The Game (22 page)

“I can’t… I tried.”  He wasn’t explaining his reasoning well. 

“Is she remiss in her duties?”  Carmichael had such an old fashioned way with words.
  She did deserve a reason, as did Carmichael.  It was a drastic act and it wasn’t the result of incompetence. 

“No, nothing like that,” he started.  “I find her too distracting.”

“That is because you are in love with her,” Carmichael said as matter of fact.  Damon’s mouth dropped open.  It was the most preposterous thing he had ever heard.

“I don’t think so.”

“You two have been pussyfooting around each other for a while.  It was only a matter of time before things came to a head,” Carmichael said sympathetically.  Screw his sympathy, Damon thought, he still wanted to hit something.  He clenched his fists.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Damon responded.  He was not in love.  He did not do love.  It was a stupid notion for ridiculous people who had no ambition and nothing going in their li
ves.

“It comes for everyone sooner or later, and now is your time, I’m afraid.”

“Don’t be absurd.”

“Irrespective, the answer is no, you may not push her off the project,” Carmichael said.  “And speaking from experience it will make no difference either way; it will only drag out the inevitable. 
Do yourself a favor and man up now, save both of you misery and uncertainty because you can’t face the truth.”

“You put us on the same project on purpose,” Damon accused.
  The accusation that he was too chicken to face the truth smarted, but there was also a grain of truth in the statement, which jut made him angrier.  There was something he was distinctly avoiding.

“Of course I did, you two idiots both needed a push.”

“Why?”  Damon demanded feeling like he had been stabbed in the back.

“Because you need to be settled and she needs someone who can challenge and captivate her.  If you are settled and happy, you will stay, you will do good work and you won’t be
distracted by your own boredom.”

“So you are playing matchmaker now?”  He was angry and feeling betrayed.  What right did Carmichael have to play with his life like this?  Although it was him that had kissed her last night, no one had held a gun to his head.  Then again, if she had been in Sydney, he wouldn’t have.  The ugly truth
was, if he cared to admit it, that he’d still be thinking about her.

“No, I am just good at seeing the obvious.”

“You’re crazy, old man.”

“It’s only good business when
it comes down to it.”

Damon marched out of the restaurant.  He’d had enough of this conversation.  It had gone 180 degrees from where he thought it would go.  Not only could he not get rid of Jane, he was told the inev
itable outcome was that he’d end up with her.  They’d only spent a few nights together all up; one could not know such a thing from just a couple of nights together.  Deep inside him, he knew somehow that the statement wasn’t entirely true, perhaps because he’d lost interest in sex with anyone else since their time together in Singapore.  He’d gone through the motions, but in reality, it lacked more than lustre.  Jane, on the other hand, had his body and mind piqued whenever she was near.  Even just the mention of her did things to him.

Maybe there was something in what Carmichael was saying. 
He certainly had self-control issues around her and annoyingly it seemed to be getting worse.  She spent an inordinate amount of time in his head.  That didn’t mean he should be with her.  Having a girlfriend or worse, a wife was not part of his agenda.  He had stayed as far away from any type of commitment as humanly possible.

He really didn’t like t
he way Carmichael made it sound like it was inevitable.   Carmichael was just trying to mess with his head.  The old man had gone too far this time.

Damon returned to the office in a terrible mood.  Jane could tell just by looking at him.  Something must have happened, although he’d been in a terrible mood all day.  If she admitted it, he’d been in a terrible mood since he drove her home from his apartment.  Going there with him might have been a mistake, she conceded.  He had said he was doing things he didn’t want to do.  Maybe he was serious.

Jane vowed that she would stay away from him, which wasn’t hard because he ignored her.  He was brusque with everyone and at times he would grab his coat and storm out the door.

“What is up with him?” Sam asked when he was gone.  “He’s a completely different person from last week.  Nothing has gone off the rails with the project as far as I can see.  Do you think he knows something we don’t?”

Jane didn’t know what to say.  Technically he could
have found out something material to the project, but she wasn’t sure his moodiness had anything to do with the project.  She only shrugged in reply.

“I would have figured he’d be the kind to deal with it rather than getting all flustered.”
  Sam added.

“He normally is,” Jane said.

“Maybe we broke him,” Sam said with a shoulder shrug.  It was meant to be funny, but it cut a little close to the truth for Jane.

Jane didn’t know what to do.  This wasn’t something she could call Carmichael about.  What was she going to say – she slept with her boss and now he was losing the plot? 
No, she dismissed that thought, this could not be about her, there must be something serious going on.  He slept with girls all the time; it was inconceivable that one afternoon, glorious as it was, would even really register on his radar.

He didn’t show up the next day.

Damon hadn’t slept; he had spent the night trying to think his way through the situation he was in.  A situation he couldn’t quite define.  Something was constant though, he did crave her.  It was like she had done something to him and now he couldn’t get her out of his mind. 

He lay in bed and stared at the ceiling.  He knew she would be at work right now.  He just couldn’t sit there stewing, no today.  He was too tired and too off kilter.  He would do what he always did when he had things to deal with, he would sail.  He was just waiting for the commuter traffic to die down a bit.

He got to his boat shortly after 9.30
am.  It was a sunny day although it was crisp and cool.  There was sufficient wind to make it a tolerable sailing day.  He let the motor run until he was clear of the marina, and then hoisted the sails.  He headed to some of the nearby small islands.

