The Fixed Trilogy: Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You (34 page)

“Most everything? Try everything.”

I gave him a stern look. “You did cheat on your fiancé.”

Paul shrugged.

What an ass. “Anyway, Hudson doesn’t see you as innocent. And it’s not because I said anything to point you out, it’s simply because…” I couldn’t finish the statement. I didn’t have the answer. “I don’t know why. He sees the good in me for some reason.” Good that I was beginning to doubt existed.

Paul chortled. “I didn’t know from his reputation that he was a psycho.”

I stepped forward, closing in on his personal space. “You know what? You need to shut the fuck up. He is not a psycho. I am not a psycho. You, however, are an asshole. I can still back out of this shit. Go ahead and throw whatever you want to throw at me, I have Hudson Pierce on my side.”

“And wouldn’t he love it if the whole world knew about his girlfriend’s criminal past? He’d be a laughing stock. Especially when I tell everyone how you sought out Party Planners Plus so you could work with me again.”

My heart felt like I’d been dropped three stories. “But that’s not true.”

He shrugged again, that carefree shrug of someone holding all the cards. “People don’t care if it’s true. They love gossip, particularly when it’s about the elite.”

My mouth tasted sour. “I thought this wasn’t blackmail.”

“Not yet, it isn’t.” He leveled his gaze at me. “Does it need to be?”

A chill ran down my spine. I was trapped, as I’d known I was earlier, and I knew it even more definitively now. “Fine, Paul. I’ll do the deal but on the terms I listed.” Over his shoulder I saw Hudson striding our way. “I’m walking away now. Smile and head the other direction.”

I didn’t know if he did what I said because I left him, striding to meet Hudson before he came any nearer. “Hey.” I felt breathy and lightheaded and not in a good way.

“Did you find the restroom?”

“Um, no.” Thank god I hadn’t really needed to go. “It’s okay. I can wait until we get home.”

I tried to turn him toward the exit, but Hudson looked questionably back toward where Paul was retreating.

Thinking fast, I filled him in with a story before he had a chance to ask. “That was one of the event workers. I was trying to get the dirt on Party Planners from him.”

He raised a brow. “It seemed to be a rather animated discussion.”

“Yeah, he was passionate about what he was saying.” Then I realized it was probably me who had seemed animated. “I guess it got me riled up too. He says they’re a great company all around. I’m more excited than ever to work with them.” The lie felt heavy on my tongue, my gut twisting with the acid of it. It made me wonder how I’d spent so many years lying and manipulating people so I could be close to men who didn’t want me. It had been so easy then. Now, with the man who did want me, it felt gross and disgusting.

Hudson bought my act, which made me feel all the worse for it. “That’s excellent.” He drew me into his side. “Want to know what I’m more excited than ever about? Getting home. More specifically, getting you home. Or, at least to the car.”

“Me, too.” Whatever he planned to do to me would take me away from everything else in the world. It would distract me from my secrets and the blackmail and the promises I’d broken. At least, I hoped it would.

Chapter Eight

We were still curled up together when Hudson’s alarm woke us the next morning. He kissed me breathless before pulling me with him out of the bed.

“You start the shower,” he ordered. “I’ll start the coffee.”

Grinning, I did as instructed, traipsing to the bathroom to pee first. Then I turned on the shower, waiting until the water was nice and hot before stepping in.

This. Was. Awesome.

Not only the double oversized nozzles that sprayed down on me, relaxing my sex-sore muscles, but the entire routine. Making love in the middle of the night, waking with my lover, preparing the shower for him, for us—I could do this every day.

I sighed softly at the idea, letting the too-soon fantasy of living with Hudson take me away for the briefest of moments.

“Well, the look on your face says you might not need me anymore for pleasure.” Hudson stepped into the stall, immediately tugging me into his arms, as if he wanted to be in constant contact the way I did.

“This shower is amazeballs,” I said, my eyes drawn immediately to the semi-erection pressed between us. Could I never get enough of seeing him naked?

“Amazeballs?”

“But it can never compare to what you do to me.” My hand closed around his divine penis, my mouth watering as always at the size and shape of him.

He moaned, turning harder in my hand. “What if I did amazeballs things to you while we’re in the amazeballs shower?”

It was hard not to giggle at his use of urban vernacular. It was so foreign, so unlike him. So absolutely irresistible. “There’s not even a word for how amazeballs that would be.”

***

After our shower, we went about getting ready for our day. Hudson named one of the sinks as mine, and side-by-side he shaved and I powdered, each of us wearing only a towel. Again, I thought how easy it would be to fall into this life. How natural.

He finished in the bathroom first and by the time I came out, he was dressed in a two-piece black suit that made my thighs twitch. God, the man was the yummiest thing on the planet.

“Hungry?”

Could he read my mind? “Oh, for breakfast?”

“Yes, for breakfast. Get your mind out of the gutter, precious. I’ve already spent more time than I allotted on you this morning.”

I shivered at the memory of being pressed against the shower wall, his dick inside me. “Well, I’m glad to know there was an allotment.”

