The Gate of Sorrows (67 page)

“Oh, uncle!” Mana saw him first and smiled.

How long had it been? So many things had happened. He’d seen so much ugliness. It was as though he’d absorbed a nerve poison, and before he knew it, his heart was more than half paralyzed. One smile from Mana melted his frozen heart. He ran to greet her.

“Hello, Mana. It’s been so long! Is school fun?”

“Mm-hmm!”

She had begun to talk. She was still smaller than most children her age, but her cheeks were plump. She was even suntanned. Hatsuko noticed his surprise and smiled.

“She loves to swim at the nursery school—so much, in fact, that we took her to a swimming school. The coach said she has natural talent. At the end of last month, Ms. Sato and I took her to the beach in Izu. I’m far too old for it, but I actually wore a swimsuit,” she added shyly.

In Mana’s room, they sat at her round table eating pudding with whipped cream. Kotaro learned that she was seeing her father regularly, and they had started to communicate. But his business wasn’t thriving, and his life wasn’t stable enough to allow him to take on the job of caring for his daughter. He had neither the confidence nor the desire to be a single father. He thought it would be best to find a family who was willing to adopt her, and he’d asked the Nagasakis to help him.

Perhaps this wasn’t ideal behavior for a father, but at least he was clear about what he could and couldn’t do. In the end, adoption would be better for Mana than for her father to try to care for her out of a sense of pride.

“So she’ll be here from now on?” Kotaro asked.

“We’d like that, but adoption would be difficult. My brother and I are both getting on in years. If one of us were to fall ill, it would be hard to give Mana the care she deserves. We’re working with Mr. Ohba from House of Light and the Children’s Welfare Department to find the right couple to take care of her,” Hatsuko said. “Of course, we’ll always be ready to help her. We don’t plan to change her situation right away in any case. Even if we find a good family, we’ll go slowly so she has time to get to know them. She’s finally settled in and used to living here. We can’t make any major changes too soon. She’ll be starting elementary school from here.”

“That’s next spring,” Kotaro said.

“The days pass so fast. If you have time, please come see the matriculation ceremony.”

Mana looked up at Kotaro and gave him a whipped-cream smile. “I’m go to school.”

“So I hear. You’ll be a student just like me, this coming spring.” He returned the smile. It felt like his first heartfelt smile in a long time.

“Mr. Mishima …” Hatsuko looked slightly uneasy and lowered her voice. “I think we last saw you last in March, wasn’t it? Have you been ill? You seem very thin. Maybe gaunt would be a better word. Your cheeks are hollow.”

Kotaro anxiously rubbed his cheeks. “I’ve been too wrapped up in my job. I had to take a makeup class over the break to keep from repeating a year. My parents almost killed me.”

“Oh, my. That must’ve been hard on you.”

“It was, but it’s over now.”

“My brother is at a meeting over at House of Light. He’ll be back by dinnertime with Mr. Ohba. Won’t you stay for dinner with us?” Hatsuko asked.

Kotaro had a night shift at Kumar from ten to six. With people quitting left and right, Seigo was shorthanded.

“Thanks for the invitation, but—”

“Now please, don’t be shy. We’d love to have you. My brother would be delighted too.”

She left to go shopping, leaving Kotaro with Mana. “Let’s draw!” Mana said, pulling out her sketchbook and crayons.

This was the moment Kotaro had been waiting for. He’d been making such an effort to resist the urge to close his right eye that he’d wondered if he might not have looked strange. He had to find out whether any of her mother’s words—the thoughts of a mother who’d had to leave her child behind—were still here.

The Eye will tell.

He was sure that he’d see something bright and beautiful. Takako Sonoi, with her beautiful wings, had shown him what was possible.

I need to use this Eye for good, too.

The power Galla had given him was not only for hunting evil. It could recognize good in the world. He wanted to experience that before he gave it up.

“Look, uncle. I drawed them.”

Mana turned the pages of the sketchbook. There were fields of sunflowers. A white beach with the ocean beyond. Memories of a happy summer.

“Very pretty. Mana, I think your pictures are even better than before.”

He calmed his breathing, closed his eyes, and opened his left eye slowly.

He half-expected to see sparkling lights, or maybe a glowing, lacy pattern. Mana’s mother was never here. If any of her words remained, they would be clinging to her daughter. By now they might be faded and indistinct.

But he was completely wrong.

Mana was already drawing—a big orange sun. She gripped the crayon and didn’t notice as Kotaro gasped and flinched with surprise at the vision floating inches from his face.

A ring of light with the hue of a buttercup gleamed faintly behind Mana’s head. It pulsed softly, a rhythm of respiration. The light deepened in color, then faded, over and over again, rippling as though waves were passing through it. It seemed to be hovering behind Mana and protecting her.

It’s her mother.

The residue of a mother’s love for her child, a legacy of accumulated words. Morning and night, it never slept. It was with her child on cold rainy mornings and during autumn sunsets when she felt her mother’s absence most keenly.

A mother speaks to her child all day. She conveys her love through words, helps the child understand the world, assures it that Mother will always be in the world with the child, and promises that it will always be protected.

“Mana-chan?”

“Mmm?” Immersed in her drawing, the little girl didn’t look up.

“What was your mother’s name? I don’t think you ever told me.”

The crayon stopped. She looked up at Kotaro.

“Yuriko.” The golden yellow ring undulated to the sound of her voice.

“Really? That’s a nice name.”

Yuriko. Mana was bathed in her warm light. Kotaro felt its warmth too.

Hello, Yuriko. You never left Mana’s side and you never will. I should never have doubted it.

As Mana grew and her words began to reflect her true self, this ring of light would finally merge with them, become part of them, protecting her always.

