The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy) (23 page)

“Aaron! Even your sorry ass is not going to get to me tonight! No way!” I called. “Where’s Jen?”

“At the hospital.” He came into the room and fell into the armchair near the sofa. His huge body took up the entire space, his feet crossed on the coffee table, he took a pull on his beer. “I guess you had one thankful Thanksgiving from the looks of you.” He smirked at me knowingly. “I thought you’d be home earlier. What happened? Was the flight delayed?” He raised his eyebrows at me.

“Um, something like that. I was delayed, yes.” I smiled and went to pick up my bags and take them quickly down the hall to my room before going back to talk to my brother. I needed sleep, but I felt the need to talk about Julia.

“Hmmmph!! Delayed or
laid
, dude? It’s written all over you. Jules is a hottie, right? I knew she would be,” Aaron stated matter-of-factly. “This is the most relaxed I’ve seen you in months.”

My brow furrowed. Aaron didn’t mean anything by it, but something clenched inside at his knowing comment. “Oh?” I asked.

“Come off it, bro’. Even though she played all innocent, she smolders underneath. She’s sexy as hell. As you now know
firsthand
.”

“Yes.” What else could I say? It was the truth. Obviously, he wanted to know more.

“Ryan, come on. Did she finally cave and tell you she loves you?”

I stopped and looked down at my hands, tenting in front of me as I leaned my elbows on my knees. I nodded, and my hair fell across my forehead. I reached up to push it away.

“So, what? Am I talking to myself?” Aaron looked at me incredulously.

“What is it you’re asking, exactly? It was all I hoped for and more. Yes, she told me she loved me and has loved me just as I’ve loved her. While it made me incredibly happy, I was sad because we should have been together all this time. And
pissed
.”

“Dude…you
were
together.
Night and day
for four years, so what was wasted exactly?”

“Hmmph.” I let out my breath. “Yeah, that’s exactly what Julia said. And…she didn’t
play
innocent, Aaron.”

His eyes widened and he leaned forward in his seat toward me, obviously expecting some detail of my time with Julia, but I wasn’t going to expound. Aaron had shared many of his sexual escapades with Jenna, despite my protests, but what I had with Julia was mine and mine alone.

“What are you saying, Ryan? That she started it?”

I shook my head in response.

“She
was
innocent, Aaron. I’m not going to give details, but she
was
innocent.”

His eyes widened as understanding dawned on him. “Ryan, really? 23 and still with her cherry? Are you serious?” His face lit up like a candle.

“I’m only telling you because I need to talk about it, but can you please use a little discretion? This is
Julia
. Not some random chick I banged on a one night stand,” I said impatiently.

He sat back and rubbed the stubble on his chin thoughtfully. “No shit!” he said like he couldn’t believe me. “Julia was a
virgin
?” he said more to himself than to me.

“She’s…
special
, Aaron. She’s not like other women. I never thought she was, but this weekend, I discovered a whole new side to her.”

“Ryan, I love Julia. I know how much she means to you. I love Jen, but I don’t think it’s anything close to what you and Julia have. Did she tell you why? I mean, she’s had boyfriends—” he paused. “So I thought…” his words dropped off and he shrugged.

I got up and filled a glass with water out of the refrigerator. I paused, my back to him, as I spoke.

“She said that she couldn’t let anyone else touch her. Can you believe that, Aaron?” I asked incredulously. “She said she couldn’t bear to be with anyone else because of how she felt about me. All the time when I was going mad with jealousy, she wasn’t even going there…I can’t tell you what knowing that does to my insides. I’m…stunned.”

Aaron watched as I walked back to join him on the couch. “Fuck me,” he said.

“I know.” I ran a hand through my hair and tugged on the ends. “It just makes me love her even more.”

“Yeah, right. You drove me nuts
before
. Always mooning around but never admitting it. It was frustrating living with your moody ass then, now it will be insane.” He laughed; the sound coming from somewhere deep in his chest.

I smiled. “But I
do
love her more. She’s amazing. Innocent, yes, but so damn passionate. It’s like we’re one person and we instinctively know what the other needs. The love she has for me seeps right into my skin whenever she touches me, Aaron. It’s that intense. Being with her was like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life.” My tone was serious and reflective as I lost myself in the memory of her mouth and body moving with mine.

“Did you talk about your, um, habits, Ryan?” Aaron asked hesitantly. “Ryan?”

I looked up, snapped out of my memories of the weekend.

“You mean dating other women?” I shrugged. “Yeah, it came up, but not like you think. She wasn’t grilling me.” I thought of the drawing in my bag and quickly stood up. “Wait a minute.”

I went and retrieved the sketch book. It was almost like I was sharing one of Julia’s secrets, but I couldn’t explain this any other way.

“It hurt her, yeah, but she said that she knew they wouldn’t last, and she and I always remained close. She said she didn’t want short-term gratification and risk losing what we had. I can’t believe she hid her feelings, but, I guess I did the same thing.”

“Julia is very smart, Ryan. She had your number all along.”

I smiled. “She had me alright. I was a fucked up mess. I should have known it was hopeless to try to get her out of my system and nothing could make me fall out of love.”

“Especially since she was your
best friend
, dickhead. How do you fall out of love with someone you can’t stay away from?” he scoffed. “Jen and I used to bet on which one of you would crack first.”

I chuckled softly and shook my head. Leave it to Aaron to blast me with a dose of reality whether I wanted one or not. “Who won?” I raised my eyebrow at him sardonically.

