The Fragile Fall (36 page)

I put my hand on his arm, stopping him from leaving. “I’m sorry.”

He pulled me into his arms and held me. “I’m sorry too.”

“Let’s not fight again.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me.” He held me tightly, afraid I would disappear. “We should probably talk about some of your concerns, though, so they don’t come up again.”

“Yeah … I just feel like everyone leaves and I’m so scared you’ll be one of them. I know you’re starting college next year and you said you were applying all over the country, so you’ll be moving away. And Jax is leaving for college and I’m afraid you’ll both forget about me and I’ll be alone and—”

Will chuckled softly. “Slow down. It’s okay. Let’s tackle it one thing at a time.” He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me tighter. “I’m going to college next year at George Mason. I have no interest in moving to another state. This feels like home.”

Hearing this caused the knot that had been living in my stomach to loosen. “You’re really staying?” I was relieved beyond words, feeling lighter already.

“I’m really staying. Have you asked Jax what his plans are?”

“We talked about it a little, and I know he’s applied all over the place.”

“He’s going to George Mason.”

I lifted my head up to look at Will, astonished. “What?”

“Yeah, he wants to stay close to home too.”

“You guys will be around next year?” I wiped at my face.

“Yeah, you mean too much to us for us to leave you behind, even if you are crazy sometimes.” He kissed my nose and then my forehead. “You won’t be alone. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what. I love you, Ryanne. I’m in it forever with you.”

I crushed my lips to his and wrapped my arms around his neck, gripping his hair. He wrapped his arms around me again, one hand on my back, the other on the back of my head. The longer we kissed, the more I needed to feel him. I ran my hands over his skin. He pushed a hand up my shirt and traced the bottom of my bra. I pulled away and raised my arms above my head. He slowly moved his hands to my shirt and pulled it off.

He sucked in a breath as his eyes devoured me. “You are so, so beautiful, Ry.”

I collided with him, feeling his warm skin against mine. We continued kissing and touching until I was dizzy. He lifted me and I wrapped my legs around his hips. He carried me upstairs and laid me on his bed, drinking me in with his eyes. Smiling at me, he ran his hands up my thighs and to the button of my jeans, peeling them off me, then he climbed on top of me and kissed me. His hand slid between my legs and I cried out as he pushed into me.

He chuckled against my breast. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I need to feel you, Will,” I said, desperate for more. He opened a drawer and pulled a condom out and then rolled it on. His hand ran down my side and to my leg, pulling it around his hips. When he finally sunk deep inside of me, I felt complete. I moved my hips, hoping to urge him on, and he moved. I wrapped myself around him and relished in the beauty that was the two of us.

Everything was perfect.

Ryanne

I
HAD
NO
IDEA
WHERE
my pants were or how my phone vibrating somewhere on the floor woke me, but I was awake. Will was pressed against my back, an arm around my waist and a leg draped over mine, his face pressed against my neck.

Gently, I lifted Will’s arm and moved it to the side, then nudged his leg off me. He rolled onto his back, allowing me to climb off the bed. I quickly located my jeans on the floor and found my phone. It had stopped ringing, so I looked to see who called—Jax. Quickly, I located all my clothes and threw them on, except my shirt. No matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t find it. Then I remembered it was in the kitchen. I crept out of Will’s room, hoping Liv hadn’t come home and that Will would stay asleep.

I tiptoed down the stairs and into the kitchen. I found my shirt and pulled it on as I dialed Jax’s number. He picked up after two rings.

“Where are you?” he asked.

“I’m at Will’s. Where are you?”

“I’m at home. I’ve been waiting for you to get home and I was afraid you had left again.”

Looking at the clock, I saw that it was almost midnight. I had gotten to Will’s a little after three. “I’m sorry, Jax. I’ll be home, okay?”

“Okay. I’m sorry I called. I was just worried.”

“No, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have stayed over here so long. I just fell asleep. I didn’t mean to worry you.” I found my shoes and slipped them on. I tried hard to keep my voice at a whisper, but it was difficult. I hated that my recent behavior had caused Jax to think I would abandon him too.

I went back to my house and found Jax on the couch, his hands fisted in his hair. When he saw me, he blew out a long breath and his shoulders relaxed. I sat next to him on the couch and pulled him into me.

“I’m not ever going to abandon you, Jax. You are my brother and my only family. I’m always going to be here for you.”

“I was so scared when you were gone, Ry. I’m so sorry that I never told you about the letter and the journal, but I knew it would crush you. I’ve been a wreck since I found it. I didn’t want to keep it from you, but I didn’t want to hurt you.”

With Jax’s rough exterior, he had such a gentle and loving heart. It was easy to forget that he had been abandoned too and suffered the same insecurities as I did. “It’s okay. It’s over and done and I forgive you.”

“Dad and I had a fight after you left.”

“About what?”

His shoulders shook and I felt a tear drop onto my arm. “I told him I wanted to contact Mom. I wanted to hear her side of the story and he told me if I contacted her that I might as well be dead to him.”

