The Forest Ranger's Child (12 page)

“And what about love?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

He took a step nearer, so close she could see the flecks of gold in his dark brown eyes. “I mean the love of a good man.”

“That doesn’t exist.”

“Oh, I guarantee it exists. But you have to take a chance to let it work.”

“No, definitely not.” She shook her head hard. “Another man is the last thing I want in my life.”

“Sounds pretty lonely to me.”

“Well, that’s the way I want it from now on.” Her voice quivered with emotion and she could have kicked herself.

“And what about your baby’s father? You don’t think he’ll come here looking for you?”

She snorted. “No way.”

“Why did he desert you when you needed him the most?”

“Now, that is definitely getting too personal.”

“I’m sorry, but I’ve gotten used to worrying about you. I wish you’d confide in me.”

What could she say to that? She couldn’t take a leap of faith, but maybe a little hop wouldn’t hurt.

“He won’t come here. He’s too busy explaining our relationship to his wife and children.”

Nate’s face darkened. “His wife?”

“Yes, I finally figured out why he wouldn’t marry me. He was already hitched. His wife called to advise me of the situation. That night when he got home, I confronted him with the truth.”

“And?”

She looked away, swamped by memories of hurt and betrayal. “He didn’t deny it. He got angry and I…I left.”

“You left?”

She nodded. “In an ambulance.”

“What? Why?” Outrage choked Nate’s low voice.

Something cold and hard tightened inside her chest. A firm resolve never to be treated that way again. “I don’t want to talk about it. Suffice it to say I left town and I’ll never go back.”

She folded her hands over her round stomach. “I just feel sorry for Tommy’s wife.”

“Where’d you go after you left?”

“I had a bit of money and rented a studio apartment. I got a job working retail for a while, but between the bad economy and morning sickness, I got laid off. That’s when I decided it was time to come home.”

“You’ve suffered a lot, but I admire your inner strength.”

“It’s not me. It’s God. He’s helped me make it through everything I’ve brought upon myself. Through it all, He’s never deserted me. Not once. It was hard to come home and admit what I’d done to my father, but it’s also felt so freeing. Like I can really start over and make amends for what I’ve done.”

Nate showed a lopsided grin. “Your faith amazes me. You amaze me.”

He brushed his fingertips across the back of her hand, but she jerked away. An automatic response she’d learned by being around Tommy’s lightning fast reflexes. She’d never known when he might slap her and she’d gotten good at ducking.

Nate didn’t push it but just gave her a gentle smile. “Look, Lil, I like your dad. I always have. And I like you, too. A lot. You might as well know it right now, up front.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“You don’t have to know everything about a person to like them. I know you’re hurting deep inside, but you have faith in the Lord. And I know He can dissolve the pain troubling your heart. I’ve seen the way you care for your dad. You’re a good person.”

“Then you can see why I’m not interested in another romance.”

“Yeah, and I’m gonna tell you right now that I am. Interested in you, that is. And I plan to show you that you can trust me. Not every man is out just for what he can get from a woman. There’re still a few of us who really care and want something more lasting and special. Before I’m finished training your horses, you’re gonna believe in me. And you’ll learn to trust me as much as you trust yourself.”

His eyes didn’t waver but locked with hers. Her mind whirled with what he’d said and she didn’t know quite how to respond. No one had ever been so direct with her. She was used to men playing sneaky little games. Not coming right out and telling her what he wanted and where he stood.

“That could pose a problem, because I’ve never trusted myself, until recently.”

“Good. That’s all I wanted to hear. I’m glad you’ve learned to trust yourself.”

“Wait! I thought we agreed to just be friends.”

He shrugged one shoulder in a lazy gesture. “That’s not enough for me anymore.”

She gave him her frostiest stare. “What do you mean?”

“You’re not gonna chase me off, Lil. I’m here to stay. I want to convince you to go out with me.”

Who did he think he was, speaking to her this way? “That day will never come.”

“We’ll see.”

A happy, giddy sensation spiraled through her stomach. She wanted to laugh at his candor, but realized the price would be too high if she gave in to him. “I’m not any woman you would want, Nate. You’d do well to set your sights elsewhere.”

“And what if I’ve set my sights on you?”

“Then I fear you’ll be sadly disappointed.”

“You’re too hard on yourself, Lily. My best advice is to cut yourself some slack. Try to enjoy life a little bit more. You need to laugh. A lot.”

“I’m not a horse, Nathan Coates. I have a baby on the way to think about. I’m not cutting myself or anyone any slack ever again. And my best advice to you is to back off.”

A long silence followed with their staring into one another’s eyes. She forced herself not to blink. To make him realize she meant what she said and couldn’t be budged. Yet he seemed just as determined. She finally broke eye contact and stepped back. Glancing at the door, she wished she could leave. Wished she were anywhere but here.

