The Forest Ranger's Christmas (14 page)

“I’m afraid all I do when I’m at home is work. I rarely take time to bake cookies or go shopping. I guess it’s because I live alone. Although I may start making baked goods to take to my coworkers at the pharmacy. That sounds nice. I think I need more balance in my life. Not so much work,” Josie said.

He nodded in agreement. “I know what you mean. It’s hard when you’re trying to get ahead in your career. Work can easily take over, but that’s not healthy. We have to fight to keep some balance.”

“Yes, especially someone in your situation. It can’t be easy raising a little girl all by yourself.”

“It’s definitely worth it, though. But there
are
times when I wonder if God has forgotten about us. Then I look into Gracie’s eyes and I realize that isn’t so.”

Josie’s own eyes crinkled. “You surprise me, Clint. I never thought anything could rattle your strong faith.”

He glanced her way before his gaze slid to the floor. At one time, he’d thought the same. Since Karen’s death, he’d learned that wasn’t true. “I do have a strong faith, but I have bad times just like everyone else. Sometimes I’m tested and my trust in the Lord slips a bit. It takes constant vigilance for me to stay strong.”

And confessing all this to Josie was like admitting to his mother that he’d just robbed a convenience store at gunpoint. Not a pleasant admission at all. If only Josie wasn’t so easy to talk to.

She hesitated, biting her bottom lip. From the flash in her expressive eyes, he knew she wanted to say something more, but was trying to choose her words carefully.

“Thank you for telling me that, Clint. I’ll admit I’ve come to look up to you, and it helps give me hope to know someone as strong as you has trials just like me.”

Her words made him like her even more. She seemed so approachable and human. Someone he could relate to. Someone he could confide in. Not at all the stuck-up, high maintenance woman he’d once thought she was.

“Coming home for the holidays has taught me a lot about my faith lately,” she continued.

He arched one brow. “Oh? How so?”

“Well, I’ve discovered that you don’t build faith when the sun is shining bright and all is right with the world. Faith comes in the darkness, when we’re most vulnerable and must depend upon God to pull us through.”

Her words sank deep into the farthest reaches of his heart and anchored there. Inspiring him. Offering him hope. When he’d first met this woman, he’d never expected her to teach him about God. But that’s exactly what she’d just done.

“That’s so true. I’m glad you’ve regained your faith,” he said.

She gave a dazzling smile. “It’s not perfect, but it’s coming along. The main thing I’ve noticed is that my life doesn’t seem so hopeless anymore. I don’t know how everything’s going to work out for Gramps and me, but I feel more excited by the possibilities.”

How Clint envied her discovery. His own life wasn’t great, but it was going along okay. He had a challenging career and a beautiful little daughter, but it just wasn’t enough anymore. Not for him. He felt as though something was missing, something he needed if he was ever to feel whole again. And he suspected that something was Jocelyn Rushton. But it would do no good to dwell on something he couldn’t have. She’d be leaving soon. He couldn’t pursue her. He just wished he could get her out of his mind once and for all.

Chapter Fourteen

J
osie shifted the strand of red-and-gold garland across the windowsill in the living room. With barely a week before Christmas, she was having the time of her life sprucing up the house for Gramps. Tomorrow they would drive to Bridgeton for some last-minute shopping. And she couldn’t wait to pick up the special gift for him she’d ordered online at the department store.

Holding several pins in her mouth, she tacked the shimmering filaments into even swags across the window. She stood on the step stool and tugged to take up the slack on one drape and make it even with the others.

“How does that look, Gramps?”

He cleared his throat. “A little more to the left.”

He sat in his recliner behind her, giving her instructions as she fought to get the decorations just right.

She pulled a little more. “Is that better?”

“It’s too—” The sound of papers hitting the floor interrupted the flow of words.

“What, Gramps?” She stuck another pin into the wall to hold the garland secure.

He didn’t respond and she cast a sideways glance over her shoulder. “Gramps!”

He lay curled on one side in his chair, clutching his left arm, his face contorted with agony.

Hopping off the stool, she rushed over to him. “Gramps, what is it?”

“My...arm. Hurts,” he gasped.

Heart attack!

Josie didn’t wait another moment. Racing to the bathroom, she jerked open the medicine cabinet. A tube of toothpaste hit the floor with a thud. Prescription bottles clattered into the porcelain sink. Josie paid them no mind. What she wanted was nitroglycerin, but she already knew from past conversations that Gramps didn’t have any. He’d told her he didn’t need it anymore. That the doctor had given him a clean bill of health.

Yeah, right.

Instead, she clasped the bottle of baby aspirin in her hand. Running back to the living room, she popped the lid and pushed two tablets into Gramps’s mouth.

“Try to chew them up and swallow,” she encouraged, caressing his face with her hands.

He did his best, wheezing for breath. When he got the aspirin down, she grabbed the phone.

“Hold on, Gramps. I’m getting help. Just hold on.”

She dialed Clint’s number, her mind churning. If only there was an ambulance in this town. Dialing 911 would just bring Officer Tim to her door. That didn’t inspire a lot of confidence in her. The nearest hospital was in Bridgeton, a sixty-eight-mile drive away. And Josie was determined to load Gramps into her car and drive him there as quickly as possible.