“There was.” He walked past me toward the bedroom door and I caught the scent of his aftershave. “Toast and grapefruit okay?”

“Perfect,” I said, inhaling his amazing smell. “Meet you out there.”

I threw on the only dress left hanging in the spare closet, wishing I had something a little more businesslike for my meetings that day. Which made me face the issue I’d been avoiding—my apartment. I needed to stop by there. I also needed to figure out what I was going to do about a place to live. My lease was ending and since my brother was no longer paying my rent, I’d have to find something more affordable.

It would certainly be easier to move in with Hudson.

But it would be a bad idea, I reminded myself.
Too soon, too soon, too soon.
Plus, he hadn’t even made the offer.

Once dressed, my hair tied in a knot at my nape, I joined Hudson at the kitchen table. He’d already set out my breakfast with a travel mug of coffee.

“I didn’t know what time you were planning to be out of here so I gave you that.” He nodded at the travel mug.

“Soon. I have an appointment at ten-thirty with a graphic designer to go over new menus, and I want to make sure I have my presentation for tonight’s meeting with Aaron Trent ready before that, because I have a crap load of other things to do this afternoon.” I was rambling, a bit nervous about my day’s to-do list.

Hudson raised a brow. “A crap load of things?”

“Yeah. I’m sure Trent will want a formal marketing plan, and I need to set up some interviews for an additional cook.” I took a swallow of my coffee. “And I really should go home.”

“Home.” It wasn’t a question, merely a repeat of my word, but his tone was darker, surprised. Disappointed maybe.

“My apartment.”

“I understood the reference. Why?”

I stabbed at my grapefruit with my spoon. “I don’t know. I need to pick up my mail and check on things. Make sure the place is okay. You know, all my stuff is there.”

I’d known the conversation would be awkward when I began it. Though it was necessary to go to my place, I didn’t want Hudson to think I didn’t want to be with him, that I didn’t want to be invited back. The best way to get that across was to be straightforward about it. “I should get another change of clothes if you’re inviting me to stay the night again.”

Hudson dropped his own spoon with a noisy clank. “Inviting you to stay the night? What are you talking about? I gave you a key. You can come and go as you please.”

I leaned forward, a big grin on my face. “So, then I definitely need a change of clothes. Because it pleases me to spend the night with you.”

“It pleases me for you to spend the night with me, too.” He wiped his mouth with his napkin and set it over his plate. “And as long as we’re talking about it, it would please me if you would spend all your nights here and if all your things were here as well.”

I froze. There it was. At least, I thought that there it was. I needed clarification before I freaked. “What are you…I don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Yes, you do. But I’ll spell it out if that makes you feel better.” He stood and took his dish to the sink as he spoke. When he returned, he remained standing, leaning against the breakfast bar behind him. He probably didn’t realize the impact of his towering presence. Or perhaps he did. Perhaps it was purposeful. He did know how to mold a situation to his favor.

“Yes, spell it out.” My voice squeaked, unsure whether to be excited or terrified.

“Why do you need your apartment? Your lease is almost up. Move in here.”

I didn’t even bother asking how he knew about my lease. If I thought about it too hard, I’d worry about the safety of my other secrets. Besides, I was too stunned by his statement to be able to think about anything but those three words: Move in here.

“I love that I can still shock you.” Hudson tilted his head, looking at me from a new angle. “But I’d prefer that this wasn’t one of the times that I did. What about that plan is shocking to you?”

Shaking, I set my spoon down. Even though I’d only eaten half of my fruit, there was no way I was eating more. I could barely formulate thought let alone think about chewing and swallowing. “Well, um, it’s just, it’s awfully soon.”

He frowned. “It is. It’s unfortunate that a lengthy time span is regarded as such an important element to appropriate landmarks in relationships. It shouldn’t be a factor.”

“But shouldn’t it?” I shifted on my chair to face him head-on.

“Not for me. As I said before, when I have a plan, I commit. I plan to be with you as much as possible. And not only in the carnal sense. Moving in is a logical way to make that happen.”

I stood, gathering my dishes to take to the sink. I had to clutch them against my body so he didn’t hear them rattle in my unsteady hands. “And that’s another reason it might not be a good idea. It seems a little like a business plan. Like this is the next step on a list. Not very romantic or anything.”

His voice tightened. “I didn’t realize you were in need of romance. You know that’s not in my nature.”

“Hey.” I waited until he turned to face me, the breakfast bar between us. “That’s bullshit. You say you aren’t romantic, but you really are very much so.” The things he’d said the night before, for example. “I wasn’t complaining about your romantic overtures.”

“Then what are you complaining about?” He seemed genuinely confused.

“Nothing! I’m complaining about nothing.”

“You were complaining about the way I asked you to move in with me.”

“No, I’m not.” I shifted my eyes. “Okay, yes, I was. A little, but that’s not why I’m saying no.”

This took him aback. “You’re saying no?”

“No.”
Wait.
“I mean, yes.” Except, I didn’t really want to say no. I wanted to be with Hudson all the time, like how he’d said he wanted to be with me. Still, the length of time we’d been together… “I mean, I don’t know.”