Hoping to skirt around his tall body, she reached for the doorknob so she could escape.

“I’ll have Earl Tippens draw up a contract and send it over to your office for you to sign tomorrow.” She spoke over her shoulder.

Earl was an elderly, retired attorney living in town who didn’t charge much for his legal services. Lily’s father had been using his services for years. They were good friends.

“That sounds fine.” Nate smiled and nodded. “Thanks for dropping by. It’s been a real pleasure. I’ll see you tonight.”

She bit her tongue, knowing she’d told him too much and couldn’t blame anyone but herself. The thought of seeing him again at the ranch later that evening confused her even more. He filled her with a mixture of fear and anticipation. She longed to believe she could trust this man, but still didn’t dare. Maybe over time, her suspicions might diminish.

As she slipped through the door and hurried through the reception room, she refused to look back to see if Nate was still watching her. Only when she pulled out of the parking lot did she allow herself to look in her rearview mirror. She gasped when she saw Nate standing on the front steps of the Forest Service office staring after her, his hands in his pants pockets.

After buying groceries, she headed home. A large detour sign directed her toward the high Bailey bridge across the flooding river.

The truck thumped across the rivets as Lily drove across. The murky waters below rushed across the banks, swamping sagebrush and willows on either side. As she gazed at the swirling water, a sudden frenzy overwhelmed Lily and she couldn’t catch her breath. Memories of the flash flood tore through her brain and she cried out. Of its own volition, her foot floored the accelerator and the truck roared across the bridge. A panic attack like none she’d ever experienced made her tremble so hard that she had to pull over and stop the truck on the other side.

Leaning her forehead against the steering wheel, she sat there shaking. Trying to still her troubled heart and mind. Her faith in God sustained her in that moment. But she hadn’t planned on everything being this difficult.

She likened her relationship with Nate and her father to the flash flood. Her emotions threatened to swallow her up and bury her beneath a mountain of guilt and fear.

Minutes ticked by while she regained her composure. She patted her baby bump, gazing down as a ripple of movement burst across her stomach. “I know, sweetums. That scared me, too. But we’re safe now. Nate had that bridge built so we’d be secure. I prayed for God to send someone to help us, and I guess He sent us Nate.”

As she put the truck into gear and started down the dirt road at a slow pace, she wondered what she’d gotten herself into with the handsome forest ranger. Where would this all lead?

Chapter Eleven

A
s Nate pulled his silver truck into the wide driveway at Emerald Ranch, his gaze rested on Lily. A thread of joy speared his heart and he wondered why seeing this woman made him so happy.

Dressed in blue jeans, cowboy boots and a shirt with the buttons tight across her pregnant tummy, she stood near a horse trailer set up in front of the barn. A haltered cream buckskin mare pranced back and forth in front of the trailer. Wearing leather gloves, Lily held the lead line to the horse in one hand and a stick with a long string attached at the end in the other hand. Now and then, Lily flicked the string at the horse’s hind rump. The fluttering string didn’t hurt the mare, but it caused her to move her feet.

Parking his truck, Nate got out and walked over to the horse trailer. He gazed at Lily’s distended stomach and widened his eyes. He’d never seen a woman so far along in pregnancy train a horse like this. And he wasn’t sure he liked Lily being so close to horse hooves. If the animal reared, Lily could be knocked down and seriously hurt.

Most women this far along would be waddling like a duck, but Lily seemed energetic and light on her feet. Because he realized Lily was concentrating on the horse, he didn’t speak. Instead, he sat beside Hank on the loading dock of the barn and watched the show with appreciation for this talented horsewoman.

Hank nodded and spoke low. “Howdy, Nate. Lily’s trailer training one of the mares.”

“I see that. You sure she’s safe?”

“Yeah, Lily knows what she’s doing.”

Both men watched Lily work. Nate wanted to see if she was as good with horses as Hank claimed. The lead rope was tied to the halter rather than clipped. That would keep it from bonking the horse in the chin if Lily had to jerk on the lead rope to get the horse to back away from her.

Very shrewd.

Holding the lead rope loose in her forward hand, Lily lightly touched the animal’s rump from behind to drive the horse forward a step or two. Then she jiggled the rope to cue the mare to back up a couple of steps. Over and over again, she repeated this exercise. Forward, retreat. Forward, retreat. Nate could see the mare relaxing as she became accustomed to the process and began to understand what Lily wanted from her.

The horse blew dust from her nostrils. Lily paused frequently to stroke and reassure the animal, teaching the horse to overcome the flight instinct of a prey animal.

As Nate watched Lily gentle the horse, it occurred to him that he must handle Lily the same way. To earn her trust, he must show her again and again that he meant her no harm. That she could rely on him. And eventually she would come to him on her own terms.

