The Fox (45 page)

“Jahna, wake up!”

A familiar voice. One from my depths. One I could not disobey. I struggled to come home. My breathing changed, became shallow and fast. My heartbeat pounded in my ears as I pushed to the surface. I struggled to come up, climb out of the woolen cape in which I was wrapped. As I awoke, I realized I had dreamt of flying again. Gods, I did not want to leave. What has called me? Who dares to bring me back to the world of sorrow?

I saw only a thin slice of the room. I could open my eyes no wider. A breath larger than a spoonful caused the pain to roar its way through my body. To swallow or to even think of swallowing was beyond my imagination. When given, Rhona’s magic drink sat in my mouth until it was gone and plowed its own course through my body. Every muscle fought against movement here. The pain was constant and unbearable.

It is not my soul that is ill; it is my body. My soul is pure. I will cross soon and be with him.

Lying on my side brought brief relief. My painted stone labyrinth lay on the floor next to me. I had only to turn my eyes downward to follow its peaceful path, my prayer repeated over and over.

It is not my soul that is ill; it is my body. My soul is pure. I will cross soon and be with him.

“Jahna.” It spoke again. “Um,” was all I could reply.

Peat smoke floated through the room, but now I caught the scent of coal, the fires of the gods and the smith’s hearth. “Jahna,” Finlay said. “I have gone through your home as you asked and brought these.” My friend, my cousin, the adopted father of my child, Finlay, laid the folded white pelt on the floor near my stone and balanced my bronze bowl on top.

He sat cross-legged on the floor in front of me, to see into my eyes. Such a rugged face he had. Scarred from the sparks of metal he worked, his beard grew uneven. His eyes were creased with life tracks, some brought on by sadness but many with laughter. He was my link to the clan now, my only connection to my daughter.

I licked my lips to soften them so I could speak. “I will be forever grateful to you for watching over me now, Finlay. My hand will touch your shoulder often when I am gone from here. When I die, I wish to be buried with these. Do you think my bowl is large enough to hold my ashes? I want you to burn my body. Burn it in the hottest fire you can build. After, I want some of my body thrown over the lake where Lovern….” An arrow of icy pain shot threw my gut. I curled up, and tears squeezed out of my eyes. Was it caused by my viper or the memory of the icy lake where Lovern’s body lay?

“Breathe, dear.” Rhona stroked my back and used her soothing voice. “Breathe, and think of the field where Crisi took her first steps. Watch the child laugh and shine with pride as she stumbles to you.” When we came home from the king’s fort, I told her that story as we rode through the field where Crisi played.

Now, she used it to pull me away from the pain. I had done the same for so many of my clan.
Thank you, Morrigna, for allowing me to do such powerful work.

I watched, in my mind, Crisi laughing and tripping, getting up and trying again. The pain receded just enough to allow me to take a shallow breath of relief. My eyes opened to see Finlay on his knees, his mouth twisted, eyes searching my face.

“You see, I need a hot fire to kill this snake in my belly. I have grown weary of it and do not want to take it with me when I cross the river.” His face grew less concerned and more understanding. He nodded. “Is my bowl big enough? Did I make it big enough?”

“Yes, Jahna.” He picked up my bowl as he settled back to the floor. Turning it reverently in his hands, I saw the fox. He stood on his two hind legs, his front legs placed on the trunk of a sacred oak tree, and his tail fanned out behind him. In the tree rested a raven and, just below it, a finch with a crossed bill. My family. My life. My resting place.

“Good. And my stone. My labyrinth. I want it placed on top of the bowl. Place them in the cave. The cave on the path over looking the fort. You know where. I told you. Lovern and I loved that spot to look over the valley. It is a shallow cave, but it will keep me safe. Crisi knows the cave. It will be good for her to know where I am. Oh, and these.” I reached under the blanket that my head rested on and pulled out my acorn cloak pin and the bronze armlet Lovern had given me when Crisi was born. Finlay had made both. “I want these with me.’

“I will do as you ask,” Finlay said.

“Now I must have some of the oil, Rhona. I do not want to be awake any longer,” I groaned. My eyes closed, I heard the shuffling of Finlay rising and leaving and felt Rhona’s hand on my head to steady it as she placed a drop of her oil on my lips.