“Neither. You both caved at the same time and all it took was a little thing like Harvard Med.”

He reached for the book in my hand but I pulled it back. “Julia used to sketch me on the nights I went out.” The corners of my mouth lifted in a sad smile. “I wish I would have known how much it hurt her because it wasn’t worth that to me. Wednesday night after we made love, I fell asleep and she drew this…” I finally handed it to him and he flipped open the cover.

“Holy shit, Ryan,” Aaron exclaimed quietly after looking at the half-finished drawing. He stared down at the drawing, admiring the fine details and pencil strokes so lovingly placed on the page. “She’s very talented. It’s perfect, almost like a photograph.” He looked up at me as I stood above him.

I moved to the couch and sat down slowly. Aaron looked at the drawing again and then shook his head with a smile on his face.

“I know how incredible it is,” I said softly. “It’s like she looks right through me or into my soul or something. I can’t even find the words to describe how I feel.”

Aaron closed the cover on the sketch pad and set it on the coffee table, leaning back in the chair. “So…what are you gonna do about it?”

“We talked about her moving to New York. She’s going to ask her boss about getting a transfer.”

“We’ve been over this. Has some seismic activity altered the state of the universe or is New York still two hundred and twenty miles from Boston? Distance is still distance.”

“Yeah, well two hundred and twenty is better than three thousand. At least we can see each other more often. And we need that. Neither one of us is forgetting our goals or responsibilities, but we have to be closer to each other.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m just sayin’…I know you, Ryan. You won’t be satisfied until Julia is in Boston, preferably living here.”

He was right. Everything inside of me screamed for her, to have her near me, accessible whenever we needed each other. I was terrified of Julia being in Manhattan all alone and still being four hours away. What if she needed me and I couldn’t get to her fast enough? My chest tightened.

I nodded. “I know that’s true, but she’s worth going through anything. I’ll deal.”

“Again with the
dealing
bullshit! Am I having déjà vu? Didn’t we have this same damn conversation that night we both got our acceptance letters?” I started walking down the hall toward my bedroom.

“Screw you, Aaron!”

“Ok, fine. Whatever, Ryan. You go
deal
. Riiiiiight,” he mocked after me.

I flipped him off over my shoulder and he burst out laughing.

As I closed the door to my room, stripped off my clothes and lay down in my lonely bed, I suddenly ached for Julia, wishing it was her bed. At least then I’d have her scent.

“Gah!” I groaned in my frustration, rolling over onto my stomach and grabbing the pillow. I bunched it up underneath me and rested my chin on my forearms. Sighing, my mind flooded with memories of the weekend spent in her arms. Such beautiful, love filled days and nights.

Suddenly my arms and my life felt very empty indeed.
Julia…I love you.

I closed my eyes and tried to lose myself in the memory of her voice breathing out my name, her beautiful face lost in the passion we’d shared and the blissful contentment in the knowledge that she loved me.
She loved me
.

I smoothed the material of my black pencil skirt down over my hips as I walked into my office. I noticed Andrea on her way in as well and she bounded into my office, flashing a bright smile on her way. She had her red mop piled on top of her head in an attractive, but messy, up do.

“So? How was the weekend? Did your hottie friend make it into town?”

I smiled up at her because I couldn’t help myself and a flush of heat crept up on my cheeks. “Yes. He did. We had a fabulous time together.”

“Hmmm…I can see that by the look of you. I thought this dude was just your friend, Julia.”

I flipped on my computer and waited for it to boot up. “Yes, he’s my best friend. We met when I was a freshman in college.”

“So? Do I have to drag it out of you?” She laughed and plopped down in the chair in front of my desk. My office was small and the desk, the two chairs and the art board took up most of the space.

“Did you get those photos back from production? The ones for the
Men’s Sex Secrets
feature?” I rolled my eyes at her. Some of the articles we did amused me, but it wasn’t my job to question the content, only make it look good.

“Do I have to do it now? Can’t we talk first?” she practically whined.

“Get the photos and then we can talk and work at the same time. Please?” I glanced up from my computer screen and pursed my lips.

“Oh, okay! Slave driver!” She hurried from the room.

My eyes flashed to the corner of my desk and a picture of Ryan and me at a Dodger’s game. Ellie had taken it one weekend when we’d all road-tripped to Los Angeles our junior year. He had his arm around me and was dumping beer into my open mouth from a cup a few inches above it. We looked so happy it made my heart lurch.

Ryan could have been the model for this shoot and though the pictures would be gorgeous, I wouldn’t want to have him spread all over the pages of the magazine in his underwear. I smiled at the memory of the weekend, his naked body and how it had claimed ownership of mine. My breath left in a rush, desire and love washing over me in a wave. Finally, I could say he was mine. I smiled secretly to myself.

“What’s that about, Julia? That face looks like you got laid this weekend. If that’s what you wanted, I certainly could have obliged.” Mike walked into my office and leaned in the door frame. He was blonde with blue eyes, a muscular build and attractive.

I glanced up at him as I waded through my inbox. “Hey. Um…thanks, but no thanks.” I smiled as he put a hand over his heart.

“Julia, you wound me deeply!” he groaned. “I’m the best catch around.” He
was
attractive in a slick, narcissistic sort of way, always dressing trendy with an edge, his hair always perfectly coiffed. It was more his personality that put me off. He thought he was funny, but sometimes he was just annoying.