The Girl Who Fell (16 page)

He crawls slowly over my body, lies next to me. I feel his fingers at my temple. The way he softly brushes the curls from my forehead. “I want more than ten minutes.”

“What?” My head is spinning. My mouth dry.

“Our time's up. Your friend is waiting.”

Lizzie. Shit. The real world. Part of me wants to cancel my plans and stay here forever. And the whole of me pulses with the echo of Alec, the want I have for him.

“Do you think it would be okay if I helped you dress?”

I nod, wanting his hands on me still.

Alec is so delicate as he guides my legs through my skirt. He helps me to stand, fastens the clasp of my skirt. “You go out first,” he says. “I'll hang back for five.”

He opens the door and a jolt of bright light spills in from the hallway. Muffled conversations fill my ears. I hear chanting, a piercing squeal. Then the laughter. A house full of laughter.

My knees quiver and I have to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. Until I am almost outside. Until Gregg bumps into me. He sidesteps, registers my flushed face.

“Seriously, Zephyr?”

Gregg stands before me, judging me. But I don't care. I am trapped by the undertow that is Alec and how I want it to drag me under and bury me with its force. I didn't know a person could make another person feel like this. And I won't let Gregg make me feel guilty about it.

I move past him and step outside. The cool night air eddies around me as if I'm drunk. Through my haze I spot Lizzie's car, engine running. Inside the cabin the dim overhead light seems too bright and I squint against its glare.

She snickers. “I see our little pit stop was worth it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you have total sex hair.”

My fingers rise to my hair, try to smooth down my curls.

“Did you . . . ?”

“No! God Lizzie!”

She gives a short laugh and shakes her head.

By the time we reach her house, I can almost think clearly again. Lizzie gets a phone call from Jason and chats with him as she unpacks an enormous bag of snacks onto her kitchen island, filling a mixing bowl with gummy worms and M&M's. I head to the bathroom.

I lift my skirt and search my hipbone for the pinch I feel there.

There's a cut.

Thin as a whisper but warm and fresh red.

Alec's watch must have nicked me.

I press my finger across the cut and it reopens. The tiniest red river of blood.

Alec has marked me.

I let go of a small grin, one so secret I'd only show it to the mirror. And my reflection returns the smile, proud of this new version of me made more alive by Alec.

When I join Lizzie on the couch, my phone buzzes. A text from Alec:
Ten minutes isn't enough.

I'm grateful Lizzie has plans with Jason today. She drops me at my house so I have time to shower and change before heading to the mall with Alec. He needs a new pair of sunglasses and the process is akin to picking out a prom dress. There are
a lot
of choices. When he finally finds the right pair, we get ice cream and talk about hockey, next year, his signature take on pesto sauce, how much he envied Lizzie being my overnight host. I fear there aren't enough minutes in the universe to share all the things I want to share with Alec.

When we get to his car, I pull out my phone.

“Who are you calling?”

“Just texting my mom to tell her I'm on my way.”

“Cool.” He studies his rearview mirror until he can pull out of the parking space.

Mom responds immediately:
Be safe.
And then a heartbeat, a moment, before another text:
Thank you for checking in.

“Everything okay?” Alec asks.

“Perfect. Favorite card in the deck?”

“Ace. It can have two different meanings, depending on the game you're playing. Favorite song?”

“ ‘Down to Zero' by Joan Armatrading. This one line, ‘
There's more beauty in you than anyone.'
It sort of wrecks me.”

“There's more beauty in you than anyone.”

I smile. “That's not the way this game is played and you know it.”

“Couldn't help it. Seizing the moment and all.”

“I might be able to find it in my heart to forgive you this once.”

“As you wish.”

Alec holds my hand as he drives and I'm left wondering if I'll ever find the words to tell him how he's unearthed the deepest part of my heart. Created it, really. When he turns into my driveway he pulls over at the mailbox. “I believe this is your stop.”