“They say you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat animals,” he told Hank.

“Yep, and my Lily is the best.”

There was no betraying the flush of pride on Hank’s face. He loved his daughter. But Nate realized he just didn’t know how to show her.

“You ought to tell her that sometimes,” Nate suggested.

Hank glanced at him with confusion, then seemed to consider this statement. “Maybe I will.”

Nate’s appreciation for Lily deepened. She was a good woman. Whatever mistakes she’d made in her past couldn’t override the kind person she was deep inside. Caring, generous and giving. He just needed to figure out a way to convince Lily she had all these wonderful qualities. She couldn’t run away this time. She had to stay and fight. There was too much to lose if she bolted. Delicate as the flower she was named after, yet strong and determined to face any storm that came her way. With an undying desire to please God and do what was right. A real woman. Nothing superficial or fake. And she stole Nate’s breath away every time he saw her.

Soon, Lily drove the horse from behind, getting the mare to put one foot up into the trailer, then back out.

“Step,” Lily called in a gentle but firm voice.

Over and over, Lily repeated this process, using the word
step
to cue the horse to what she wanted. One foot in, then out. Finally, she got the horse to put two feet in, then back out. She repeated this many times.

At one point, the horse had two feet in the trailer and impulsively surged forward, as if ready to go in all the way. Acting quickly, Lily backed the horse up instead.

“Step!”

The horse backed up and Nate chuckled. Lily obviously realized the benefit of leaving the horse wanting more. Through this measure, the horse actually wanted to go inside the trailer and would remember that impulse later. Backing the horse up would add to the mare’s confidence so she later knew how to get out of the trailer and wouldn’t panic once she was inside with walls enclosing her.

After some time, Lily let the mare rest, leading the horse over to greet Nate. “Hi, there. Thanks for coming.”

Her flushed face held an iridescent glow. She gave him a smile so bright that he had to blink. No doubt her success with the horse had made her happy.

“You’re welcome.” He nodded at the mare. “You’re doing good work with her.”

“Yeah, she’s softened right up for you, darlin’,” Hank agreed.

With her arm beneath the horse’s neck, Lily hugged the mare’s head close and rested her left cheek against the horse’s cheek. “She’s a good girl and learns fast.”

“Only because she’s got a good trainer,” Nate said.

Lily’s cheeks brightened and she shifted her weight, seeming embarrassed by the praise.

“Where did you learn your trailer training technique?” Nate asked.

Lily nodded toward Hank and smiled. “Dad taught me years ago. Trailer training Misty is something I can do without riding and worrying about getting bucked off.”

Nate hopped down off the docking bay and went to thread his fingers through the mare’s dark mane. Her ears pricked forward as he spoke gently to her. “Misty. Your name suits you.”

Hank sat up straighter, his mouth widened in a grin. He looked as proud as a cat that had swallowed a canary.

“Dad named her.”

Nate studied Lily. She’d pulled her long hair back in a ponytail. Several wispy strands had come loose and framed her face, almost red in the sunshine. He thought he’d never seen anything so beautiful in all his life. “If you learned that technique from your dad, then I think we’ll do fine together. I’m anxious to learn a few things myself.”

“Well, I’m happy to teach you both.” Hank stood and wiped his tough hands down his pale blue jeans. “But for today, let’s just start with feeding the horses. Then I’m gonna go up to the house and fix us some supper and we’ll talk about our training schedule. I’m anxious to get the new colts and fillies working.”

Hank turned to go inside the stable, but Lily stopped him. “Dad, I know how to feed the horses. I don’t want you doing anything but watching Nate and me work.”

Lily gazed at her father, hoping he wouldn’t fight her on this. Above all else, she wanted to help her father get well. The ranch didn’t matter if she lost her father.

Dad pursed his lips and she thought he might argue. A tingle of anxiety swept her.

Dad waved a hand in the air and kept walking. “Okay, so I’ll watch.”

Lily stared after him, her brow furrowed with concern. She spoke to Nate without looking at him. “You think he’ll be okay?”

Nate stood beside her and cleared his throat. “What all did Doc Kenner say he could do?”

“Anything that doesn’t require rigorous exercise. Forking hay to horses will get him breathing too hard. He has emphysema and shortness of breath. That makes his heart pump too hard.”

“Then I’ll do the feeding and make sure he just orders me around.”

Lily chuckled. “Believe me, Dad loves ordering people around.”

A laugh burst from Nate’s throat. “Giving instructions will help him feel useful but shouldn’t tire him out.”

They walked toward the stable and she couldn’t help realizing that she shared a special bond with this man. Maybe it was because he’d saved her life. “I hope you’re right.”

“You don’t want your father to feel useless. Hank isn’t the type of man to just sit around while everyone else is working. Let him do what he can.”