It is not my soul that is ill; it is my body. My soul is pure. I will cross soon and be with him.

I flew again.

The lake was calm. Small, black wavelets rippled and glittered in the sunlight. Fragrant meadowsweet floated freely in the air. My head leaned to hear the twittering finches; I smiled in recognition. The dark, earthy smell of our lake penetrated me as I sat on its bank. A caress of my hair, a whisper of a song, and I was in his presence.

The light around him wavered with colors. His crystals in the sun. He was seated, but seemed to float just above the ground.

“Lovern,” I sighed.

“Yes, my love. I am here.” He wore the cape Beathan gave him. The one I wove with our clan plaid.

“My life, my heart, this world is sad without you. Have you come for me? I am ready to go. I am tired of fighting and want to rest now.”

“You will cross soon, love. I will see you here very soon. I have seen your pain. Know that it will ease here. There are but a few things left to do, and then you may cross.”

“I do not think I have the energy to do anything else, Lovern. What do you ask of me? My will to live left when I saw you die. I did not cry. I did as you asked and did not cry. Oh, but did it hurt, Lovern? I prayed it did not hurt.”

Lovern’s face turned to the place in the lake where they placed his body. “No.” He faced me again with his mouth almost in a smile. “I felt nothing after the first blow. Your face was in my closed eyes, and I carried it with me until Beathan guided me to Scotia. It has been in my heart since.”

I stretched my hand out to touch his cheek. He leaned back just out of reach.

“No, Jahna. You cannot touch me. You can hear me. You can smell me.” His hand glided over my head, and the smell of leather, honey, and ground acorns fell around me.

“Are you a dream, a vision? Why are you here, if you cannot hold my face in your hands? If I cannot kiss your lips? Why do the gods tease me so?”

“I am here with the permission of Scotia and Morrigna. I have come to tell you of the future. I have come to have you ask Kenric to order the women and children of the clan to go. They must leave here. They must travel away. If our blood and the blood of the clan is to survive, they must go now. Their journey is not without peril, but they must go to the island where I gathered seagrasses.”

“Why? The mothers are wives, too. They will not leave here without their husbands. And you know the men are training to fight the Romans. Why must the children leave?”

“The Romans still come and our children will die if they do not go.”

“No, no, no! I cannot believe this! We gave your life to stop this! Why did you die? Why did the gods demand your life? We were to beat the Romans. You were to ask the gods to help us win!”

“Jahna.” I felt his hand on my hair, the gentle weight of a feather. “Jahna, I gave my life for your freedom. For Crisi’s freedom. The gods have allowed me to see the future and then come back to you. To show you and tell you. Look.”

He waved his hand over the field behind me, and as I turned to look, it became a battlefield. The king flew down the hill in his chariot, his hair stiff with lime, and all the other manned chariots came rushing behind. The warriors, men and women, naked bodies painted the same blue I saw at his fort, hair stiffened with limewater, on horseback, followed. The runners came last, screaming and screeching, a battle-cry for the gods’ protection on their lips. Shields and swords glinted in the sun, blinding me for a breath’s time. Some even carried their farm tools as weapons. The king had called in all as his warriors. A huge army peopled from the Highlands.

The Romans were below, looking into the sun. We outnumbered them. The advantage should be ours. We should win easily. But they showed no fear.

Oh gods, the sounds, the screams of men and vibrations of horses’ hooves on the ground. It hurt my ears, shook my heart, and took my breath away.

A mighty clash of chariots and horses; swords waved in the air and returned covered with blood. A memory of Lovern’s blood taste came to my mouth. I tried not to gag. Spears thrown, and arrows flying that shields did not stop. Time was moving faster and faster. I felt so helpless watching the rout.

Then the Romans stood over our brave but dead warriors, slippery in their own blood and gore, and swore to their gods to capture all.

I heard King Calgacus yell to anyone listening, “Go! Allow no prisoners. Let no one be captured by the Romans. Our people would rather live with the gods! Go!”

I watched a few of our naked men run. Oh, gods, those still alive fled to the trees and hills and their clans. They ran to winter’s starvation in the mountains and glens. They ran to gather families around them, not to live with but to sacrifice so they would not become slaves. They killed wives, husbands, children, and themselves. So few left to cry tears mixed with our blood. So few left to carry our memories. We would be gone.

