The Finding (11 page)

“You can stay
with me as long as you need to,” he’d offered generously that first
day.

She’d entered
his small apartment warily, not sure if he really was just a nice
guy or if he had an ulterior motive. Her uncle might have kept her
sheltered, but she’d read enough to know what could happen to young
girls who were alone on the street.

“I won’t sleep
with you.” She made the statement boldly, throwing it out like a
gauntlet and then watching his reaction carefully.

“Sometimes,
it’s polite to wait to be asked.” He’d responded mildly and she
felt her face flush in embarrassment. Kellen has studied her for a
moment then put her out of her misery. “Listen, you’re a pretty
girl and maybe I will sleep with you one day, but not tonight, not
until you’re ready.”

When she’d
folded her arms and given him a disbelieving look, he’d flopped
down on the sofa and laughed. “Look, you’re wise to be wary of me.
There are a lot of creeps out there, but I’m not one of them. I
know what it’s like to find yourself on the street with nowhere to
go and I made a promise that I’d never let anyone else go through
something like that if I could help it.” He gave her a sheepish
grin. “You’re my way of making amends for some of the stuff I’ve
done in my life, okay?”

Eventually
she’d realized that Kellen was speaking the truth, and as the
months passed he never made any demands on her. Naturally, there
had been hugs and brief caresses, even a few kisses, but he never
expected more than she was willing to give. It was one of the
things that made her love him; the way he’d gently kiss her as if
testing the waters and then drawback to study her expression. When
there’d been no answering passion in her eyes, he’d smile softly
and squeeze her hand or shoulder before moving away.

He was so
patient with her and at times Cassie had despaired of herself
wondering why she didn’t respond. She wanted to; she wanted to give
him something back after all he’d done for her. That probably
explained why, when a sudden rush of need inexplicably developed in
her, she hadn’t questioned the abrupt change too deeply.

It had been
near a full moon, a time she always dreaded for fear the wolf
inside her would break through the drug induced cage it was in. Her
supply of ‘migraine’ pills was almost gone and she was trying to
make them last by stretching the interval between each dose.

Looking back
now, and given what she’d learned through her internet research,
she knew what had happened—she’d let the medication get too low in
her blood stream and her wolf had come to the fore, in full
heat—but at the time that possibility hadn’t occurred to her.
Waking from a vague, but incredibly erotic dream involving a
well-endowed man, she’d been sweating and restless. Tension had
coiled low in her belly and an aching need was growing between her
legs.

Unsure as to
what was going on, she’d thrown back the covers and crept down the
hall, intent on getting a glass of water. Her skin felt as if it
was crawling and she’d rubbed her hands up and down her arms,
trying to ease the sensation. As she passed by Kellen’s room, a
pain had stabbed her belly and she’d gasped, inhaling deeply. That
was when it hit her; Kellen’s enticing scent had drifted by
tickling her nostrils and sending her senses into overdrive.

Instinct took
over and she found herself in Kellen’s bed, crouched beside him,
nuzzling his neck, kissing his jaw, easing the covers off his
sleeping body.

“Kellen?”

“Wha..?” He’d
groggily opened his eyes, raising his hands to her shoulders.

“Kiss me.”

“Sandy...?”
He’d blinked at her owlishly, obviously confused.

She’d stopped
any further comments with a kiss, for once enjoying the wet slide
of his lips against hers. He’d responded briefly, before breaking
the embrace and capturing her face in his hands and holding her
away even as she struggled to get closer. “Sandy, what’s going
on?”

“I need you,
Kellen.” Unable to break from his grasp, she’d run her hands over
his chest feeling his muscles twitch in response. Her palms
revelled in the feel of the smooth warm skin and her body ached
even more, wanting to feel him pressed against her full length.

“This is
awfully sudden. Did you have a bad dream or something?” God bless
him, Kellen had done his best to try and figure out her sudden
about face, but she hadn’t relented. Need had driven her to
straddle him, to grind against him. She recalled how excited she
felt to be finally responding to him like he deserved.

Turning her
face in his grasp, she managed to nip then lick his wrist. “I...I
just want you, Kellen. I can’t explain it, but I need you, now.
Please? I...I hurt.”