Nate’s insight pleased her. She paused at the stable, noticing a companionable feeling settled between them.

“I wouldn’t let on to your dad that you know about his illness yet,” Nate spoke low. “He told me about it and asked me not to tell you. He’s afraid you’ll worry.”

“Well, he’s right. You knew and didn’t tell me?” She glanced at him, a feeling of outrage flashing through her. “I need to know those kinds of things.”

“It wasn’t my place. Hank told me in confidence. But now you know, let’s try to help him without making him feel like an invalid.”

She shook her head but agreed. “You’re right. I don’t want to hurt Dad. I want to help. And you’re the trainer. We’re gonna have to work together.”

“Wow! It must have taken a lot for you to say that.”

“It’s the truth. I might as well get used to it.” She hoped saying it out loud would help her adjust to Nate being around the ranch all the time.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

She pressed a hand to the side of her tummy. “Fat and tired, with a raging case of heartburn.”

He chuckled. “Why don’t you go inside and take a nap? I can take care of this work while you rest.”

“Maybe later.”

He frowned but followed her inside the stable. The musty scent of fresh straw and animals filled the air. Dad stood beside Peg’s stall, tapping his foot impatiently while he waited for them.

Nate paused and considered the stallion. “I’m guessing Peg weighs about twelve hundred pounds, right?”

Dad nodded. “He’s on the bigger side for a quarterhorse.”

“Good. He’s strong and should have more stamina. That’ll help create strong foals. I’m guessing you’re feeding him about twenty-four pounds of feed a day?”

Lily stood back and watched while Nate reached for the pitchfork hanging on the wall and broke off two flakes of hay from the bale sitting nearby. As he did so, he eyed the other bales of hay and then the grain.

Not much feed left.

Lily did some mental calculations. The bales consisted of two ties each and weighed about fifty pounds. For that size of bale, they could get about twenty-five flakes per bale. Within a matter of days, they’d run out of feed.

A feeling of panic tore through Lily. They had no money to buy more, unless…

She’d deal with that issue later tonight. Right now, she wanted to focus on Nate and his judgments for feeding their horses.

“Yep,” Hank said. “Peg eats about five flakes of hay per day and about two pounds of grain. I feed him twice per day and give him free choice of water and salt.”

Nate tossed the hay to the horse, then looked at the near-empty grain bag. “I’d like to increase his intake of grains slowly over the next couple of weeks so we don’t cause any problems in his digestive tract. Now that I’ll be working the horses more, they’ll need a little more hot feed.”

Hot feed gave the horse more energy and consisted of oats, barley, wheat and even corn.

“Okay, I agree. We’ll…we’ll buy some more grain. Somehow,” Hank said.

Nate glanced at Hank, looking quizzical.

“And what about the pregnant mares?” Lily asked hurriedly, hoping to distract Nate. She didn’t want him to know about their money troubles. It was too embarrassing. They’d solve their own problems. No need to drag Nate into it.

“I suggest we give the mares their hay, but have you got some high-protein pellets we can give them, too? It’s good for their growing babies.”

Hank frowned. “We…we ran out about a week ago, but I’ll go into town and get some more Saturday.”

Again, Lily’s flesh heated with frenzy. What would they use for money? They could barely afford to feed themselves, let alone these expensive animals.

Reaching up, she fingered her mother’s engagement ring beneath the cotton fabric of her shirt. The ring might fetch a good price.

She looked up and caught Nate staring at her. Feeling self-conscious, she stepped away and busied herself by sweeping out one of the empty stalls. Out of her peripheral vision, she saw Nate studying the meager supplies of hay and grain stacked neatly along one wall where it would stay dry and free of mold.

Reaching down, he took a handful of hay and rubbed it with his fingers before letting it sift through his hand onto the wooden floor. “Who’s supplying your hay?”

“Bill Stokely,” Lily said.

“Looks like you’re due for another delivery soon. This time, tell Bill to put less alfalfa in it. I’d like to see seventy-five percent Timothy grass and twenty-five percent alfalfa.” Nate glanced at Hank for his approval.

“I agree. I already talked to Bill about it the last time he delivered hay for me.”

Nate smiled. “And in the morning, give the colts and fillies a little hot feed and I’ll work them when I get out here in the afternoon.”

Lily breathed a sigh of relief. Even though she’d been raised on a ranch and could ride better than most, she had no idea how to feed quality performance horses. Thank goodness Dad and Nate were here to teach her. She was eager to learn and excited by the prospects. Working with horses always made her happy. Dad knew what to do, but the goal was to turn these chores over to Nate so Dad could cut back on his workload. The fact that Dad kept nodding his head in agreement told her that Nate knew what he was doing, too. And that gave her the confidence to trust Nate.