Jake.”  He looked pained when I whispered the words again. I hated that I was hurting him. But I needed it all to end. The pain, the future heartbreak. I couldn’t handle it. I’d rather be alone.

“I can’t leave them, Cammy.” He knew my mind was made, and we both knew this was the end. They needed him. This rescue needed him. He did so many wonderful things for them. But there was always a chance for things to go wrong. A chance I couldn’t take anymore.

“I know.” This was it. I couldn’t look at his face…the devastation was clear. Taking a deep breath, I wiped the tears under my eyes and turned to gather my things. I heard the door slam as I started packing. I hated what I was doing to him. But I would hate myself even more if we moved in together, got married, had children, and then I broke. This life was not my life. I dragged my stuff out and packed Bambi. I didn’t see Jake as I sat in my car and started the engine. I didn’t blame him. I had shattered his heart and there was nothing he could do. This wasn’t a life you could force someone to accept. I closed the door and saw him pull up on the ATV. Watching me.

I lifted a hand in a halfhearted farewell, and he gave me a head bow. Our final goodbye. I drove out of that rescue, leaving my broken heart on the porch surrounded by the sounds of the wild.

Chapter Twenty-nine

Once everything was back in my apartment, I grabbed the old bottle of Vodka in the back of my cabinet and started drinking. I wanted the pain to go away, even if just for a moment. I had just lost something that was precious to me. A future I hadn’t even imagined I would have wanted. Now that future was shattered. I lay on my couch and let the sorrow take me into the darkness.

I woke up at my normal time, feeling like shit. My feet shuffled me into the bathroom to clean up, at least on the outside.  I had a business to run, and even though I wanted to sit and sulk in my apartment, I couldn’t. 

I kept busy doing little things here and there, and at the end of the day I went back home. I ate until my body couldn’t move and then watched TV. I was depressed, plain and simple. I would go through the cycle of emotions—feeling horrible, then crying, then hating myself, then missing Jake.  It had only been a day and I missed him so much I could barely breath. His smile, his witty banter with me, the way he cuddled me at night. Which made me go through another round of sobs, because I chose a life without him. Turned out I was right from the beginning. We didn’t work.

A week went by in a blur of going through the motions, pigging out in front of the television, and crying buckets of tears. I guess my eyes were making up for all those years of never crying. You would have thought my ducts would have dried up or rusted by now. While I was finishing the episode of my new favorite TV show,
Lucifer
, someone knocked on my door.

Hope sprang inside me that it would be Jake on the other side, but I knew it wouldn’t be. He couldn’t choose me over his rescue, and I wouldn’t want him to.

“Open up, Cammy.”  Rayne’s voice filtered through the door. I looked around my apartment and sighed. It looked like shit. My luggage from staying at Jake’s house was still by the door. Clothes littered the floor and there were food wrappers everywhere. I had never been this person, and I never wanted to be. But now that I was, I didn’t care to change it. Wearing sweatpants and one of Jake’s Henley shirts that I stole, I got up and opened the door.

“Oh dear God, what is that smell?”  Rayne gagged. I took a shower this morning, so I knew it wasn’t me, but maybe I had become nose blind to my apartment.

“Get out.” She pulled me out of the apartment and closed the door behind her.

“What the hell, Rayne?” I complained. She took a couple breaths and sniffed the air in the complex hallway. Seeming satisfied with the smell, she looked at me and her eyes were wide as she took in my appearance.

“What’s your middle name?” she blurted out frantically. She placed her hands on my shoulders and looked right into my eyes.

“Renee.” I rolled my eyes.

“What is our favorite thing to eat together?” She kept up the inquisition.

“Pizza, Rayne. Why the hell are you asking me stupid questions in the hallway of my apartment?” I flailed out of her hold on my shoulders. I hadn’t talked to her since she and Arson had come to visit the rescue, which now that I was thinking about it, was probably the reason why she was here. Which she confirmed.

“I hadn’t heard from you since we were at the rescue, and your apartment stinks. My pregnancy nose can’t handle it unless you want me to barf all over your living room.” She pointed a finger at me, as if I was in trouble. I just shrugged.

“Cammy, what happened? This is not like you at all.” Her face was full of concern. I wanted to vomit out the words but I wasn’t ready yet.