“Oh, Jax…” I ran my hand over his back. “Is that something you really want to do? To contact Mom?”

“I want to hear what she has to say. I want to know why she turned to drugs after we were born.” He sniffled. “What do you think?”

“I think it’d be good. Even if we don’t strike up a relationship with her, I think it would give us closure and help us understand how everything fell apart.”

“Should we write her back?”

“Yeah. Not tonight, but in the next couple days, okay?”

He nodded and sat up, wiping his face. He looked so sad and vulnerable. It broke my heart.

The next morning, my phone rang and my alarm blared. After how late I got home from Will’s the night before and spending time with Jax, I hadn’t gone to bed until late and I was exhausted. I rubbed my eyes then turned my alarm off. I reached for my phone and answered it.

“Hello?” I said, my voice thick with sleep.

“Hey, I missed you this morning,” Will said, warming my insides and making me lighter. I snuggled deeper into my bed, happy that Will had called.

“Yeah, sorry. Jax called and wasn’t in good shape.”

I heard his covers rustle as he moved on his bed. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m not sure, but I hope it will be.”

“Do you need anything?”

“Nope. Well, you, but you have school today and I have class and I don’t think it would be a good idea to blow those off for what I have in mind.”

He chuckled. “I’m not sure if I agree with you.”

“It wouldn’t be responsible.”

“Responsibility is overrated.”

I laughed. The last few weeks I had missed Will so much and it was good to be joking with him and talking to him. “It may be, but you only have two months left of high school.”

“I can’t wait to be done with high school. I feel too old to be in high school still.”

“You have been through a lot.”

“I guess so.” More rustling came through the phone and Will sighed. “Well, I guess I better be responsible and get ready for school. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay since you had disappeared when I woke up.”

“It was probably better. I was afraid Liv would have seen me and had a heart attack.”

“You’re probably right. I’ll see you later.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

It was Friday and movie night. Jax and I hadn’t talked about writing to our mother since he brought it up. Part of me wanted to write to her and another part of me was afraid of more rejection. I didn’t want to blow it off if it was important to Jax though., but it was so damned difficult.

Jax’s dad hadn’t been home since I found out he wasn’t my dad. I honestly didn’t know when to ever expect to see him again, but I figured it was best this way. Neither Jax nor I wanted anything to do with him.

I was waiting for Will to come over so we could watch a movie, so I put my iPhone into the docking station and turned the volume up as I danced around the kitchen. I was wiping down the counter when warm, strong arms wound around my waist and I was pulled against a hard body.

“Hi, beautiful.”

He spun me in his arms until we were pressed against each other. He moved his face close to mine. “I’ve missed you so much.” Before I could respond, his lips were on mine and my fingers were tangled in his hair. My heart danced against my rib cage. He pulled away and smiled at me again.

“Hi.” One side of his mouth quirked up and my breath came faster as the world disappeared around me.

“Hi.”

He chuckled softly. “How are you doing?”

“I’m good.” I tried to stabilize myself. “How about you?”

“I’m perfect now.” He lowered his face into my neck and feathered kisses along it. Everything inside of me clenched and my heart beat so hard, I couldn’t hear anything but its constant beat. I closed my eyes and held him closer. I wanted this feeling to last forever. This was all I needed.

The front door opened and the sound of a jacket being thrown was like a siren. Will and I jumped away from each other quickly like we were on fire. “Honey, I’m home!” Jax called from the entry way. I tried to slow my breathing and compose myself. Will turned and leaned on the counter, facing away from Jax. I felt the heat in my cheeks as Jax walked into the kitchen. “Shit, don’t tell me I interrupted something.”

“No, we were just catching up,” I said, turning back to the counter and wiping it down.

“What movie are we watching tonight?” Jax asked.

Will inhaled deeply and let it out. He turned around to face Jax. “We hadn’t gotten that far yet.”

“What’s taking so long?” Jax’s eyebrows raised while grinning knowingly at us.

“What do you want, Jax? I thought you were going to be out with friends tonight,” I said, suddenly pissed.

“Take it easy, Ryanne. Is it so wrong for a guy to want to spend time with his best friend and his best sister?” I wanted to slap the smug look off his face. At the same time, I realized he was still dealing with the revelations from our dad.

“It’s fine,” I said, not knowing what the hell Jax was doing here or how to deal with this. “Why don’t you go pick the movie?”

“Awesome.” He turned and left the kitchen.

“I wanted it to be just the two of us,” I said as I rested my head against Will. He wrapped my arms around him.

“Another day.” He pulled me close to him and we went into the living room. Jax already had a movie in and turned it on as soon as Will and I sat down.

During the movie, I stayed curled up with Will. He rested his cheek against the top of my head. When he laughed, I could feel it move through my hair. Jax talked through most of the movie, making comments or jokes which was unusual because he was usually quiet and required that were too.