Even sailing wasn’t giving him any relief, his problems weighed just as heavy on him out here in what was usually his sanctuary.
   He really had no idea how to tackle the problem, the problem of Jane.  He really had nothing to go on other than Carmichael’s estimation, but the old man was likely off his rocker.  Damon did not believe in love, although hypothetically speaking, if he were to be in love, he wasn’t sure he would pick her.  She was on the whole a little demure relatively to other girls he saw.  She was bright, funny, incredibly sexy.  But then there was that image of her standing in his apartment in his shirt drinking wine.  It was burnt into his mind.  Maybe also an image of her standing in the pool in Singapore in a bikini with the rain pelting down around them, her hair slicked back with water.  She just looked so fresh and …

He moved around the boat trying to escape the thoughts that constantly plagued him.  If love was a form of madness, then maybe this was it, he conceded as he walked around his boat trying to escape thoughts.  More importantly, if he was in love with Jane
Burrows, what would he do about it?

The obvious answer was to run, to get as far away from her as he could.
  Maybe eventually he would get to sleep again.  But then he had the realisation that he would be further plagued by the thought that she would turn her smiles and attention to someone else, and he wasn’t sure he could tolerate that.  Realistically there was nowhere to run to, they were both in the same industry.  He wasn’t stupid enough to give up his work for an unwanted attachment to a girl.  No, she would be around and he would likely have contact with her in some form or another.  Eventually he would have to watch her fall in love with someone.  He knew full well that the boys in the office would volunteer for that duty in a heartbeat.  She would slip through his fingers so easily if he loosened his grip on her.

He wondered if she would be one of those girls who would lose interest in work when she got pregnant, disappear forever into the suburbs to only be seen again at company functions.  Some were like that; they lost interest in everything else.  Or maybe she would return to work, where she would be radiant in her happiness, running off whenever the child had some sniffles.

He knew in his gut that she was meant for that and if he wanted her he would have to offer it.  Toys, diapers, the whole thing.  Or he would have to watch her embrace that kind of life from the side lines.  Jane would make relentless progress toward that kind of family life no matter if it included him or not.

The word marriage reverberated through his head.  He couldn’t deny it; it was what he was considering.  It was ridiculous; he’d only slept with her a few times, now he was considering tying himself to her forever.  There would be no other conclusions with Jane, it was marriage or it was nothing.  It wouldn’t be immediate, but it was the only end point.  How had he gotten here?

Being with her would mean some significant changes; he would have to get a house.  He would have someone there waiting every night, if not waiting at home then waiting to ride home with him.  Not just some gorgeous girl with an empty space in her head.  Jane knew his business, knew the pressures and problems.  He couldn’t quite imagine what that would be like.  Eventually he would become a father and have one or two little creatures for whom he represented the world.

The one thing he did know for sure was that he had to make a decision.  He couldn’t stay a
s he was, stuck in this insanity he was feeling.  He was no good at the moment; he couldn’t function in even the barest capacities.  No matter what he chose, he didn’t think he could keep his hands off her.  All it would take would be on unobserved moment and he would probably be kissing her again. 

It was either
backward or forward, and backward was the eventuality of watching her find her future partner and happiness without him, while forward included providing her with the kind of life she wanted. 

Jane was worried, Damon had not returned.  Things were slipping and he was needed.  He must have known this and it seemed he didn’t care, which indicated that something was indeed very wrong.

She didn’t like seeing him this unhappy.  She really hoped it wasn’t about her.  She had to entertain the thought because his unhappiness seemed to start when he drove her home.  Maybe she really was making him do things he didn’t want to, maybe he was feeling disgusted with
himself.  That was certainly not going to do her ego any good if it was true.  Actually, it would be devastating.

She knew in her gut that something was coming.  Things were getting to a turning point even if
it turned out that his recent behaviour was unrelated.  Her interest in him had gone beyond a mere crush at this point.  She was in love with him and it wasn’t a good position to be in.  She had tried her absolute best to be cool and professional about the whole thing, and it may be working on the outside.  She was a complete mess on the inside and now things were going south and it would likely hurt no matter how it happened.

She’d lose the project, which probably wasn’t a main concern at this point.  She was more concerned about losing her sanity.  While she knew logically that things were
probably about to get very painful, there was that part of her that still hoped.  Dealing with the fact that she was in love with him wouldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t craving him constantly.  Her fingers itched to touch him.  She couldn’t quite catch her breath or get comfortable; it drove her of every second of every day.

Damon returned to the office the next day.  He was still grumpy, not quite as bad, but he was brusque and short tempered.  Some of the admin girls had even started asking Sam if she would get him to sign their papers.  Jane had a feeling that there would be resolution today, one way or another, but his grumpiness was setting everyone on edge.

“You need to get a grip,” Jane finally said when she’d had enough.  “The girls are afraid of talking to you.  Whatever it is you have going on, can you just sort it because we are getting sick of
it.”

“Do you seriously think there is a possibility that I haven’t bee
n trying to sort it, as you say?” he responded angrily.  “Have you finished the peer review?”

“It’s been on your desk for days if you’d care to notice.”

“Fine!”

Sam watched the exchange with her mouth
agape, turning her attention from one to the other and back.  Damon searched his desk for the paper and settled down to read it with an exaggerated angry flipping of the pages.  He read for a while as Jane huffed and returned her attention to her computer.

“Have you got plans tonight, Jane?” Damon asked after a while without looking up from the report he was studying.

“No,” she said also not looking up from her task.