The Gateway Through Which They Came (22 page)

hat’s happening to me?”

Koren and I sit at the corner of her street, Izzie idling beneath us. Home isn’t an option for me right now. Not with knowing that Father Williams will be informing my mother of what took place in the cafeteria. Or what Julie will tell Father Martin when she gets home. I doubt I’ll ever be welcomed back to Joseph High. Not that I could ever expect them to accept me after this.

All the rumors spread about me before now have value. I
am
the freak they whispered about. And I just proved that in front of the entire school.

Every inch of me is trembling. After such an intense rush of adrenaline, my body can hardly contain itself. It’s confusing and terrifying, and yet, I can’t fight the unwanted excitement. This isn’t right.

I can feel Koren’s eyes on me from the passenger seat, observing as I pull myself together.

“What do you want to hear, Aiden?” she says in response to the question I didn’t realize I asked out loud.

I look into her eyes, and reply. “The truth.”

Rain pitter-patters against the roof of the car, picking up where it left off this morning. It kills the silence between us as I wait for Koren to confess what she’s been hiding. We’ve switched places, her and I, my secrets now hers.

When she doesn’t speak, I ask, “What do you know about me, Koren?”

She considers my question before she answers. “Everything.”

“How?” She’s too calm considering what she’d just witnessed less than thirty minutes ago. Shouldn’t she be afraid of me?

“While I was away,” she says, taking a moment to collect her thoughts. “I learned some things about people like you. About what it is they do. You’re not the only one, Aiden. You need to know that.”

I know that, of course. That the others are out there. I just wish I knew where.

“Who told you this?”

“You should be more worried about who’s doing this to you.” She straightens herself in her seat; her eyes widen with desperation as she says these next words: “You’ve been infected.”

Infected? Like some sort of disease?

She answers my silent question, the expression on my face giving away my confusion.

“There are two sides to Gateways, as I’m sure you know.”

Actually, I don’t. Father Martin must have skipped that lecture.

Koren continues, oblivious to my distraction over that last part.

“One side that’s pure and content; human. The other that’s ethereal; or inhuman. Being a Gateway is what bridges the gap between earth as we know it, and… someplace else. A place that holds light and dark. All you need is a flip of a switch to shut off the part of you that’s Light.” She says it so matter-of-fact.

How does she even know this, when I’m the one that’s been a Gateway for the last seven years?

“How does someone flip the switch?” I ask, trying to make sense of it.

“Someone’s manipulated you somehow. It’s not an easy thing to do. They have to make contact with you in order to breach the switch.” She takes a moment to let those words sink in before she adds: “You don’t know who did this to you?”

Inhuman? Switch? It sounds like she’s making it up as she goes along. I can’t understand why someone like Koren would know this when
I’m
left in the dark. Nothing could have possibly gotten under my skin that bad. Bad enough to release this dormant monster that screamed inside of me to kill Justin. The monster that feeds off my darkest emotions, demanding blood be spilled. Nothing that could cross that barrier into my very will… until I remember her.

“The redhead,” I say under my breath.

“Who?” Koren turns in her seat, her body facing me.

I think back to Redhead, the fierceness of her energy surrounding me. How she stood under the streetlight, waiting for me. The way she forced herself into my life, unrelenting. Everything about her hinted toward caution, but I ignored the warnings. And because of that, I’d given her the perfect opportunity. The thought of it makes the skin of my knee burn where she touched me.

The image of her irks me all over again. Her patronizing tone. The extreme closeness of her body near mine. I can still feel the hatred that came to life by the simple sound of her voice. Everything about her wrapped itself so perfectly into something I couldn’t stand to be near. She was the trigger object that set this whole thing in motion, targeting me all along, because of him. The cloaked man who’s kept himself out of reach, safely hidden in the shadows.

Koren listens carefully as I describe that night. How the Redhead’s energy forced itself on me, pouring itself into my skin by way of her touch. The images she showed me of the man in black, and the way he reached for us, for me. That a part of Redhead attached itself to me, somehow. And I tell her that, in some bizarre way, I feel as though I’m feeding off the nourishment Redhead’s infection has provided me, as twisted as it seems.

“And you felt it then? The switch?” she says.

“Yes, I mean, I guess so. I can’t describe it.” With this revelation about Redhead hanging over me, I feel depleted.

Unexpectedly, Koren rests her hand on top of mine. “I saw it in you my first day back. In the plaza.”

“The plaza?” I think back to the day I saw her near the Statue of Mary. When the sight of her brought my world to a standstill. “How is it that you can see it?”

She shifts uncomfortably and stares out the windshield. “There are some things I can’t tell you. You have to understand. If you know too much… if someone finds out what I’ve told you. There could be consequences.”

“No one’s going to find out. I won’t let someone hurt you. Justin won’t hurt you anymore. I—”

“Justin?” She pulls away, her head whipping in my direction as she pushes a strand of hair from her eyes.

