The Game Changer (5 page)

“No, I can’t. I don’t know how.” I protest.

“You can sing,” Deanna says.

“No, I can’t sing. Believe me.”

Luke is holding the guitar. “Here, try this.” He hands it to me. “I’ll help you until you get the feel of it.”

I don’t know how to hold the guitar. “This is going to take more work than I thought,” Luke
teases as he moves in, standing close behind me. His chest is skimming the back of my body, causing goose bumps from the back of my neck and down my spine. He wraps his arms around my own and places my fingers on the keys, and then he places his long fingers over mine. His breath is hot as he brushes the back of my ear, telling me to follow him. My heart is thumping so loud, I think they will all notice. All I need is for big head to think that he gets to me. I want to turn and run, but I’m frozen in the spot with Luke standing so close.

I’m not sure how I do it because I can hardly concentrate with him standing so close, but I actually master it on my own. It’s fun. When we finally get bored with playing, Deanna and I watch a movie while the boys shoot a game of pool.

It’s late by the time the movie has finished. As I head out the door for home, Mikey offers to walk me across the street since he is heading out as well. I overheard him tell Luke earlier that he was stopping by some girl’s house later. I thought I saw Luke shoot him a look when he offered to walk me out, but maybe not.

“They’re crazy, aren’t they?” he asks as we step into the warm misty air.

“Yes, you all are. I had a lot of fun tonight.”

“Me, too. They’re great. They’re like my family.”

“Yeah, Deanna said the same thing about you.”

We are at the street now so I start to cross. “Thanks for walking me over. I’ll see ya later.”

“See ya, JJ,” he says as he gets into his car.

(Jesse)

I can hear the rain pelting against my window when I wake up. I can’t sketch at the docks today. I’m disappointed that I won’t be able to spend time with Luke and also a little disturbed that it bothers me so badly.

Dad and I finish unpacking the house. It finally feels like our home. We both agree my mom would be impressed. We talk about her more frequently now. I like talking about her. It makes me feel closer to her.

Deanna and I decide to make it a shopping day since the weather is crappy and there is not much else to do. She suggests we head over to
The Walk
in Atlantic City. My dad is more than happy to give me plenty of money to get whatever I think I need. I think he’s relieved that I found someone to do this task with me. My mom had always been the shopper. I’m not even sure if my dad has ever stepped into a store. I don’t think he would be thrilled with taking over that role. Not that I would have wanted him to. Having no idea where to start, I was happy to have Deanna go with.

“Alright JJ, what style are you into?” she asks as we step off the bus and are now surrounded by a hundred stores.

“De, are you kidding? Do I look like I’m into any style?” Pointing to my shorts, sneakers and oversized t-shirt. That is why you’re here. I need help.”

“Oh, good. I was hoping you would say that,” she says, checking me out before giving me a wink.

I love her sense of style. She always looks older and more mature than me. Well, that’s not hard to do... her clothes are stylish; they show off her perfect body, though not in a sleazy way.

“Okay, what do we have to work with?” I can tell she is excited to get started.

“I have $300.  And he gave me an extra $20 to treat us to lunch. Will that work?” I laugh.

“Oh… He’s so good. That’s perfect. I can’t believe he gave you so much.”

“Well, he said I haven’t bought anything for myself for so long that he agreed I was in need of a new wardrobe.”

“Great. Let’s go to H&M. They have a nice selection. You can get more clothes for your money.”

“Sounds good to me.” I have no idea what she is talking about, I don’t know what H&M is, but she sure does; so I follow along.

Once inside the store, she is like a kid in a candy store. She pretty much sticks me in the dressing room and just keeps handing me things to try on. Some of the things I’m not used to wearing, it is almost too much for me. “De, I don’t know if I can pull off some of these things the way you do.”

“JJ, you have a cute little body and you’re going to show it off. Now, I thought you were going to leave this in my hands? Trust me; I will not give you anything that I wouldn’t wear myself. Everything I’m handing you is very tasteful.”

“You’re right; I’m just not used to it. Am I going to have enough money?”

“More than enough, everything I’m picking is from the sale racks. Now here, try this on. The emerald green will look perfect with your eyes and hair.”

She continues to hand me things based on how it will look with my eyes, my hair, and my shape. She is having fun and, for that matter, so am I. She picks out two bathing suits. Nothing I would ever have picked out for myself, but I like them, they are grown up looking. I am a little nervous about wearing a bikini, so she picks out a black two piece, sort of like a tankini, except the top shows more of my stomach, but not quite as revealing as a bikini. I like it. The other is a turquoise one piece, cut high on the legs and low in the front. It reveals more than enough skin, though I like it even more than the other. I feel grown up. I have to say, I’m impressed with my body. I have put on a little more weight, which was greatly needed because it added more curves. I look older.

I peek out of the curtain nervously. “What do you think?”

“I think you are going to be turning a lot of heads in Bay Point this summer!”

“Oh, right, sure. I don’t think I’ve ever turned anyone’s head in my life.”

“I think you have, you just haven’t noticed. You’ll see.”

As we check out, I still have plenty of money left over. She asks me about shoes and I point out the sneakers I’m wearing. “This is pretty much it,” I tell her. “Other than a pair of sandals from last summer, but they hurt my feet.”

Of course she has found a deal for shoes as well. “Ugh, look, three pairs of flip flops for twenty dollars. That’s a good price. We live at the beach, so that’s all we wear all summer!”  She says as she picks them out, while I sit back and admire her shopping abilities. They are stylish, not your basic flip flops. They are beaded, come in different colors and have a nice wedge to give me some height; something my five foot two frame lacks.

