The Fox (46 page)

“Oh,
ceann-cinnidh.
Soon, I will be dead. I hope your dogs live longer.”

He became serious and leaned closer to me. “Jahna, I see you are in need. What is it you want from me?”

“I carry a message from the gods, through Lovern, to you. I had a vision. It is up to you to decide what to do from here. I deliver it only.” I told him of Lovern’s visit and some of the scene that was shown me. I did not tell of seeing his body or the body of his son, but I could see he understood. His head bowed.

“Lovern told me that this might not be the outcome of this battle. Things change with time and time may change the circumstances of the meeting with the Romans. But we must be ready. If it is the true outcome, our children must be given the chance to live. Kenric, I know you have the wisdom of all the chieftains who have come before you in your blood. The decision is yours. The battle comes.”

“Your Lovern did not bring the news we wanted to hear. I am disappointed. But as you say, if we train harder and raise more warriors, we may still win. But I will think on his request. I will give it the reverence due and pray for help to find the answer.”

“Kenric. Carry my love, my hopes for a good future to our clan. Now, good bye.”

Rhona guided him out.

“Sileas, Sileas.”

She took hold of my hands. “Yes, I am right here, Jahna.”

“You must swear to me that you will take Crisi away to the island where Lovern gathered seagrasses.”

“But should I not wait until Kenric makes his decision? We may have the clan’s children to guide.”

“Give him a few days, only two or three days, and then you and Harailt must go. No matter what Kenric decides, and especially if he has not decided by then. Tell Finlay I told you to take her. Tell him the fox and raven have spoken, and he will understand. Just go and do not stop until you get there. If all goes well and we do win the battle, you may come back someday. But do not take the chance. The gods seldom change their minds. You and Crisi will be protected there. Help her and you will be protected. Now go, start preparing. I must rest.”

I groaned and doubled up in pain. Rhona came over and placed a drop on my lips.

“It is almost time, Rhona. I am cold. Place the pelt over me, please. Now I have one more thing I must do. Let me rest and I will call you when it is time.”

It is not my soul that is ill; it is my body. My soul is pure. I will cross soon and be with him.

Lovern has told me he had seen Crisi in the future. I wanted that sight. I wanted to see her grown. Tears slipped from under my eyelids as I concentrated on creating my passage dream. I prayed I could make it come.

The peat smoke grew heavy in my lungs, and I coughed.

There was light. The sun streamed down around me. I looked up and on a small hill stood a beautiful young woman, her long black hair free and blowing around her. She stood next to a strong young man. His hair was also black, but bound and worn to the back. They looked at each other with love and tenderness.

Oh, gods. In her arms, there was a babe. Black hair and green eyes. It was all I could feel in my heart, the quest to tell Aine. I deepened my concentration and called her. There. There she was. She could now see what was in my eyes and heart. She seemed to be pleased.

We both looked upon Crisi and her family. Now the future will know of us, will remember us. We will not have died alone.

Crisi lifted the baby into the air, and his feet swung free. Yes, there was the sign. The sign of our family, Lovern’s toes. We will be remembered. Lovern’s sacrifice was not in vain.

Gods hear me! I will die when I choose to die.

And as I die, my thoughts will be of Fox who taught me to live, to talk to the gods, and to love. We failed to change the future, and now I beg the goddess Morrigna to allow my daughter a safe journey. I have only time for one more passage to tell our story.

Then, and only then, will I die.

And now my story is told. I have laid it on the winds of time, to be remembered and retold. It is like the sacred oak tree, its life evidenced in its splendorous existence in the spring and summer, and yet it looks like death through the fall and winter’s storms, though it but in patience sleeps. My story, my life with Lovern, will lie waiting to be retold, reborn.

I have pain and am tired. My last passage dream is done. I am ready. Lovern and I walked a path designed by the gods. We honored them as we lived and died, and now I go to live among them.

Rhona pours the bitter liquid into my mouth. I cough but try to swallow as much as possible.

The pain is heavy. I choke. I cannot breathe.

“Be at peace, Jahna.” Rhona’s voice is far away. “Go and be without pain. They are waiting to help you cross, Jahna. Go and be free.”

It does not matter any more. I hear a voice from my depths. A voice I cannot disobey. A voice I recognize.

“Jahna, little mouse. It is time to come with me.”

“Beathan, I have missed you so! Where is my mother? I know Lovern will be here.”

She answered behind me. “Yes, little one. Your father is here, too. We are all waiting for you. Come. Come be with us, now.”

Those left behind are sad.

I am happy and well.

The river’s water is fast and deep, but I cross.