I cock my head, confused. “Well, yeah. He’s the reason you couldn’t go into the chapel, right? He’s why you were afraid.” She can’t possibly be defending him, can she? This is worse than I thought.

Koren shakes her head. “Justin’s not why I can’t go into the chapel.”

“Okay. Then why?”

“I told you,” she says with frustration. “This isn’t just about you, Aiden. There are other things working here. Things that you and I can’t contain. I have no choice but to be here. I can’t…”

“What is it? Koren, tell me.” It takes everything in me not to reach for her, to grab hold and never let go.

“I want to go home,” she says with finality, bringing this conversation to a halt. Suddenly, I feel as if I’m holding her against her will.

“Okay,” I say, because there’s nothing else that could sound right.

Koren opens the door and steps out.

I want to ask her where she goes at night. To know who those people are in her house. But the only thing I manage to blurt out is, “Why were you mad at me that night?”

I have no doubts that she knows what night I’m referring to. If she’d only found out about me while she was… wherever she was, then something else must have upset her. I can’t honestly figure out what it could have been.

She’s about to close the door when she hesitates. I lean over the passenger seat to see her face and wait for an answer.

Koren looks down the street for a second too long, and I already know what she’s gonna say. Nothing.

She bends slightly so that our eyes meet. A sense of hope comes over me, like she might actually tell me what I want to know.

Instead, she says, “See you tomorrow, Aiden.” And closes the door.

Before her dismissal can even set in, Koren is already walking away.

After that, I idle on the street corner for a while longer, and decide I need some time to clear my mind. Putting the gear in drive, I follow the streets out to the main boulevard and drive until the rain dissipates. The sun escapes into the horizon, leaving the darkness of clouds to cover the sky.

As the night ticks by, I can’t help but feel utterly lost. The world around me has been rewritten. It’s a world where everyone knows their place but me. I’m an outsider looking in. Wondering where the hell I fit in all of this. The girl who once knew nothing about my gift, now knows more about me than I do. It doesn’t sit well in my gut. How can I be the one in the dark when I’m the one who’s supposed to have all the answers?

With this contemplation polluting my mind, I maneuver through Portland, silent and aware. Curious eyes keep watch as I pass. Bleeders emerge on every corner, looming on the outskirts. I don’t make eye contact, and they don’t follow. But I know in time, they will. Some are old and decaying with time. Others are young and alone, searching for someone to tell them where to go. More and more surface as I drive. Sitting at a bus bench, walking beside the living begging to be seen, or simply staring back at me with those haunted, hollow eyes.

I’m like a magnet, pulling them along with me wherever I go. My ever-present burden. Part of me wishes I could help them all, but the other part wants to slam on the gas and never look back.

Mom’s car is in the driveway when I get home, which is expected, even though I’d hoped for more time. My body still aches from the strenuous energy it suffered hours earlier. With deep, heavy breaths, I open the door to face her. And like before, she sits in the rocking chair, pushing with her feet in a vicious rhythm. With each shove of her foot, the chair’s creak grows louder, accentuating the uncomfortable silence that follows.

I’m lost for words, standing by the front door, thinking of a million things to say. None of it sounds right. I’m thankful when she finally speaks.

“You are suspended indefinitely, until Father Martin provides a reasonable explanation of why you should be allowed to return.” Her voice is empty. No familiar hint of forgiveness comes this time. I really screwed up, and I’m back to feeling like a complete asshole. Worst son on the planet.

“So I’m expelled,” I answer.

“Not necessarily.”

I stand still, waiting for her to go on.

With her hand over the golden cross, she says, “Your friends have stated that you were defending someone. That this boy you assaulted put his hands on her. Is this right?”

Someone? She doesn’t know it was Koren? Maybe my ass can be saved. If this means Trevor and Evan are still on my side, things might not be as bad off as I think.

“Yes. That’s what happened.”

She purses her lips. “Due to your clean record, they’re giving you another chance to redeem yourself, despite the efforts of the boy’s father. He’d rather see you punished, not that I blame him,” she adds for good measure. “But Father Martin has explained to them that things have been hard on you. As you know, Father Williams and Father Martin are good friends. You owe him.”

More than you know.

“I understand,” I say with a nod.

I turn to go, when she squeaks, “Aiden.”

My stomach plummets as I will myself to face her. I can’t look in her eyes anymore. Can’t face the hurt I’ve caused her.

“Yeah?”

“You can tell me, you know. Whatever it is that’s bothering you. Whatever you talk to Father Martin about. I’m here, too.”

“I know, Mom.” God, this sucks.

She stares back at me, fingers rubbing vigorously against the golden cross. I know she’s waiting for me to say it, to explain what I’ve been hiding from her, but I can’t. It’s gone too far. With shadows and the Brethren. Koren and the switch. Dragging Mom into this is the worst possible thing I could do.