The First Wives Club (8 page)

He had helped her to be like other people. Not an heiress, not a movie star.

Just a woman, and a wife. And it seemed so perfect for so long. They had settled into a happy routine, the first normalcy she had ever known. They agreed to basics about how money was to be handled and, from the beginning, it seemed there would be no problems. He accepted the fact that they would be living in her homes, and that she would pay her own bills. He was on the partner track at the law firm of Cromwell Reed, so was able to pay his own expenses and sometimes pick up imaginative presents, with which he was always able to delight her. He never ceased to compliment her looks, her clothes, her taste. She was a catch, and she took delight in his pleasure at showing her off. It seemed that he was so perfect for her.

She had helped him enormously with his career. He handled all her business, and she had brought him the Van Gelders’ business and that of other friends.

Being able to entertain the partners of the firm in any one of three homes in the area hadn’t hurt his chances for a partnership, either.

She had accepted his late nights, delighting in a man with enough drive to do his job, but without an all-consuming competitive ambition. He had lots of time for her, so she rarely questioned him on those nights, accepting his broad explanation of work.

She first found out that Bill was cheating on her when she overheard one of the maids at her mother’s camp in the Adirondacks telling another the gossip about a cheating husband. She had been chilled to the bone when she understood they were talking about Bill, her Bill.

He was involved with a chambermaid.

She was nauseous with humiliation and panicked enough to tell her mother.

They had had another of their talks. After her mother had let her get it all out, she had settled Elise down and asked her what she was going to do.

”I don’t know, but I can’t stay with him. He betrayed me. And with the help, Mother. He could have spared me that.”

“Of course he did, my dear,” her mother said, ‘but why would you punish yourself for what he has done? It’s a man’s nature to betray women.

So why would you give up your very comfortable life just because of that? As I see it, you’ve gotten a better deal with Bill than most women have with their husbands. He still sleeps with you, doesn’t he?”

“Mother, of course, that’s why I didn’t suspect anything.”

“There, that’s settled then. Go to New York, take him out for a wonderful steak dinner at Christ Cella’s, and then home to bed.

Tomorrow, go to Harry Winston’s and buy yourself the most extravagant piece of jewelry you have ever bought. These things happen. Be glad it isn’t worse. And be thankful. You do have a good life, after all.”

And so she began to live the lie. Mother is so knowing, she thought as she folded the truth away and tucked it in the back of her mind like an unwanted winter blanket. But the blanket wouldn’t stay folded and put away. The infidelities got more frequent and then more flagrant, became harder and harder to ignore. Each time with younger, ever younger, women.

Little by little, day after day, her ordinary life eroded, until now all that was left was the order, the shell of a life. The emptiness closed in on her, the only fullness she now felt coming from the extra drink before dinner, then the wine, and the brandy before going to bed.

And yes, the occasional morning bracer, but only if she had a luncheon date that she wasn’t looking forward to.

Not a very pretty picture, she thought as she came back to the present.

Poor me. Poor Cynthia. And Poor Annie. And yes, even poor Brenda.

We made bad deals.

Of course, Annie has that awful situation with Aaron dating her own psychiatrist. Or former psychiatrist, I guess it is at this point.

Never trust them, Mother told me, and I never have. So Annie goes to one to help her marriage, and the psychiatrist steals her husband. And when Lally Snow told me, I couldn’t say anything to Annie. After all, she and Aaron were already separated. But what a betrayal. Elise shuddered at the thought. Yet Annie continued to live her life with dignity.

And Brenda bore the humiliation of being fat, rejected, and penniless, if not with dignity, at least with a defiance that carried her forward from day to day.

Chessie rapped softly at the door before entering. Well, she, Elise, had humiliations of her own to deal with, she thought as the pain behind her eye or something else made it water, the tears rolling slowly down her once-perfect face.

Putting on the Ritz.

As the taxi pulled up to the marquee of the Ritz Carlton, Annie took out her mirror and primped for a moment. The ordeal of the funeral and of the shuttle flight to Boston were over, now the ordeal of seeing Aaron and watching Alex graduate would begin. She’d decided to put Cynthia’s letter and her whole overreaction to it behind hen-for now at least.