C
HAPTER
26

AINE

J
UNE
, 2005

As soon as Marc got to my apartment, we were inseparable. He held me through several teary nights. After the well-attended memorial, Meg told me she planned to take George’s ashes to the Orkney Islands. He loved working at the Skara Brae site and wanted his ashes spread on the island.

He believed the henge builders and labyrinth designers came from the civilization that rose on those islands.

“Right now his ashes are in a mahogany box on the mantle of his home, next to Sophie,” she said, her voice catching. “They wanted to be together so I’ll take them both.”

Even with him gone from my sight and touch, I knew he was watching over me, right there with my mom, dad, and Donny.

The night before Marc left for Wales, we sat wrapped in each other’s arms on my small bed. A heavy, blue mood hung over me.

“Next time, I’m getting a hotel room,” Marc mumbled into my hair.

Neither of us made it through the night in this tiny, cramped bed. We started the night making love, but after, one of us - usually me - ended up trying to sleep in my chair.

“I’ve loved seeing you again,” said Marc. “It seems like months. I’ve done a lot of thinking while we were apart. I love you. I want us to start a family. What do you want?”

He held me close, and his chin rested on the top of my head. My cheek lay against his chest, listening to his heart beat, my heart racing. I couldn’t see his face. I took a deep breath and was filled with his scent of wood smoke and loam, and then my breathing matched his. I felt safe enveloped in his arms, cushioned from the world.

But, a niggling feeling deep in my mind warned me to be careful. My psyche was still trying to work my way out from under Brad’s thumb. It didn’t matter that he was dead, or that I loved Marc. I thought about starting a family with Marc. Little boys with Marc’s eyes, running around. I loved that idea. But….

“Marc.” Reluctantly, I started pulling away from his warm, safe embrace. I still hadn’t told him about the possible sale of the farm, or that I hadn’t started the process to list the fort. I was afraid he would start giving me advice. “Please understand. I love you, too. I want you back. But if you come, you have to let me do my own work. This is my last chance. I’m afraid if I don’t do well here, I won’t be able to have my own projects anywhere. I won’t be able to get any grants.”

“I’m going to be busy for about a week, I have a report to finish. That’ll give you some time to work with me not there and I promise, when I do come, you can tell me what to do and that is all I will do. Okay?”

We made love again and then he called a taxi.

My small room was deathly quiet while I packed to return to Scotland. The shrill ring of my phone startled me out of my reverie. It was Meg. She asked me to come over to the house before I left.

“There are a few things George asked me to do. We could get some of them done before you leave.”

“Sure. I have tickets for tonight’s train. I’ll be there about two hours before I go, if that’s a good time for you.”

“That’s perfect. I’m still here tidying up before the realtors come through. Take a taxi and I’ll pay for the trip here and the trip to the station, later. See you about fourish.”

Later, in George’s study, Meg brought in a pot of fragrant tea and a plate of biscuits. The house was in disarray. Taped boxes were stacked in the hall and open ones scattered around this room. She’d been busy.

“Meg, you look tired. Aren’t you sleeping well?”

“Oh, I’ve plenty of time for that. I’ve just a few things left to do. All the clothes are going to charity, and a few specific things to university. He took care of most of his personal things before he went up to see you. His labyrinths are going tomorrow. All but this one.”

She walked to the now empty bookcase and picked up the bronze Chartre labyrinth. It was one I had taken to him. I’d left it there when he died and thought I’d lost it.

“St. John’s sent this back and it’s to be yours. George left a few written instructions and one was to make sure this got to you. He said you would be the one who would use it well and keep its spirit alive.” She held it out to me and I gently took it from her. It was warm, as if George had been holding it in his hands.

“I didn’t expect anything from him, Meg. I’ll always treasure it.” Tears started down my cheeks.

“One more thing, Aine. You know he loved you like a daughter. The one he and Sophie could never have.” I wondered what heartache she was feeling right now. She loved him, too. I nodded and dug into my backpack for some tissues.

“Here, dear.” She handed me a tissue box from the floor next to her chair. “I carry this with me all over the house. I’ve gone through two of them today.”

I took a few and dabbed at my eyes.

“He had some money. Not a great deal, but enough to share with others. His solicitor will contact you, but I wanted to tell you first. He left some to university, and to me. But he also left some to you, dear. I can’t tell you exactly how much, you’ll be getting a letter, but it is a nice amount.”

“Oh, no. I don’t need anything else. This labyrinth is enough.”

“Well, I heard you were looking for money for that site of yours – that hill fort? He would be very happy if you used it for that. He mentioned how important it was to you when he came back.”

I gulped. Money for my site. George helping me even after his death. Angels watched over me.

“I’ll use it well. He’d be proud of me, Meg.”

“Aine, dear, he was already proud of you.”