“Hah! You know me too well.” I pop out of the car and open the box, its creaking metal latch echoing in the dark woods. The box is empty, though I thrust my hand in to be sure. How is it possible I haven't heard from Boston College yet? Tyler Grinnel heard from Penn. Amy Gettes was accepted by USC. Where's my letter? But then maybe it's wrong to want more than I have.

“Anything?” Alec asks when I duck back into his car.

“No, and I'm getting seriously frustrated.” He puts the car in gear but I steady his arm. “Not yet. I want to say bye without my mom creeping at the window.”

He returns the car to park and pops his seat belt. The heater spurts out waves of warmth. He pats the side of his seat and I move closer, inhaling the sweet smell of his skin and cologne. “I had a great day with you.”

“Me too.”

“Next time we'll go out to dinner. I like to sample restaurants, get ideas for”—he sputters a laugh—“for the restaurant I'll never have.”

“Don't say never. A business degree will help you run a restaurant. That's something, right? You can go to culinary school after. Your parents won't have a say then. You'll see.”

“I wish that were true.” His words clutch sadness.

“You can make it true. It's your life, not theirs.” I snuggle closer, drape my arm over his waist.

“Maybe.”

“Not maybe. You can. I believe in you.”

Alec takes my hand in his. His one finger draws down the length of my ring finger. Then again. Even this small touch, this odd exploration, seizes my attention. “How did I get so lucky? Let me take you out Wednesday. Our own Thanksgiving, just the two of us.”

Sounds perfect. But there's something about Wednesday. . . . “That's the start of Alumni Weekend.”

“And that matters why?”

“It's Sudbury tradition. The school band does a parade thing and then there's an athletics ceremony before the football team plays our school's biggest rival. A lot of people who graduated come back to watch.”

“And are there alumni you want to see?”

“Not particularly.”

“And you don't love football?”

“Ah, no.”

“So then why can't you spend the day with me?”

Why was I planning on going to the ceremony? Lizzie and I hate it every year. Literally spend the entire time talking about how much we hate it. “I guess it's just tradition.”

He bites lightly at my bottom lip, his breath mixing with mine. “Make a new tradition with me.”

His words echo Mom's. And I want new with Alec. But . . . “I promised Lizzie I'd go.”

“Sure, but if you're with me we can do a little of this.” His hands glide under my shirt. His lips press along my neck.

“Yeah?” My breath is too faint.

“Yeah.”

Yes. Yes. “Okay.”

He leans his forehead against mine. “Good. Boston College may not have made up its mind, but I can't get enough of you. You're mine Wednesday. No friends, no school. Just the two of us. I promise I'll make it special. You'll forget all about Alumni Weekend.”

I already have.

He puts the car in gear and we slowly drive toward my house. When I get inside, the air is so still I can hear the hoot of a barn owl outside the kitchen window. I grab an orange and pad to my room, calling, “Mom! I'm home!” There's no response. I flash forward to next year, returning to my dorm room after a party, no parents to check in with. The intoxicating freedom makes me want Alec with me at Boston College more than ever.

I flop on top of my comforter and it's impossible to say how much time passes before Mom pops in, sits on the edge of my bed. “Hey Sunshine, did you have a good day with Alec?”

“I did.”

“Are things getting serious with you two?”

“We were at the mall to buy sunglasses, Mom.”

She cuts my attitude with a glare. “It doesn't matter where you go, Zephyr. Only that he treats you well.”

“He does.” The best.

She pats the curve of my shin. “Good. That's what matters. You deserve that. Every girl does. And no need to rush things.” She stands to leave and I can't help feeling like I only got half of a parental speech, that if Dad were home this conversation would have gone differently and included a lot more rules. My brain doesn't know whether to feel sad or relieved.

“Oh, almost forgot. I need a favor,” Mom says.

“What's up?”

“I know you're invited on your own and can bring a date, but I'd like you to be my plus one for Anna's wedding.”