She looked behind her, to where Kotaro was gazing. Her mother’s gentle light caressed her daughter’s cheek.

“What?” she asked Kotaro, puzzled. He stroked her head.

“Uncle’s been studying very hard since he saw you last.”

“Studying?”

“Yes. Do you remember? I promised to tell you if I found out where your mother went and when she’s coming back. That’s why I was studying, so I could tell you.”

Her face lit up. “Did you find her?”

“I did. Your mother is right next to you. You can’t see her now, but she didn’t go anywhere. She’s always by your side.”

I’ve studied it, Mana. I know. The tuition was very expensive.

The little girl laughed happily. The ring rippled, as it if were laughing too. It would be Mana’s forever.

I’m looking at an angel’s halo
, Kotaro thought.

“Galla, you can have your eye back.”

Dinner over, Kotaro walked toward Shinjuku Station. The narrow road paralleled the edge of the sprawling National Garden on his right. The elevated tracks of the Chuo Line blocked his view to the left.

“I’m finished with it. Anyway, I don’t think I have the strength to use it anymore.”

No one seemed to be on the street. It felt like the middle of the night, though it was just past eight.

“Galla?”

The warrior appeared in the darkness ahead. She descended slowly, just as she had the first time Kotaro encountered her on the roof of the tea caddy building. She touched down silently and folded her wings. The crescents above her head gleamed icily.

“Your hunting is at an end, then?”

He closed his right eye. There were no silver threads. Her voice reverberated deep in his ears, at it had before she’d given him the power.

The Eye was already gone.

“Then let there be an end.”

He stopped a few yards from her and stood at attention. “I’m afraid I wasn’t much use to you. I’m sorry.”

Her eyes narrowed. She shook her head almost imperceptibly. Her hair streamed behind her, melting into darkness.

“But I took revenge for Ayuko. I can’t thank you enough for that.”

An express rumbled past on the elevated track. Kotaro was talking to the night.

Galla was gone.

Shigenori was right. With his power gone, Kotaro felt amazingly light and relaxed. He didn’t wait to send Mika a text message.

How are you? I worry about you sometimes. Are you okay?

He got a response immediately.

You know people were saying stuff about me on that dark site. Gram told me. Let’s talk. How about a date?

They rendezvoused for lunch at the McDonald’s near the train station. Mika was just back from tennis camp. She was so tanned, Hanako had commented, that you couldn’t find her face unless she smiled. She seemed energized and happy.

“What’s Kazumi doing today?”

“She and Mom went to Shibuya. Shopping, supposedly.”

“Oh.” Mika seemed relieved.

“What, is this something you don’t want her to know?”

“No, not really. But I haven’t told her, or Mom either.”

“Sensitive, huh?”

She paused. “It’s about Gaku.” She looked at him as if the name alone said it all, which it more or less did.

“The guy from your tennis team. The blockhead who doesn’t have a sense of time or place. Is he still pestering you?”

“No, it’s not that. He’s not bothering me.”

Hmm? She’s defending him. Something’s changed. Okay.

He stared at her questioningly. She started to fidget like one of those shy characters in a girl’s manga. She was far more naïve than Kazumi.

“If you tell me to keep it secret, I will,” Kotaro said.

“I know.” Mika took a deep breath and a sip of coffee. “In April, just before the holidays, I got a mail from Gaku.”

He’d written that he was settled into his new life as a high school freshman. He wanted to meet her and apologize for causing her trouble with his selfish behavior.

“I never gave him my email address, so I was kind of surprised.”

“Someone’s playing Cupid.”

Mika had replied, telling Gaku she wasn’t being bullied on the web anymore; that it had been rough at the time, but everything was okay now, and she didn’t need him to apologize for anything.

“He wrote back and asked if it was okay with me if we … um …”

“Dated?”

She squirmed in her seat and nodded. In Kotaro’s book, this was being a pest. Maybe girls didn’t see it that way?

“I’m still only in second year …”

“So? Some first-year girls have boyfriends.”

“I know, but my dad’s not with us.” She added hastily, “I don’t mean Mom doesn’t do a good job. She’s done everything she could to raise me on her own.”

“Your mom does a great job at home and at work.”

“That’s why I have to—” Her voice became small and timid. “I don’t think it’s the right time for me to have a boyfriend; it’d take my mind off my studies. I’ve really got to study hard and get into a good high school, and a good university.”

Kotaro was impressed. “You’re totally serious about this.”

Her resolve was endearing, but it was hard to see having a boyfriend as that big a decision. He felt like telling her to relax and stop worrying about the future.

“Your mom would be happy to hear you’ve got someone special. She’d be sad if she thought you were giving up happiness just out of consideration for her.”

“I don’t know …”

“It’s true. But I’m not saying you should date Gaku. I’m just saying you shouldn’t deny yourself what you want out because of your mom. If you don’t like Gaku, blow him off. If he keeps bothering you—just let me know!”

“Ko-chan, don’t say that!” She seemed so anxious that Kotaro couldn’t help laughing, which made her blush to the roots of her hair.

“So that’s what you told Gaku, I guess. That you couldn’t imagine dating someone right now.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“What did he say to that?”

“He said in that case would it be okay to send me mails sometimes? Like a friend.”

The two began exchanging text messages. At first it was one-sided, with Gaku doing the sending and Mika mostly not replying. But—

“He wrote me about stuff happening in school, and what he was studying and books he was reading. It was interesting. After a while I started writing back to him. I started to feel different about him, like maybe he wasn’t the kind of person I thought. He was always first in his class, and a tennis ace, and really popular, with all the girls swooning and stuff. I thought he was kind of a show-off. But it turned out he likes to spend time listening to music and reading books by himself. He said being around lots of people makes him tired.”