The Ghost in Love

ALSO BY JONATHAN CARROLL

The Land of Laughs

Voice of Our Shadow

Bones of the Moon

Sleeping in Flame

A Child Across the Sky

Black Cocktail

Outside the Dog Museum

After Silence

From the Teeth of Angels

The Panic Hand

Kissing the Beehive

The Marriage of Sticks

The Wooden Sea

White Apples

Glass Soup

THE GHOST IN LOVE

JONATHAN CARROLL

Sarah Crichton Books

FARRAR, STRAUS AND GIROUX

18 West 18th Street, New York 10011

Copyright © 2008 by Jonathan Carroll

All rights reserved

Distributed in Canada by Douglas & McIntyre Ltd.

Printed in the United States of America

First edition, 2008

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Carroll, Jonathan, 1949–

       The ghost in love / by Jonathan Carroll.—1st ed.

           p. cm.

       “Sarah Crichton Books.”

       ISBN-13: 978-0-374-16186-6 (alk. paper)

       ISBN-10: 0-374-16186-0 (alk. paper)

       I. Title.

   PS3553.A7646G58   2008

   813'.54—dc22

                                                            2008007877

Designed by Gretchen Achilles

www.fsgbooks.com

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With hand on heart, a deep bow to

Richard Parks and Joe del Tufo

THE GHOST IN LOVE

The ghost was in love
with a woman named German Landis. Just hearing that arresting, peculiar name would have made the ghost's heart flutter if it had had one. She was coming over in less than an hour, so it was hurrying now to make everything ready. The ghost was a very good cook, sometimes a great one. If it'd spent more time at it or had more interest in the subject, it would have been exceptional.

From its large bed in a corner of the kitchen a mixed-breed, black-and-oatmeal-colored dog watched with great interest as the ghost prepared the meal. This mutt was the only reason that German Landis was coming here today. His name was Pilot, after a poem the woman loved about a Seeing Eye dog.

Suddenly sensing something, the ghost stopped what it was doing and eyeballed the dog. Peevishly, it demanded
“What?”

Pilot shook his head. “Nothing. I was only watching you work.”

“Liar. That is not the only thing. I know what you were thinking: that I'm an idiot to be doing this.”

Embarrassed, the dog turned away and began furiously biting one of its rear paws.

“Don't do that. Look at me. You think I'm nuts, don't you?”

Pilot said nothing and kept biting his foot.

“
Don't
you?”

“Yes, I think you're nuts, but I also think it's very sweet. I only wish she could see what you're doing for her.”

Resigned, the ghost shrugged and sighed. “It helps when I cook. When my mind is focused, I don't get so frustrated.”

“I understand.”

“No, you do not. How could you? You're only a dog.”

The dog rolled his eyes. “Idiot.”

“Quadruped.”

They had a cordial relationship. Like Icelandic or Finnish, “Dog” is spoken by very few. Only dogs and dead people understand the language. When Pilot wanted to talk, he either had to get in a quick chat with whatever canine he happened to meet on the street when he was taken out for a walk three times a day, or he spoke with this ghost—who, by attrition, knew more about Pilot now than any dog had ever known. There aren't that many human ghosts in the land of the living, so this one was equally happy for the dog's company.

Pilot asked, “I keep meaning to ask: Where did you get your name?”

The cook purposely ignored the dog's question and continued preparing the meal. When it needed an ingredient, it closed its eyes and held out an open hand. A moment later the thing materialized in the middle of its palm: a jungle-green lime, a small pile of red cayenne pepper, or particularly rare saffron from Sri Lanka. Pilot watched, absorbed, never tiring of this amazing feat.

“What if you imagined an elephant? Would it appear in your hand too?”

Dicing onions now almost faster than the eye could see, the ghost grinned. “If I had a big enough hand, yes.”

“And all you'd have to do to make that elephant appear is imagine it?”

“Oh, no, it's much more complicated than that. When a person dies, then they're taught the real structure of things. Not only how they look or feel, but the essence of what they really
are
. Once you have that understanding, it's easy to make things.”

Pilot considered this and said, “Then, why don't you just recreate
her
? That way, you wouldn't have to fret about her so much anymore. You'd have your own version of her right here.”

The ghost looked at the dog as if he had just farted loudly. “You'll understand how dumb that suggestion is after you die.”