“Remember when you cut things off with Arson, and I was there for you? No explanations, nothing? That’s what I need. I don’t want to talk about it right now. I want to sit on my couch, watch my show, and eat my Chinese food. I feel like shit, I’m on my period, and I’m an emotional wreck.” I watched as her face turned from concern to sadness. She knew at least some of what I was feeling. Not all of it, but she had hit this point in her life when she was devastated, and all she could do was cry and go through the motions. Almost every night I stayed with her and was there for her. Her devastation ended when Arson fixed their problems. Mine couldn’t be fixed. You couldn’t make someone be somebody that they weren’t.

“Ok, well, can you at least make your apartment smell a little better and I will be there for you, like you were for me?”  She gave me those puppy dog eyes and I huffed a bit, but when I went back into my apartment, I threw away some food wrappers, opened a window and lit some candles. Hopefully that would help. I didn’t want her to be sick.  She came into my apartment, but didn’t barf right away, so we figured she no longer would need a hazmat suit.

Together we watched more episodes of
Lucifer
, and pigged out together. She was pregnant, and I was depressed. Together we were the devourers of food. She spent the night with me, but had to leave in the morning to meet Arson for breakfast. I knew how I was acting was unhealthy, but I couldn’t get out of it.

Another week passed and I was starting to feel a tiny bit better. I didn’t cry every night for hours. Maybe only like two.

“We are going out tonight, no buts. I’ll drag you out by your red hair if I have to.” Mary barged into my office. I looked at her and nodded. I could go out. Maybe it would be good for me.  She looked taken aback that I agreed to go, but then pointed her finger at me with a serious expression on her face.

“Get your ass in my chair, we are going to pamper you up, then you’re going to go home, put on a pretty dress and stellar heels. I will have Rayne pick you up at eight. We’ve got five hours. Move it!” She was like a parent yelling at her child. Hitler mommy. Having no fight in me, I turned off my computer that I was just staring at anyway, and sat in her chair. She gave me a light trim, and wrapped my hair up high. I was then pushed into one of the massage rooms, given a treatment which was sort of painful since I was so tense, but it still felt good. Then I was given a pedi and mani. Red polish. A powerful color. They were trying to get me to buck up. Mary put me back in her chair and began to style my hair straight. My hair always looked so long this way, but I hadn’t had the time prior to my auto pilot like state to work it.

“Get home. Rayne will be there to get you in a bit.”  I felt like a sheep being herded by a dog. I was never truly one to take orders; only Jake could make me do things like that. It made me feel worse that I wasn’t myself. I wanted to change, I wanted to forget the pain of losing Casey, and giving up Jake.  As soon as I got home, I really tried hard to bring back the happy, spirited Cammy that I always saw in the mirror. But I failed. A part of me was broken, and until I was put back together, I wouldn’t be the same woman.  Once I finished getting ready, I looked in the mirror and saw the Cammy everyone else knew. They would have to be satisfied with that. Rayne knocked on my door a few moments later.

“Is it safe to come in? I’m feeling extra smell sensitive today.” I opened the door, and tried to smile.

“The apartment is stank free.” She walked in and took a whiff. I had cleaned up a bit, in my attempt to feel better.

“You look better, but are you actually doing better?” She looked me over but saw right through my put-together exterior. I shrugged.

“Not really. I’m broken and I don’t see me being fixed anytime soon. Give me some time.” It was the best answer I could give her. Time. Hopefully time would do as they say and heal all. We walked down to her car and she drove us to Jackie D’s. As we pulled in the parking lot, I wanted to tell her to take me home. Asia got out of the car, I was reliving my memories with Jake, and how this all started. It was here that he threw down his intent to chase me and that he was my alpha. It was here that I sang karaoke to him and passed out, landing me at his house, and losing that stupid bet.

Both Mary and Rayne tried to get me to cheer up, but being here was beginning to be too much. “I need some air. Alone,” I told them, and started walking out the back towards the beach. Taking my shoes off, I walked to the water’s edge. There was no one around and I finally let a few tears fall that had been brimming in my eyes since I got to the bar. I sat on the sand, even in my pretty dress, and tried to calm myself. I needed to break free from this pain. I was hurting so much, and I didn’t want the sorrow anymore. I felt someone behind me, and turned quickly. I may have been out of my mind but I didn’t want to die on the beach because I wasn’t paying attention. I had to squint a little to see whom the figure silhouetted by the bar’s lights was, but when it registered, I felt like crying all over again.