“Sandy...” Her
name was a groan on his lips. She wiggled against him, feeling his
body responding despite the material separating them. Slowly, he’d
loosened his grip on her face, sliding his fingers through her hair
and bringing her face closer to his. He’d searched her eyes for an
explanation, but then gave in and crushed her to him.

A cry of relief
had escaped her and then it had been all frantic hands and lips,
gasps and groans. Clothing disappeared, and somehow their positions
became reversed. She’d felt his manhood pressing hot and firm
against her thigh. At that moment, a warning had sounded in her
brain; something wasn’t right, but she couldn’t focus on the
thought. Part of her was craving his possession while another part
was protesting that he wasn’t the right one for her.

Need had won
out and she’d spread her legs, guiding him to her aching core. He’d
paused, breathing heavily, his forehead pressed to hers.

“Are you sure?”
She could hear the strain in his voice.

“Yes, yes,
please!” She’d arched her hips and felt his tip press into her.
Need clawed at her, she couldn’t believe how empty she felt. Kellen
could give her relief...

He resisted a
moment longer. “It’s your first time. It’ll hurt. I’ll try to go
slow...”

“I don’t care.
Just take me.” Grasping his buttocks she’d pulled him closer,
whimpering at the feel of her flesh parting to accommodate him, at
the slight burning sensation as her barrier stretched. She didn’t
care though. Shifting, she had dug her nails into him, her body
craving more.

Kellen relented
then and had driven himself into her. The sudden pain had shocked
her into stillness for a moment and a voice howled within her.
He isn’t the one!
She’d stiffened, part of her rejecting the
act, but then he moved inside her and the need returned.

After that it
was a blur of shifting bodies and panting breaths. Kellen whispered
nonsensically to her, but she could never recall what he said. A
soft wave of feeling swept over her, a slight tightening of her
body, though nothing spectacular like she’d heard would occur. At
least the intense craving inside her eased.

Kellen had
continued to move within her until he found his release and then
collapsed. She’d felt him pull out, then roll to the side and wrap
his arms around her, tugging her close to his body. Numbness had
come over her then, followed by a slight sick feeling in her
stomach. What had she done?

Tears had
welled in her eyes and she’d tried to stifle her sobs, but Kellen
must have noticed the shuddering of her body. He’d rocked her
slightly, making comforting noises.

“Shh... I’m
sorry. Did I hurt you? Was I too rough?” The concern in his voice
made her cry all the harder and he’d cursed softly, obviously
blaming himself. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have...” He’d forced her
to look at him and had used his thumb to wipe the tears that
spilled down her cheeks.

She’d managed
to shake her head and tried to calm her tears. “No. It’s not your
fault. It’s—” Cassie paused, and licked her lips tasting the
saltiness of her own tears. She wasn’t sure what to say, not even
knowing exactly what was wrong. Just moments before she’d wanted
this so desperately and now...

“Oh...” Kellen
was silent for a moment then cleared his throat. “Is it one of
those female things? Because it was your first time?” He cleared
his throat awkwardly again, his face a study of male confusion.

Cassie had
hidden her face against his chest and nodded even though she didn’t
believe it was a emotional response to losing her virginity, but
who knows? Maybe it was.

“Want some
popcorn or chips and dip?” Kellen’s voice pierced through her
memories, returning her to the present.

“Umm... I’m
fine; still full from dessert.” Cassie gave him a brief smile and
returned to staring at the screen as if absorbed by the movie. The
memory of that night still haunted her. How could the beast have
driven her to...er...mate one minute and then protest what had
happened the next? It made no sense, unless the creature had been
as surprised by those feelings as she had been. She frowned,
wishing, not for the first time, she'd been spared the burden of
having an animal inside her.

“Oh... Well,
I’ll make some for myself and if you change your mind...”

She made a
noncommittal noise and he stood, heading towards the kitchen. The
absence of his warm body made her feel chilled and she picked up a
throw pillow, hugging it to her chest.

“Do you want
something to drink?” He spoke behind her and she jumped in
surprise, a growl escaping her lips. She coughed to cover it
up.