Fifteen blocks away, a woman was walking down the street carrying a large letter “D.” If you were to see this image in a magazine or television advertisement, you'd smile and think, That's a catchy picture. The woman was pleasant looking but not memorable. Her best features were her sloe eyes, which were sexy, full of humor, and intelligent. Otherwise she had even features that fit well together, although her nose was a little small for her face. She was aware of that and often self-consciously touched her nose when she knew she was being observed. What people remembered most about her was not the nose but how very tall she was: an almost six-foot-tall woman holding a big blue letter “D.” The only things she had in her pockets now were one key, a bunch of dog treats, and a small toy Formula One racing car. Her father had given her the toy fifteen years ago as a good luck charm when she left home for college. She genuinely believed it had some kind of good juju. Treasuring it, she had always kept the small object close by. But she was about to give it away to someone she both loved and disliked. Because he really needed any help he could get now to change the way his life was going. She knew he didn't believe in “powers” or talismans, so she planned on hiding
it somewhere in his apartment when he wasn't looking. Hopefully just the toy's aura near him would help.

She wore jeans, a gray sweatshirt with
ST. OLAF COLLEGE
written in yellow letters across the chest, and scuffed brown hiking boots. The boots made her taller. Funnily enough, her height never bothered her: the nose, yes, and sometimes her name. The name and the nose, but never the height, because everyone on both sides of her family was tall. She grew up in the midst of a bunch of blond human trees. Midwesterners, Minnesotans, they ate huge meals three times a day. The men wore size thirteen or fourteen shoes and the women's feet weren't much smaller. All of the children in the family had unusual names. Her parents loved to read, especially the Bible, classic German literature, and Swedish folktales, which was where they had harvested the names for their children. Her brother was Enos, she was German, and her sister was named Pernilla. As soon as it was legally possible, Enos changed his name to Guy and would answer to nothing else. He joined a punk band called Kidney Failure, all of which left his parents speechless and disheartened.

German Landis was a schoolteacher who taught art to twelve-and thirteen-year-olds. The letter “D” she carried now was part of an upcoming assignment for them. Because she was both genial and enthusiastic, she was a first-rate teacher. Kids liked Ms. Landis because she clearly liked them. They felt that affection the moment they entered her classroom every day. Colleagues were always commenting about how much laughter came out of German's classroom. Her enthusiasm for the students' creations was genuine. On one wall of her apartment was a large bulletin board covered with Polaroid photographs that she'd taken over the years of her kids' work. She often spent evenings looking through art books. The next day she would plop one or more of these books down on the desk in front of a student
and point to specific illustrations she thought they should see. Some days the class wouldn't work at all. They would go to the city museum for a show she thought they should see. Or a film that had significance to what they were doing. Sometimes they would just sit around talking about what mattered to them. German always thought of these days as intermissions, and almost as important as the work-days. When grilled by the students about her life, German talked about growing up in cold Minnesota, her love of auto racing, her dog, Pilot, and her not-so-long-ago boyfriend, Ben. But the students now knew not to ask questions about ex-boyfriend Ben.

She fell in love easily but walked away just as easily from a relationship when it went bad. Some men—and there had been many of them—thought this showed she was coldhearted, but they were wrong. German Landis simply didn't understand people who moped. Life was too interesting to choose suffering. Although she got a big kick out of him, she thought her brother, Guy, was goofy for spending his life writing songs only about things that either stank or sucked. In response, he drew a picture of what her gravestone would look like if he designed it: a big yellow smiley face on it and the words
I LIKE BEING DEAD
!

Little did either of them know that she
would
like it when her time came to die, years later. German Landis would move into death as she'd moved into new schools, relationships, or phases of her life: full speed ahead, hopes ahoy, heart filled like a sail with reasonable optimism and a belief that the gods were fundamentally benevolent, no matter where she was.

Shifting the heavy metal letter from one hand to the other, she grimaced thinking what was about to happen. Whenever German went to Ben's place these days to pick up Pilot, there was almost always trouble. They'd argue about big things and small. Sometimes
there were valid reasons for these disagreements; usually they occurred only because these two people were in the same room together. Yet, even after all the weird and bad things he had done and said, in the first few seconds whenever they met now, she welled up with a powerful longing to kiss him and touch him and hold both his hands tightly as she'd done so many glad times before.

They had had it—they'd
found
it, found each other, and it had worked like no other relationship she had ever experienced. But now it was broken and reduced to this: sharing a dog and worrying that every time they spoke to each other there would be some kind of clash. One night at the end, right before she moved out of his apartment, German sat naked in the living room holding her talisman toy car tightly in her lap. Eyes closed, she whispered again and again, “Please change this. Make it get better.
Please
.”