Finally, exhausted from shopping, we have lunch at a Mexican Restaurant,
Los Amigos
. We talk about plans for the summer as we snack on salsa and chips. She fills me in on the parties at the inlet, a small stretch of beach separated by thick woods that you can’t get to by car and can only be reached by foot. It’s where the bay meets the ocean.

While we finished our order of chicken enchiladas, I ask if she has a boyfriend, but she
doesn’t at the moment. I know about Luke and Alexa, but I wasn’t sure about Mikey.

“He has lots of girlfriends. He’s a little wilder than Luke. Not that he’s an angel, either, but Mikey is more of jerk when it comes to girls, from what I hear. The girls just throw themselves at him anyway, and Luke, too, it’s pretty pathetic.”

“Why?”

“I think because they’re like our own local celebrities. It’s not every day that two kids from the same school may have a chance at the big leagues,” she answers.

“Yeah, Luke told me about that.”

“How about you? Have you ever dated? I know you missed last year, but what about before?” Deanna and I have become close rather quickly, so I filled her in about the accident one day while we sunbathed in my yard. I feel I have to come clean about my past. As horrible as it is to talk about, I confide in her about everything from my breakdown to the therapy sessions that took place not so long ago. Surprisingly, I don’t scare her away. She is compassionate and understanding and says she’d
react the same way if something ever happened to her mom.

“No, I’ve never dated. You think I’m shy now? I was probably worse then,” I answer when she turns the relationship back to me. She laughs and tells me not to worry about it. She is anxious for me to meet her friends, but says she won’t push until I feel I am ready.

(Jesse)

I finally build up the courage to go to the beach with Deanna and meet her friends. I’ve grown comfortable with my routine over the last couple of weeks. Hanging out at De and Luke’s house, having lunch on the boardwalk every now and then, and mornings spent talking to Luke at the docks or sometimes just sitting silently, watching the sun come up. We form this bond as we talk. I get to see his goofy, cocky, playful side along with his serious, concerned, looking for advice side. I get the feeling he rarely shares the latter with anyone.  It makes me feel important, needed.  By now, he knows most of my secrets as well. I know I should be meeting other people, but I’ve become content with just hanging with Deanna, not to mention, Luke and Mikey when they’re around.

It’s right before the Fourth of July and all I keep hearing about is how this is the last week before the ‘Shoobies’ come down for the remainder of the summer and take over their beaches. Laughing, Deanna explains to me how every summer their beach and town gets invaded by
‘Shoobies’, aka, the “tourists.” I guess that’s what I am, a ‘Shoobie,’ since I’m originally from Philly. I didn’t realize they had a name for us.

“Hey, I was thinking, I might come with you to the beach today if you’re still going?” I say to Deanna as she sits down on my bed.  The look on her face makes me laugh.

“Are you serious? Did I just hear you right? You know there will be other people there besides me, right?” she jokes.             

“I know. I want to go.” I smile at her sarcasm.

“Great, now I can finally see one of those new bathing suits on you. All that time shopping and I still haven’t seen any of your new clothes.”

“I know, but I wasn’t going to wear them just sitting around the house.”

“Great. Get ready. We’ll catch the bus at twelve thirty. I’m so happy that you are coming with me today. I’ve been waiting for you to come around!” She gives me a squeeze as she heads out the door.

“I’ll be over as soon as I’m ready,” I call out as she is leaving.

As I walk back in my room, I sit down on my bed, deciding what I should wear and what I should bring. This is my first trip to the beach without my parents and my mom always packed us up for the beach.

I can hear the sound of the lawn mower out back so I rush outside to get my dad's opinion. He turns off the mower when he sees me.

“I think I’m going to the beach with Deanna today, she’s meeting up with her friends.” The look on his face tells me that he is pleased that I’m finally venturing off our street. “What should I bring?”

Pausing, he seems as clueless as me. “I have no idea, Mommy always brought everything. She has a whole closet full of stuff up there. Go look around. You’ll figure it out.” As I race up the steps, I think about how he sometimes talks about her as if she is still here. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not, but who am I to judge how he copes.

I haven’t been in my dad’s closet since the first day we moved in. I can’t help thinking that it is a little funny and sad how he has everything set up the same way it had been in our old house. My mom’s clothes hang exactly the same way and the shelves are stacked just as they were before.

I look through the racks of her clothes. She had some really nice things. I’m just about the same size as her now. I could probably wear a lot of these things. As I make my way back to the beach gear, I come across a black mesh beach bag, a silvery looking one, a few different cover ups, bathing suits and beach towels.

I grab a couple of things and head back to my room where I start trying to figure out which
bathing suit should I wear?
I choose the turquoise bathing suit that De had picked out, thinking it will look good with the tan I have going. I can carry the silvery beach bag, wear my silver flip flops and I think the sheer white sleeveless hooded cover-up with the drawstring waist will look nice. I leave my hair down. I think it makes me look older when I wear it down now that it’s past my shoulders. I put a little hair product in and scrunch it so that it is wavy. I forget when the last time I painted my toenails was. I find a pretty reddish pink color and quickly throw on a coat.

My heart is racing. I can’t believe I have this much anxiety about meeting people. I take a look in the mirror. As hard as it is for me to admit, I am sort of happy with the way I look.
I’ve come a long way,
I think as my fingers trace the thick scar in the back of my head that is hidden away along with the rest of my fears.

Brushing the sad thoughts away, I throw my towel, a pair of shorts and t-shirt in my bag. My dad is still working on the lawn when I call out to him to get his opinion. He gives me a thumbs-up and I head to Deanna’s.

Maria answers the door. “Hi honey, c’mon in, she’s so happy you decided to go with her today!”

“I know she is, but, I’m so nervous to meet everyone.”

“You’ll be fine and it’ll be fun,” she reassures me. “You look pretty.”