“Don’t creep up
on me like that,” she snapped, feeling the beast inside her
becoming alert as if danger were nearby. “You know I hate to be
startled.”

“Hey, it’s not
my fault if you get so wrapped up in a movie that you don’t notice
what’s going on around you.” He playfully tapped her on the head.
“I’ll bring you a cola, okay?”

“Sure. Thanks.”
Cassie closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to calm the
creature within. What would happen if she ever felt really
threatened? Would she change into a wolf and attack? She squeezed
the pillow tighter and prayed she’d never find out.

Chapter 5

Cassie awoke
the next morning, once again filled with an all too familiar
feeling of discontent. Her sleep had been punctuated with strange
dreams where she’d kept trying to talk to Kellen about his
gambling, but when she’d reached out to touch him, he’d morphed
into some other man. A man who took her to bed and brought her to
unbelievable heights of ecstasy, no less! She squirmed at the
memory wondering why her subconscious kept conjuring up this
fellow.

It certainly
wasn’t some version of Kellen. Their first time having sex had been
their last. She recalled ‘the morning after’ clearly. Getting up
early, she’d scrubbed her skin in the shower, trying to remove the
memory of what had happened. Then realizing the phase of the moon,
she’d grabbed her pills and locked herself in her room afraid of
what she might do next. Kellen had been concerned, knocking on her
door, asking to talk to her, but when she’d mumbled migraine; he’d
left her alone truly believing she was ill.

Days later, as
gently as she could, she’d explained their night together had been
a mistake. Kellen tried to talk her out of it, claiming he’d been
too rough and had scared her. She’d even gone so far as to let him
kiss and caress her, a part of her hoping he was right, that they
could have a normal relationship together.

Of course it
hadn’t worked. His touch didn’t excite her, his kisses didn’t
arouse. In fact, the harder he tried, the stiffer she became as she
fought to suppress the snarling protests of the fickle creature
inside her. Eventually, he’d agreed it wasn’t working between them,
but she could tell he was hurt. And how could she blame him? She’d
come on to him one minute and rejected him the next. Feeling guilty
she’d offered to leave, but he wouldn’t hear of it.

And so they
continued living together, but it was a strange platonic
relationship. She loved Kellen and was sure he loved her. There
were moments of fun and laughter, companionable time watching
movies, grocery shopping or painting a room, but there was a
certain hollowness as well; an emptiness and sense of despair that
seemed to be growing ever larger. Lately, the creature inside her
had started pacing and panting; searching, as if it knew something
important was coming. Cassie raked her hands through her hair,
wishing she knew what was going on inside her and how to fix
it.

Her most recent
attempt—the anniversary dinner—certainly hadn’t worked. The animal
within was no closer to accepting Kellen. Sadly, she suspected it
would never accept any human and she mourned the loss of her dream.
There’d be no family, no ‘happily-ever-after’ for her. Her fate was
sealed; she was destined to live her life alone.

Cassie tried to
look at the fact philosophically, to see that perhaps it was for
the best. In reality, who could she burden with her strange life
style? Even Kellen questioned her monthly seclusion, no longer
believing the ‘migraine’ story. He too had done some research on
her pills once she had to start buying them on the street. Kellen’s
conclusion was that she was a closet drug addict, but, at least
beyond a few initial speeches, he left her to make her own
decisions on the matter. She doubted others would be as
tolerant.

She shook her
head. The poor guy put up with so much from her, and here she was
planning on chastising him about his gambling. Of course, his
addiction was real while hers wasn’t, but Kellen didn’t know
that.

Climbing out of
bed, she wandered through the silent house—Kellen was still
sleeping—and prepared the coffee pot before stepping out back.
Leaning on the deck railing, she absorbed the new day. Dawn was
just breaking, streaks of yellow breaking through the purple and
pink clouds. The darkness slowly seeped away revealing the outline
of buildings and shrubs. There was a slight chill to the desert air
that would soon disappear as the sun rose to its zenith. Faint
sounds of birds and insect life mixed with the stirring of the
human inhabitants of the neighbourhood; a door slammed, a car
started, a baby cried. Normal life.