“You're not going with Dad?” The question is not one I wanted to ask, and the very question I've wanted to ask for weeks now. How much is Dad back in her life? What's the new protocol? The new boundaries?

Her eyebrows raise. “No. I'd never put you in a situation like that, Zephyr.”

“Well, I don't have to go.”

Mom looks startled. “That's unthinkable. You adore Anna.”

“I know. I do. But I want you to be happy too, Mom.” I shrug. “So if you want to take Dad I'll stay home.”

“I wouldn't hear of it. And it would break Anna's heart.”

“Okay then, but no dancing.” I want to be a part of Anna's big day, see all her little sisters dressed like princesses. Her day isn't about Gregg or me or Alec or rogue kisses.

“Deal.”

“The no dancing clause is non-negotiable.”

“You've made your terms clear.” Mom laughs. If I played the One Thing game with Mom, I'd tell her that her laughter is the one sound I've missed the most these past months.

When she closes my bedroom door, I kick off my boots and curl into my covers just as my phone plays.

I kissed a girl and I liked it—

I grab for it. “Hey.”

“Favorite time of the year?” Alec says.

“Spring. Renewal and all . . .”

“Worst memory?”

The question startles me and I hesitate for a beat, which is against the rules of the game. Dad's leaving sucked, but it wasn't the worst thing.

“My dog dying. The one I had when I was a kid. She was hit by a car and I was the one who found her.”

“God, that's awful.”

“What's your worst memory?” I ask.

“How about something lighter? Favorite letter in the alphabet?”

“S. It has the potential to go on forever.”

“I hope we have that too.” Alec's words draw around me, hold me with their promise.

I dream on the possibility of forever with Alec on my drive to school on Monday. Maybe this thing between us can be sacred and lasting. Maybe nothing can break it. The thought absorbs me until I meet up with Lizzie at lunch, her stare already boring a hole in my skull as I approach our table. “So you're blowing me off?”

“It's good to see you too.” I grab an apple from my bag, shine it against my jeans. “Lizzie, you hate Alumni Weekend.” I bite into my apple, regretting sending her that text last period.

“That's not really the point. We made plans, Zee.” She slumps back in her chair, aimlessly rearranges the tater tots on her plate.

“You know I love hanging with you, but Alec has something special planned and I don't want to bail on that for some lame school tradition. He's my boyfriend. I want to spend time with him.”

“I get it, Zee. I have a boyfriend too, remember? And I manage to still hang out with my friends and keep my commitments.” She abandons her fork and the metal
thunks
against the plastic cafeteria tray before she crosses her arms over her chest.

“Don't be mad, Lizzie. It's just different for me.”

She narrows her eyes. “Careful, Zee.”

“No. I just mean . . . well, it's all new with Alec, and you and Jason have been together for years.”

She leans forward, aims her words. “Jason and I have managed to stay together because we have our own lives outside of our relationship.”

She doesn't understand. I don't want a life separate from Alec. I don't even want time separate from Alec. But I don't say that. “I know. I'm still figuring all this out.”

My words seems to release some of her steam and she unbinds her fierce posture. “You do realize it's our last Alumni Weekend before we're alumni. And that I'm going to visit Jason and his family in New York for Turkey Day. I won't see you all break.”

“We'll catch up when you get home. I promise.”

“Sounds like a consolation prize. Besides, aren't you supposed to represent the field hockey team during the awards ceremony on Wednesday?”

“Shit. I forgot all about that.”

“You forgot?”

Completely. Coach will be furious if I miss it. I can't miss it. So when I meet up with Alec in French class and mention this small but somewhat important commitment I'm locked in to, it kills me to see the color fade from his face.

Alec sighs. “Yeah, okay. If you can't get out of it. It's just . . .”

“What?”

“I made plans when you said you'd be free.”

Ugh. “I'm so sorry. I seriously forgot all about it.”

“Could you make an excuse? I promise it will be worth it.”

I cringe, already hearing Coach's screams. “I can't. I'm the captain.”