Annie tried to be calm, not sad or angry. Alex, not Aaron, had asked that Sylvie not attend the graduation, and though it almost broke her heart, Annie could understand his resentment of the sister who took up so much of his mother’s time, who brought so much unwanted attention to the family. It was foolish of her to expect anything else, she thought. Still, she was disappointed. She sighed, then shrugged, paid the driver, and slid out of the cab. The doorman helped her, and as she smiled her thanks, someone ran up from behind her, covered her eyes, and kissed the top of her head. She felt her heart jump in her chest and turned, only to find Chris towering over her and grinning.

He was wearing a soft cashmere turtleneck and a well-cut tweed jacket.

She managed another smile.

”Mom! Wow, you look like a million bucks!” Chris cried. He hugged her again and as always she felt so grateful for his warmth, his open affection, so different from his father’s and older brother’s restraint.

“Have you seen your brother yet?” she asked. She wanted to ask about Aaron but controlled herself.

”Oh, sure,” he said, adding quickly, “Me and Al went out to the Plough and Stars and got loaded last night. Then we hit the Combat Zone. It was great.

It’s a good thing I’ll never graduate, because I don’t think either of us could survive another night like that. It certainly wouldn’t help my career in advertising.”’ Annie smiled again. Though Aaron fumed over Chris’s dropping out of school, Annie knew he was secretly proud to have his son join the firm. Chris was working under Jerry Loest, Aaron’s partner, and he was thriving. “So, where are the other guys?”

Annie tried to sound casual.

“Dad’s working on some kind of surprise or something, and Alex is up in the whirlpool, trying to get unbent. We’re all meeting in the lobby at seven.

Dad’s got a party set up tonight, and Al’s invited his friends, and Grandma and Grandpa Paradise are coming. They’re in Suite 502.” Chris rolled his eyes.

Annie shook her head at him. Aaron’s parents were difficult, formal people.

She was surprised to hear they were at the hotel, since they so rarely left Newport during the season. She sighed. Well, there goes any real hope of a pleasant dinner, she thought.

“Is this your bag?” Chris asked, hoisting her Vuitton case. “Hey, Mom, what’s in here? Planning to move in permanently, or you just carrying gold bullion for exercise?”

They crossed the marble floor of the lobby, and Annie quickly signed in. She started to hand the clerk her credit card, but he waved it away. ‘It’s been taken care of, ma’am. Mr. Paradise asked for the bill to be charged to him.”

Annie nodded. How nice of Aaron. She felt hope move through her once again, light and ephemeral, like a mist through a valley. A bellman took the bag from Chris. “Hey, Mom. I’m gding to go round up Al and get dressed. Meet you here in an hour. Okay?” As he strode off, Annie marveled at his height, his long lope, and his broad shoulders.

As she turned to follow the bellman into the elegant, gilded elevator, she heard Chris call, “Mom,” and come running back to her.

“I almost forgot,” he said as he came to a stop in front of her. “I wanted to ask you if it’s okay with you …” He faltered.

Annie laughed. “Chris, ask me.”

“I know it’s her last day home and everything, but could I take Sylvie out Monday? I mean, you get to see her every day, and I’ve been promising her for a while.”

Annie herself had been looking forward to this time alone with Sylvie, but Sylvie did love being with Chris. “Of course you can. She’ll be delighted,” Annie said.

”Great.” And off he went again. “See you in an hour,” he called back over his shoulder.

Annie shook her head. Even a few moments with him revived her spirits.

It was hard to believe that delicious young man was her son.

Her room was lovely, and soothing, as were all the rooms in this truly fine hotel. The window overlooked the Boston Common on the front, and Newbury Street on the side. And on the low table beside the settee sat a breathtaking arrangement of blue delphiniums and pink roses. A card was perched in the midst of the foliage. Annie approached the table slowly, pausing for a moment before reaching out for the card. She stared at it for a moment, then tore open the envelope in a single eager movement. Congratulations, and best love on the occasion of Alex’s graduation, it said. It was signed, Mother and Father Paradise.

Well, what did you expect? she asked herself, but she knew what she had hoped for.

Annie quickly unpacked and shook out her dresses. The Gaultier black silk for tonight looked fine.