I sobbed with grief, my head in my hands. Among the dead, I saw so many I knew. Kenric mac Beathan and his sons were there. Finlay mac Beathan and his son, Logan. Rhona’s family, Chieftain Haye, his wife, Nairne, and son, Eanruig. Nathraicean’s body was lying with Mouraug and Coira. They died together. No. They
will
die together. In this horrible battle of the future.

Rhona and Firtha stood on a far hill. The feathers of a sea osprey hung limp in Firtha’s hair. Rhona’s eyes were closed. I remembered what she told me so long ago, an echo in my ear. “Sometimes, all the preparations we make cannot help.”

My stomach soured; I tasted it in my throat. I now understood why our children had to leave. We did not win the battle. We would not win the war.

“Why does this happen, Lovern?” I turned back to his wavering figure, outlined by the golden light of the setting sun. “Did you not speak with the gods?”

“Yes. I spoke with the gods. They gave me the sight to see this battle. They are giving us the choice, the chance to save our children. If enough go, the blood of our clans will survive. It is what I asked, to save our blood, our children. I have also seen Crisi. If she goes, she has babes. If she stays, she dies. We have been given this gift. You, who still live, must choose to take it or not. Choose to live as others want you to, or as you want to. Scotia, Morrigna and Bel have spoken. Do you listen?” He rose to one knee, his hair blazing around his face. His deep blue eyes that carried the wisdom of the gods looked to the skies. His voice carried over the valleys around us.

“Our children’s children will carry on the fight of freedom, but only if they flee now and survive.”

A whisper fell on my ears. “Now, the sun sets and I must leave. Go now, Jahna, and take the choice to Kenric. Take the choice to the people.”

He rose to his feet, leaned over, and his fingertips came close to my cheek. I felt the fine hair move with his brush. “Jahna, prepare yourself. You will cross the river soon. I wait for you.” A cold breeze flickered and moved my hair. He walked past me, and disappeared in the setting sun. When I shielded my eyes to try to see more of him, I saw the fox. He sat, looking at me, just under the trees. As I watched, he bowed his head, rose, turned, and disappeared into the forest without looking back. He was gone.

The air around me grew dark. I awoke on my cot in the hospice, the peat burning a bright spot in the middle of the room. With a start, and inhale of stale air, I realized where I was and that I had received a vision from the gods.

“Sileas, Rhona,” I called out with as much strength as I could. “I need to speak with Kenric. Bring Kenric. I have a message.”

Sileas ran to our chieftain’s lodge with my request while Rhona tried to give me water that I could not swallow. “Rhona. I cannot go on in this pain any longer. After I deliver my message, I want to go to Lovern. I want to die. Do you understand?” I grabbed her hand with mine, the claw on the end of my arm, and would not let her go until she agreed that she would help me.

“I also see you are at the end, my dear friend. Your life on this earth is almost over. You have lived as the gods have asked and will be well received on your crossing. If it is now, or later, no matter. I will help ease your pain.”

She moved to the end of the cot, never leaving my sight, as Kenric came into the dark room. He stumbled over a small stool on his way to my cot.

“Gods! Why is it so close and dank in here? I cannot see the end of my short sword. You should light torches or give more peat to the fire.”

“Kenric,” I said. “I am pleased you come. I am sorry to take you away from your evening meal with your guests. I have asked for the darkness. It pains my eyes to have the brightness of a larger fire. I am sorry if it causes you to seem unusually clumsy. But then your father, Beathan, always did call you clumsy as a boy.” I smiled.

“Humph. That was many years ago, cousin. I remember he called you a
meanbh-chuileag.
A midge that was into everything and always a bother. It seems that we have grown out of those names. Or have we?” He wore a glint of humor on the corner of his eyes.

Sileas guided him to my bedside. She walked over to stand by Rhona, both hovering like protective quail mothers.

He sat on the floor beside my cot, picked up my bronze bowl, and looked at the patterns I had engraved in it. Then his eyes lifted and opened wide. He had not seen me for several days.

“My gods,” he said. “Jahna. You are too thin - starving. My dogs look better than you.”