“Come on. Come on,” she urged, as the phone rang and rang.

Clint’s voice mail picked up. He wasn’t home. Probably at work. She clicked off, not leaving him a message.

Her mind raced. Who else could she call?

She dialed Mike Burdett across the street, hoping against hope that he was home. If nothing else, he could help her get Gramps into the car.

“Hello?” Rachel, Mike’s wife, answered the phone.

In several clipped sentences, Josie explained the problem.

“Oh, honey. I’ll send Mike right over.”

“Thanks, Rachel.” Josie dropped the receiver back into its cradle and hurried to the hall closet, where she retrieved a warm quilt to wrap around Gramps.

“Mike’s on his way,” she called urgently over her shoulder. “He’ll be right here. How you doing?” she asked, wanting Gramps to know she was there for him. Wanting him to hear her voice and take hope.

“It...hurts,” he wheezed.

Her heart plummeted. She ran back to him, kissing his face, smiling at him, urging him to hold on.

The next fifteen minutes whizzed by in slow motion. Mike finally arrived and helped her load Gramps into her sedan. A fissure of fear caused Josie’s stomach to contract. Gramps breathed easier and seemed to be in less pain, but his pallid face told her he wasn’t out of danger yet.

What if this was the end? What if she lost him? She just couldn’t take it. Not at Christmastime. Not now.

Not ever.

“I can ride with you,” Mike offered, once they had Gramps buckled into his seat.

She quickly tucked the quilt around him, to keep him warm. With her purse slung over her shoulder, she slammed the door and rounded the car to the driver’s seat. “Thanks, but I don’t think that’s necessary. We should be fine now. Can you call the hospital for me and tell them what’s happened and that we’re on our way?”

“You bet. Just drive safely. Thank the Lord the roads are clear today.” He nodded and stepped back.

Yes, thank the Lord.

Josie fired up the car. Hyperconscious of Gramps’s comfort, she cranked the heater on high. She pulled out of the driveway, fighting off the temptation to speed all the way. As they left town, the slick roads cleared to damp black pavement and gratitude suffused her. If they could just get to the hospital in time...

She glanced over at her grandfather. His eyes were closed and a shiver of dread swept her. “Gramps? You okay?”

“Sure. Just dandy.” He opened his eyes with a wan smile.

She gave a nervous laugh and reached over with one hand to squeeze his arm. “You hang in there for me. We’ll be to the hospital in just a few minutes. Everything’s going to be fine.”

She kept talking, wanting him to cling to life until he could receive proper medical attention.

“Thanks for being here.” He spoke without opening his eyes. His breathing sounded a bit better.

She flashed a sarcastic smile, trying to lighten the moment and inspire confidence in both of them. “Oh, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

And then she wondered what would have happened if she hadn’t been here.

She tried not to contemplate what might happen once she returned to Las Vegas and Gramps was all alone. She couldn’t think about that now. She needed to concentrate on her driving. On getting Gramps to the hospital safely.

The short trip seemed to take hours. When she pulled up at the emergency entrance to the hospital, a man and woman wearing blue smocks bustled out and took over. Josie helped them load Gramps into a wheelchair. He was conscious, but he fell back into the seat and closed his eyes, his face creased by utter exhaustion.

As they whisked him away, Josie’s heart pumped hard in her chest. She would have followed, but a receptionist at the front counter intercepted her, asking for medical and insurance information. Josie watched helplessly as Gramps disappeared through two wide swinging doors. A feeling of complete panic clawed up her throat.

Was this the last time she’d ever see him alive? There was so much more she wanted to say to him. So many things she wanted to share.

Hot tears burned the backs of Josie’s eyes. Her hands trembled as she opened her purse and reached inside for her wallet. And that’s when she prayed, silently in her heart. A plea that God would preserve her grandfather’s life and help him get well. She needed Gramps. Needed him like flowers needed rain and sunshine. If she lost Gramps now, she’d lose everything.

She staggered against the front counter.

“Hey! You all right?” the receptionist asked.

No! Josie wanted to cry. A dull throbbing pounded against her temples. The thought of losing Gramps was almost more than she could take. She didn’t know how she did it, but she took hold of herself. If Clint was here, she’d feel stronger. She knew it instinctively. His presence always brought her peace. Within a few short weeks, she’d come to rely on him so much. Just his advice and companionship had given her the strength to regain her faith.

But her relationship with the forest ranger couldn’t continue. She knew that, though she tried to ignore it. Soon she’d return to Las Vegas. All good things must come to an end. And standing there in the middle of the busy emergency room, with the phones ringing and the voices of complete strangers surrounding her, Josie had never felt more alone in all her life.

* * *

Clint’s boot heels pounded the tiles of the hospital floor as he hurried down the hall. It’d been over an hour since he’d gotten news of Frank’s collapse. Clint had torn out of his house, gotten into his truck and driven to Bridgeton without considering the ramifications. All he knew was he needed to reach Josie. To make sure she and Frank were safe.

Pausing next to a decorated Christmas tree in the main foyer of the emergency department, Clint got his bearings. He stepped over to the reception counter and asked directions to Frank Rushton’s room.