Reclining finally in the huge white marble bathtub, she took a few deep breaths and felt her tight back muscles loosen. She stretched out her toes, trying to touch the far end of the tub, then she took a deep breath and submerged herself. Delightfully, the tub was big enough to float in, and Annie floated, her eyes closed. I’m going to relax, she told herself. Really relax.

For the first time in weeks.

She settled into the foam. Dr. Rosen, her ex-therapist, had taught her relaxation techniques, which she used now. Fragments of memories came to her, and she let them. Aaron, standing next to Stuart Swann and staring at her on the day they first met. Chris and Alex wrestling on the lawn of the summer house in Amagansett. Then Sylvie’s face when Annie left her this morning, followed by Cynthia’s face, Cynthia at fourteen, singing a song as they biked along the Fairfield Common. The Dixie Cups’ song—something about going to the chapel of love and getting married and never being lonely anymore.

She sat up, the water rolling off her. Though she hadn’t said a prayer in more than a decade, she said a small one now. God, let this happen.

Let Aaron love me again.

Dinner went surprisingly well. Aaron looked elegant, and he and his father both behaved, the boys joked easily, though as usual, Annie saw, Alex got all his father’s attention. But it was, after all, his celebration. Chris smiled a lot, spoke only a little, and told Alex, when he asked, that Uncle Jerry was great to work for. No one mentioned Cynthia’s death or Sylvie’s absence.

Alex was proud and relieved to be graduating, and he looked more relaxed than he had in years, Annie thought. She was surprised to find that she was actually happy. It felt odd. It had been so long since she had had that happy fullness in her chest. She looked around the table. Aaron and the two boys, so healthy, so right. She felt warm, glowing. This was how the family would have been without Sylvie.

Annie sighed. Several times she caught Aaron looking at her. Each time he smiled.

After dinner, his parents excused themselves and went up to their room, but Aaron, his eyes snapping with excitement, hustled the rest of them out to a waiting car and they drove to the Hancock Center. There they were joined by a dozen of Alex’s friends. They all boarded an elevator, and Aaron led them to a suite of offices on the fifty-third floor. “It’s showtime, folks,” he said, and the group moved into a small screening room and took seats. Annie sat at the back, Chris on one side, but she carefully kept an empty seat beside her.

A young woman handed her a program and a bag of popcorn, then went on to the others.

”Come on, Dad, what’s this all about?” Alex asked.

The room went dark. The giggling and teasing stopped, and as the screen lit up, Aaron slid into the seat beside Annie. “This ought to be good,” he said, and, delighted, she smiled in the dark.

And then credits began to roll. An Annie and Aaron Paradise Production. There was a trumpet fanfare. Alexander the Great. There were groans and catcalls from the audience as Alex’s face appeared. A smarmy, typical announcer’s voice began. “From the time that he was very young, Alexander MacDuggan Paradise was a man with a mission.” A long shot of Alex, aged about two and a half, chasing a kitten, Pangor’s predecessor, flashed on the screen.

”Oh, Dad,” Alex groaned.

“Oh, Aaron,” Annie murmured. In the dark, he took her hand.

“I’ll walk you to your room,” Aaron said, and Annie’s heart jumped.

Alex had remained behind with his friends, but Chris was still with them. He smiled. “I think I’ll go get mugged on the Common,” he said, grinning at both of them. As she watched her son saunter across the Ritz lobby, Annie felt Aaron take her hand again. Oh, did he mean to come in? Did he mean more? She smiled at him, then bowed her head for a minute to collect herself. Here she was, over forty, and on a date with her soon-to-be-ex-husband, yet she didn’t know how to behave.

In the elevator she could feel his warmth under the sleeve of his blazer as his arm just touched hers. She shivered. ‘Cold?” Aaron asked, and without waiting for an answer, he moved his arm around her shoulder. How could he be so cool, so smooth? Annie wondered. Was it because he felt nothing, or was he just better at masking his feelings?

It was one of the riddles about him she had never satisfactorily answered for herself, Did he feel things less deeply than she did? She shook her head, in the characteristic way she had of trying to shake a thought away. Aaon looked at her and grinned. “Same old Annie,” he said.

”It was a wonderful film, Aaron,” she said. “Alex loved it. So did I.”