Hudson came around the bar and put a hand on each of my upper arms. “Alayna, do you know how you feel about me?”

“Yes. I love you. You know that.”

“Then move in with me.”

I bit my lip and tugged on his lavender tie. “I have to think.”

He put a finger under my chin and lifted my face so I was forced to meet his eyes. “Why?”

“I just do.” I pulled away, unable to concentrate with his hands on me. Unable to stand my ground with the electricity surging between us as it always did when we touched.

Turning back to the sink for distraction, I dumped the grapefruit shells into the garbage and ran water over our dishes. “This is big, and yes, it would make things easier and I can’t deny that I want to—”

“Then do it.”

“—but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.” I turned off the water and flicked my wet hands over the sink. Without facing him, I admitted the heart of my hesitation. “I’m falling for you too hard, Hudson. Too fast and that scares me.”

“Falling? Or fallen?”

Both. Every time I was certain I’d met my max capacity of love for him, that I’d fallen as far as I possibly could, he’d go and do or say something spectacular and I’d find I loved him even more. “Either way, does it matter?”

“If you’ve already fallen, then why are you worried anymore about whether it’s too hard or too fast? It’s already done. That’s how I’m approaching it.”

There it was again—an allusion to the way he felt about me without an actual declaration. That was a problem right there, wasn’t it? How could I live with a man who couldn’t even say he loved me?

I took a deep breath and turned to him once again. “Can I just have a little time to think about it? When I’m away from you?”

He stiffened. “Are you suggesting that I’m pressuring you?”

“I’m suggesting that you’re distracting. And yes, it’s pressure, whether you mean for it to be or not. And honestly, a tiny bit manipulative. And with your past, it does cross my mind that maybe you want to control me, and that this is the easiest way for you to do so.”

His expression hardened and I ran to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Now, don’t, don’t be upset, H. I’m not saying you are manipulating me or that you want to control me, I’m saying I need time to think. To be sure. Give it to me. Please?”

“If that’s what you need.” His tone was chilly, his arms remaining at his sides, even as I held him.

I curled my fingers into the hair at the back of his neck. “Hudson!”

“What?”

“Don’t be like this.”

He remained stiff. “I’m not being like anything.”

“Then are we okay?” I pressed kisses underneath his jaw, wanting—no,
needing
—him to yield to me, to give in to my embrace.

He exhaled, finally wrapping his arms around me. “Of course we are.” He kissed the top of my head. “Always.”

***

Hudson’s driver picked him up at the same time Jordan arrived for me. The minute I was alone in the backseat of the Maybach, I pulled out my phone to call Liesl. I had to talk to someone about Hudson’s move-in proposition, and she was the person I turned to when things got rough. I stopped before I dialed, however. Liesl had worked for me the night before. She’d likely still be sleeping. Besides, even though she knew me, she didn’t know Hudson. Not truly. Knowing Hudson was a vital part of helping me make a sound decision.

But there was someone who did know Hudson—knew Hudson very well. And I had her number.

When Celia didn’t answer, I hung up and redialed as she’d instructed. It took until the third call before I got through to her. I considered telling her my news on the phone but decided we might need something more personal. At least,
I
needed something more personal, so we arranged to meet for lunch at one.

Celia was already seated when I arrived at A Voce. I waited until after the waitress had taken my order for an iced tea and chicken and watercress salad before diving into conversation.

Though I’d planned to lead with Hudson’s invitation to move in, it was something else entirely that came out of my mouth. “What do you know about Norma Anders?” She’d invaded my thoughts several times since she’d put her hand on Hudson’s and he’d called her by her first name.

Celia’s brows rose. “Ah, you heard about the slut.”

“You mean, Hudson and—” My stomach churned. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.

“Honestly, I don’t know for sure. It’s not like Hudson discusses his conquests with me. And if I had to guess, I’d say no because if he had fucked her—sorry, that was a bit coarse, but you know what I mean—if he had, then he’d be done with her and she certainly wouldn’t still be working with him.”

I wanted to grab on to Celia’s words like a lifeline and believe there was no way Hudson had been…
intimate
…with Norma Anders. But there were holes in her theory. “That’s if he slept with her when he was still, you know, messing with women. He hasn’t done any of that for a while, right? Like not in the last two years.”

Her forehead creased. “Uh, yeah. Of course.”

“So Hudson could have slept with her after he’d started therapy and then it wouldn’t have been such a big deal for him to keep her employed.”

Celia nodded. “I get you. But I still don’t think so. Here’s the thing. Norma’s always been after him. From way before he ever had therapy. And I can’t tell you how many functions I went to where I watched her try to seduce him, hence the reason I refer to her as the slut. Yet despite all her attempts, he never made any move to play her.”

“Which makes it all more likely that he’d go to her
after
therapy. Trust me, I know.” It made perfect sense. The people I’d dated since therapy had been the safe ones, the men I didn’t feel intensely about. If Hudson had never been interested in playing Norma, then she was similarly safe.