“Are you a family member?” the receptionist asked.

“No, but we’re close friends. Very close.” The last thing he wanted was to be told that he couldn’t see Frank.

The receptionist smiled. “Down the hall, to your right. You’ll see a waiting room where you should find Mr. Rushton’s granddaughter.”

After striding down the corridor, Clint rounded the corner. His gaze swept the myriad people lounging in chairs and sofas in the waiting room.

Josie wasn’t there.

Whirling back the way he’d come, he scanned the hallway for some sign of her. His gaze screeched to a halt beside a door. She stood leaning against the wall, her hands clasped in front of her, her head bowed as if in prayer.

Seeing her brought Clint instant relief. But what about Frank? He was the last family Josie had. If they lost him, she’d be all alone in the world.

Not if you stay by her side.

The words came unbidden to Clint’s mind, but he refused to let them take root. Warning bells jangled inside his mind.

He walked toward her, not wishing to intrude, yet needing to know if Frank was all right. Clint’s mind told him he shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t get more involved than he already was, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. And his misgivings wreaked havoc within him.

Josie looked up, visibly shaking. Fatigue shadowed her beautiful blue eyes along with translucent tears. Fear and utter desolation etched her features. Her porcelain skin was almost void of color. The strain of today’s events caused her mouth to tighten.

A surge of protectiveness rushed through Clint. He yearned to take her in his arms. To share her burdens and keep her safe. But that was a fallacy. He’d shared Karen’s burdens, but that hadn’t stopped her from taking her own life. Nor could he prevent bad things from happening to Josie, either.

“Clint.” She breathed his name, but he heard it just the same.

“How is Frank?” he asked as he joined her, praying silently the elderly man would recover.

She shook her head. “They haven’t told me anything yet. I’m sick with worry. I don’t know what could be taking so long. What are you doing here?”

“You called me.”

Her eyes widened in surprise as she wiped her nose and sniffed. “But I didn’t leave a message. How did you know?”

“Caller ID. When I couldn’t reach you at Frank’s house, I phoned Mike Burdett. He told me everything.”

“And you came.” Her voice sounded tremulous. In a sudden burst of emotion, she flung herself into his arms.

He held her as she sobbed against his shoulder, obviously overwhelmed by her ordeal. It felt good to be needed. To have a woman depend upon him. To trust him. Somehow it lessened the sting of how badly he’d let Karen down.

He wrapped his arms around Josie’s trembling back. The intimacy of cradling her close and comforting her like this did something to him inside. This was what he’d yearned for over the past few weeks. To have her pressed against him. He could almost feel his frozen heart thawing. His gaze lowered to her lips and a sense of longing slammed through him—so powerful that he almost kissed her right there in the hospital for all the world to see. The scent of cinnamon and allspice clung to her clothes and hair. The fragrance of home and hearth. He never wanted to let her go. And yet he must.

“There, there. It’s gonna be okay. I promise.” He didn’t know what else to say. Each of them must die, and he knew it might very well be Frank’s turn. But Clint’s faith gave him the hope that death was not the end, but rather the beginning.

He loved Frank like a father. The fact that Josie had tried to call him when Frank collapsed touched Clint on a deeply protective level. It indicated she trusted him. That she’d reached out for help. Something Karen had never done.

“You okay now?” he asked.

“Yes.” Josie took a shallow breath and gave a jerky nod.

“I got here as fast as I could.”

“Thank you for coming. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.” Regaining her composure, she drew back and wiped the tears away with her fingertips. Mascara smudged her eyes.

“You’re welcome. I couldn’t stay away.” He took hold of her chilled hands, trying to warm them with his larger ones.

His confession caused a sting of warning to race up Clint’s spine. He loved her; he knew it now with perfect clarity. He loved her more than he could comprehend. But what if he couldn’t make her happy? What if they got engaged and she broke it off? Or if they married and she died, or decided to leave him later on? Divorce or death. He couldn’t take that chance again. If he were alone, that would be one thing. But he had to think about Gracie and the havoc such trauma might wreak on her young life.

“Where’s Gracie?” Josie asked.

His wayward thoughts caused the sizzling heat of embarrassment to flood his face. He hauled in a deep breath, trying to settle his nerves. “Rachel Burdett’s watching her until I get home. I’m sure she’s having fun playing with the three Burdett kids.”

“I guess you were worried about Gramps.” Josie’s voice cracked and so did his heart.

He tilted her chin up so that she met his gaze. “I was worried about you, too. What you’ve been through today hasn’t been easy. I didn’t want you to be alone.”

A wobbly smile curved her lips, and in her eyes, he saw her disbelief. “No one’s ever come to be with me like this before. I don’t know what to say. I’ve intruded on your life so many times already, yet you always make time to be there when I need you most.”

Yes, and he’d loved every minute of it. Cutting Christmas trees together, shoveling snow, roof repairs and eating Frank’s pancakes. But Clint couldn’t say that out loud. He’d already said too much.

“It’s no problem. Come on.” Taking her hand, he led her down the hall to a secluded spot where they could sit and talk privately until the doctor came out to see them.